A Dom’s 3 Levels

Hello lovelies,

When I write a post I always hope to impart some helpful advice or information for you so and I certainly hope this will help some of you that might be looking or considering your own Dom. The following will certainly save you a lot of wasted time, if you follow my advice. So, everybody ready? This is about the 3 levels of Domness (very inside stuff).

There are three levels a Dom must have in order to be the real deal. If you are looking for a Dom or are starting to communicate with one this might help. If he lacks any of these I’d advise moving on. More than likely he is not the real deal. You can definitely play but as far as a true D/s relationship? No way will it work, trust me. I am going to go ahead and assume he is skilled with his hand and implements so that’s not an issue.

Amazed girl in front of computer

Level 1: Online Vibe

When you chat with a Dom or they send you an email, right away you should feel that something is different. It is not your typical m/f communication. You should get some butterflies in your stomach and maybe a little weak in the knees feeling. You may find yourself saying yes Sir, where you have never done that before. Also you might begin to develop the impression that this may be someone you cannot manipulate for a change.  If the vibe is there, congrats, level one check.

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Level 2: The Voice

After a while he will insist you talk on the phone. As soon as you hear him say your name, your butterflies should return with a whole bunch of friends. His voice should convey that he is doing more than just talking. His demeanor should come through as well as the fact that you will now be held accountable for your actions. This should be exciting for you and possibly a little scary: heart rate should go up, knees very weak, possible inability to make a sentence, etc. If he transmits the vibe that he means what he says and know he will carry it out, congrats level two check

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Level 3: The Look

I do not mean he has to look like a model or be juiced and jacked up like Hugh Jackman in the Wolverine series. The look I am talking about is one that will tell you in no uncertain terms you are in the deep end of the pool. It’s scary because you will have to make the leap and meet him. This puts you in a very vulnerable place physically and emotionally, especially if its decided you will have a session. If you act up or brat and he says nothing, but just gives you the look the butterflies should increase by about 50 times and be more active and chaotic. One thing will be certain, you are about to be truly accountable for all your bad behaviors that you have gotten away with for so long. This time is different because you know you cannot joke or smile or cry or even sex your way out of what you have coming. If the look says this…drum roll please…ta da you have found a real Dom.

One final piece of advice that I have told a countless number of subbies…Be careful what you wish for.

Good luck and be good or else…

SJ

Bratting Overboard

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Hello lovelies, are you all behaving? Uh…never mind! LOL!

Okay,this post will be quite different from the usual as it involves a really strange and bizarre incident. As you all know, I am married to the beautiful Breanna Hayse…smart, funny and usually as close to a perfect sub as I have ever encountered. However, a few days ago she kind of lost her mind.

Let me give you some background:

First, we are a D/s couple 24/7. Bree has boundaries that she knows not to cross and 99.9% of the time she respects them. Now, Bree got sick. I mean really sick; throwing up, migraines, aches, sore throat, the whole deal. I was doing my best to take care of her, but she always says “oh, I am fine and can take care of myself.” Sure, I can relate since I am much the same way, BUT the difference is whereas I can care for myself, she cannot! She stubbornly refuses to admit when she is sick. In fact, she reminds me of the knight in the old Monty Python movie who gets his arm cut off in battle and continues to fight stating “ Its just a flesh wound!” Get the picture? Beyond stubborn!

Fast forward to day two. Bree is still sick but decides she wants to go to the beach. I, of course, said no. I mean; someone had to be the voice of sanity after all. Bree does not like being told no. However, being the good, obedient sub that she usually is (since she could tell I was serious) she went to pout in the bedroom and work on a book. Since I always leave her alone to write, I went into my studio to practice my guitar. I checked in on her an hour later. She was not in the bedroom. I called for her, thinking she was in another part of the house. No answer. Hmmm, it was sunny out, so maybe she decided to go outside on the deck to write.

Not only was Miss Bree gone, but so was her car!

This was unbelievable, in the 12 years we have been together; she has never just gone somewhere without telling me. More so, I could not believe she would openly defy me! Seriously, this is the stuff I expect from my other girls, but not my Bree. I started to call her cell with the intent to tell her to get back home immediately when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

Dom’s honor, this is true. Breanna Hayse had climbed half way up a large tree on our property! I marched right over to her and asked what in the world she thought she was doing, especially since she was sick and worse, climbing this big oak tree which, if she fell, could break her blessed neck! Her answer?

