You Might be a Subbie if…

thinking-girl

  • You might be a subbie if you’re told you have five seconds to rephrase that and take 4.9 to do so.
  • You might be a subbie if you own five gallons of icy hot and you have no aches or pains.
  • You might be a subbie if you’re over the age of 18 and grounded.
  • You might be a subbie if you have carpal tunnel from writing lines.
  • You might be a subbie if you say Sir more than a new recruit.
  • You might be a subbie if when you walk into your closet all you smell is rubber.
  • You might be a subbie if you have to go back and edit your email five times before you hit send.
  • You might be a subbie if you’re over the age of 18 and your bedtime is 10pm.
  • You might be a subbie if your biggest hope in life is for a time machine.
  • You might be a subbie if instead of smelling like Ralph Lauren every day you smell like icy hot.

 

Happy Hump Day ūüôā

 

Mojo Monday….SJ’s Subbies

 

submissivewoman

This week we decided to do something a little different. We invited some subbies from around the blog, to tell us what submission means to them. I am sure some of what they say may resonate with you. So enjoy! I already posted what submission means to me, and you can find it here.

 

Love Nikki

Julia

I think it means trusting another person enough to let him/her guide you. I think it means consensually giving up privileges in exchange for care. I think it must be based on reciprocity – you give something of yourself and you get something in return. I think it¬īs not something someone can demand by force. It¬īs a gift. And the¬†dominant¬†part should be aware that it¬īs a gift that has to be earned.¬†Like the sub part should be aware that it`s a gift to find a person who is worthy of that trust.

Steph

When I was first asked to write about my feelings on submission and what it meant to me, I was a little apprehensive. The answers are tricky and there is no nice little box they fit into. I personally like boxes. I enjoy the safety and security within them. Recently and very slowly I have learned that you can also find that same safety and security on the outside of the box. It is not easy to embrace this and goodness knows I fight it pretty often. Whether I fight it because of fear the unfamiliar or lack of knowledge and understanding, well who really knows. One day it may come to me but so far I got nada for that answer.

 

Personally submission is an extremely deep seeded feeling, an intuition; if you will. To be quite honest, it is something I do not fully understand yet. ¬†What I can say is that it just is……….It seems as natural a part of who I am as the fact that my eyes are brown and my hair is curly. Submission seems to have its very own link in my DNA chain.

 

When I embrace it and don‚Äôt fight it and all works well my submission is release from everyday tension; it is structure, safety and security like I have never experienced. It is the knowledge that I have someone who understands me, doesn’t¬† judge me and very genuinely looks out for me and cares for me.¬†It is trusting that someone can provide me with focus and accountability I often lack in my life. So why fight it? I‚Äôve got theories but no real answer for that.

 

I have never considered that submission was just about spanking, pain or bowing down and kissing boots. I do like the release of pent up emotions a good spanking provides, like all your troubles float away. It lets you know you can feel something other than sadness, anger and frustration. For the record I do not like pain! The thought of pain does not turn me on. I will however admit that a little pain for the sake of pleasure does have an appeal.

Since submission is fairly new to me there is an entire world out there that is exciting ready for me to explore.¬† However, I have no idea where I fit in at the moment. ¬†I call it Subbie Limbo!!!! That’s where I live most of the time, somewhere between the needs and the wants. I believe guidance and consistency in that guidance are key factors and can help with not feeling so lost. I think at some point I will be able to find where I fit in and where I need to be. Deep down inside that’s really all I want.

Piper
Submission to me, is having the kind of trust in another person where you can be comfortable giving up control to them and knowing they will take care of you in all things, whether emotional, or physical. I would want to do anything to please them since making the person happy would be my reward. Having the kind of person who cares for you that way would be freeing, since giving that person control is the ultimate surrender.
Cecily St Pepper

To me submission is a gift for a honorary person who in turn will treat me with the outmost care, but still push every button I have. Respect and honesty in the forefront in this relationship whether it be between a dom and sub or, lovers.

