Submission…What It Means To Me



SJ wanted me to talk today about how I feel, as a subbie, about submitting and what a Dom need bring to the table in order for me to do that.


Kind of a complicated questions since not all subs are created equally. But, since he asked ME, I will just talk about how I feel about it.


Submission to me is a gift we give to our Dom. We are giving them control and power over our lives. We allow them to make decisions for us. For our well being, our safety. We trust them to make these decisions based on what is best for us, and not them. Of course there is always room for discussion. Don’t get me wrong, if  I don’t exactly agree, I have the ability to give my side of the story-plead my case if you will. But ultimately, it is the Dom who has the final say.That’s pretty heavy stuff isn’t it?


So to do this, agree to submit, you need to really trust your Dom. I don’t think it is something you can take lightly. Not everyone deserves that trust. They need to earn it. They must prove to you that they are deserving and able to handle the responsibility. Because their job is not any easier than the submissive’s.


SJ talked the other day about balance. And for me to agree to submit to him, there does need to be balance. I call him Mr. Meanie sometimes. Mainly because I am not happy about a decision he made. Most usually because of something I said or did that is against the rules and was facing punishment. But the truth of it is, he is always fair. I may not like it at the time, but I do realize that he is not imposing anything on me that he would not agree to himself. We are not allowed to text while driving, or even when just sitting in the car at a red light. And he doesn’t either. We are not allowed to curse-and he doesn’t either. Basically, all of the rules we have, he follows as well. So, it’s ok. And he is responsible and dependable. Which are both traits my Dom must bring to the table. Because without responsibility and dependability, I would not respect him. Which would be a deal breaker. Because lets face it, if you do not respect your Dom, what else do you have?


For some the act of submission is a game they play at once in awhile. Their submission doesn’t go any deeper than a “yes Sir” during play. But if you are in a true D/s relationship, like my sister is, you don’t get to pick or choose when to obey. You must always obey, even when its really difficult and the exact opposite of what you want. So it’s not easy.


So how do I feel submitting? I guess I feel proud. I feel happy. I feel protected and cared for. I feel loved.


Love, Nikki

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Ever have one of those days? You know the type…Start of promising but very quickly you realize it is going down the toilet? Yea well, yesterday was that sort of day. Started off like any other day but I soon realized it was not gonna be a great day. Oh, it got better as the day progressed and for about,hmm, 15 minutes it was actually pretty good then Bam! Right back to circling the drain. That was my day yesterday. Today? Well it appears today just may top yesterday in the shitty day department. We’ll see but so far, doesn’t look very promising. Sorry about the lack of details but I am just not up to it right now. Maybe later. For now I just needed to unload a little bit, study for a while, then go take my state boards. Then home again to brave the shit storm that may or may not be in the forecast. For today, be glad you are not me.


Love Nikki

A Spanking Survey…

I grabbed this from Jane at DDLearninginlove  I thought I would mix it up by having Nikki and I both answer then have Sir John throw his own comments in.




1. Have you ever gotten spanked?    

Nikki: Yes, of course.

Bree: um, maybe…. Yeah, of course, geesh!!

Sir John:  My girls only get spanked in months that have a vowel in them.


2. Are you spanked bare bottomed, over panties, or over clothes?  

Nikki: Wait. What? You can be spanked over clothes?

Bree: what are clothes?

Sir John: A proper spanking for me to administer is ALWAYS bare bottomed.


3. What is the best thing about being spanked? 

Nikki: It makes me feel loved and cared for.

Bree: When its over! Oh, and feeling forgiven.

Sir John: The offense is quickly taken care of, forgiven and forgotten


4. What position do you get spanked in?    

Nikki: OTK, Over the side of a bed, chair, etc.

Bree: whatever makes my bottom a good target… Oh, um, whatever position makes my Dom happy

Sir John: Whatever strikes my fancy at that time


Have you ever gotten spanked in public? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree: Define public. Smacked on the rump, yes, a whole session? No

Sir John: I agree..define public

Nikki…I am thinking a smack, not a whole session)


What do you get spanked with the most? 