She hid her face and pretended that she had morphed into a chameleon and could not be seen.

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I was not happy. The border collies, of course, were making a racket, so I took them into the house. As soon as I was out of sight, she climbed down and then tried to hide in a little raised fort we have on our property’s playground. You can imagine my annoyance by this time.

I ordered her to come down.

She said ‘NO!’

I told her to come down or I would get her down.

She said ‘NO!’ again.

Okay, annoyed times ten and growing. I even said “please” and informed her that I did not want to tweak by dragging her out of there. Would you believe?

She said, “NO!” to me a THIRD time.

Next thing you know, I was dragging her sorry little butt out (listening to her whine for scraping her knee) and marched her by the ear to the house. That bratty bare bottom was put right into the corner with instructions to stay put until she was ready to apologize.

Bree hates the corner.

Now, for all of you that are rolling on the floor in laughter (and cheering her on, thank you  Piper), let me say that this was not amusing. Remember, she was sick and the possibility of falling out of the tree and getting seriously hurt was very real.

Does it stop there? While she is in the corner, she starts being sassy with me! 

That was it. That bratty bottom was OTK in a matter of seconds for a nice, hard spanking, but…and I want you all to get, she only got THREE spanks! THREE!!!!!! By her reaction, you would think she was trying out for the victim in the Saw movies. I got the whole gamut—tears, hyperventilating (she was stuffed up and couldn’t breathe anyway) and shaking. Stop laughing, Piper. I know exactly who taught her these moves!

I finally got her to answer why she was so angry with me. Do you know what she said?

Get this…“Your spanking HURT!”

Spankings are SUPPOSED to hurt! And all this fuss after only THREE spanks that she deserved for acting like a child. But this is hardly the end of your favorite author’s fate, my lovelies…

Since she made me worry on purpose by hiding her car and leading me to believe that she left, she will endure a real punishment session in this coming week. Thanks to the generosity of my girls and several fans with Caniac gift certificates, Bree bought a bunch of new implements. Implements that she had planned to use on my other little hellion, might I add, they are all quite severe in nature. Can you guess who gets to try every one of them out?

Don’t worry; she will post about the experience once it is completed.

So, is there a lesson here as with all my posts? YES!

If you want attention and are jonesing for a hand spanking, do not go overboard. Once you cross over into disrespecting boundaries and proceed to do something insane (like blatant defiance and disobedience), you will earn much more than the red, warm bottom you want. Much, much more.

Be good or else!

Sir John

 

Positions, Implements and Intensity

Well, Lovelies- it’s me, SJ, or as some of you like to call me: Mr. Meanie. I am going to try to do a weekly post and also answer any questions you may have for me. What kind of questions? Any and all, so let me know. The most recent has been “How do you determine what positions,  implements and intensity…?”

As most of you know, each Dom will be different in how he/she weighs the deed to the discipline. I am coming from old school (like the kind that existed before a certificate could be earned online and anyone could claim the title of Master or Mistress). I can already hear my girls snickering about it being sometime during the 1300’s…Very funny, ladies… Regardless of the decade we were mentored in, the mark of a good top is contemplation, consistency and compassion. And with those traits in mind…

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As a rule, I find certain offenses require different types of discipline, type of implements, amount in duration and, along with these, different positions. For the typical ‘bratty’ sub, the traditional OTK (Over The Knee) on the bare-bottom with my hand is usually sufficient to address the challenging, and often mischievous, behaviors.

For a more serious violation, I have several prized implements of choice. The Dreaded Dana to a hard wood brush can do the trick, but I must sometimes reserve the right to apply the school paddle. The position, not just the implement, is determined by the seriousness of the transgression. I will vary from the hairbrush/OTK, bent over grabbing ankles or touching toes is best (Nik still has not learned the difference between her toes, knees or thighs as her hands start to inch up with each swat), to leaning over a pile of pillows. And ALWAYS, of course, on the bare bottom. We Doms do like to watch it change to nice, hot crimson.

