Thigh Don’t Think So

Hello lovelies,

Recently, I was looking for videos to send to some subbies when I happened to see one from a spanking party in Vegas. As you know I had a very bad experience when I attended one there but I still thought I would give it a look. I was surprised at how severe the spanking and paddling was but it seemed like it was in a private suite so, ok with me as long as it was consensual.

It was done by a man and a woman with two subbies, rather young, with the couple being much older. I was ok until I saw something that I found disturbing. The man was using a wood paddle on the backs of the female’s thighs.

This is not only irresponsible but dangerous. Thighs do not have the padding a bottom does and a hematoma is likely with a heavy implement. Now don’t get me wrong, I do spank subbies thighs but usually for two main reasons: one, they are very masochistic and enjoy it or they need punishment and it’s not getting through just across their bottoms. Two, they keep being defiant, especially when over the knee with things like getting out of position etc.

I NEVER EVER use hard impact implements and mostly use my hand, a thin cane or switch, or a thin whip. Even then I am careful not to break the skin. As my subbies will tell you, a few sharp spanks on the thighs by my hand is usually enough to get them in position.

Now maybe the girls at the party dug being paddled on their thighs, hey it’s their thing I am not judging. I am saying, to me, as a Dom, I would refuse to do that as I find it irresponsible. I think you should be really careful with even just a thin implement on the thighs.

So why the post? I care about all of you, and for those that are thinking about setting up a session with a new Dom I am telling you to insist on two things: an emotional safe word for triggers and NO thigh spanking, for the first time. I understand a Dom giving you a few with his hand on your upper thighs if you are OTK and getting mouthy but no implements. I want you newbies to be safe and have a great experience. The video started me worrying about you, oh get over it it’s what Doms do, lol.

Anyway, promise me you will follow my rules for a first meeting and also you will insist on the two things I just mentioned. D/s is great if you are with a responsible Dom. Just be careful, and its ok to say no.

Be good and safe, or else…


Subbie Guilt


Hello lovelies,

I am sure you are all familiar with this heading yes?  I mean subbie’s have more guilt than anyone I know. I love you all but you know it’s true.

I did a session not too long ago. It was a punishment session resulting in marks and a lot of tears, as these kinds of sessions often do. Now during this session something happened. As you all know I am sadistic, but I am all about you being safe in a session so I monitor you closely.

This particular subbie had been hand spanked to tears and was then put over the spanking bench and secured. Her transgressions were serious so she had a paddling and a caning coming. I decided to use the heart first, which as some of you know burns like fire especially on a sore bottom. During this part of her spanking she began to cry again but her breathing became erratic. That’s wasn’t good as she started to hyperventilate, so much so I had to stop and calm her down before her cane strokes.

I had decided to end the session after the cane as I felt she may be at risk if I went any longer. After calming her down I gave her 12 strokes and she was done. I did aftercare, held her, forgave her and made sure she was ok.

It seemed she was so I went downstairs and she went into the living room. When I came in to check on her she was crying. I asked what was wrong and she said she felt bad she could not take what I had planned for her!

I did say you all have more than your share of guilt to drag around did I not? Lol

I explained to her that it’s never a question of me being disappointed if you can’t take as much as I planned for you . It is always a matter of you being safe. You need to learn a lesson, of course, but not at the expense of your health (physical/mental/emotional).

I want you all to get this…a punishment session is meant to hurt but it’s not a matter of taking so much or disappointing me. Every subbie is different. Some can take a lot, some not so much. The important thing is that you feel punished and can let go of the guilt after. Not to put more guilt on top by thinking you disappointed your Dom by not taking enough , that’s not an issue.

You all have enough guilt. Don’t add to it! Lol.

Be good, or else…


Spanking: Punishment v. Abuse

Ok lovelies, I want to address a serious topic here, also for any would be Doms reading this, listen up. It’s important.

There are a lot of men and women who equate a proper spanking with abuse. This is not the case, and I’d like to put things into perspective. In order to do this I need to share a bit of my past with you, not an easy thing as I am pretty private person, but I think this is important.

