PROPER SUB BEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC

angel

So I see all of you are interested in two main subjects. I will talk about the first one in this blog post, and will address the second in my next post. So how is a sub supposed to act in public with her Dom? Well the simple answer my lovelies, is as he orders her too. But  as you have all seen in these posts, simple is not really the way of the D/s lifestyle.

 

First and foremost, the sub must never create any kind of public scene. How many times have you seen couples yelling at each other in a restaurant, or standing in line for a movie? In the D/s world this never happens. And if it does, it is up to the top to make sure it never happens a second time. You see, when you are out with your Dom you reflect all his training, anything positive, or negative. One of the most serious behaviors my sub can commit is to reflect badly on my training in public.

 

A Dom treasures his sub. When she is out with him, he wants to show her off. He wants the world to see how well behaved she is. How she speaks, how she walks, how she  sits at the table, all reflect back to the Dom. Now some Doms, myself included, may want a specific action from his sub. I have told Bre to make sure when we sit down at a restaurant or in the car, to have her bb touching the leather or cloth material .This is usually after a good spanking, as I believe a sub must be spanked before going out in public, to remind them of just how they are to behave.

 

Now the other side of the coin is the Dom must never mistreat his sub, or cause any negativity to befall her while he is out with her. This is a two-way street. A sub must always be treated with respect and kindness. A Dom must be a gentleman in the world. Hold doors open, speak softly, etc.. Just because she is out with a top, does not mean he can or should order her around and embarrass her. But, if misbehavior occurs it can be delt with in a couple of ways. A trip to the car for a bb brushing (I always keep a brush in the glove compartment just in case). Or he can just softly tell his submissive, “this will be taken care of as soon as we get home.” If the top has a vibe, these words will be enough to stop any bad behavior.

 

And the punishment for any public outburst is severe indeed, but thats another post.   So… Let me know what you think, and remember, some of you have been a bit lax in the respect department  WHEN POSTING. I do not want to see that again from any of you,       be good or else!

 

SJ

Force vs. Dom Force

women

 

Hello lovelies, did you miss me? Yes, I missed you too. So what in the heck is this blog post about right?  Well let me explain by two different scenarios, and I really want your feedback. So here we go..

Scenario one:  You  have a date and you are getting ready to leave with your man,  but you decide to brat …Oh I know none of you would ever think of such a thing, but just play along. Ok so you start to brat you are warned to behave. You brat more, and are informed you will be spanked, so you laugh and run…Your date catches you, drags you to the couch. As you are fighting, he pulls up the dress and pulls the panties down, and then…spank city. Pretty hot right?  Well hold on.

Scenario two: Same thing but when your date tells you that you are going to be spanked, you start to laugh. But then you get the look…For those of you who know this look, you understand. For those of you who do not, thats too bad. Ask Bree or Nikki, they can explain it to you. Instead of running or laughing, you are transfixed. It’s not that you don’t want to run, but you really cannot look away. Then the Dom says, come. here. now. Well, you know whats going to happen, but you cannot disobey. You walk to where he is seated. He says dress up now. You obey. Then he says, over my lap. Again you obey and you raise your hips submissively as the panties come down.

Now that’s hot …So what did I just teach you? Scenario one is kind of hot but it is physical force. Unless you are a body builder, it is safe to assume your man can over power you. But so what? A vanilla guy can do that. Big deal, right? But scenario two is Dom force. A Dom, a real Dom, never has to physically force you into a position for discipline. The voice, the look, and the vibe, will be irresistible to you even if you know the punishment will be very painful.

So lets hear from you. Force or Dom force? I practice the latter. However, you may have a different take.

Be good or else. FAREWELL FOR NOW,  and lets hear from all of you.

SJ

The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

scales of justice

Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

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The Implement Must Fit The Crime…

 

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Hello my little subbies, wanna-be’s, and the curious but shy’s…Before I begin, you know how people get together all over the world at a specific hour to chant for world peace?  Well I was thinking, all of you subbies can do the same thing.  Chant your mantra; “its not fair ” who knows, you might save a sub in Sri Lanka from a spanking. What do you think?

So heres the deal. Lets talk implements… Hey come back here. Hear me out. Lets discuss appropriate implements for appropriate offenses. Now every Dom feels differently about this, so this is just my take. First of all, it’s important for a Dom to establish what the rules are, so his sub understands her boundaries. Once these are established, a Dom never relents. So, lets take bratting…Not that any of you would ever act in such a matter, right?  To me a sound hand spanking of around 100 to 300, depending on the brat level, is enough. Now lets go to the other end (yes pun intended) of the scale and look at the offense of speeding. To me, this warrants severity. Why? Because it endangers the sub and innocent drivers. So for something like speeding- hand, wood brush,  paddle, and cane. I know Mr. Meanie.

