dom ta dom dom DOMMMMMM!!!

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Hello lovelies,

I trust all of you are behaving…oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to, lol, scratch that. I have another question for all of you.

What do you feel denotes a good Dom? One you would be happy to train with? What do you consider the 5 most important attributes he should have?

Just wondering and thought I would throw it out there for all of you to ponder.

Be good, or else…

SJ

The Big Picture

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Hello lovelies,

Today I want you all to pay close attention as this is very important. For those of you I have a long training dynamic with, you already understand, but for newbies or those just curious, listen up.

D/s or even S/m does not just involve punishment when you misbehave. For those of you that think spanking is what D/s is all about you are missing the big picture! Training does involve spanking, in one form or another but, that’s just the tip of the D/s iceberg.

When I train a sub it’s to make her a better submissive. There are so many things to work on and talk about in training. It’s not just when you have to report for a spanking. I want a sub to learn about self-respect, boundaries, proper behavior, self-worth, obedience and so many other aspects that make a well-rounded subbie and a well-rounded human being.

I use spanking as a teaching tool but it’s not the only one. In fact, I can impart the lessons without spanking but subbies usually need a deterrent. A bb spanking seems to work very well but so do lines, grounding or daily tasks.

The big part is being consistent and serious about becoming better, as well as doing what I tell you, to get you there. It’s all about trust and caring at the end of the day. So next time you read about a Dom disciplining a sub or watch a video etc. remember if it’s the real thing, that relationship is very very layered. A stronger bond you would be hard pressed to find.

Be good, or else…

SJ

In or Out

Hello lovelies,

Today I thought I would address a question I get all the time, usually like this… “Are you mad at me sir? Are you going to drop me?” The fact is you can be dropped from training, but, it takes a lot for that to happen.

First, let’s talk about another aspect, being released. A lot of times I work with women who are looking for a Dom and for a relationship. I work with them and teach them how they must behave to attract such a Dom. Hopefully it works out, if it does I then release them to their new Dom and my participation in their training is over. It’s kind of bittersweet as I build a bond with my subs, some more than others but still a bond. Sometimes, it’s hard to let them go but, that’s the goal if they are looking for a Dom.

Now dropping a sub is totally different. It takes a lot for me to do this but I unfortunately have done so. There are a few main reasons I would do this:

1) Lying- I’m not talking about a subbie stretching the truth or omitting certain facts. I mean out and out lying. If I catch a sub lying she will get one warning and the next time I will drop her. D/s is built on trust and honesty. I can’t have it any other way and expect it to work.

2) Not taking the training seriously- If a sub thinks this is a game and does not do the tasks or follow my orders then the training will help no one.

3) Striking me- I understand subs can get angry, especially in a session, but one slap or punch in anger and that’s it…done.

4) If a sub disrespects Bree or hurts her in a deep way- Also if she does that to any of our friends especially our little subbie family, she will be dropped. This may be the most important one.

Let me be clear, these are some of the main reasons. I do not get mad and I do not give up on a sub, even a difficult one, so long as they are serious and honest with me. I love my subbies, I love training, helping them find their submissive and embrace it. I will spend a lot of time and energy on a subbie that is serious and willing to obey me.

There is an old adage my way or the highway, that pretty much sums it up.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Thigh Don’t Think So

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Hello lovelies,

Recently, I was looking for videos to send to some subbies when I happened to see one from a spanking party in Vegas. As you know I had a very bad experience when I attended one there but I still thought I would give it a look. I was surprised at how severe the spanking and paddling was but it seemed like it was in a private suite so, ok with me as long as it was consensual.

It was done by a man and a woman with two subbies, rather young, with the couple being much older. I was ok until I saw something that I found disturbing. The man was using a wood paddle on the backs of the female’s thighs.

This is not only irresponsible but dangerous. Thighs do not have the padding a bottom does and a hematoma is likely with a heavy implement. Now don’t get me wrong, I do spank subbies thighs but usually for two main reasons: one, they are very masochistic and enjoy it or they need punishment and it’s not getting through just across their bottoms. Two, they keep being defiant, especially when over the knee with things like getting out of position etc.

I NEVER EVER use hard impact implements and mostly use my hand, a thin cane or switch, or a thin whip. Even then I am careful not to break the skin. As my subbies will tell you, a few sharp spanks on the thighs by my hand is usually enough to get them in position.

Now maybe the girls at the party dug being paddled on their thighs, hey it’s their thing I am not judging. I am saying, to me, as a Dom, I would refuse to do that as I find it irresponsible. I think you should be really careful with even just a thin implement on the thighs.