And now, the serious infractions. I have zero tolerance for my girls putting health or safety at risk. That includes speeding, texting or putting make up on while driving, theft, illegal drug use, and making foolish decisions that might cost you or someone else their job, safety or relationship. My little ones know that there is no backing out of these since most of them involve a criminal action. Inappropriate public behavior that causes embarrassment to me or anyone else is also a serious infraction in my book. That can include being out of control due to liquor, a public temper tantrum, disrespecting another person to cause them a problem.

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Fortunately, most of my girls learned this lesson very quickly and have not repeated the same mistakes. No names about who still needs to be reminded. For these issues, nothing less than the cane, the prison strap or… If she really is teetering on the edge, the birch. Rubber and textured acrylic implements often join the event. I also implicate the use of a T-bar. These little nasties came about from NuWest Videos eons ago (yes, there were TVs and actual recorded films back in the day). This sweet thing is perfect for the most severe sessions and compliments the implements very well because it keeps that lovely bare bottom nice and available. Occasionally, I include restraining of the hands and ankles while my bad little darling is stretched out over a spanking bench. This ensures that she is held safe and secure during her receipt of well- deserved stripes. Of course, for true humiliation, the diaper position is hard to beat. Well, not exactly. It is most delightful because the sit-spots are perfectly aligned to meet with my implement. I will have her on her back, ankles secured to a spreader bar which is either heisted in the air or attached to her wrists along the ankle links.

Yes, well… I am sure you are getting the idea.

I hope you have enjoyed the imagery and, to answer that last question…Yes, these different types of discipline are employed regularly in our household. It truly is Good to a be Dom!

Be Good or else…. SJ

Smart IS a Turn On…

 

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I’m baaack!!!!  Did you miss me?  I missed all of you…So, I was thinking, well actually I was talking to Bree. As you all know, she is a super mensa head brainiac. Which  I find very attractive. In fact, this is the subject of my post; “Subbies With a Brain”. A lot of times in the vanilla dating world, very smart women feel they must tone down their intellect.To not make the guy feel intimidated. Granted, a lot of vanilla guys like that, but here’s a big heads up for you all; Doms do not like that. In fact,  I have always sought out a female that was smart. Really smart.  You see, no matter how good a Dom spanks, he can not spank you 24/7 non stop..I mean I can’t even do that; 15/7 tops!  lol

 

Ok, back to reality. If you are looking for a Dom, be yourself. That is, if you are smart, do not try and be cute and play dumb. A Dom will see right through that and move on quickly. Speaking for myself, one of the things, yes many things,I love about Bree, is her mind. She is not only smart, but very perceptive and has great insights, especially into the human condition. Dom’s love smart women. Trust me on this. After you have a session, or before, what are you going to talk about? You do not have to be super brain like Bree, but you need to have  some academia in your background. If you feel you are lacking, read or go to school. Even online school.  As a Dom, I like  a subbie that is stimulating. Not only as my D/s partner, but mentally. Now I have more street smarts than Bree   and certainly know more about pop culture than she does. However, just about anything else, and its the Breanna Hayse show all the way, which incidentally, I really dig. It’s always so interesting to talk to her. She surprises me all the time with the stuff she knows, and Doms are never intimidated by smart women. Its a big D/s perk for you.

 

So my lovelies, the way to a vanilla guys heart may be through his stomach. And though  Bree happens to be a gourmet cook,  thats beside the point. The way to a Doms heart, is through his brain.That, and having a nice spankable bottom  doesn’t hurt. lol

 

So ladies, never ever dumb it down for a Dom. That will get you nothing. Certainly not the red bottom you are Jonsing for. With a real Dom, a subbie with a brain is practically irresistible.

 

Be good or else!

 

SJ

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First Meeting or Session With Dom…

 

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Ok lovelies, this is a very important post. So sit up straight, no double tasking. Turn the television off, etc..It is time you pay attention as if your life depended on it. Because it just might..

 

Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and he wants to meet. Now it gets real, really fast. Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me?  Well, maybe. I am going to list rules for a first meeting. These are not suggestions they are written in Dom Stone. I want you all to be safe out there, and lets face it, there are a lot of  crazies on the loose. So  write these down or print them out.