Nikki: hand

Bree: Hand..most convenient

Sir John: I would rather feel flesh to flesh.  Anything over 500 spanks would warrant an implement


On a scale of 1-10 how much does the average spanking hurt? 

Nikki: 10

Bree: 2…. Um, I meant 20?

Sir John: humprf, anything done correctly should be a 20+


Have you ever gotten spanked with a hairbrush? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree: moan, yes… Hate it

Sir John: a good implement for moderate to annoying subby misbehavior.


Have you ever been spanked so hard that you started to cry? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree:  a couple of time, not often….I think tonight might be an exception

Sir John: Ask Bree in a few minutes

Bree: wait, what?


Were you spanked as a child? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree: no

Sir John: no, i do not believe in spanking children… Only mature… Or some who act less than mature (I am not mentioning any names, Nikki), women

Nikki: Pft! 


Do you think spanking is fun? 

Nikki: in stories -or the idea of it-is fun. In real life, I haven’t reached the fun part yet. I do like the way it makes me feel later on though.

Bree: hell yeah!

Sir John: It can be alot of fun… Not so fun when I have to be very severe with Bree

Nikki:.(what about me? Is it fun to be severe with me? Hmph!)


Have you ever gotten spanked for bad driving (speeding ticket, etc)? 

Nikki: Yes, all of the above, plus some

Bree: Um, yeah…texting while driving

Sir John: any driving violation in our household warrants severe punishment, i.e. hand, brush, paddle, strap AND cane, because it endangers my girls and anyone else in their path.


Have you ever gotten a spanking for no reason at all?  

Nikki: Do you know who I live with? Yea…

Bree: oh, I always find a reason, even if John says there isn’t. One, for example, is he’s MEAN.

Sir John: Bree and Nicole are very spankable, and being a Dom, I spank them frequently for no other reason than for my own enjoyment. Bree gets it much more than Nikki does… For other reasons 🙂

Nikki:Gag! I just threw up a little
Have you ever gotten spanked by a teacher?

Nikki: yes. Paddled once, yard stick once-went to catholic school…

Bree: No, I was an angel

Sir John: Although a DVD with the scenario is appealing, it is my opinion that teachers should not have that type of responsibility. I believe it should be the parents job to discipline their children.


Is your butt spankable?  

Nikki: What does that mean? I guess so…

Bree: I don’t think so, but John insists otherwise.

Sir John: Both my girls are very spankable, and i take full advantage of it.
Are you currently in trouble?   

Nikki: There is a good chance that I am. But not sure what for.

Bree: Trouble? I am never in trouble. Except for that remark about not crying.

Sir John: if the little hand is on a number on the clock, either Bree or Nikki arre in trouble.
Do you get lectured during the spanking?

Nikki: Sometimes-I tune it out though.

Bree: Whut? Did John say something?

Sir John. I find that the best way to open their ears is to bare their bottoms
Have you ever seen someone else get spanked? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree: Duh

Sir John: Bree has seen another subs punishment illustatrating what to expect should she make the same mistake. As for Nikki, she cries as much as when she has to watch a punishment as she does when she has to submit to one. FYI, she always end these  with the subbies mantra… Ok, everybody, altogether, “its not fair!


Have you ever gotten spanked for cursing? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree: Hell, yeah

Sir John: I believe my girls should behave as ladies, so that is a definite yes.


Have you ever gotten spanked for lying? 

Nikki: No 😉

Bree: No, honest.

Sir John: Bree will manipulate the truth but not really lie. However,  Nikki has, and will be spanked for her answer.

Nikki: not fair!


Have you ever been spanked with more than one spanking instrument in one spanking session?  

Nikki: a variety of items.

Bree: Hell, yeah

Sir John: My opinion of a severe punishment is the gauntlet, which consists of a minimum of ten implements.