Meg
What Submission Means To Me
To submit to someone shows complete trust in that person.   Submission means obeying your Dom and doing as he says and being punished when we do not obey.
The Dom cares for his Sub and protects her and holds her accountable.
Being submissive means being with someone who is “in charge” and I do as he says – most times anyway. ¬†When I submit to someone I give my heart and soul to that person and try to please him in all ways and do everything he expects of me and when I do not I am disciplined. ¬† I also believe a Dom cares for his Sub above all else and takes care of and protects his Sub. ¬†He always has the best interest of the Sub in mind and does not make rules to be mean (even if she does not agree with all his decisions).
Being submissive means you do as you are told and most times you are fine with it Рunless the Dom tries to push you a little beyond your comfort.  I do believe in doing as I am told and pleasing my Dom and I think it is very important to make my Dom happy and proud of me.
When you submit to your Dom you accept any punishment he says and accept the punishment without question.
Gigi
It seems I’m just beginning to know my submissive side. ¬†I’ve always been attracted to dominant men, but that had very little to do with being submissive. ¬†That was just the fun of having my boyfriend make me do something that I probably wanted to do anyway. ¬†With SJ I truly want to submit to him and make him proud of me and to know I have made him happy just by minding him. ¬†
He may not know this, because looking at my punishment book and the notebook I write my lines in, even I have to wonder if I ever behave! ¬†I love the feeling of being cared for and about. ¬† ¬†I don’t know if all trainers have such big hearts, but knowing how many of us he’s taking the time to train and making (I assume) all of us feel special is amazing. ¬†Someday I hope to find my HEA with a dom of my own. ¬†If I do, it will be mainly because SJ has brought out my submissiveness through hin training. ¬† I hope to be as giving as a submissive as SJ is as a dom.
I want to thank the ladies for sharing what submission means to them. It can be a very personal thing to ask someone and forces you to dig deep inside yourself to figure out what it is that you really want. I encourage all of you to do the same. And if you want to post in comments section, that would be awesome!
p.s. Today is my first day of my new job. Wish me luck!

Reminder Spankings…

inposition

 

Hello lovelies. As you all know, I am married to the famous Breanna Hayse. I am going to let you all peek into the window of our world for a very special moment …No, stop giggling. Not that kind of moment… Now settle down, this should be interesting to you all, and hopefully educational.

Bree is of course, one of the best authors on the planet. She is also smart. I mean Mensa, Big Bang smart.  Beautiful, funny, with a heart that is the biggest I have ever encountered.  And last but certainly not least, very, very spankable.  However, there  are times a Dom must reenforce his position as alpha in the D/s dynamic, even if, as in Brees case, she is well behaved 99% of the time.  It’s not a punishment, just a reminder to the sub, or in this case Bree. She may be famous and have tons of fans, etc. but she is still first and foremost my submissive. So I decided to have a session with Bree to illustrate this. Did she want to? No, but thats the point, is it not? Total submission.

So I started by telling her to assume the sub position on the bed and wait. She did so right away, bb up, as I lectured her on who owned her bb and who it is she is submissive to. ¬†I had also decided this would be an evaluation of sorts. Bree has been training with me many, many years. Therefore I was sure her behavior would demonstrate what all subbies should aspire to. ¬†She did not disappoint. I informed her to come otk, bb up. I instructed her to place her palms flat on the floor. She was to receive 50 hand spanks. ¬†Not punishment velocity, but sound. If she moved out of position even on number 49, all would start over.¬† She did very well holding her position and getting a cherry red bottom. I really only used maybe 15% of spanking force, but it still had her teary eyed. Now hold on before I get the Mr. Meanie chant, ¬†and you light torches and storm the castle…Listen, I never said I did not have a sadistic streak, and I love seeing Brees bb cherry red. especially if I just painted it with my hand. Tears are moot. This is total submission ..Ok, back in position. I then informed her she would get 15 in the same position with the wood paddle. Same rules. ¬†The tears were flowing a little more but, she held her position. I was so proud of her. ¬†But the biggest test was yet to come. ¬†Drum roll please………….6 of the best- school cane- in sub position. ¬† Not very hard but a cane does not have to be hard to impart a good sting. I must say, she was very good. However, she did cry. I then asked again who owns your bottom? ¬†She answered tearfully ‚Äúyou do Sir.‚ÄĚ Who is your Dom? ‚Äúyou are sir‚ÄĚ etc.

