Triggers and Safe Words

2015-03-02

Hello lovelies,

I wanted to discuss something that is very important, especially in new D/s relationships. As many of you know I do not use safe words for a punishment, however, I do for emotional triggers that may come up.

Triggers should always be discussed before any session. Some call them hard limits, but usually a hard limit is something you do not want to experience because of the pain or discomfort. Emotional triggers are a different animal.

Let’s say you meet a prospective Dom, all is good and you set up a meeting. It is going to be a punishment session but all is going well. Of course it hurts more than you could have imagined and you are yelling loud enough for the hotel to call security but, hey that’s how it should be, lol. You have gotten hand, paddle and then a cane is produced and without an emotional safe word to discuss your panic the Dom just figures you are whiny and protesting like you have been doing for the entire session. Going with that assumption he uses it on you and you panic and freak out etc. The Dom has no idea what’s going on and is desperately trying to calm you down.

If you had discussed triggers beforehand you could have told him you had a very bad experience with a cane and were hurt badly or would otherwise react negatively. Without letting him know he has no idea what may set you off and he needs to know. This is why I always discuss things that may come up in a session or that could cause panic before.

When you talk to a prospective Dom and are setting up a meeting, make sure you tell him about the emotional minefield he needs to navigate. A true Dom will respect these triggers and not force you into that situation. Bottom line…yes, of course pun intended…I do not believe in safe words for pain or discomfort but yes I do for a potential emotional breakdown. A lot can happen, especially in a first time session. The more the Dom knows about you the better for both of you.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Yes, No, Green, Red…

trafficlight-sadhappy

Hello lovelies, lets talk about something that is sure to come up if you ever do a session, safe words. Now as you all know, I advise you to have one, but there is a catch here. A lot of you have the fantasy of misbehaving and being forced to submit to a bb spanking right? Of course that’s right, you are subbies after all. The problem with having a safe word is, you do not get the true Dom experience, because you can stop things, or slow them down when it gets too painful. There is a fine line for me on the subject.

Personally, I only did sessions with women that needed behavior modification or had a lot of guilt for real offences and needed to atone. I made it clear to them I did not allow safe words in real punishment sessions. Most understood and agreed. Some said they felt it was too big of a chance to take with a stranger and declined. I totally understood that. You need to gauge this carefully. You want to be dommed and pushed past your limits, but you want a safety net too, that’s tough. I would still advise you to insist on a safe word for a first meeting,  because I would not want to tell you otherwise and then something happen to you that was unpleasant, especially the first time. Just know what you will probably get out of such a session is probably not what you are fantasizing about. After all, a lot of your fantasies involve someone taking control, and with a safe word this does not happen.

So what I am saying is if you do a session with a safe word, do not be disappointed if it does not satisfy you as you had hoped it would. Until you are truly disciplined and your tears and cries for mercy ignored, you will not know what the real deal is. Of course after care should be practiced, safe words or not. I am just saying in the real world of D/s, the Dom decides the punishment, the severity, what’s used, how long it lasts, etc. You have no say what so ever when you are going to be punished.

A safe word is sounding pretty good now huh? Well, like I said, you may save your bottom some pain, but deny your fantasy and still have guilt from your misbehavior. I just want you to know what you all are getting into if you decide to session with safe words. It is safer, I agree, but it also deprives you of the real deal so be smart. Make your choice wisely. You should communicate with a potential Dom for weeks, maybe months before any meeting is set up.  Hopefully by doing this,he will show you he can be trusted. I want you all to enjoy a D/s session experience, if that is your desire, just understand there is a lot more to it than just a simple spanking. Just make sure you know him very well, and he knows you.

Be careful and be good or else!

SJ

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