Do you hate spankings?  

Nikki: Kind of yes-at least in the middle of it.

Bree: Nope. I love spankings. I just don’t like it much when they hurt.

Sir John: I only like spanking when I am breathing…


How many people spank you? 

Nikki: Two

Bree: One

Sir John: Ladies, you forgot Rob….

Nikki:Rob is a big fat dummy head

Bree: oh yeah, the robospanker.



Have you ever gotten spanked with your butt in the air? 

Nikki: What does that mean?

Bree: Duh

Sir John:subs bottoms must always be in the air higher than their heads


Have you ever gotten spanked so hard your butt was purple? 

Nikki: Yes-bruises not solid purple

Bree: No, I dont ever bruise

Sir John:  Bre does not bruise. She sure gets red though. Nikki on the other hand  or I should say my right  hand, can get very bruised.


Do you think that spanking is a good punishment? 

Nikki: I guess. Temporarily at least. All though there are a few punishments that I would avoid at all cost.I wont mention them though because I dont want Daddy to know which I think are the worst.:)

Bree:  I suppose 🙁

Sir John:its the only thing that works in Bres and my relationship.  And as for Nikki come on…do i really have to explain?


Do you believe spanking has made your relationship better, or worse? 

Nikki: Better

Bree: definately better. We don’t ever fight and i never have to second guess what John wants or what is expected.

Sir John:much  better  no grudges no storming out of the room . Once its over all is forgiven and forgotten.Not so in a vanilla relationship


Is your butt red and sore afterwards? 

Nikki: Yes.

Bree: Uh, another DUH

Sir John:a well spanked  bottom always is


Have you ever gotten spanked with a sneaker?

Nikki: No

Bree: No, flip flops and a leather slipper though..

Sir John:no  thats never been necessary my hand is usually more than enough


Have you ever been spanked twice in one day? 


Bree: there have been days that Ive been OTK on the hour, every hour, and it was NOT fun

Sir John:i loved that every hr  spanking day  i need to do that again


Have you ever asked to be spanked for something you did wrong? 

Nikki:  Yes. But I didn’t want to ask. I was forced to ask.

Bree: Yeah, reluctantly. i should have kept my mouth shut

Sir John:Subs need to be trained  to do this,  yes its diffucult but  necessary
Would you talk about spousal spankings to your friends/family members?  

Nikki: Other than Bree and online-probably not

Bree: i do, but then, I have no shame.

Sir John:no i am old school what happens otk stays otk


Have you ever gotten you butt caned? 

Nikki: Yes-its not so bad.

Bree: OMG, it’s horrid!

Sir John:I enjoy using the cane  the  lines  it produces are really pleasing to me and it certainly teaches a lesson


Have you ever gotten spanked with a wooden spoon? 

Nikki: Yes! This is the most  horrible implement ever.
Bree: i have broken my share of spoons

Sir John:spoons are good i prefer a spatula


What do you get spanked for?  

Nikki: Anything that puts me or others at risk (safety), my attitude, lying, swearing, drinking, smoking, etc.

Bree: Um, breathing? And talking back.

Sir John:do i need to explain see bres comment


On average, how many times a month are you spanked?  

Nikki: A couple times a week

Bree: daily in play, once or twice if busted. Usually because of Nikki

Sir John:usually every day for Bre  not really punishment.  It can fluctuate alot for Nikki and its not play.


Do your friends know that you get spanked?  

Nikki: one or two do

Bree: yep!

Sir John:again old school


On a 1-10 scale, how hard would you get spanked for something serious,such as speeding?  

Nikki: Speeding, texting while driving…hard. He is fair though. But texting I would get the cane.

Bree: just kill me now

Sir John:start at 10


Have you ever gotten your butt belted? 

Nikki: Yes

Bre: mmmm, my favorite implement

Sir John:bre loves leather 
Have you ever gotten your butt paddled? 