  1. Always meet at a public place for a first meeting. Never, ever go to his house. Ever. And never ever bring him to your house. Remember, your safety must be your top priority.
  2. If you meet for dinner, do not drink more than one glass of wine if, even that much.And the same goes for him. If any red flags go up for anything- how he talks, looks, dresses. Even if its a small thing, get out, go home. Listen to your inner voice.
  3. If you are leaning towards having  a session the first time you meet, it must be at a hotel. Not his house. Not your house. Not his brothers million dollar beach house. A hotel. That is your only option. A nice hotel which he pays for. ANd make sure the person checking you in will remember you.
  4. Always drive your own car. Never, ever, go in his. Ever.
  5. Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your cell phone just to make sure you are ok.
  6. Safe Words…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviors-not role play. So I allowed no safe words. So this is a rare instance where i will let you decide if you want a safe word. If you do, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. For obvious reason.
  7. No bondage. I do not care if this is your thing and gets you hotter than fireworks in a microwave oven. No and no. Not the first time. Ever!
  8. No sex. Yes, you read this right. A real Dom will not even mention sex in a first session or meeting, and if he brings it up, leave. He just wanted to get you alone for this and he is not a Dom. And honestly, I do not care how much you may want to have sex. Don’t do it. Trust me on this. If it is meant to be, it will be. You do not want to meet someone and jump into bed and then never hear from him again. And believe me, it happens all of the time.
  9. Background checks…I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. This does not need to be a deal breaker. Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too. Use your best judgment and follow your ugt. If you are talking to a guy (or a girl) either on chat, email, or phone and something just doesn’t feel right-trust yourself. Move on. your life is too important to gamble on.
  10. No wood implements. Ok, maybe you love a paddle or even a cane, but you do not know this guy. If he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do. Plus you have to know he can control you and make him submit with his hand first.
  11. Dress. If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear. However, it is acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you.
  12. After care. If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, etc. Forget him. He is just a wanna-be. A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub. Physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine. But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. Ladies, do not waiver here. If he is not offering after care you need to move on.
  13. Follow up. He should email or call you if you have been talking on the phone. And he should do this by the next day. A lot of times I did tis that night to make sure the sub got home safely and was dealing with the experience in a positive way. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him. Unless he has a really good, valid, excuse. Move on.
  14. Rent the movie Strangeland. If that movie does not scare you into following my rules, nothing will. I want you all to know the feeling of a real Dom taking control and getting a real bare bottomed spanking. But most of all I want you to all be safe.

Thats it from Domland. Be good or else!

SJ

 

 

Mojo Monday-Age Play with Uncle K.

This week we I am so pleased to introduce my Uncle K. He is warm and fuzzy and the best uncle around. And he is gonna talk a little bit about Age Play and what it means to him. Please feel free to comment and ask any questions you may have. If you do not want to comment publicly though, just email me and I am happy to forward his email address to you. biglittlegirl

 

 

My good friend and favorite niece BreeBree, asked me if I would do a post about age play for her blog. When someone as cute as her asks, it is hard to say no. Well, not that hard, and I like this topic and her so here we go.

To her I am Uncle K. I have been into age play for the past ten years of my life. Five of those years have been spent with my wife and little girl, Lily. Over the past five years we have had our ups and downs, but I have never been closer to anyone in my whole life, and age play has played a big role in that.

I got my start a long time ago, with a girlfriend who was into age play. While the relationship with this girl was short lived, it changed something inside me. Every relationship I have had since has been a Daddy/little girl one.

Age play can cover pretty much any age. A majority of littles are younger but can range from infants, toddlers, or even up to teens. Yes… some not only act the part but dress it as well. Including wearing adult diapers and adult size baby clothes. And yes, some do use their diapers for their intended purpose. The little’s partner is normally a parental figure to them, but can also be an uncle, brother, cousin or any variation. In my case I have always been a Daddy to Lily or an Uncle to a few others.

One of the main questions I am asked about this lifestyle is “do you ever get tired of being a Daddy or an Uncle all the time?” My answer is simply, no. I do not mind taking care of others, I enjoy it. Like I tell my girl all the time, my number one job is to take care of her, and to love her. This means helping her with homework, keeping her on task, rubbing her back so she can sleep at night, packing her lunch, picking out her clothes, and well, you get the point. While some people think this is totally unfair for one person to do all that and more all the time, I would remind them that I enjoy this and gladly signed up for it. There are also people that think that being cared for this way sounds like an easy life and would love to jump right in. This is also not the case.

