Smart IS a Turn On…

 

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I’m baaack!!!!  Did you miss me?  I missed all of you…So, I was thinking, well actually I was talking to Bree. As you all know, she is a super mensa head brainiac. Which  I find very attractive. In fact, this is the subject of my post; “Subbies With a Brain”. A lot of times in the vanilla dating world, very smart women feel they must tone down their intellect.To not make the guy feel intimidated. Granted, a lot of vanilla guys like that, but here’s a big heads up for you all; Doms do not like that. In fact,  I have always sought out a female that was smart. Really smart.  You see, no matter how good a Dom spanks, he can not spank you 24/7 non stop..I mean I can’t even do that; 15/7 tops!  lol

 

Ok, back to reality. If you are looking for a Dom, be yourself. That is, if you are smart, do not try and be cute and play dumb. A Dom will see right through that and move on quickly. Speaking for myself, one of the things, yes many things,I love about Bree, is her mind. She is not only smart, but very perceptive and has great insights, especially into the human condition. Dom’s love smart women. Trust me on this. After you have a session, or before, what are you going to talk about? You do not have to be super brain like Bree, but you need to have  some academia in your background. If you feel you are lacking, read or go to school. Even online school.  As a Dom, I like  a subbie that is stimulating. Not only as my D/s partner, but mentally. Now I have more street smarts than Bree   and certainly know more about pop culture than she does. However, just about anything else, and its the Breanna Hayse show all the way, which incidentally, I really dig. It’s always so interesting to talk to her. She surprises me all the time with the stuff she knows, and Doms are never intimidated by smart women. Its a big D/s perk for you.

 

So my lovelies, the way to a vanilla guys heart may be through his stomach. And though  Bree happens to be a gourmet cook,  thats beside the point. The way to a Doms heart, is through his brain.That, and having a nice spankable bottom  doesn’t hurt. lol

 

So ladies, never ever dumb it down for a Dom. That will get you nothing. Certainly not the red bottom you are Jonsing for. With a real Dom, a subbie with a brain is practically irresistible.

 

Be good or else!

 

SJ

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First Meeting or Session With Dom…

 

first-date

Ok lovelies, this is a very important post. So sit up straight, no double tasking. Turn the television off, etc..It is time you pay attention as if your life depended on it. Because it just might..

 

Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and he wants to meet. Now it gets real, really fast. Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me?  Well, maybe. I am going to list rules for a first meeting. These are not suggestions they are written in Dom Stone. I want you all to be safe out there, and lets face it, there are a lot of  crazies on the loose. So  write these down or print them out.

  1. Always meet at a public place for a first meeting. Never, ever go to his house. Ever. And never ever bring him to your house. Remember, your safety must be your top priority.
  2. If you meet for dinner, do not drink more than one glass of wine if, even that much.And the same goes for him. If any red flags go up for anything- how he talks, looks, dresses. Even if its a small thing, get out, go home. Listen to your inner voice.
  3. If you are leaning towards having  a session the first time you meet, it must be at a hotel. Not his house. Not your house. Not his brothers million dollar beach house. A hotel. That is your only option. A nice hotel which he pays for. ANd make sure the person checking you in will remember you.
  4. Always drive your own car. Never, ever, go in his. Ever.
  5. Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your cell phone just to make sure you are ok.
  6. Safe Words…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviors-not role play. So I allowed no safe words. So this is a rare instance where i will let you decide if you want a safe word. If you do, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. For obvious reason.
  7. No bondage. I do not care if this is your thing and gets you hotter than fireworks in a microwave oven. No and no. Not the first time. Ever!
  8. No sex. Yes, you read this right. A real Dom will not even mention sex in a first session or meeting, and if he brings it up, leave. He just wanted to get you alone for this and he is not a Dom. And honestly, I do not care how much you may want to have sex. Don’t do it. Trust me on this. If it is meant to be, it will be. You do not want to meet someone and jump into bed and then never hear from him again. And believe me, it happens all of the time.
  9. Background checks…I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. This does not need to be a deal breaker. Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too. Use your best judgment and follow your ugt. If you are talking to a guy (or a girl) either on chat, email, or phone and something just doesn’t feel right-trust yourself. Move on. your life is too important to gamble on.
  10. No wood implements. Ok, maybe you love a paddle or even a cane, but you do not know this guy. If he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do. Plus you have to know he can control you and make him submit with his hand first.
  11. Dress. If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear. However, it is acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you.
  12. After care. If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, etc. Forget him. He is just a wanna-be. A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub. Physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine. But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. Ladies, do not waiver here. If he is not offering after care you need to move on.
  13. Follow up. He should email or call you if you have been talking on the phone. And he should do this by the next day. A lot of times I did tis that night to make sure the sub got home safely and was dealing with the experience in a positive way. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him. Unless he has a really good, valid, excuse. Move on.
  14. Rent the movie Strangeland. If that movie does not scare you into following my rules, nothing will. I want you all to know the feeling of a real Dom taking control and getting a real bare bottomed spanking. But most of all I want you to all be safe.

Thats it from Domland. Be good or else!

SJ

 

 

Mojo Monday-Age Play with Uncle K.

This week we I am so pleased to introduce my Uncle K. He is warm and fuzzy and the best uncle around. And he is gonna talk a little bit about Age Play and what it means to him. Please feel free to comment and ask any questions you may have. If you do not want to comment publicly though, just email me and I am happy to forward his email address to you. biglittlegirl

 

 

My good friend and favorite niece BreeBree, asked me if I would do a post about age play for her blog. When someone as cute as her asks, it is hard to say no. Well, not that hard, and I like this topic and her so here we go.

