Feeling Special

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Hey lovelies,

In a D/s relationship it’s very important to be supportive and make each other feel special. I can tell you my philosophy for dealing with a sub: she is revered and very special.

There is another side to this, however, how does the sub feel? I can tell you that in my relationship with Bree she makes me feel special daily. For example, she made my favorite brownies the other night. It may not seem like a big deal but it made me feel special.

D/s is a two way street. I feel as a Dom I should make a sub feel special, wanted and supported.

As subbies you also have that responsibility. The reason D/s works so well for me and Bree is that we both believe in making each other feel special. It’s not perfect, nothing is, but it’s pretty close.

I also believe as a Dom, if the sub knows you truly care and have her best interest at heart she is more likely to want to behave properly. Just as I, as a Dom, want to help a subbie who shows me she really cares about changing and learning.

Bree and my bond as Dom/sub is very very strong but also as vanilla husband and wife. It all spills over and affects both sides of the coin. So those of you with Doms do something special for him. It does not have to be a big deal, just show him he is appreciated and hopefully he will do the same. When it all works together there is nothing better.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Triggers and Safe Words

2015-03-02

Hello lovelies,

I wanted to discuss something that is very important, especially in new D/s relationships. As many of you know I do not use safe words for a punishment, however, I do for emotional triggers that may come up.

Triggers should always be discussed before any session. Some call them hard limits, but usually a hard limit is something you do not want to experience because of the pain or discomfort. Emotional triggers are a different animal.

Let’s say you meet a prospective Dom, all is good and you set up a meeting. It is going to be a punishment session but all is going well. Of course it hurts more than you could have imagined and you are yelling loud enough for the hotel to call security but, hey that’s how it should be, lol. You have gotten hand, paddle and then a cane is produced and without an emotional safe word to discuss your panic the Dom just figures you are whiny and protesting like you have been doing for the entire session. Going with that assumption he uses it on you and you panic and freak out etc. The Dom has no idea what’s going on and is desperately trying to calm you down.

If you had discussed triggers beforehand you could have told him you had a very bad experience with a cane and were hurt badly or would otherwise react negatively. Without letting him know he has no idea what may set you off and he needs to know. This is why I always discuss things that may come up in a session or that could cause panic before.

When you talk to a prospective Dom and are setting up a meeting, make sure you tell him about the emotional minefield he needs to navigate. A true Dom will respect these triggers and not force you into that situation. Bottom line…yes, of course pun intended…I do not believe in safe words for pain or discomfort but yes I do for a potential emotional breakdown. A lot can happen, especially in a first time session. The more the Dom knows about you the better for both of you.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Proper Protocol

 

2015-02-16

Hello lovelies,

Thought I would point out some things which as subbies you should know. Let me state this is how I teach and is not the only way by any means, it’s just one way.

Apologizing:

Though saying you’re sorry may work in the vanilla word in D/s it’s not enough. For proper protocol you should kneel, head to the floor with arms straight out and bb high. The appropriate apology goes something like, “I’m sorry for my behavior Sir. Please punish me.” No I’m not kidding this is the proper procedure as far as I am concerned.

Asking for a favor:

This could be anything from a subspace session to wanting a pleasure spanking but begins with the position same as above. In this instance bending over works, as does laying bb up over my lap before asking. You also have the option of presenting the implement you want. Of course your behavior has to be such you deserve a reward.

Response to questions:

This is one thing subbies struggle with as most of you lovelies are total control freaks and love to have the last word. The proper response is always “yes Sir” or “no Sir” if appropriate. If you disagree with an order do not argue or whine about it. Learn to say yes Sir with the knowledge that your Dom knows what’s best for you and cares about you enough to keep you in line.

Response to learning you are due for a session:

A simple “yes Sir” is your go to response. There should be no hesitation and if it has been established where the punishment will take place go there and wait preferably bb in corner. It will show willingness to submit and respect for your teachings.

Now, I get you are all rolling your eyes and chanting no way Mr. meanie crazy person  right? I am just telling you the proper way a submissive should act. I am not saying I think you all will do it, although for those of you that do, it will get you major points with your Dom. See I am always thinking of you all and how I can help you. So just a little heads up so you don’t end up bottoms up lol.

Be good, or else…

SJ

To Brat or Not to Brat

2015-01-20

Hello lovelies,

I wanted to clarify something right out front: A brat is different than a sub who has some bratty behaviors. No I am not crazy, well not entirely, lol.

You see a Dom will run the other way faster than George Lucas will change the Star Wars franchise, if he encounters a brat.

What do I mean by a brat?

Think any reality show: Bad Girls, Jersey Girls, etc. Anything where the females feel entitled and argue and complain 24/7. If any of you are still looking online for a Dom, do not put you are a brat in your profile. Trust me you will never get a response, not from an experienced Dom anyway. You can put “can be bratty at times,” “like to get in trouble,” “push a bit,” etc. This is totally different.

Still not getting me? I was training a brat once, all she did was push, argue, lie, cuss, yell and feel she was entitled to everything in this world. It did not last long. I had to cut her loose as it was too much work, she was too high maintenance and way too much stress.

You see Dom’s expect a sub to exhibit bratty behavior from time to time: pouting, being sassy, procrastinating and other bad habits. But, a brat is just obnoxious, and Dom’s do not fight, nor argue with subs and this is all a brat wants to do. They want to be totally out of control and make every one miserable. So see ya wouldn’t want to be ya. I have no time for brats but will spend any amount of time a sub needs if she just has some bratty behaviors. Feel me?

So remember never put you are a brat in a profile, it’s like Dom kryptonite.

Be good, or else…

SJ

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