This is a unique type of relationship, one that involves a great deal of trust. For someone to open up like this to another person is a gift. They are exposing themselves to their very core. This is why when people ask me questions about getting into this, I always tell them to think about what they are willing to put out there. Whether being a Big or a little, there is a lot to think about. As a Big you have to want to be responsible for another person, much like you would a child. You also have to be ready to earn and maintain their trust in you. As a little, you have to make sure you are ready to depend on another person, and are willing to place them in control of even little things like feeding, or playing with you.

This isn’t to say that bumps don’t come along. Come on, everyone makes mistakes, things can be fixed but sometimes it takes longer to fix then others, especially when trust or communication breaks down. The most important thing to remember is to be open and honest with yourself and your partner. Regardless of your roles in the relationship, communication is the key. I would definitely recommend talking about the good and the bad that happened during your age play time, particularly if this is a new area for you. Sometimes little people forget that us Bigs can’t read minds, and we need a hand in figuring out where to go and what to do next.

I encourage anyone who thinks that this type of relationship is something you want, to go for it. The worse thing that happens is that you find out it is something that you really don’t want after all. If anyone has questions or comments, I am happy to answer them, and give any help or advice I can to help you find your way, or just help get things back on track. 

Also, if you would like the littles perspective, Uncle K’s wife Lilly has a blog where she shares her life with her Daddy.

Uncle K

The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

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Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

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Thank You…

 

Hello all my lovelies. I am going to respond to each individual post you sent me, but first I need to make something clear. Bree and I are not having any kind of marital problems. That was not the impression I wanted to convey. We are fine, and we worked out the problem, so all is good.

I also wanted to thank you all for your posts. They really helped a lot. This was a difficult blog post because I really laid it out there. Hard to do as a man, double as a Dom. So thank you for being so supportive.

SJ

Dom’s have feelings too…

 

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Hello  lovelies.  Trust me, this blog is not what you think. In fact I  really want your input. I have a feeling you will not be supportive, which is ok, just be honest.

First off, Bree andI have been together 9 years. I have never met a more responsive submissive in my life, or such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is my treasure and my life.  In the 9 yrs we have been together  I have had to discipline her to severity maybe 5 times. She is an exemplary submissive. Now her post today was not a serious offense, but she disobeyed me for the same thing twice, in one hour!  Very unusual, which is why her bb got paddled beet red the second time. But this is more a brat offense; nothing serious. Our bond as Dom and sub goes much much deeper than any vanilla relationship ever could. I would literally give my life for her in a second. No exaggeration.

So probably you are all, oh so sweet oh he loves her so much. True but we are turning a corner now and I may lose you. Lately Bree has expressed a desire to attend a spanking party. Those are not my thing, but I figured she might get ideas for a new book, which is what I figured she wanted to go for, and it is. But also, she wants to maybe indulge in a spanking from another top. This cuts me pretty deep. Yeah I hear you, oh boo-hoo, big bad Dom get over it. We all have fantasies, yes. But we do not all act on them, especially in a solid relationship. And it hurts, a lot. And if I do say so myself, her D/s relationship with me is pretty good. Not to mention the husband wife thing…Anyway I digress…

So I am working on letting that go. Frankly, it will take a very long time. I told her I would take her,  and she could even dress to show off her beautiful bb, and I might even spank her. But the thought of another male touching her puts me in a really dark place, one I try not to visit, and one nobody needs to be around. Now I do not mind causing her discomfort I spanked her 5 times yesterday just to see her red bb – and she was yeowing and squirming, But the thought of another male even causing her to say ow, and I can go very dark.

I had an experience with a jerk who actually has a dvd company, who I told could just use his hand on the girl I brought (this was just a date no history at all).  Anyway he took a brush, gave me a look to blow me off. I got up- it got tense. He backed off, and we left..

I am thinking maybe i would consider it if we had a couple we liked, doing a private thing.  But i would be so controlling, and probably as soon as I heard an ow I would stop any spanking from continuing. I am sure the Dom would say,   “John you’re nuts.” And you know what? He would be right ..I own the fact this is irrational, controlling, and not fair to Bree at all and quite selfish. But I am who I am.

