Triggers and Safe Words


Hello lovelies,

I wanted to discuss something that is very important, especially in new D/s relationships. As many of you know I do not use safe words for a punishment, however, I do for emotional triggers that may come up.

Triggers should always be discussed before any session. Some call them hard limits, but usually a hard limit is something you do not want to experience because of the pain or discomfort. Emotional triggers are a different animal.

Let’s say you meet a prospective Dom, all is good and you set up a meeting. It is going to be a punishment session but all is going well. Of course it hurts more than you could have imagined and you are yelling loud enough for the hotel to call security but, hey that’s how it should be, lol. You have gotten hand, paddle and then a cane is produced and without an emotional safe word to discuss your panic the Dom just figures you are whiny and protesting like you have been doing for the entire session. Going with that assumption he uses it on you and you panic and freak out etc. The Dom has no idea what’s going on and is desperately trying to calm you down.

If you had discussed triggers beforehand you could have told him you had a very bad experience with a cane and were hurt badly or would otherwise react negatively. Without letting him know he has no idea what may set you off and he needs to know. This is why I always discuss things that may come up in a session or that could cause panic before.

When you talk to a prospective Dom and are setting up a meeting, make sure you tell him about the emotional minefield he needs to navigate. A true Dom will respect these triggers and not force you into that situation. Bottom line…yes, of course pun intended…I do not believe in safe words for pain or discomfort but yes I do for a potential emotional breakdown. A lot can happen, especially in a first time session. The more the Dom knows about you the better for both of you.

Be good, or else…


2 thoughts on “Triggers and Safe Words

  1. So um, what if your parents used to hit you (not spank, but HIT, as in, smack your head or any available place with either a flat hand or fist), and just someone raising their hand makes you flinch? 🙁

  2. Love the picture of Sheldon. Reminds me of me! This was such a great post and answered some underlying questions of mine. Although i maybe calling out that safe word because of possible punishment 🙂 Thank you for the information!

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