Nikki: Yes

Bree: grrr, HATE the paddle.

Sir John:i enjoy using the paddle on Bree and Nic probably because they look so spankable bent over side by side bb.  hmmm i may have to take a break here. Nikki:oh for goodness sakes


After your spanking is over, how long before you repeat the same offense?  

Nikki: Um, lol Lets just say I am a slow learner.

Bree: a real offense? Never. Bratting and the big mouth, um…. A week?

Sir John:Nikki oh  maybe 30 min Bre just about what she said


Does your spouse enjoy spanking you?  

Nikki:Not my spouse but… Daddy says he likes spanking and seeing bottms turn red-so yea

Bree: that was why he married me, to have a full time bottom at his disposal.

Sir John: the greatest thing ever


When is the last time you got spanked?  

Nikki: a couple of days ago.

Bree: ten minutes ago

Sir John:just spanked Bre  loved it .  Nic not recently


Have you ever spanked yourself?  

Nikki: Unfortunately yes. But it was not my choice!

Bree: yeah, in the early days when i was being trained


What is the worst thing about being spanked? 

Nikki: The embarrassment of it is one level but the pain is probably the worst thing for me.

Bree: the beginning and middle. I can deal with it when its over.

Sir John:i think for a female who has a attitude  it starts with the embarrasment of being bb otk but that quickly changes to the burning of the spanking  but lets be honest bre and nic like the feeling about 25 min after


How long does the spanking last? 

Nikki: Too long!

Bree: as long as John feels is necessary, He hates being asked!

Sir John:as long as i feel the bottom needs it  could be 50 is enoiugh could be 500 or could be that a timer is used


Do you like to be spanked?  

Nikki: sometimes. when it is not for discipline yes definitely. But there are times when I do feel out of control or emotional and it does help.

Bree: Hell yeah!


Would you describe yourself as a rule follower, or a rule breaker?  

Nikki: Definitely a rule breaker!

Bree: no, i am a goody two shoes

Sir John:bre is actually a very well behaved sub nikki is uh…learning

A True Test of Love~Writing A Book With John…

Well, my friends… It is going to be happening! What, you ask? Boy, howdy.. a load of things.


First, plans are moving forward for me transitioning into working part-time in my ‘vanilla’ field! Yep, James has finally convinced me and, this week, we aregetting the office set up so that I can devote a good four days a week to writing! Is that exciting, or what? Maybe not so much for Nikki… because I plan on being home a lot more.. but who knows? Maybe I can press her into exploring her own creativity! Or she will be so sick of me, she will get a job.

Second, and this is the BIG thing… John and I are going to write a book together! It will be non-fiction and direct how we, personally, set up a D&S household. As a professional counselor, I will also discuss different factors that may present themselves, and how to handle them- in both the D&S and vanilla aspects of the journey. We hope to provide a safe, informational guideline that will benefit those of you out there who desire to explore and/or grow in this type of lifestyle. As there are many different types of individuals, there is also many different personalities to the lifestyle, and we will do our best to cover as many of them as we can. We will also cover the pros and cons, ways to weasel (from yours truly), and warning signs to prevent negative repercussions. Your safety and happiness is most important to us, and we have seen too many peeps being led in dangerous directions by incorporating physical, mental and emotional techniques in the ‘name’ of obedience. This will NOT be a book about BDSM, nor are we going to address any religious practices within it. So, for those ofyou who wish to be Tops… we hope this will help guide you. And you Bottoms… The gift of submission is one to be cherished and nurtured, and our hope is to communicate that as well as possible.

A word of warning…. this week has reminded me that being a strong, consistent dominant is exhausting! I mean, it is hard work! It had also reinforced the trust and faith a Dom and his/her submissive must develop in his/her relationship. In a sense, this book will be a guidelines for a happy, healthy and communication based marriage/commitment. So wish us luck! Why? Because Nikki is going to be typing it all out as John dictates his side! She just doesn’t know that yet……



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