Her bottom was now a beautiful crimson red, with a few cane stripes. She was as perfect a compliant subbie as any Dom could want. An example all of you should aspire to. There were then hugs, kisses, and after care, and praise.  I am so proud to call her my submissive, and honored to be her Dom

Still think I am Mr. Meanie? Put out those torches and get to bed!

Be good or else.

SJ

First Meeting or Session With Dom…

 

first-date

Ok lovelies, this is a very important post. So sit up straight, no double tasking. Turn the television off, etc..It is time you pay attention as if your life depended on it. Because it just might..

 

Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and he wants to meet. Now it gets real, really fast. Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me?  Well, maybe. I am going to list rules for a first meeting. These are not suggestions they are written in Dom Stone. I want you all to be safe out there, and lets face it, there are a lot of  crazies on the loose. So  write these down or print them out.

  1. Always meet at a public place for a first meeting. Never, ever go to his house. Ever. And never ever bring him to your house. Remember, your safety must be your top priority.
  2. If you meet for dinner, do not drink more than one glass of wine if, even that much.And the same goes for him. If any red flags go up for anything- how he talks, looks, dresses. Even if its a small thing, get out, go home. Listen to your inner voice.
  3. If you are leaning towards having  a session the first time you meet, it must be at a hotel. Not his house. Not your house. Not his brothers million dollar beach house. A hotel. That is your only option. A nice hotel which he pays for. ANd make sure the person checking you in will remember you.
  4. Always drive your own car. Never, ever, go in his. Ever.
  5. Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your cell phone just to make sure you are ok.
  6. Safe Words…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviors-not role play. So I allowed no safe words. So this is a rare instance where i will let you decide if you want a safe word. If you do, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. For obvious reason.
  7. No bondage. I do not care if this is your thing and gets you hotter than fireworks in a microwave oven. No and no. Not the first time. Ever!
  8. No sex. Yes, you read this right. A real Dom will not even mention sex in a first session or meeting, and if he brings it up, leave. He just wanted to get you alone for this and he is not a Dom. And honestly, I do not care how much you may want to have sex. Don’t do it. Trust me on this. If it is meant to be, it will be. You do not want to meet someone and jump into bed and then never hear from him again. And believe me, it happens all of the time.
  9. Background checks…I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. This does not need to be a deal breaker. Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too. Use your best judgment and follow your ugt. If you are talking to a guy (or a girl) either on chat, email, or phone and something just doesn’t feel right-trust yourself. Move on. your life is too important to gamble on.
  10. No wood implements. Ok, maybe you love a paddle or even a cane, but you do not know this guy. If he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do. Plus you have to know he can control you and make him submit with his hand first.
  11. Dress. If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear. However, it is acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you.
  12. After care. If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, etc. Forget him. He is just a wanna-be. A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub. Physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine. But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. Ladies, do not waiver here. If he is not offering after care you need to move on.
  13. Follow up. He should email or call you if you have been talking on the phone. And he should do this by the next day. A lot of times I did tis that night to make sure the sub got home safely and was dealing with the experience in a positive way. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him. Unless he has a really good, valid, excuse. Move on.
  14. Rent the movie Strangeland. If that movie does not scare you into following my rules, nothing will. I want you all to know the feeling of a real Dom taking control and getting a real bare bottomed spanking. But most of all I want you to all be safe.

Thats it from Domland. Be good or else!

SJ

 

 

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