The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

scales of justice

Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

Enhanced by Zemanta

Dom’s have feelings too…

 

The_Thinker_Rodin-2

Hello  lovelies.  Trust me, this blog is not what you think. In fact I  really want your input. I have a feeling you will not be supportive, which is ok, just be honest.

First off, Bree andI have been together 9 years. I have never met a more responsive submissive in my life, or such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is my treasure and my life.  In the 9 yrs we have been together  I have had to discipline her to severity maybe 5 times. She is an exemplary submissive. Now her post today was not a serious offense, but she disobeyed me for the same thing twice, in one hour!  Very unusual, which is why her bb got paddled beet red the second time. But this is more a brat offense; nothing serious. Our bond as Dom and sub goes much much deeper than any vanilla relationship ever could. I would literally give my life for her in a second. No exaggeration.

So probably you are all, oh so sweet oh he loves her so much. True but we are turning a corner now and I may lose you. Lately Bree has expressed a desire to attend a spanking party. Those are not my thing, but I figured she might get ideas for a new book, which is what I figured she wanted to go for, and it is. But also, she wants to maybe indulge in a spanking from another top. This cuts me pretty deep. Yeah I hear you, oh boo-hoo, big bad Dom get over it. We all have fantasies, yes. But we do not all act on them, especially in a solid relationship. And it hurts, a lot. And if I do say so myself, her D/s relationship with me is pretty good. Not to mention the husband wife thing…Anyway I digress…

So I am working on letting that go. Frankly, it will take a very long time. I told her I would take her,  and she could even dress to show off her beautiful bb, and I might even spank her. But the thought of another male touching her puts me in a really dark place, one I try not to visit, and one nobody needs to be around. Now I do not mind causing her discomfort I spanked her 5 times yesterday just to see her red bb – and she was yeowing and squirming, But the thought of another male even causing her to say ow, and I can go very dark.

I had an experience with a jerk who actually has a dvd company, who I told could just use his hand on the girl I brought (this was just a date no history at all).  Anyway he took a brush, gave me a look to blow me off. I got up- it got tense. He backed off, and we left..

I am thinking maybe i would consider it if we had a couple we liked, doing a private thing.  But i would be so controlling, and probably as soon as I heard an ow I would stop any spanking from continuing. I am sure the Dom would say,   “John you’re nuts.” And you know what? He would be right ..I own the fact this is irrational, controlling, and not fair to Bree at all and quite selfish. But I am who I am.

Let me illustrate something, and Bree would not in any way do this I know. If she let another man spank her, behind my back, to me thats the same as having an affair in the vanilla world. Yes to me it is that serious. Some Doms do not care who spanks their subs. Fine, I am not judging  (Bree likes to watch me top another woman- go figure. But then again, I am giving pain, not getting it). But like I said, she is my treasure, and a Doms first promise to a sub is to protect her always. Is  this over the top? Yes probably. Hey it’s just a spanking right? Not to a Dom with the bond I have with Bree it isn’t. It’s much much deeper than that.   But what can I say? I am a Dom enigma.

So lovelies, if any of you are still with me, how would you react if you were Bree?  Just be honest, I do not get angry at Bree and we have never yelled at each other in 9 years, I swear on the Doms oath.

I have to admit this was kind of cathartic for me   so if you read it whatever your opinion thank you.

SJ

Ample Bottom Subs…

big butt

Hello my subbies, wannabes, those in training, and you who are scratching your head thinking, who in their right mind would want a spanking, much less on the bare bottom?  Right? lol I get it but I have a topic I want to talk about. Now don’t go hatin -hang in there with me,ok?

Subbies and weight.Okay put down the torches and the tar and feathers, come on its me ..Now I know a lot of you are self conscious about your weight. Especially the badonkadonk, but heres the good news; Doms are the least judgmental when it comes to a female bottom. I can only speak for myself, but I prefer an ample bottom to the  skinny  14 year old boy look the media tells you you should strive for.

Now Bre is by no means overweight, but she has curves and a nice full spankable bottom, which gets spanked a lot more than if she looked like, well you  know….Now I did not really get my Dom on, so to speak, until my 30’s. Thats when I found the balance between vanilla and Dom. but I have been spanking female bottoms since I was 13. Yes thats true- not bare bottoms then, that happened when I was around 17.  Ahh, what a  glorious night that was. But I digress.

Before I met Bree I did a lot of sessions. I have spanked 100’s of bb’s some very well known in the spanking community, and no i do not spank and tell, so don’t ask- and stop pouting…Anyway, I have spanked all shapes all sizes and the most enjoyable were the ones with a nice full bottom. I mean I hated spanking a small thin bottom that was cherry red after 15 spanks. Come on, wheres the fun in that?  Give me a good ample target that needs a good 100 to 300 to be  nice and glowing red all over…

Anyway, heres the point I seem to have taken much longer to get to, than I planned; embrace your curves. I know, especially a first meeting for a spanking, is embarrassing. After all, could you beautiful ladies be more vulnerable?  throw in that you are embarrassed about the size of your bare bottom, and it will not be very much fun.

Trust me, I would never lie to you, as a Dom we love that full bottom. We welcome it, and can not wait to reveal it, otk.  So maybe the vanilla world wants you to look like, well you know… but the D&s world  wants your bottom nice and full and spankable. At least I do, and I bet most Doms agree with me.

Maybe I should have a spanking camp so I could demonstrate just how much I love your ample bottoms…Hmmm…Hold on, I am thinking… OK,  I am back. So here’s to all of you getting the bb spankings you crave, and probably deserve. Until next time..  Be good, or else!

SJ

The Implement Must Fit The Crime…

 

spanking_implements_book_cover_by_arkham_insanity-d5hw9dy

 

Hello my little subbies, wanna-be’s, and the curious but shy’s…Before I begin, you know how people get together all over the world at a specific hour to chant for world peace?  Well I was thinking, all of you subbies can do the same thing.  Chant your mantra; “its not fair ” who knows, you might save a sub in Sri Lanka from a spanking. What do you think?

So heres the deal. Lets talk implements… Hey come back here. Hear me out. Lets discuss appropriate implements for appropriate offenses. Now every Dom feels differently about this, so this is just my take. First of all, it’s important for a Dom to establish what the rules are, so his sub understands her boundaries. Once these are established, a Dom never relents. So, lets take bratting…Not that any of you would ever act in such a matter, right?  To me a sound hand spanking of around 100 to 300, depending on the brat level, is enough. Now lets go to the other end (yes pun intended) of the scale and look at the offense of speeding. To me, this warrants severity. Why? Because it endangers the sub and innocent drivers. So for something like speeding- hand, wood brush,  paddle, and cane. I know Mr. Meanie.

But heres my point, A sub must understand the difference between a brat spanking and a severe one. A dom cannot or should not cane a sub for bratting. Just as a hand spanking for speeding is ludicrous. And yes there are grey areas where just a paddle or just a brush is appropriate. One more thing, A dom must set a positive example. If he punishes his sub for speeding, then he cannot speed. If he punishes her for smoking, he cannot smoke. Are you hearing me my little ones?

Well thats about it from Domland. Remember, get together and do the chant. Who knows, the bottom you save may be your own!

 

Be good – or else

 

Sir John

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
%d bloggers like this: