Rebuttal-Safety Warnings…

take-a-stand-weekend

Hi Ya’ll,

John and I are getting quite a bit of flack regarding sending out the warning about this guy, who knowingly violated the personal space of two women. They don’t like us calling him a predator, although his actions are repetitive and known to occur because ‘that’s how he is’. They don’t like us calling him a molester- even though he touches/kisses personal areas without asking. They don’t like us giving a name, description or setting forth a warning.  My question, what if it was you who is the next victim of his ‘admiration’?

I wanted to share my response regarding the request to remove the information we have given…I have altered  names to protect the victims, but otherwise, it is unchanged.  Here goes…

I stand by my choice that the fact these people KNOW how he is (quoting the victim) and to still allow this behavior to continue indicates an ongoing practice of ‘poor judgment’ that is either ignored, unaddressed, or viewed as nonessential.  I cannot wait, in good conscience, for someone to be injured before a warning goes out about this. As you know, the fight or flight mechanism does not strike everyone at the time of an event, and these leaves the victims assuming the responsibility for something the top should have respected and honored- or at least asked.  He did not do so. He assumed and took advantage of VICTIM in a vulnerable position. Morally and ethically, what he did was wrong and he does it to others.

I know he pays for play. If the concern that he will be shut down, thus loosing revenue for women he hires, takes precedence in determining the allowance of him continuing with such as activity at open parties, then there is a conflict of interest that clearly favors those who are concerned about income rather than the safety of others.

Why must someone get hurt before something is done to stop it, especially in the case where he is known to repeat these activities?  I have a duty to my readers to protect them from anyone who might cause them harm. All it takes is one– the wrong one– and all this fun everyone is having can be shut down. I don’t wish that anymore than you, so I need to do what I can to protect those girls who don’t know any better or think it will never happen to them. I don’t care about his reputation (it is already questionable from what I am told), nor do I care about his paid play partners and their incomes. He needs to stay in that mode. I care about the little girl who he touches and it sends her into a panic.  I care about the ones out there who don’t know what to expect, thinking that because he is old, he is going to be respectful and not take advantage of them. I care about the victims of molestation who blame themselves for something another person did to them and who were too scared and confused to do anything about it.

I’ve worked raped and molestation cases. Cases were the victim was found to be at FAULT because she dressed in a way that invited the criminal to hurt her.  I have personally witnessed men being let loose because the victim was too scared to say no- date rape cases are notorious for that.. The person who is hurt is the victim and it is something she has to live with, shamefully and with regret, for the rest of her life.

I was one of these, fyi. I was gang banged by my ex-husband and his buddies, and there was NOTHING I could do about it because I did not say no. Fear silences you. I will NOT turn a blind eye to anyone, especially MY GIRL, who are victims of even a dirty old man who invades their personal space.

Final word, the fact that THE VICTIMS had to bring this to the attention of the party organizer; the fact that this guy has a reputation of violating personal space and is still allowed to participate in these parties; and the fact that my GIRL is being left to feel she is at fault for something he chose to do, indicates that this is a significant issue that cannot go ignored. I have done what I can do to protect the people who look to me for advice, my readers.  Maybe one girl can be saved and that will be fine by me.

Some of you might not agree with the stand I am taking. I just pray that you aren’t the next one across his lap who would be hurt by unwanted attention.  Please, my darlings, take care of yourselves and be careful. Mama Bear loves you and God help anyone who hurts one of my babies.

Bree

CAUTION…Safety at Play Parties

Caution

Ok lovelies I have something very important I need to talk to you about…safety at play parties. What happens when you find yourself in an uncomfortable and unsafe situation at a play party? What do you do and how do you handle it?

It goes without saying that I never want this to happen to any of you, but just in case this is good information to have. First off let’s get something straight; no matter what you wear, how you act, what you say or anything of the sort; this does not give anybody Dom/Top, Male or Female any right to force themselves on you. Personally, I question the way a lot of females dress, it just shows poor judgment in my opinion but, it’s not an invite for any scumbag that thinks “you are asking for it.” When a male invades your space it is wrong, end of story. There are no grey areas (major points to me for not saying shades of grey, too easy).

So what do you do? First off, you get your limits settled before anything. What you are okay with happening and what you are not. You also establish a safe word. For me, this is the absolute best way of telling someone to STOP immediately.

Ok so let’s say you want to keep your panties up during a spanking, that’s your right. Let’s say this jerk yanks them down. You say your safe word immediately. When he stops you go straight to whoever is in charge and report it. If this guy is not ejected immediately then you are in an unsafe environment and you need to leave. Make sure you have the name of who was in charge and the jerk that broke the rules. I suggest later posting them for as many subbies as you can think of.

So what if he does not stop when you yell a safe word? Any Dom within earshot should intervene. Once the incident is over you should then report it. If you stay at the party, tell as many subbies as you can and point this guy out so he does not try that again. If this or any of your limits are breached, it unfortunately does happen, BUT it’s not your fault. No matter what, you are never to feel obligated to do anything that does not feel right to you…Ever.

My girl was sexually molested, that’s a fact. Though the Dom in charge did not know about it at the time, when he was made aware he did nothing. A warning was issued and nothing more. In my opinion that situation is and remains unsafe when a wanna-be-Dom, that does not care about protecting subbies, remains at the party.

With all that being said, here is some important information for any of you that attend play parties. The predator calls himself Ben, but he could go by others. He is around 70 years old and has short grey hair. He is short in stature, around 5’5” or 5’6”. He is known to frequent large spanking parties throughout the US and also small private ones. If he sounds familiar to any of you please pass this on to your sister subbies. It’s our responsibility to protect each other.

Be Safe!

SJ

Safe Words of Wisdom From SJ

 

beesafe

OK lovelies, here is something that (if it hasn’t already)  may come up. Most sites will tell you  to always have a safe word. While I get that its hardly that simple,  lets imagine a scenario.  You  have been talking to a prospective Dom. You like each other and  you have talked for about 2 weeks and feel pretty good about him You have mentioned,  or if he is a true dom he has brought up, your need for atonement and accountability. You agree. However, heres the deal ..If you are meeting for true punishment, for true misbehaviors, a safe word really takes it out of reality, and more into role play. How can you feel truly punished, if you can stop your spanking whenever you want?

Ok I hear you.  But Sir, he’s a stranger.  If i don’t have some control, what if he goes overboard? Good point. And one you have to weigh with how much you feel you can trust this guy  and how guilty you feel for your behavior. I did alot of in-person sessions before I met Bree, and I told all of them, if this is real accountability then no safe word.  Most understood. Some said no, and I respected that.You see, alot of women came to me complaining that the guy that spanked them stopped way too soon. They did not feel truly punished, so they left frustrated, and even more guilty.

Now lets take a role play scenario, or a sub space session.  This is totally different. In role play, you are pretending to misbehave, so a safe word works as its not reality.  In a sub space session, its all about you. So you can have safe words, and even verbalize what you want.

So bottom (yes pun intended)  line, its up to you. If you do not really trust the guy, you have no buiness being with him any way. Just be safe. And make sure you know what you really want.

Be good or else!

SJ

First Meeting or Session With Dom…

 

first-date

Ok lovelies, this is a very important post. So sit up straight, no double tasking. Turn the television off, etc..It is time you pay attention as if your life depended on it. Because it just might..

 

Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and he wants to meet. Now it gets real, really fast. Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me?  Well, maybe. I am going to list rules for a first meeting. These are not suggestions they are written in Dom Stone. I want you all to be safe out there, and lets face it, there are a lot of  crazies on the loose. So  write these down or print them out.

  1. Always meet at a public place for a first meeting. Never, ever go to his house. Ever. And never ever bring him to your house. Remember, your safety must be your top priority.
  2. If you meet for dinner, do not drink more than one glass of wine if, even that much.And the same goes for him. If any red flags go up for anything- how he talks, looks, dresses. Even if its a small thing, get out, go home. Listen to your inner voice.
  3. If you are leaning towards having  a session the first time you meet, it must be at a hotel. Not his house. Not your house. Not his brothers million dollar beach house. A hotel. That is your only option. A nice hotel which he pays for. ANd make sure the person checking you in will remember you.
  4. Always drive your own car. Never, ever, go in his. Ever.
  5. Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your cell phone just to make sure you are ok.
  6. Safe Words…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviors-not role play. So I allowed no safe words. So this is a rare instance where i will let you decide if you want a safe word. If you do, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. For obvious reason.
  7. No bondage. I do not care if this is your thing and gets you hotter than fireworks in a microwave oven. No and no. Not the first time. Ever!
  8. No sex. Yes, you read this right. A real Dom will not even mention sex in a first session or meeting, and if he brings it up, leave. He just wanted to get you alone for this and he is not a Dom. And honestly, I do not care how much you may want to have sex. Don’t do it. Trust me on this. If it is meant to be, it will be. You do not want to meet someone and jump into bed and then never hear from him again. And believe me, it happens all of the time.
  9. Background checks…I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. This does not need to be a deal breaker. Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too. Use your best judgment and follow your ugt. If you are talking to a guy (or a girl) either on chat, email, or phone and something just doesn’t feel right-trust yourself. Move on. your life is too important to gamble on.
  10. No wood implements. Ok, maybe you love a paddle or even a cane, but you do not know this guy. If he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do. Plus you have to know he can control you and make him submit with his hand first.
  11. Dress. If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear. However, it is acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you.
  12. After care. If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, etc. Forget him. He is just a wanna-be. A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub. Physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine. But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. Ladies, do not waiver here. If he is not offering after care you need to move on.
  13. Follow up. He should email or call you if you have been talking on the phone. And he should do this by the next day. A lot of times I did tis that night to make sure the sub got home safely and was dealing with the experience in a positive way. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him. Unless he has a really good, valid, excuse. Move on.
  14. Rent the movie Strangeland. If that movie does not scare you into following my rules, nothing will. I want you all to know the feeling of a real Dom taking control and getting a real bare bottomed spanking. But most of all I want you to all be safe.

Thats it from Domland. Be good or else!

SJ

 

 

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