To her I am Uncle K. I have been into age play for the past ten years of my life. Five of those years have been spent with my wife and little girl, Lily. Over the past five years we have had our ups and downs, but I have never been closer to anyone in my whole life, and age play has played a big role in that.

I got my start a long time ago, with a girlfriend who was into age play. While the relationship with this girl was short lived, it changed something inside me. Every relationship I have had since has been a Daddy/little girl one.

Age play can cover pretty much any age. A majority of littles are younger but can range from infants, toddlers, or even up to teens. Yes… some not only act the part but dress it as well. Including wearing adult diapers and adult size baby clothes. And yes, some do use their diapers for their intended purpose. The little’s partner is normally a parental figure to them, but can also be an uncle, brother, cousin or any variation. In my case I have always been a Daddy to Lily or an Uncle to a few others.

One of the main questions I am asked about this lifestyle is “do you ever get tired of being a Daddy or an Uncle all the time?” My answer is simply, no. I do not mind taking care of others, I enjoy it. Like I tell my girl all the time, my number one job is to take care of her, and to love her. This means helping her with homework, keeping her on task, rubbing her back so she can sleep at night, packing her lunch, picking out her clothes, and well, you get the point. While some people think this is totally unfair for one person to do all that and more all the time, I would remind them that I enjoy this and gladly signed up for it. There are also people that think that being cared for this way sounds like an easy life and would love to jump right in. This is also not the case.

This is a unique type of relationship, one that involves a great deal of trust. For someone to open up like this to another person is a gift. They are exposing themselves to their very core. This is why when people ask me questions about getting into this, I always tell them to think about what they are willing to put out there. Whether being a Big or a little, there is a lot to think about. As a Big you have to want to be responsible for another person, much like you would a child. You also have to be ready to earn and maintain their trust in you. As a little, you have to make sure you are ready to depend on another person, and are willing to place them in control of even little things like feeding, or playing with you.

This isn’t to say that bumps don’t come along. Come on, everyone makes mistakes, things can be fixed but sometimes it takes longer to fix then others, especially when trust or communication breaks down. The most important thing to remember is to be open and honest with yourself and your partner. Regardless of your roles in the relationship, communication is the key. I would definitely recommend talking about the good and the bad that happened during your age play time, particularly if this is a new area for you. Sometimes little people forget that us Bigs can’t read minds, and we need a hand in figuring out where to go and what to do next.

I encourage anyone who thinks that this type of relationship is something you want, to go for it. The worse thing that happens is that you find out it is something that you really don’t want after all. If anyone has questions or comments, I am happy to answer them, and give any help or advice I can to help you find your way, or just help get things back on track. 

Also, if you would like the littles perspective, Uncle K’s wife Lilly has a blog where she shares her life with her Daddy.

Uncle K

The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

scales of justice

Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

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Thank You…

 

Hello all my lovelies. I am going to respond to each individual post you sent me, but first I need to make something clear. Bree and I are not having any kind of marital problems. That was not the impression I wanted to convey. We are fine, and we worked out the problem, so all is good.

I also wanted to thank you all for your posts. They really helped a lot. This was a difficult blog post because I really laid it out there. Hard to do as a man, double as a Dom. So thank you for being so supportive.

SJ

Dom’s have feelings too…

 

The_Thinker_Rodin-2

Hello  lovelies.  Trust me, this blog is not what you think. In fact I  really want your input. I have a feeling you will not be supportive, which is ok, just be honest.

First off, Bree andI have been together 9 years. I have never met a more responsive submissive in my life, or such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is my treasure and my life.  In the 9 yrs we have been together  I have had to discipline her to severity maybe 5 times. She is an exemplary submissive. Now her post today was not a serious offense, but she disobeyed me for the same thing twice, in one hour!  Very unusual, which is why her bb got paddled beet red the second time. But this is more a brat offense; nothing serious. Our bond as Dom and sub goes much much deeper than any vanilla relationship ever could. I would literally give my life for her in a second. No exaggeration.

So probably you are all, oh so sweet oh he loves her so much. True but we are turning a corner now and I may lose you. Lately Bree has expressed a desire to attend a spanking party. Those are not my thing, but I figured she might get ideas for a new book, which is what I figured she wanted to go for, and it is. But also, she wants to maybe indulge in a spanking from another top. This cuts me pretty deep. Yeah I hear you, oh boo-hoo, big bad Dom get over it. We all have fantasies, yes. But we do not all act on them, especially in a solid relationship. And it hurts, a lot. And if I do say so myself, her D/s relationship with me is pretty good. Not to mention the husband wife thing…Anyway I digress…

So I am working on letting that go. Frankly, it will take a very long time. I told her I would take her,  and she could even dress to show off her beautiful bb, and I might even spank her. But the thought of another male touching her puts me in a really dark place, one I try not to visit, and one nobody needs to be around. Now I do not mind causing her discomfort I spanked her 5 times yesterday just to see her red bb – and she was yeowing and squirming, But the thought of another male even causing her to say ow, and I can go very dark.

I had an experience with a jerk who actually has a dvd company, who I told could just use his hand on the girl I brought (this was just a date no history at all).  Anyway he took a brush, gave me a look to blow me off. I got up- it got tense. He backed off, and we left..

I am thinking maybe i would consider it if we had a couple we liked, doing a private thing.  But i would be so controlling, and probably as soon as I heard an ow I would stop any spanking from continuing. I am sure the Dom would say,   “John you’re nuts.” And you know what? He would be right ..I own the fact this is irrational, controlling, and not fair to Bree at all and quite selfish. But I am who I am.

Let me illustrate something, and Bree would not in any way do this I know. If she let another man spank her, behind my back, to me thats the same as having an affair in the vanilla world. Yes to me it is that serious. Some Doms do not care who spanks their subs. Fine, I am not judging  (Bree likes to watch me top another woman- go figure. But then again, I am giving pain, not getting it). But like I said, she is my treasure, and a Doms first promise to a sub is to protect her always. Is  this over the top? Yes probably. Hey it’s just a spanking right? Not to a Dom with the bond I have with Bree it isn’t. It’s much much deeper than that.   But what can I say? I am a Dom enigma.

So lovelies, if any of you are still with me, how would you react if you were Bree?  Just be honest, I do not get angry at Bree and we have never yelled at each other in 9 years, I swear on the Doms oath.

I have to admit this was kind of cathartic for me   so if you read it whatever your opinion thank you.

SJ

Age Play….What’s It Really All About?

biglittlegirl

This article was previously posted on Governingana’s FIKA In February, but I thought I would repost here for my readers that may have missed it. Enjoy!

Luvs, Bree

When people hear the term age play, more often than not, the first image that comes to mind is either a a mentally regressed, oversized adult sitting in diapers or, sadly, pedophilia. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with either real life children or the mentally challenged. I cannot emphasize that enough. These perceptions have developed due to both ignorance and prejudice, and I truly hope to dispel any misconceptions that many people may adhere to.

First, allow me to preface by stating that, among consensual adults, there is no right or wrong. What may be great for one couple, may be completely abhorrent to another, but that is where we must allow ourselves to view this genre with an open mind and acceptance.  AP allows expression to all ages, genders, body types and education levels. No couple is alike.  Like child rearing, AP had multiple ways to address, explore and practice… and it is dependent upon the individuals involved. I also wish to invite anyone with questions, comments or reflections to feel free to contact me at any time. Together, we can open the doors for more people within the D&S community to explore their fantasies and desires without fear, shame or ignorance.

As most of my readers know, I have been actively involved in DS for many years, and that I am happily married and engaged in a full time DS relationship with my husband, John. We do not practice AP on a 24/7 basis, rather it is a special time that we set aside for ourselves at least a couple of times a week…. depending on my work schedule. We have found that entering this mode on particularly stressful times helps my focus, mood and behavior.

That brings up the first question… must AP be a permanent  arrangement? No.  Just like DS, the couples or families decide what works best for them.  Many people enjoy attending spanking parties and play times… but do not practice the lifestyle within the home.  Others, myself included, are continuously involved in the relationship. Again, it is dependent upon the couple and their own personal needs.  I will say this much though… I bow to those couples who commit to the 24/7 AP… especially the Big/adult.  It is an awful lot of work!

Ahhh, we progress to the second question… what are the roles? Obviously, we have the adult.. also called the Big.  He or she may take on the responsibility of daddy/mommy, uncle/aunt, guardian, teacher, etc…. any adult role of authority. There are many ‘families’ that extend into the play as well, and some communities even engage. Again, we cannot and do not judge… as all of us have different needs and desires.  It is no more (if I might use the term set by a negative reviewer) creepy than those people involved in large biological families or live in communes.

Littles, or adult children, are those who submit themselves into the authority of the Bigs. The ages are determined by the needs of the couple, and the consent and time constraints.  For example, anyone who has has a baby knows that constant supervision is needed, and that all of the infants needs are fully dependent upon the adult.  There are no expectations placed other than to nurture.  This is a full time job for the Big, including caring for the Littles every need, entertaining and supervising.  For the Little, all privileges are suspended, including being able to care for their own bodily functions.  It is absolute release of control… In every aspect…

I’m a control freak, so needless to say, I would have a real hard time there!

When we AP, I tend to take on the age of about six.  Old enough to care for my basic needs, yet free from any responsibilities except what Daddy asks of me. Reasonably, I am not learning to read, but I do color and play with age appropriate toys.  It is enough regression to allow me the freedom to release my stress of my job and the responsibilities that are associated with it, plus allows John to tend to me in the way he feels is most beneficial.  Just remember, the older the Little, the different the Big’s demands.

I’m seeing now that I should really expand this article into a book…. lol!

Sex. Ahh, the most uncomfortable subject when it comes to AP. NO! The Big is NOT fantasizing about having sex with a child! No, no, no…. AP, or regression, simply allows the Little to go back to an easier time and relinquish themselves to an authority.  Rarely, and I’m not saying all, do couple engage in sexual activity in the AP role.  The Little is promoted to big girl/big boy status and reenters their adult state for adult activities.  John had a real issue for a while, switching back and forth between Daddy and husband… we had to physically disengage from AP for at least an hour for him, and me, to resume our regular, adult place.  Other couples can slide right into the change.  Again, it’s personal preference.

I’ve already addressed why some people would explore this side of D&S, but what of other reasons beyond stress relief? It can be very therapeutic if handled correctly, but also as easily destructive.  Because of the vulnerability the Little has to allow, clear boundaries need to be set in the beginning and, in the beginning (particularly if there is a chance of striking some emotionally sensitive areas, i.e. an abusive childhood issue), I do suggest the use of either a safe word or what we call, an alert.  These can been disposed of once the relationship is fully established with the degree of trust required.  Bigs… don’t disregard your Littles if there is a history of abuse or neglect.  They are depending on you to help them heal and give them the love and acceptance required to move forward.  LIttles… this can be a scary time for you… you need to be able to trust your Big to take care of you.  Communication is everything!

Discipline. Alright, i would venture to say that the majority of us are into, and practice, the discipline of spanking.  Again, the schools of thought regarding the discipline of real children are different… but we are not dealing with children here.  We are dealing with consensual adults who are involved, or are exploring, this lifestyle.  The big difference here is that the discipline will be more severe than if delivered to a child.  For example, if the Little is required to stand in the corner… he/she might be there for an hour while a child might be for ten minutes.  An adult can be spanked severely, with different implements, bare-bottomed…. amongst other methods.  John says that the only difference between Little Discipline and Sub discipline is the degree of humiliation, severity and restraint.  While as Little Bree, I might earn myself a switching to my bare bottom. I remain fully clothed and usually OTK, and am allowed to kick and squirm.  As the adult Breanna, I might receive the same switching naked, tied over a bench and plugged.  See the difference? And yes, I DO avoid switchings! Oh, FYI, Nikki does not receive the same type of ‘adult’ discipline I do…just in case you were wondering. SHE gets to get her clothes on, and never undergoes any type of anal discipline.

Community involvement.  In the Game Plan, Lost and Found, and Guardian Domination, I included familial involvement in the AP/training.  For me, having multiple disciplinarians works to keep me on my toes, however, I am monogamous in my ‘adult’ relationship. Other people prefer to keep their AP private.  Again, the amount of outside involvement is dependent on the needs of those involved, and is neither right nor wrong,  ‘creepy’, ‘gross’, or ‘weird’.  I find it interesting how some people will attend spanking parties where they, or their partners, are spanked by strangers, but then are uncomfortable with the idea of having a D&S family.  Remember, my friends, we are in a very small community and need to support one another as best as possible.  It’s hard enough that the vanilla world doesn’t understand/accept us… we don’t need the same from each other, right?

So… how does one start? By honestly communicating our needs, which begins by an open, clear view of ourself.  If we fear our dark or hidden desires, then we cheat ourselves of discovery.  Like I tell my ‘plankton’ (I’m the Jumbo Shrimp/alpha sub and my peeps are those who train under me), we can’t achieve our goals until we accept our needs.

In finale, I will share with you a typical day of age-play for me. Let’s assume I’ve had a tough week, and come home grumpy…..

John (Daddy) greets me at the door.  Before I can say anything, he already knows what I need.  He’s heard it in my voice when I called him to tell him I was on my way home.  He’s prepared, also knowing I’m a bit cranky and might need some persuasion.  Yes, he knows me well.  He takes my bags from me and, after a kiss on the cheek, leads me into the bathroom where he has my big tub filled sky high with bubbles! I love bubbles… they immediately put me into a regressed frame of mind.  He undresses me and helps me into the tub.  After handing me my soap crayons (I like to draw naughty pictures on the wall), he leaves to get me a mug of hot cocoa. Not coffee…. little girls don’t drink coffee.

When he returns, he washes my hair.  Slowly and calmly, massaging away the stress from my night.  He then scrubs my body with my pink sponge thingy, using berry scented soap.  The scent puts me into the childlike mode, compared to my regular vanilla and sandalwood mix.   He lets me play in the bubbles for a while longer and sits with me, asking question about my goals for my day off.  I notice he wasn’t talking about that day… that was already planned. I was going to be Little and expected to simply mind him.  I also knew that, in my present mood, it would be a chore.

I have to admit, the warm bath, hair washing and hot cocoa, combined with working the entire night, left me exhausted.  Daddy sees me yawn and announces it’s time to get out of the tub.  It’s cold in the room and I don’t want to leave the warm, soothing bubbles. A frown and one finger held in the air is enough to make me obey. I’m too tired and too cranky to invite a spanking this early in the game!!

I can’t help but giggle as he holds out my bunny onsies! Oh yeah, not joking here.  Pink with a bunny tail of the open flap, and little bunny faces on the feet. He found these silly things at Target! I let him dress me and then settle between his knees for him to comb out and blow dry my hair. It’s really long and Daddy isn’t that good at braiding, but I don’t care. I’m falling asleep on his shoulder.  I barely remember him tucking me into bed, and stuffing Squishy (my killer whale pillow pet) under my arm.  He also leaves me a water bottle with one of those sippy tops on it in case I get thirsty.  The last thing I remember is him rubbing my back and my bottom before I drift off the sleep.

Because its my day off, he only allows me to sleep about four hours and then wakes me… usually with a kiss and then some tickling.  I’m not ready to get up and am a bit grumpy.  He pulls me out of bed and drags me into the bathroom to go potty and brush my teeth, promising a whole plethora of fun things to do if I behave myself.  I don’t care, i am sleepy and wanna to back to bed. It’s time for breakfast and, I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit more awake after I eat… as long as he doesn’t force me to eat oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. Oh good! Booberry Pancakes!

I’m usually allowed to watch cartoons. or Disney, while eating my breakfast. As long as I finish it, that is.  After I’m done, i have to put my plate in the sink and then get dressed. I don’t wanna. I like being in my jamies.  Thats when things start to turn bad for me… I’m allowed one warning before I find myself over his lap and being spanked.  Daddy will drop the flap of my onsies and let loose with his hand on my bare bottom.  I never take it quietly… heck no, I shriek, yell, kick, twist… anything to make it stop. It’s still too early for me and I am not in the mood.  Daddy stops spanking me when I agree to cooperate, and that my words sound convincing.  He knows me too well.

After I pout a little, I get dressed in whatever he has laid out for me.  Since it’s cold out, I have my pink sweats and Tinkerbell sweatsuit that he bought for me at Disney.  He lets me wear my fuzzy angry bird slippers and then sits me at the table to color while he changes the strings on his guitar (he’s a professional musician).  If I stay quiet, he joins me and we spend some time coloring together.  He’s really competitive too! It always makes me giggle to see him enjoying the coloring as much as I do (by the way folks, we are designing an adult coloring book based on D&S themes… so watch my blog for the coloring contest!)