Let me illustrate something, and Bree would not in any way do this I know. If she let another man spank her, behind my back, to me thats the same as having an affair in the vanilla world. Yes to me it is that serious. Some Doms do not care who spanks their subs. Fine, I am not judging  (Bree likes to watch me top another woman- go figure. But then again, I am giving pain, not getting it). But like I said, she is my treasure, and a Doms first promise to a sub is to protect her always. Is  this over the top? Yes probably. Hey it’s just a spanking right? Not to a Dom with the bond I have with Bree it isn’t. It’s much much deeper than that.   But what can I say? I am a Dom enigma.

So lovelies, if any of you are still with me, how would you react if you were Bree?  Just be honest, I do not get angry at Bree and we have never yelled at each other in 9 years, I swear on the Doms oath.

I have to admit this was kind of cathartic for me   so if you read it whatever your opinion thank you.

SJ

Age Play….What’s It Really All About?

biglittlegirl

This article was previously posted on Governingana’s FIKA In February, but I thought I would repost here for my readers that may have missed it. Enjoy!

Luvs, Bree

When people hear the term age play, more often than not, the first image that comes to mind is either a a mentally regressed, oversized adult sitting in diapers or, sadly, pedophilia. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with either real life children or the mentally challenged. I cannot emphasize that enough. These perceptions have developed due to both ignorance and prejudice, and I truly hope to dispel any misconceptions that many people may adhere to.

First, allow me to preface by stating that, among consensual adults, there is no right or wrong. What may be great for one couple, may be completely abhorrent to another, but that is where we must allow ourselves to view this genre with an open mind and acceptance.  AP allows expression to all ages, genders, body types and education levels. No couple is alike.  Like child rearing, AP had multiple ways to address, explore and practice… and it is dependent upon the individuals involved. I also wish to invite anyone with questions, comments or reflections to feel free to contact me at any time. Together, we can open the doors for more people within the D&S community to explore their fantasies and desires without fear, shame or ignorance.

As most of my readers know, I have been actively involved in DS for many years, and that I am happily married and engaged in a full time DS relationship with my husband, John. We do not practice AP on a 24/7 basis, rather it is a special time that we set aside for ourselves at least a couple of times a week…. depending on my work schedule. We have found that entering this mode on particularly stressful times helps my focus, mood and behavior.

That brings up the first question… must AP be a permanent  arrangement? No.  Just like DS, the couples or families decide what works best for them.  Many people enjoy attending spanking parties and play times… but do not practice the lifestyle within the home.  Others, myself included, are continuously involved in the relationship. Again, it is dependent upon the couple and their own personal needs.  I will say this much though… I bow to those couples who commit to the 24/7 AP… especially the Big/adult.  It is an awful lot of work!

Ahhh, we progress to the second question… what are the roles? Obviously, we have the adult.. also called the Big.  He or she may take on the responsibility of daddy/mommy, uncle/aunt, guardian, teacher, etc…. any adult role of authority. There are many ‘families’ that extend into the play as well, and some communities even engage. Again, we cannot and do not judge… as all of us have different needs and desires.  It is no more (if I might use the term set by a negative reviewer) creepy than those people involved in large biological families or live in communes.

Littles, or adult children, are those who submit themselves into the authority of the Bigs. The ages are determined by the needs of the couple, and the consent and time constraints.  For example, anyone who has has a baby knows that constant supervision is needed, and that all of the infants needs are fully dependent upon the adult.  There are no expectations placed other than to nurture.  This is a full time job for the Big, including caring for the Littles every need, entertaining and supervising.  For the Little, all privileges are suspended, including being able to care for their own bodily functions.  It is absolute release of control… In every aspect…

I’m a control freak, so needless to say, I would have a real hard time there!

When we AP, I tend to take on the age of about six.  Old enough to care for my basic needs, yet free from any responsibilities except what Daddy asks of me. Reasonably, I am not learning to read, but I do color and play with age appropriate toys.  It is enough regression to allow me the freedom to release my stress of my job and the responsibilities that are associated with it, plus allows John to tend to me in the way he feels is most beneficial.  Just remember, the older the Little, the different the Big’s demands.