So why the post? I care about all of you, and for those that are thinking about setting up a session with a new Dom I am telling you to insist on two things: an emotional safe word for triggers and NO thigh spanking, for the first time. I understand a Dom giving you a few with his hand on your upper thighs if you are OTK and getting mouthy but no implements. I want you newbies to be safe and have a great experience. The video started me worrying about you, oh get over it it’s what Doms do, lol.

Anyway, promise me you will follow my rules for a first meeting and also you will insist on the two things I just mentioned. D/s is great if you are with a responsible Dom. Just be careful, and its ok to say no.

Be good and safe, or else…

SJ

Immediate Honesty

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Hello lovelies,

First, let me say this, I love women. I always have. I’ve always hung with women more than guys. I mean come on, who wouldn’t? Plus the added perk of being so spankable and there is a chance you’re a subbie, lol.

That being said, you all tend to hold things in. If you’re a sub it’s holding things in times a gazillion. As a Dom I need to know where my subs are emotionally, at all times. This is vital because I could say or do something in a session that might be a trigger, create a big deal and not knowing my sub was feeling emotional about a certain thing that day would end badly.

I work with every subbie I have on this…all the time. I don’t know why subbies hold things in and make their lives more stressful and more emotional than they already are. I am pretty good at knowing when a subbie is off. I can tell you when I ask “What’s wrong?” and a sub says “oh nothing, I’m fine,” I want to bang my head against the wall of my music room. Yes, there is a small hole there already, lol.

Immediate honesty is so important. I can’t tell you how many times I knew something was up, or worse, thought everything was fine and then I get an email 3 days later… “Sir, I think I may have to quit” or “Why did you say this to me,” or “I’m so angry with you.”

This is so frustrating for me because this could have been settled 3 days ago if my sub would have just said “can we talk,” or at least answered what was wrong when I originally asked. As a Dom I am responsible for my sub’s emotional wellbeing and when a subbie hides her feelings from me it can turn out very badly.

So to those of you with Doms, or just in relationships, I have three words for you…Stop doing this!! Immediate honesty is difficult, I know, but it always works out better. It saves you so much anxiety and stress.

My subbies will tell you it’s stressful enough being my submissive, so why add to it? Just say what you feel when you feel it. It will make things much easier and also save my wall from further damage.

Be good, or else…

SJ

To Sub-bie or Not to Sub-bie

 

Hello  lovelies,

What the heck is this all about? It’s actually a very clever pun that hopefully most of you will get after reading this post. A lot of subs ask me “SJ what do you look for in a sub, as far as taking her on to train?”

Starting to get my pun? No? Not yet huh? Man tough crowd.

I am quite discerning when taking on a submissive so here’s my top 5 reasons for doing so and why.

1) Seriousness- If the sub does not truly want to learn, grow and find just how deep her submissive goes then she’s wasting my time. She must be willing to mind me and trust me, although trust must be earned over time.

2) Intelligence- If I can’t engage in a conversation, beyond just spanking, with the sub it’s going to get very boring. Also D/s is quite complicated at times and the sub must be able to grasp and comprehend certain things that are important in the training.

3) Checking emails regularly- This may seem trivial but it’s not. I have a lot of info to dispense at times or a task that I need done. If I don’t have a sub that is good about checking her messages that won’t work.

4) Sense of humor- Look I know you all think of me as Mr. Meanie but  I am pretty funny and I like a subbie that can make me laugh, it can’t be dark all the time or just about spanking, well maybe 90/10 lol.

5) Maturity and emotional stability- This may be the most important, as you all know subbies be crazy but….there is a limit lol. D/s training is a roller coaster with very high highs and then major drops and lows. If the sub does not have some level of emotional stability it can turn out to be a disaster. Not so important is chronological age, some subs can be very mature at a young age.

The bottom line is, if a sub meets these criteria I will try to help her in any way I can that’s what I do and that’s what Bree does. I believe in pay it forward, I bet all of you do to.

Be good, or else…

SJ

PS Oh did you get my pun?

And You Can Tell Everybody This is Your Thong

Hello lovelies,

So how cool is that? SJ quoting EJ, lol. Ok, man tough crowd.

Here’s the dealio…When a subbie is having their first session, she is always nervous and a little scared, that’s normal. I usually let her wear a thong the first spanking, for modesty sake.

Now, let’s look at that situation shall we? When you all fantasize about being spanked…oh come on its me, you know you all do it!  You probably fantasize about being OTK and having your dress lifted or jeans taken down, held in place and then your panties taken down to expose your bb right? The humiliation is part of the lesson to be taught.

My question is this, do you feel it’s necessary for the kind of first time spanking experience to have your panties pulled down or, if you are permitted to wear a thong, can it still satisfy the fantasy?

It may seem a benign question but, it can affect a session in different ways. Personally, I feel the sub needs to feel contrite and humiliated, to a point, especially a more mature subbie. But I am also aware of how scary a first session can be. The thought of a Dom you have hardly met seeing you in such a vulnerable position and spanking your bb can drive some subbies to the door fast!! Don’t laugh, its happened.