The day continues… we play games, watch TV, go exploring outside if it’s nice, play ball with the dogs and the goose…..maybe even have a picnic if it’s warm enough.  I’m not allowed to wander off… his constant supervision is required when we are outside.  He worries about snakes biting or aliens capturing me in their spaceships.  If my mood improves, I do grab this time to be a brat.  Daddy does NOT like earthworms in his hair, but I think it’s funny.

If my sister is around, she will join us and play barbies with me, or color.  Daddy has to supervise our game playing though, because she hates to lose, and I am a terrible cheater.  That never fares well for either of us.  Even though I’m older, she naturally regresses as the younger sibling and acts up more than usual. Yeah, it typically ends up with her getting spanked by Daddy while I laugh at her.

By bed time, I’m exhausted, but at peace.  I had a whole day of being free from responsibility and chaos, was lovingly cared for and directed, and only had to worry about following Daddy’s rule. Which, I hate to admit, but even in my adult state, I don’t do as I should!

Hey, I never said I was the world’s best sub, but I am John’s favorite little girl!

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Meeting A New Dom/Domme For The First Time

 

Sir John here. I would like to address the do’s and dont’s of setting up an in-person session and how to act during it. For simplicity sake, I am using the term applicable to a M/F scenario and am addressing female subs but everything I say can be applied to any sub, male or female. The general guide should be helpful… whether you are looking to explore a Dom dynamic with a male or female or if you are a guy/gal interested in developing your Dom/Domme chops. OK here is a list and I will expound upon each point.

1. Where can I meet a Dom?      

Good question! I would say the best way is to visit some websites. spanking.com has some good ads. If you want more S&M maybe alt.com -but we are not dealing with that level here. Read reviews! If someone has had a bad experience, they will post it. Don’t be afraid to email him/her and ask for details. You can also contact the site manager to see is any complaints have been placed against the user. I also suggest the same be done for the Dom… I have had my own bad experiences with subs who weren’t exactly what they claimed to be!

2. How do I know I am talking to a real Dom and not a wanna be Dom?

Well, you don’t really, but there are some signs you can look for that will indicate he is at least in the ballpark. He should be very nice, but very firm when discussing your behaviors. A “young lady I will not tolerate that” or “It seems to me you need to be accountable for your actions” are good signs that this is a real Dom. If he says you should call him Sir while chatting, that’s good – as long as it is not done the wrong way. This is the wrong way: “You will call me sir, and speak only when spoken to you, tramp.” Hello? Are you there? Well, of course you are not, this guy is a jerk and more of a ‘wanna be Dom’. But if he said something like this: “I assume you have had little training, as its customary to refer to a Dom as Sir as a matter of respect.” Then you can choose to say “yes sir” or brat, and make a smart remark. He will know how to handle it. Like Breanna says, if he can’t treat me like a lady, then I cannot trust him to be a gentleman.

3. The meeting.

Lets say you have talked for at least two weeks. Yes, at least. You must get to know one another and not be afraid to ask the vital questions. Look for consistency, too and a little bit of humility. A man who has the absolute need to constantly toot his own horn is usually one that has some insecurities. If you have doubts, then wait a while until you are positive that he is stable and consistent. He must also be a person of integrity who works on his own self-improvement and personal goals. Now that you have decided it is time to meet, remember this one thing…this is non negotiable…. never, ever go to his house! Always insist your first meeting be in a public place. A restaurant, coffee shop etc.If he balks at this, move on, he is not thinking of your safety and a true Dom would be.

4. After your coffee or dinner, you find that you like one another, and you feel he may be the Dom you have been waiting for. Is it ok to have  a session that evening?  

I would say yes, if it is done safely. That means he has a hotel room. He arrives first. You never ride with him. After he is settled, ask the clerk at the desk if he is there and get his room number. Make sure the clerk will remember you. I would also encourage you to have a friend call you at the hotel at a certain time.   Seems a bit much? Well look, you do not know this man and soon you will be bare from the waist down in a position to be disciplined. Kind of scary right? A true Dom will understand you are kind of freaked out and will take things slow with you. You should tell him that if you say you are serious, that you are having difficulty breathing or with anxiety, etc. that he should stop.I would think a real Dom could punish you just fine with just his hand, but he may insist on some implements depending or your offenses. you need to discuss this prior to meeting. Will he use implements? Will you be marked? He may refuse to tell you and, in that case, you need to decide if you want to pursue this with him or not. Which brings me to number 5-safe words.

SPANKING

5. Safe Words?

On this topic, I have a rather controversial point of view. My opinion is that if you are playing-say doing a role play-bad secretary, etc. then safe words are fine. But if you are seeking real discipline, for actual bad behaviors that you are working on; speeding, smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. In these cases, I do not believe in safe words. I have done many sessions over the years and the majority of women said they came to me because they had used a safe word previously and stopped the spanking before they felt truly punished. Where as after our session, they did feel truly punished, and could get rid of the guilt. I am not saying do not use a safe word ever, that is up to you. But if you need to atone, you will be disappointed with a safe word. Trust me. Oh, FYI, Breanna has tried for years to incorporate a safe word (she loves to find ways to weasel) and my response is always the same… Do you trust me to do what is best for you? Trust takes time to build which is why I insist on taking as much time as you feel you need to learn about each other.

IMPORTANT! There are some psychological issues that sometimes come up, especially during a first session. This is where honesty and trust must come into play. Let your Dom know if you have any concerns about things, as well as if you are on any medications (blood thinners, aspirin, seizure meds), etc. that might affect your session. Honesty must go both ways!

6. Behavior during a session.

A lot of new subbies ask me how they should act during a session. Should I obey everything immediately? Not struggle or complain, etc? Well, here is the deal…. I would recommend a little bratting and a little resistance. My reason is because you need to know that the Dom can control you. If you are able to struggle and get off his lap, or call him names and get away with it, that’s pretty much game over. So give him a little challenge. We Doms kind of enjoy that anyway and it will show you if you are on the right track with the right Dom for you. But while on the subject, let me reiterate, a real Dom never ever yells or curses you or degrades you. If this happens, leave immediately and save yourself a big hassle later on.

NOTE: Some subs like ‘humiliation’ and name calling…. Establish a comfortable and safe relationship with your Dom prior to exploring this genre. Let him know your ‘deal breakers’ in both words and actions.

7. After your discipline…

Here is the truth. If this is a real punishment, it’s going to be painful. Depending on what you are being punished for, coupled with the skill and the strength of the Dom, it could be very, very painful. Tears would not be uncommon, nor would some marks, bruising, or welts. Another vital component to a real Dom is having a caring and understanding vibe after your punishment. He may decide on corner time, but he should also hold you and let you cry it out if you need to. He should also verbalize forgiveness so you can let the guilt go. Breanna also liked to be told that I was proud of her for accepting her needs, which helped her feel less ‘weird’. One cool thing about this arrangement is when its over, it is over. No guilt, no holding grudges. A clean slate. After you leave, the Dom should call you to make sure you got home safely. After that, it is up to the two of you to decide if this was a one time adventure or the real deal. Time will tell. Never settle. If you are careful and smart, you will find the Dom you have been Jonesing for.

Interview With Sir John

 

 

A while ago Bree posted that she was going to interview John for the blog. Readers sent in questions, and here they are. I (Nikki) am conducting this interview because Bree is sleeping-she worked last night. Hope you enjoy!

First I am supposed to tell you that I was 2 minutes late for our meeting and I did not start the interview the way a proper sub would. So I earned a hand and brush punishment and book entry.

Nikki: Sir, I am sorry for not starting our interview on time and properly. Please forgive me and thank you for taking the time to answer our questions. (this was of course said in position).

Sir John: You will be spanked later.

Nikki: Yes sir.

Sir John: Go on.

Nikki: Yes sir.

Reader: How did you become or learn or train to be a Dom?

Sir John: I was about 14 and had a bratty girlfriend. I had seen and read some about spanking, so I decided I would try it.  It was over her clothing but I got such a favorable reaction I started to think this is the way relationships should be formed.

Nikki: Did you train yourself sir, or just learn as you went along?

Sir John: Well I had no idea what a top or a bottom was. I did read a lot but in the early stages, I just used corporal punishment (cp) when a girlfriend was acting up. It was awhile before I actually got into the dynamic of a true Dom. Quite a while.

Reader: Do you mentor other Dom or subs?

Sir John: I have had many subs over the years both online, and in person. Not many Doms. I have given advice from time to time.

Reader: Do you have other subs? (you should start a school on how to properly motivate subs I think this could be very useful).

Sir John: Well you could be right and if the opportunity came up I would consider it. However, you and Bree keep me pretty busy.  lol I do mentor some online though.

Nikki: lol

Reader: What made you think Bree or Nikki were subs when you met them?

Sir John: Very good question. I think other Doms will support me on this; after a while, you just know. It’s almost a sixth sense about these things. I think Bree and you could tell I was a top right away. Subs also have this awareness. that’s why when a top comes into a room and there are subs there, even if they have not come out about it, they will act much differently than they do with the vanilla men in the room.

Nikki: Yes sir, I have noticed this personally.

Reader: How much is seen in your day to day life on how things work in terms of the lifestyle?

Sir John: Well, my perception of this is based on my own experience. The D&s dynamic is quite strong in my life, as you know. It’s my opinion a true relationship must have a Dom sub component. But lets be clear, a Dom does not abuse. Just because he is alpha does not mean the sub has no rights. Of course she does and a Dom will revere his subs much more than a vanilla man would his girlfriend, wife, etc…But as you know, subs and dare I say, women in general, need boundaries. And when those are crossed, they must have someone they respect to be accountable to. I believe this is the best foundation for a relationship. When a sub has misbehaved she is punished then forgiven. No holding grudges or storming out like a lot of vanilla men do. After the punishment the Dom reassures his sub that she is loved and forgiven. With Bree and Nikki, even if I need to be severe, they know I love them and the punishment is for their own good. They each have different rules pertaining to their lack of discipline in areas and then they both must be respectful and obedient. But I am sure they both know they are loved and treasured.

Nikki: Yes sir, we do.

Reader: If you had children, how do you think they might change the Dom/sub interaction in your home?

Sir John: Well, privacy is essential for obvious reasons. However, if I had children, I think I would bring them up being aware of the lifestyle so if I had to spank my wife and they were there, they would see it as a caring thing and not be embarrassed by it.

Reader: I read that you had a long relationship with Bree training her prior to having an intimate relationship. Why was that? Did you know it would eventually lead to marriage?

Sir John: Well at first no, but the more I got to know her, the more I realized just how special she was and is. I think a D&s relationship needs time to develop. The good thing about it is the sub knows right up front what is expected of her and she either complies or says thats not my thing-so no time is wasted. All of my past relationships always had the rules set forth before the first date. D&s is a very honest communication which is why it works so well. Bree is an amazing woman, as you know, and took to her training very well. She is a model sub…most of the time. lol!