My childhood was constant abuse from my mother both verbal and physical. I was whipped or switched almost daily until I was big enough to say no more. My father did nothing to help and if it were not for my grandmother, I never would have made it. Physical abuse is out of control violence. The strokes or blows can land anywhere. The abuser does not care where. It can go on as long as the abuser does not tire out. It was not unusual for my legs or arms, etc. to be switched and cut or my body bruised from a belt or whatever was around. Now this is not a poor me story, I tell you this to illustrate a point.

What I have described is abuse. A spanking is not. A punishment spanking hurts, I won’t lie to you. It hurts a lot, but the difference is that it’s controlled and always just the bb. Can a punishment mark? Yes, it can, especially when an implement is being used. But, like I said, never out of control strokes. A Dom is always aware of how the sub’s bb is reacting. You see, an abuser does not care if you mark or even bleed. A Dom would never go too far. Control is key. Not to mention the fact that he cares about teaching you a valuable lesson. An abuser, like my mother, would just get mad, lose her temper and start hitting me, a lot of times for no reason at all, other than she lost control.

I keep coming back to control. It’s all about control, never anger. A Dom never punishes if he is angry and I mean never. Also, there is always after care following a punishment, especially a severe one. This is not the case with an abuser. Now all Doms have a sadistic side, some more than others. After all we do love seeing a crimson bb otk or bent over. Even so we always have the subbie’s safety and best interest at heart. We’re always watching out for any problems, during a session, to ensure their physical and emotional wellbeing. Again, an abuser could care less, trust me I know.

In conclusion, let me say to all of you, a proper spanking is not abuse, even if the sub’s bb marks. Always make sure after care is given. It’s hard a lot of times for subs and, especially new Doms to understand what I have been saying but I’d like you to think about it. A Dom must always…

       Keep in control.

       Only give your sub what she deserves.

       Do so from a caring place.

I sincerely hope this helps some of you.


Said with love and caring,



P.S. Thank you for all of the great ideas and suggestions you guys left in the comments and all the emails you sent me. I’ll definitely be using those in my future posts so stick around.

Negotiating A Scene



This was a topic suggested to me by a wise subbie, and since we have all seen what can happen at parties lately I want to address this. So lovelies, here’s the 411 on negotiating a scene.

First, you need to know what you want. Some of you may want full bare bottom spanks. Some want your panties up. Some may like leather…OK all of you like leather, lol. Some may want to be scolded while being spanked etc. Whatever it is, you need to know, before you go to a party. Now let me be clear, the reason a safe party environment is good for subbies to attend is, ironically why i do not go to parties. And that reason is, all together now, the subbies are in control. Hey, not everyone said it, did you not know this? Let me enlighten you.

A party is a place for you to act on your fantasies. It is not a real D/s session. In a real D/s session you are not in control, but a party session you are in total control. Now what does that mean? Simply that, before you enter into a session, you tell the Dom or top, what you will, and will not do. What implements you like or do not. Panties up or down, also any physical problems you may have, shoulders, back, knees, etc. that may be a problem in position. You have a safe word , you can slow things down, have it be harder spanks or softer, take a break etc. So I hear the wheels turning, and you may be thinking well gee SJ, what does that have to do with submitting to a Dom? Well, nothing. That’s my point.

Parties are play scenarios not punishment ones, so know that going in. Here’s how it works. Somebody will host a scene in his or her suite. This is usually a big room with many people attending. Some couples, some singles. The spankings are done there in front of everyone…so you closet exhibitionist can have fun lol and always panties or thong up, always…Now there are private rooms off the main one. These may have more intense scenes but still nothing like a real D/s punishment session. It is ok to use those rooms since they are right there a tons of people walk in and out. But never go to a private, one on one in a small room where nobody knows you or where you are, unless you know the top or Dom. This could be bad, really bad.

There is security at some parties, and at some not any, so be careful. If any of your limitations are violated…any…go right to the host. He or she should handle things immediately and eject the violator. If you do go to the host, and nothing is done pack up. Consider you had an experience and go home, you are not in a safe environment and that’s the most important thing for you. Most parties are fine and safe, so don’t let me scare you away. But you need to check out who is giving them and their track record.

So do you all get it? If you do your homework and know what you want, you can go and have an enjoyable experience. Be respectful, but speak up. If you do not tell the top no hairbrush, and he smacks you with one, you cannot start whining and making a scene. Take care of yourself, and speak up. This is your chance to explore some fantasies. Above all be safe.

Be good or else!


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