Freaky Friday!!

Hello Lovelies,

I’m doing a Q&A this Friday on Bree’s Book Bitches page on Facebook from 9-11 PST. Send in your questions to my email, sirjohnhayse2@gmail.com.

Looking forward to talking to all of you!

Be good or else,

SJ

https://m.facebook.com/groups/195608174292589

The Big Picture

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Hello lovelies,

Today I want you all to pay close attention as this is very important. For those of you I have a long training dynamic with, you already understand, but for newbies or those just curious, listen up.

D/s or even S/m does not just involve punishment when you misbehave. For those of you that think spanking is what D/s is all about you are missing the big picture! Training does involve spanking, in one form or another but, that’s just the tip of the D/s iceberg.

When I train a sub it’s to make her a better submissive. There are so many things to work on and talk about in training. It’s not just when you have to report for a spanking. I want a sub to learn about self-respect, boundaries, proper behavior, self-worth, obedience and so many other aspects that make a well-rounded subbie and a well-rounded human being.

I use spanking as a teaching tool but it’s not the only one. In fact, I can impart the lessons without spanking but subbies usually need a deterrent. A bb spanking seems to work very well but so do lines, grounding or daily tasks.

The big part is being consistent and serious about becoming better, as well as doing what I tell you, to get you there. It’s all about trust and caring at the end of the day. So next time you read about a Dom disciplining a sub or watch a video etc. remember if it’s the real thing, that relationship is very very layered. A stronger bond you would be hard pressed to find.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Thigh Don’t Think So

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Hello lovelies,

Recently, I was looking for videos to send to some subbies when I happened to see one from a spanking party in Vegas. As you know I had a very bad experience when I attended one there but I still thought I would give it a look. I was surprised at how severe the spanking and paddling was but it seemed like it was in a private suite so, ok with me as long as it was consensual.

It was done by a man and a woman with two subbies, rather young, with the couple being much older. I was ok until I saw something that I found disturbing. The man was using a wood paddle on the backs of the female’s thighs.

This is not only irresponsible but dangerous. Thighs do not have the padding a bottom does and a hematoma is likely with a heavy implement. Now don’t get me wrong, I do spank subbies thighs but usually for two main reasons: one, they are very masochistic and enjoy it or they need punishment and it’s not getting through just across their bottoms. Two, they keep being defiant, especially when over the knee with things like getting out of position etc.

I NEVER EVER use hard impact implements and mostly use my hand, a thin cane or switch, or a thin whip. Even then I am careful not to break the skin. As my subbies will tell you, a few sharp spanks on the thighs by my hand is usually enough to get them in position.

Now maybe the girls at the party dug being paddled on their thighs, hey it’s their thing I am not judging. I am saying, to me, as a Dom, I would refuse to do that as I find it irresponsible. I think you should be really careful with even just a thin implement on the thighs.

So why the post? I care about all of you, and for those that are thinking about setting up a session with a new Dom I am telling you to insist on two things: an emotional safe word for triggers and NO thigh spanking, for the first time. I understand a Dom giving you a few with his hand on your upper thighs if you are OTK and getting mouthy but no implements. I want you newbies to be safe and have a great experience. The video started me worrying about you, oh get over it it’s what Doms do, lol.

Anyway, promise me you will follow my rules for a first meeting and also you will insist on the two things I just mentioned. D/s is great if you are with a responsible Dom. Just be careful, and its ok to say no.

Be good and safe, or else…

SJ

But I Want to be Perfect

 

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Hello lovelies,

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from the subbies I work with.  Let me cut to the chase, nobody is perfect and no Dom expects you to be.

When I take on a newbie it’s generally because she has some things she would like help with. Usually there might be some bad habits or behaviors etc. requiring a little more motivation.

Just the nature of that statement should tell you that I expect a newbie to mess up. Otherwise why would she ask for my help?

Let me assure all of you, no Dom expects you to be perfect. I know for a lot of you, pleasing your Dom is very important, and it should be, but don’t beat yourself up when you misbehave or break a rule.

Speaking for myself, this never makes me angry. My subbies will tell you I don’t get mad but breaking a rule over and over does get me frustrated. After I hit that point I begin working on that hole in my music room where I bang my head…and not in the heavy metal way lol.

My point is this… to all my subbies, experienced and newbies, and to all of you that read the posts, don’t try for perfection. It’s not going to happen and when you mess up take your discipline and learn from it. But do not get depressed or upset that you disappointed me or your Doms. Trust me, I know it’s going to happen from time to time.

I mean if you were perfect why would you need a Dom right? However, I am not saying you shouldn’t at least try to be a well behaved subbie but let’s face it, nobody is good 100% of the time. Just know I am aware of that as are you so relax and   just be you. That’s what D/s is all about, a place where you can be who you truly are.

Be good, or else…

SJ

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