I’m seeing now that I should really expand this article into a book…. lol!

Sex. Ahh, the most uncomfortable subject when it comes to AP. NO! The Big is NOT fantasizing about having sex with a child! No, no, no…. AP, or regression, simply allows the Little to go back to an easier time and relinquish themselves to an authority.  Rarely, and I’m not saying all, do couple engage in sexual activity in the AP role.  The Little is promoted to big girl/big boy status and reenters their adult state for adult activities.  John had a real issue for a while, switching back and forth between Daddy and husband… we had to physically disengage from AP for at least an hour for him, and me, to resume our regular, adult place.  Other couples can slide right into the change.  Again, it’s personal preference.

I’ve already addressed why some people would explore this side of D&S, but what of other reasons beyond stress relief? It can be very therapeutic if handled correctly, but also as easily destructive.  Because of the vulnerability the Little has to allow, clear boundaries need to be set in the beginning and, in the beginning (particularly if there is a chance of striking some emotionally sensitive areas, i.e. an abusive childhood issue), I do suggest the use of either a safe word or what we call, an alert.  These can been disposed of once the relationship is fully established with the degree of trust required.  Bigs… don’t disregard your Littles if there is a history of abuse or neglect.  They are depending on you to help them heal and give them the love and acceptance required to move forward.  LIttles… this can be a scary time for you… you need to be able to trust your Big to take care of you.  Communication is everything!

Discipline. Alright, i would venture to say that the majority of us are into, and practice, the discipline of spanking.  Again, the schools of thought regarding the discipline of real children are different… but we are not dealing with children here.  We are dealing with consensual adults who are involved, or are exploring, this lifestyle.  The big difference here is that the discipline will be more severe than if delivered to a child.  For example, if the Little is required to stand in the corner… he/she might be there for an hour while a child might be for ten minutes.  An adult can be spanked severely, with different implements, bare-bottomed…. amongst other methods.  John says that the only difference between Little Discipline and Sub discipline is the degree of humiliation, severity and restraint.  While as Little Bree, I might earn myself a switching to my bare bottom. I remain fully clothed and usually OTK, and am allowed to kick and squirm.  As the adult Breanna, I might receive the same switching naked, tied over a bench and plugged.  See the difference? And yes, I DO avoid switchings! Oh, FYI, Nikki does not receive the same type of ‘adult’ discipline I do…just in case you were wondering. SHE gets to get her clothes on, and never undergoes any type of anal discipline.

Community involvement.  In the Game Plan, Lost and Found, and Guardian Domination, I included familial involvement in the AP/training.  For me, having multiple disciplinarians works to keep me on my toes, however, I am monogamous in my ‘adult’ relationship. Other people prefer to keep their AP private.  Again, the amount of outside involvement is dependent on the needs of those involved, and is neither right nor wrong,  ‘creepy’, ‘gross’, or ‘weird’.  I find it interesting how some people will attend spanking parties where they, or their partners, are spanked by strangers, but then are uncomfortable with the idea of having a D&S family.  Remember, my friends, we are in a very small community and need to support one another as best as possible.  It’s hard enough that the vanilla world doesn’t understand/accept us… we don’t need the same from each other, right?

So… how does one start? By honestly communicating our needs, which begins by an open, clear view of ourself.  If we fear our dark or hidden desires, then we cheat ourselves of discovery.  Like I tell my ‘plankton’ (I’m the Jumbo Shrimp/alpha sub and my peeps are those who train under me), we can’t achieve our goals until we accept our needs.

In finale, I will share with you a typical day of age-play for me. Let’s assume I’ve had a tough week, and come home grumpy…..

John (Daddy) greets me at the door.  Before I can say anything, he already knows what I need.  He’s heard it in my voice when I called him to tell him I was on my way home.  He’s prepared, also knowing I’m a bit cranky and might need some persuasion.  Yes, he knows me well.  He takes my bags from me and, after a kiss on the cheek, leads me into the bathroom where he has my big tub filled sky high with bubbles! I love bubbles… they immediately put me into a regressed frame of mind.  He undresses me and helps me into the tub.  After handing me my soap crayons (I like to draw naughty pictures on the wall), he leaves to get me a mug of hot cocoa. Not coffee…. little girls don’t drink coffee.