Does experience trump modesty for you in a session or is it the other way around? As always…

Be good, or else…

SJ

Making the Cut

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Hello lovelies,

It is I, SJ of Domwood, here to regale you with tales of D/s adventures.

Sorry, kind of went to Sherwood Forrest for a sec .

Here’s something to ponder…What criteria do you have for a Dom? Now, this is not fantasyland. Some giant 7 foot roid ripped model with a billion dollars type thing, it’s the real deal. When you go out to meet a perspective dom, what do you look for as a definite Oh Yes!…and what for a definite Hasta Lasagna, don’t get any on ya exit.

Does he need to be tall? If so, how tall?

Great looking like a 9-10 or can a 5-7 still get you going?

I know if he sounds like an oompa loompa when he talks it’s probably not going to happen but, does he have to sound like James Earl Jones to control the empire?

What kind of shape? Ripped and huge?

I always find it interesting to hear from subbies about this and what really gets them going.

Fyi, Doms are pretty easy, a spankable bottom …done !!  lol. Think about it!

Until another fortnight dear maidens…man I need to stop reading about the Renaissance fair before I go to bed!

Be good, or else…

SJ

Audio or Visual?

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Hello lovelies,

I have a question for you, do you respond more to words or actions? Listening or looking? Audio or photos or videos?

Being of the male persuasion and a Dom I respond to both. I love the cries and begging of a sub being punished but also the sight of her red cherry bb. Then again, I also like photos and videos…pretty much anything for me.

But how does this speak to you?

Do you fantasize more from reading a great book (by oh I don’t know I hear this Breanna Hayse woman is pretty good lol) or maybe watching spanking videos or clips online? Maybe a photo or a gif does it for you?

I find it interesting because many subs react totally different to stimuli. Some subs can react strongly to a scolding, even to the point of crying while others it does not affect that much. Some can get in the submissive zone from looking at photos or videos, others nothing. Of course an in person interaction can be totally different as it’s always more intense and has the verbal and physical aspects.

I have seen subbies have a lot of anxiety from certain pictures or videos. Then again another subbie can look at the same photo and it does nothing. I love subbies! I love subs as they are all so different. It’s always an adventure to find out what makes them tick and how best to teach and guide and when necessary discipline them the most effective way possible.  So naturally I’m just curious as to where you all fit into this D/s jigsaw.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Oh yes, and enjoy the books lol.

The Power of the Hand

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Ok stop the eye rolling lovelies. I can just hear you…

Oh yes SJ we all know your hand is like a paddle. We could not sit after one of your spankings.

Well, true! But *buzzzzzzzz* wrong!

A Dom’s hand has the power to do a lot more than just spank. Think about this…

It’s your first spanking; let’s say it’s with me. I mean were all friends right? I take you OTK and bare your bottom. Now, that in itself is very embarrassing yes? But, then I just lay my hand on your cheek, no spanks yet.

Suddenly the power of the hand on bare flesh starts to work. Not only are you in a most humiliating position but a man’s hand is resting on your bb.

If you are used to being in control, being able to manipulate and get your own way, just the fact that you are being held down, having my hand on your bb tells you, not this time, and no spanks yet!

The spanks start, at first you might kind of like it but after a while you might say “Ok SJ, I’ve had enough! Ok? Uh SJ? Owwww!” Right? I just keep going.

Now the power of the hand is a more tangible entity but it’s conveying so much more than just pain.

Control? Yes.

Caring? Yes.

Teaching? Yes, hopefully.

There is one key ingredient that must be present for you to feel these things. You have to know I care and, that I am doing this for your own good. Even though you may hate me during, and after, eventually you will realize it was for your own good and I do care.

The hand can also communicate things in a non-punishment scenario. It can calm you when you are stressed or soothe your sore bottom or even put you deep in a pain/pleasure zone. Not all spankings are punishments and even though it may really sting, 15 minutes or so later it will start to feel good. Even if you fight it, trust me.

So you see how much power the hand can have? Control, teaching, humiliation (to a point), calming, soothing, reducing stress or even getting you to sub space.

I always start a first session with a hand spanking to establish not only control, but to build a bond. It’s an intimate thing…flesh to flesh. There is no sexual agenda but it can be sensual in certain contexts. This is why for severity I use wood implements or a cane etc.  That’s colder and the intimate flesh to flesh is not present.

Who knows some of you may visit sometime and see first…wait for it…hand, lol. Anyway, think about this and remember none of it happens unless the Dom really cares about you, and teaching you to be a better behaved young lady and a proper submissive. And you know I care about all of you.

Be good, or else…

SJ

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