Nikki: lol

Reader: Do you have any recommendations for subs looking for a Dom, and what should they look for?

Sir John: Well, I do mentor some would-be subs online, and this is a frequent question. First off, and this is vital, a real Dom will never bring up sex…a real Dom will not be a jerk and try to boss a woman. He will actually be caring and understanding, but quite firm in how things will go. Even in a chat or email, a woman can feel if it’s a weekend Dom or the real deal. It’s not easy. A Dom must be a lot of things, and above all, balanced.

Reader: How have things changed since adding Nikki to your family?

Sir John: Well, I love Nikki. She is smart and cute and quite spankable. lol She and Bree love each other and I have come to love her as well. She can be a brat at times as she has not had the training Bree has, but she is learning.

Nikki: Hmph!

Reader: How do you determine the amount, or type of implement, you use?

Sir John: Well it really depends on the offense as you know only too well. And this brings up a good point for a would-be Dom. All spankings are not created equal. lol  So lets say Bree has been a brat. A good hard hand, bare bottom (BB) spanking is sufficient. But lets say she was speeding and got a ticket. Then the spanking should reflect the offense as should the implements. For a speeding ticket, she would receive a hand, brush, paddle spanking followed by 12 of the best.

Nikki: 12 of the best sir?

Sir John: Yes, a caning.

Reader: Is there a general guideline that is followed by all or most Doms?

Sir John: Well, in a way. Lets take two scenarios. Lets take a first encounter. A Dom must be very aware of the subs behavior. First, she is going to be terrified-after all this is a strange man who is not only going to bare her bottom, but punish it. She is trusting he knows what he is doing and will not abuse her. So a Dom needs to be firm but caring. Now this can go two ways, it can be a real punishment session or a role play. Each is different. I can elaborate if you want.

Nikki: Yes sir, please do.

Sir John: Well, and this will be a controversial opinion I am sure, but a real punishment session should have no safe words. After all, if you were sentenced to a spanking would you have the power to stop it when it got too painful? No, and if a sub wants a real punishment then it should be done that way. Now a Dom must be unyielding here. If she is starting to mark, he must still carry out the punishment as he stated he would. She can not top from the bottom and use tears, etc. to stop it. If it is role play, the safe words are acceptable as it is fantasy and the sub really has done nothing to deserve real punishment. So you see the difference?

Nikki: Yes sir, for clarity though….You are saying that in a Dom/sub relationship there are no safe words because it is consensual and she has given her Dom that right to punish her? But if playing-even with her Dom, she can use a safe word because it is not an actual punishment.

Sir John: Yes, in a relationship that is true, but in play yes, she can have a safe word. Now let me make a point; most spanking sites will tell a would-be sub who is about to have a first session, to have a safe word. I get that and there is nothing wrong with it. But I have had many subs in a session tell me they came to me because they need a real punishment-no safe words, etc….a sub that is looking for real atonement, will not feel she has been truly punished with a safe word. But I do understand the safety issue here as well.

Nikki: Thank you. That was going to be my next question-whether you feel it is appropriate for a woman meeting a Dom she has met online-for the first time, to have a safe word.

Sir John: I Have my own take on this but I would never turn down a session because a woman wanted a safe word. You see, its much different to role play you are drinking too much, and to actually have been drinking too much, and be punished for real.

Note: This is from me, Breanna….while we never have used safe words, John does listen carefully to me during a session. If something comes up that warrants me needing him to stop, I will tell him I am serious and we take a break to discuss whatever is causing me distress…and I don’t mean my bb! BECAUSE OF  PAST ISSUE OF ABUSE, HE IS VERY CAREFUL NOT TO TAKE ME TO THE PLACE OF PANIC, AND I TRUST HIM TO BE AWARE OF EVERY SOUND, BREATH, AND MOVEMENT THAT WOULD INDICATE I WAS HAVING A PROBLEM BEYOND THE OW FACTOR.

Reader: Have you studied from a medical point of view how much discipline is safe to administer?

Sir John: You learn as you go. The first time I administered a bb spanking, I was amazed at how red her bottom got and also a little bruised. I was pretty young, about 17, and I was freaked out she might show her parents. But all she did was tell her girlfriend who started really paying attention to me. lol So a Dom must be aware of what is happening to the skin. Some women mark quickly, some not much. Where one woman a 100 hand spank spanking can bruise, another it may take 500. So you just have to be aware.

Nikki: So is that why you and other Doms prefer bb? Or is is simply because bb hurts more sir?

Sir John: Well, there are a few answers here but first, just in case any would-be Doms are reading this….get your hand in shape. A subs main fantasy is over the knee (OTK) bb. And for a hand spanking to really feel like a punishment you should be able to do at least  200 sounds spanks with your hand. So practice men! lol Ok, now to your question. First we are men, so a woman’s bb is really exciting. In the OTK position. Even moreso and flaming red even more…so it is that, as well as the feel of the skin getting hot, that is really exciting. And lets be honest, Doms are sadistic-some more than others. So having a bb woman squirming under your hand as her bottom changes from white to pink to red is very satisfying. From a practical point of view, you can see the effects the punishment is having and gauge for safety reasons. And yes, also because it does hurt more.

Reader: Have you allowed yourself to be punished once, to know how it feels?

Sir John: Yes, I must admit I have. But not with any implements.