When he returns, he washes my hair.  Slowly and calmly, massaging away the stress from my night.  He then scrubs my body with my pink sponge thingy, using berry scented soap.  The scent puts me into the childlike mode, compared to my regular vanilla and sandalwood mix.   He lets me play in the bubbles for a while longer and sits with me, asking question about my goals for my day off.  I notice he wasn’t talking about that day… that was already planned. I was going to be Little and expected to simply mind him.  I also knew that, in my present mood, it would be a chore.

I have to admit, the warm bath, hair washing and hot cocoa, combined with working the entire night, left me exhausted.  Daddy sees me yawn and announces it’s time to get out of the tub.  It’s cold in the room and I don’t want to leave the warm, soothing bubbles. A frown and one finger held in the air is enough to make me obey. I’m too tired and too cranky to invite a spanking this early in the game!!

I can’t help but giggle as he holds out my bunny onsies! Oh yeah, not joking here.  Pink with a bunny tail of the open flap, and little bunny faces on the feet. He found these silly things at Target! I let him dress me and then settle between his knees for him to comb out and blow dry my hair. It’s really long and Daddy isn’t that good at braiding, but I don’t care. I’m falling asleep on his shoulder.  I barely remember him tucking me into bed, and stuffing Squishy (my killer whale pillow pet) under my arm.  He also leaves me a water bottle with one of those sippy tops on it in case I get thirsty.  The last thing I remember is him rubbing my back and my bottom before I drift off the sleep.

Because its my day off, he only allows me to sleep about four hours and then wakes me… usually with a kiss and then some tickling.  I’m not ready to get up and am a bit grumpy.  He pulls me out of bed and drags me into the bathroom to go potty and brush my teeth, promising a whole plethora of fun things to do if I behave myself.  I don’t care, i am sleepy and wanna to back to bed. It’s time for breakfast and, I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit more awake after I eat… as long as he doesn’t force me to eat oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. Oh good! Booberry Pancakes!

I’m usually allowed to watch cartoons. or Disney, while eating my breakfast. As long as I finish it, that is.  After I’m done, i have to put my plate in the sink and then get dressed. I don’t wanna. I like being in my jamies.  Thats when things start to turn bad for me… I’m allowed one warning before I find myself over his lap and being spanked.  Daddy will drop the flap of my onsies and let loose with his hand on my bare bottom.  I never take it quietly… heck no, I shriek, yell, kick, twist… anything to make it stop. It’s still too early for me and I am not in the mood.  Daddy stops spanking me when I agree to cooperate, and that my words sound convincing.  He knows me too well.

After I pout a little, I get dressed in whatever he has laid out for me.  Since it’s cold out, I have my pink sweats and Tinkerbell sweatsuit that he bought for me at Disney.  He lets me wear my fuzzy angry bird slippers and then sits me at the table to color while he changes the strings on his guitar (he’s a professional musician).  If I stay quiet, he joins me and we spend some time coloring together.  He’s really competitive too! It always makes me giggle to see him enjoying the coloring as much as I do (by the way folks, we are designing an adult coloring book based on D&S themes… so watch my blog for the coloring contest!)

The day continues… we play games, watch TV, go exploring outside if it’s nice, play ball with the dogs and the goose…..maybe even have a picnic if it’s warm enough.  I’m not allowed to wander off… his constant supervision is required when we are outside.  He worries about snakes biting or aliens capturing me in their spaceships.  If my mood improves, I do grab this time to be a brat.  Daddy does NOT like earthworms in his hair, but I think it’s funny.

If my sister is around, she will join us and play barbies with me, or color.  Daddy has to supervise our game playing though, because she hates to lose, and I am a terrible cheater.  That never fares well for either of us.  Even though I’m older, she naturally regresses as the younger sibling and acts up more than usual. Yeah, it typically ends up with her getting spanked by Daddy while I laugh at her.

By bed time, I’m exhausted, but at peace.  I had a whole day of being free from responsibility and chaos, was lovingly cared for and directed, and only had to worry about following Daddy’s rule. Which, I hate to admit, but even in my adult state, I don’t do as I should!

Hey, I never said I was the world’s best sub, but I am John’s favorite little girl!

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