But heres my point, A sub must understand the difference between a brat spanking and a severe one. A dom cannot or should not cane a sub for bratting. Just as a hand spanking for speeding is ludicrous. And yes there are grey areas where just a paddle or just a brush is appropriate. One more thing, A dom must set a positive example. If he punishes his sub for speeding, then he cannot speed. If he punishes her for smoking, he cannot smoke. Are you hearing me my little ones?

Well thats about it from Domland. Remember, get together and do the chant. Who knows, the bottom you save may be your own!

 

Be good – or else

 

Sir John

 

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Subbie Mantra

 

its-not-fair-tink

Hello subbies, subbies in training, wanna be subbies, and the just curious… Some of you may be aware of meditation techniques. In meditation there is a phrase or word that you use to focus your energy, it is sometimes called a mantra, such as omm, etc.

In D&S subbies also have a mantra, but usually to focus their energy on trying to get out of trouble.

The mantra? “It’s not fair.

How many times have I heard this? Well, Nikki uses it maybe twice- no not a day -an hour!! Bree much less, as she knows it does not have any magic properties and will not help her escape her fate.

So why do subbies try this? Well, it may have worked in the past, or they may think the Dom might have fallen and bumped his head and he has forgotten how to be a Dom, or aliens kidnapped him and took out his Dom gene. Who knows? But boy do they (subbies not aliens) ever try. Now I have to say a Dom must always be consistant in his fairness and meeting out judgement. If he is not, trust me, a subbie will try anything to weasel out or at least lessen their punishment. It’s odd to me then when I inform Nikki she is in for a session in the punishment room, the first thing she says is, yup you guessed it, “It’s not fair!”  She knows it never works but she still says it. Sometimes to the point of irritating me and  earning a longer and more painful spanking…Oh and this did not just happen once, and she learned her lesson… No, no ,no,  it happens all the time. Bree has told her it’s useless but she trys anyway.

So my question to all of you is, why do you keep trying? When you know it will not do any good, and may even earn you more than you were originally supposed to get? Nikki’s second favorite mantra? “Meanie!” I love subbies, but they are a curious lot sometimes. Now I must go and medicate – I mean meditate!   Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm…………

Sir John

A Message From Nikki and Sir John…

sisterswalking

For the past few days, ever since my punishment, Bree has been getting some flack from the peeps. Some people feel she was too hard on me. Some feel that it was not appropriate for my sister, rather than John, to punish me. Here’s the thing… I screwed up. I was disrespectful and deserved to be punished. Now, I wont lie to you and say I didn’t mind that it was Bree and not John. Because I did mind it, I hated it, for a couple reasons. One being that she is my sister and I just didn’t like having to obey her. But also because, despite her somewhat cocky post describing how she asked John to allow her  to “take the reins”, she did not enjoy it. Now do believe she thought she would enjoy it? Hell yea. Because the truth is, Bree is a switch and she likes to be the “Top” once in awhile. I think she was angry and disappointed in me and thought punishing me would be cathartic or something. But she found it was not so great after all. However, just as I had to accept her punishing me, just as I had no choice in the matter, the same can be said for her. She had no say in it either. John told her that she was going to need to take care of it and she obeyed him.

Anyway, I just want you all to know that I love Bree very much and respect her position in my family. I have kind of put her through a lot of crap over the past few years. She and John pretty much saved my butt more than once when I was on a slippery slope into the gutter. So I not only understand where they were coming from, I also accept it. And even though I said I had no choice in the matter of my punishment, the bottom line is I do have a choice. I choose to live with them and in doing so I have to abide by their rules. If I want to move out, I can at any time. I don’t want to move out yet though. I do not feel ready to move out. I guess my crappy childhood, and insane adolescence (of which I suppose I am still in) has stunted me a bit. I like the security I feel living with Bree and John. I am safe here and I am loved and taken care of. And, since I don’t have a job yet, I am being financially supported by them-which is amazing because they do not need to do that. They choose to. And this is not anything new. My father was never around for me and my mother was a nut case. Since I was born Bree has been a surrogate mother to me. Every time I went to my fathers house for visitation, it was Bree that I was with. She sacrificed a lot to take care of her little sister. So I do appreciate her and she is like my mom. Well, she is my mom and my sister all rolled into one. So guys, please do not be mad at Bree or feel sorry for me. Well, you can feel sorry for me, that is fine 😉 but don’t be mad at Bree.

Love Nikki

Oh and a message from Sir John:

It seems some of you  are upset with Bree punishing Nikola. To be clear, this was all on my orders as the alpha. I will be glad to discuss it with anyone that wants to. Feel free to ask any questions you might have.

SJ

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