Nikki: —Mouth gaping— um, ok last question… lol

Reader: How do you bring yourself to discipline Nikki? She seems like such a sweet girl, I would think you would find it difficult to be stern with her…(this may or may not have been submitted by yours truly 😉 )

Sir John: lol! Well, although your question was meant to be humorous, it brings up a good point. How does a Dom bring himself to discipline severely the one or ones he loves? This is a dilemma all Doms face when they fall for someone or care deeply for a sub. Nikki is a sweet girl, but she needs direction. Though it pains me at times to see her her bb marked by my hand or paddle, I know it’s for her own good and will help her grow into a well behaved young lady. Its not always easy for a Dom to be severe, but sometimes its necessary.

Sir John: Now before we conclude, let me say this. D&s is a wonderful lifestyle and if you are lucky enough to find the right partner, there is nothing better. For would-be Doms, be caring and loving but strict when you need to be. Do not let tears etc. deter you if your sub needs discipline, and never back out after you have stated she is to be punished. If you do it will just confuse her. Be consistent, fair, and never punish in anger or yell. A Dom is always calm and in control. Remember, you are training her for her own good. She needs boundaries as I stated before, but be balanced in how you handle her. It is a great responsibility. For would-be subs it’s important you are respectful. Never curse or yell and mind your Dom. You will all try to weasel out of a punishment-we know this-it’s part of your nature. But remember, even if your Dom is severe, its because he cares. He is not there to abuse you, but to help you be the best you can be. So mind him and try to behave. Of course no one is perfect, and if a Dom had a perfect sub, who would he spank, right? lol Any way, good luck to all of you. If you can be half as happy as Bree and I am, you will be blessed indeed.

Nikki: Thank you sir for taking time to answer our readers questions. We appreciate it and your words of wisdom.

Sir John: My pleasure. We will take care of your book later today. Love you.

Nikki: Yes sir. I love you too.

     ***Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this interview are not necessarily the opinions of the blog owner or her sister.***

 

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Age-Play: Why, When, How?

I’ve been getting alot of questions lately about age-play: especially since many of my books incorporate this element in one way or another.  I’ll try to answer them, ok?  Please feel free to input any question or comments–
TO BE CLEAR: 
AGE-PLAY is NOT in anyway, shape or form a type of pedophilia- nor does it imply that one, or both, partners have any interest in minors
What age-play is:
Age-play (AP)is a form of D&S in which one partner adopts the characteristics of an infant to a school-aged child (0-17) while the other assumes the role of authority (parent, guardian, teacher, extended family member, etc).  AP is simply a type of role-play that presents itself naturally in the dynamics of a Dom/Sub relationship, and allows the sub to be taken to a time and place of complete vulnerability. It is, in my opinion, the most nurturing and trusting scenarios that can occur.  If the scene is conducted properly, it allows for extensive healing, confidence building and renewal of trust since the sub/adult child becomes completely dependent on his/her partner to meet all his/her needs.
What age-play is not:
It is not a license to abuse or neglect. Nor is AP about living out a BDSM fantasy of total control.
AP is probably the most unselfish lifestyle that a DS couple/family can practice.  To be therapeutic, it requires 100% of what the Dom gives and, likewise, what the sub relinquishes- to be freely and conscientiously offered
AP demands careful thought and decision making from the Dom to guide and provide for the adult child as though they were once again, a child. The adult ‘child’ trusts his/her Dom with the most vulnerable and delicate part of their heart, mind, spirit and body. The responsibility that falls to the ‘Adult’ is extensive and he/she must be committed to provide for the needs as required by the agreed upon age-group.This means setting proper examples, enforcing reasonable rules, providing appropriate boundaries, and carefully observing for any changes or hints that might trigger a negative response.  Yeah- adult child-rearing is alot of work for the Dom…. but the rewards, for both side, are immeasurable.
I could go into all types of scenes, examples, etc.- but right now I just wanted to share what you will see in my books about AP and why.  To me, AP is such an intimate part of my relationship with John and allows me to release myself completely to his care.  It is very difficult, to be honest, and there are Pros and Cons.  I have to release all my independence, thoughts, ideas, responsibilities and adult privileges to him and allow him complete control in directing me towards what he believes is best for me.
I don’t always like it. The loss of freedom, decision making and adult ‘rights’ is not something I enjoy.  And I don’t always submit to it graciously although I know that doing so will relieve me from worrying about anything except what Daddy John has me do.
The benefits:
I think it’s easier to ‘show,’ not just ‘tell’…..  After a hard night at work (I’m a hospice nurse), I come home stressed and very tired.  I walk in and Daddy has the bubble bath ready for me with toys and pretty scented soap.  Almost immediately, I can let go of being a grown-up and, with that, the tension and anxiety that follows me in from my adult life.  He undresses me, helps me into the tub, washes my hair and plays with me (I’m not allowed to splash him though).
This natural and unpretentious act of him caring for me in the simplest of ways allows me to shed my ‘male’ and enter into my ‘female’.  He’s very aware regarding my tension level and conducts himself accordingly.  If I’m upset, I’m cuddled, he feeds me and brushes out my hair, then sings me to sleep as he holds me. If I’m cranky and not responding well, then I’m fed and put to bed for a long talk later.  If I’m defiant or refuse to let him take care of me, well…. that usually does not go well and I have a sore bottom with corner time, and then fed and put to bed.  Every day is different- yet it is always consistent.
The AP element exists in all healthy DD/DS relationships to a certain degree- whether you call your Dom ‘daddy’, ‘sir’, ‘master’, or King of the Universe (John’s personal favorite).  It involves letting go of control and inhibitions to the base-nature of our humanity. There is nothing more precious to a loving parent than their child- and nothing more wonderful and strong to a child than a loving parent. AP allows us to live in that precious, unassuming place- even for a little while.

 

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