Feelings and Emotions: Arrrgh!

Hello my lovelies,

How is everyone?

I have a query for all of you and would welcome your input. I was doing a session with one of my subbies, a very sweet newbie. She was not in serious trouble but it was a phone session. It was for a behavior I do not like.

You see, in phone sessions, the subbie cannot fake anything. I hear it all. The self spanks are always much harder and longer.

The session went as usual, and after she was forgiven with hugs I signed off. Later I get an email saying, she was upset and felt angry during the session. Mostly, wanting to cuss and be defiant, even though she did not act that way. She could not understand why she felt like this and was feeling very guilty, as all subs do. She’s very obedient, especially for a newbie, so this is way out of character.

What do you think?

I have a theory… I think a lot of subbies will push, newbies especially but even experienced subs, (Bree still pushes me on occasion). The reason this happens is that they want to know nothing has changed. Security and trust comes from consistency, so if I call them on it it seems all is good and balanced even though they get spanked and whine about how mean I am.

I also asked one of my more experienced subbies what she thought. She’s very smart and intuitive so her take was a bit different. She thought that as an independent woman used to being in control it’s a hard adjustment sometimes. So when you are in a session being disciplined you obviously have no control and sometimes that switch clicks and you just want even a little control. You get defiant or angry or you act out, even knowing there are consequences, because it gives you a little control, if only for a few minutes.

Have any of you gone through this? I know my subbies have. What do you think?

D/s is very powerful is it not?

Be good, or else…

SJ

The Coin has Two Sides

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Hello lovelies,

Last time I listed the top 5 reasons to take on a sub and this week I thought about the top 5 things a Dom needs so he can be a positive Dom for a sub. Sound good? Now this is not about the voice, or having the look etc. this is different. Hang in there it will be fun. Here we go and stop yawning!!!

1) Patience- This is a big one. I think we have established all subbies are crazy, to differing degrees, also very frustrating at times…very. Then add numbers to that and well I think you see my point. You see, a Dom never yells or gets mad. Does that mean the wall in my music room does not have a dent in it from me banging my head? No…it does but that’s just part of the wonderful world of a Dom.

2) Consistency- This is also a big one. A sub cannot trust a Dom fully if he is inconsistent. It’s not easy to be on top of everything, all the time but a Dom must try to be. First, he must have the desire to be, then he has to work at it. As I said, the more subs you train the harder it is but it can be done.

3) Fairness- Though some of you lovelies I do train may disagree at times on your punishments, I think all of you would agree I am always fair. A Dom must listen and evaluate every situation. Maybe the sub has a point? Usually she’s just weaseling but it does happen on occasion and a Dom needs to be open to at least considering inexperience. A Dom will make a sub feel safer and more secure if she knows he knows what he’s doing. If I tell a sub she’s in for the cane she has to feel secure in the knowledge that I know how to use it. It’s scary enough knowing you are going to be punished with an implement if you doubt the Dom’s skill it’s going to turn out badly, even worse if you’re right.

4) Time- It takes time to train a sub and a lot of time to train a lot of subs. If you take that on you must devote time to each one and her special needs as all subs are different. I try to check in on my subbies every day to see if they are ok, have questions, or have done the tasks I have given them etc. It takes time but I love it and it’s all worth it when a subbie begins to blossom in her submission and the D/s lifestyle.

5) Caring- This may be the most important building block for a good D/s relationship. If the Dom does not care about the subbie learning, growing and becoming a better person then why bother? I put all my subs first, I do not put me first…and no I’m not talking about me indulging in my sadistic side and spanking a sub whenever I want. I’m talking about her needs and what will make a positive change in her life. I want all my subs to be happy and feel better about themselves and their life, in general, than they did before they started training with me.

Pay it forward is my mantra. Now there are many other traits a Dom needs but these kind of popped into my Dom brain today so I just went with the flow.

Be good, or else…

SJ

 

To Sub-bie or Not to Sub-bie

 

Hello  lovelies,

What the heck is this all about? It’s actually a very clever pun that hopefully most of you will get after reading this post. A lot of subs ask me “SJ what do you look for in a sub, as far as taking her on to train?”

Starting to get my pun? No? Not yet huh? Man tough crowd.

I am quite discerning when taking on a submissive so here’s my top 5 reasons for doing so and why.

1) Seriousness- If the sub does not truly want to learn, grow and find just how deep her submissive goes then she’s wasting my time. She must be willing to mind me and trust me, although trust must be earned over time.

2) Intelligence- If I can’t engage in a conversation, beyond just spanking, with the sub it’s going to get very boring. Also D/s is quite complicated at times and the sub must be able to grasp and comprehend certain things that are important in the training.

3) Checking emails regularly- This may seem trivial but it’s not. I have a lot of info to dispense at times or a task that I need done. If I don’t have a sub that is good about checking her messages that won’t work.

4) Sense of humor- Look I know you all think of me as Mr. Meanie but  I am pretty funny and I like a subbie that can make me laugh, it can’t be dark all the time or just about spanking, well maybe 90/10 lol.

5) Maturity and emotional stability- This may be the most important, as you all know subbies be crazy but….there is a limit lol. D/s training is a roller coaster with very high highs and then major drops and lows. If the sub does not have some level of emotional stability it can turn out to be a disaster. Not so important is chronological age, some subs can be very mature at a young age.

The bottom line is, if a sub meets these criteria I will try to help her in any way I can that’s what I do and that’s what Bree does. I believe in pay it forward, I bet all of you do to.

Be good, or else…

SJ

PS Oh did you get my pun?

Kids

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Hello lovelies,

No, this is not about spanking and kids, of which I am not a fan, adults always, lol. Well my little subbies here’s today’s tale.

Back in the day…now don’t even start with the…“you mean when you were helping the Wright brothers build the airplane sir?” ha and ha…I decided long ago never to have kids. There are many reasons but the main ones is that I wanted to be able to just leave right on the spot, especially being a musician. I did not think it would be fair to drag a child all over the place or not have time to spend at home. The other reason is I don’t think I am father material. If I had a girl I would make her miserable being too protective and scaring away her boyfriends, a son maybe better but still way too protective. Not to mention responsibility, time, drama…lol, well you get the picture right?

Now you are probably thinking…well that’s all interesting SJ, but what does this have to do with blog stuff?

It occurred to me, it’s happened and I did not even realize it. All of you are like my kids, especially those of you I have a D/s relationship with. I mean come on, spending a lot of time, lots of responsibility, drama…oh yes lol, being protective, being strict. All the things I made a conscious effort to avoid long ago has been laid in my lap…well over it lol.

You know what? I love it…you have all enriched my life so much. I just wanted to say thank you. I care about you all as if you were…well my kids, and I would not change a thing.

Be good, or else…

SJ

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