In or Out

Hello lovelies,

Today I thought I would address a question I get all the time, usually like this… “Are you mad at me sir? Are you going to drop me?” The fact is you can be dropped from training, but, it takes a lot for that to happen.

First, let’s talk about another aspect, being released. A lot of times I work with women who are looking for a Dom and for a relationship. I work with them and teach them how they must behave to attract such a Dom. Hopefully it works out, if it does I then release them to their new Dom and my participation in their training is over. It’s kind of bittersweet as I build a bond with my subs, some more than others but still a bond. Sometimes, it’s hard to let them go but, that’s the goal if they are looking for a Dom.

Now dropping a sub is totally different. It takes a lot for me to do this but I unfortunately have done so. There are a few main reasons I would do this:

1) Lying- I’m not talking about a subbie stretching the truth or omitting certain facts. I mean out and out lying. If I catch a sub lying she will get one warning and the next time I will drop her. D/s is built on trust and honesty. I can’t have it any other way and expect it to work.

2) Not taking the training seriously- If a sub thinks this is a game and does not do the tasks or follow my orders then the training will help no one.

3) Striking me- I understand subs can get angry, especially in a session, but one slap or punch in anger and that’s it…done.

4) If a sub disrespects Bree or hurts her in a deep way- Also if she does that to any of our friends especially our little subbie family, she will be dropped. This may be the most important one.

Let me be clear, these are some of the main reasons. I do not get mad and I do not give up on a sub, even a difficult one, so long as they are serious and honest with me. I love my subbies, I love training, helping them find their submissive and embrace it. I will spend a lot of time and energy on a subbie that is serious and willing to obey me.

There is an old adage my way or the highway, that pretty much sums it up.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Lines and Strokes

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Hello lovelies,

I was wondering…

Some of my subbies say they would rather have spanks or strokes rather than write lines. How do you all feel about that?

I am not just talking sit and write lines. I usually have my subbie in the corner bb and then sit and write.

Which do you feel is more of a deterrent for bad behavior?

A sound OTK bb spanking. Maybe the paddle or even the cane…Or…Being sent to the corner bb to write lines about your behavior?

Which do you feel is more of a deterrent for bad behavior?

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Personally I find both very effective especially in the same session, but that’s just me, lol.

Be good, or else…

SJ

But I Want to be Perfect

 

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Hello lovelies,

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from the subbies I work with.  Let me cut to the chase, nobody is perfect and no Dom expects you to be.

When I take on a newbie it’s generally because she has some things she would like help with. Usually there might be some bad habits or behaviors etc. requiring a little more motivation.

Just the nature of that statement should tell you that I expect a newbie to mess up. Otherwise why would she ask for my help?

Let me assure all of you, no Dom expects you to be perfect. I know for a lot of you, pleasing your Dom is very important, and it should be, but don’t beat yourself up when you misbehave or break a rule.

Speaking for myself, this never makes me angry. My subbies will tell you I don’t get mad but breaking a rule over and over does get me frustrated. After I hit that point I begin working on that hole in my music room where I bang my head…and not in the heavy metal way lol.

My point is this… to all my subbies, experienced and newbies, and to all of you that read the posts, don’t try for perfection. It’s not going to happen and when you mess up take your discipline and learn from it. But do not get depressed or upset that you disappointed me or your Doms. Trust me, I know it’s going to happen from time to time.

I mean if you were perfect why would you need a Dom right? However, I am not saying you shouldn’t at least try to be a well behaved subbie but let’s face it, nobody is good 100% of the time. Just know I am aware of that as are you so relax and   just be you. That’s what D/s is all about, a place where you can be who you truly are.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Immediate Honesty

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Hello lovelies,

First, let me say this, I love women. I always have. I’ve always hung with women more than guys. I mean come on, who wouldn’t? Plus the added perk of being so spankable and there is a chance you’re a subbie, lol.

That being said, you all tend to hold things in. If you’re a sub it’s holding things in times a gazillion. As a Dom I need to know where my subs are emotionally, at all times. This is vital because I could say or do something in a session that might be a trigger, create a big deal and not knowing my sub was feeling emotional about a certain thing that day would end badly.

I work with every subbie I have on this…all the time. I don’t know why subbies hold things in and make their lives more stressful and more emotional than they already are. I am pretty good at knowing when a subbie is off. I can tell you when I ask “What’s wrong?” and a sub says “oh nothing, I’m fine,” I want to bang my head against the wall of my music room. Yes, there is a small hole there already, lol.

Immediate honesty is so important. I can’t tell you how many times I knew something was up, or worse, thought everything was fine and then I get an email 3 days later… “Sir, I think I may have to quit” or “Why did you say this to me,” or “I’m so angry with you.”

This is so frustrating for me because this could have been settled 3 days ago if my sub would have just said “can we talk,” or at least answered what was wrong when I originally asked. As a Dom I am responsible for my sub’s emotional wellbeing and when a subbie hides her feelings from me it can turn out very badly.

So to those of you with Doms, or just in relationships, I have three words for you…Stop doing this!! Immediate honesty is difficult, I know, but it always works out better. It saves you so much anxiety and stress.

My subbies will tell you it’s stressful enough being my submissive, so why add to it? Just say what you feel when you feel it. It will make things much easier and also save my wall from further damage.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Subbie Guilt

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Hello lovelies,

I am sure you are all familiar with this heading yes?  I mean subbie’s have more guilt than anyone I know. I love you all but you know it’s true.

I did a session not too long ago. It was a punishment session resulting in marks and a lot of tears, as these kinds of sessions often do. Now during this session something happened. As you all know I am sadistic, but I am all about you being safe in a session so I monitor you closely.

This particular subbie had been hand spanked to tears and was then put over the spanking bench and secured. Her transgressions were serious so she had a paddling and a caning coming. I decided to use the heart first, which as some of you know burns like fire especially on a sore bottom. During this part of her spanking she began to cry again but her breathing became erratic. That’s wasn’t good as she started to hyperventilate, so much so I had to stop and calm her down before her cane strokes.

I had decided to end the session after the cane as I felt she may be at risk if I went any longer. After calming her down I gave her 12 strokes and she was done. I did aftercare, held her, forgave her and made sure she was ok.

It seemed she was so I went downstairs and she went into the living room. When I came in to check on her she was crying. I asked what was wrong and she said she felt bad she could not take what I had planned for her!

I did say you all have more than your share of guilt to drag around did I not? Lol

I explained to her that it’s never a question of me being disappointed if you can’t take as much as I planned for you . It is always a matter of you being safe. You need to learn a lesson, of course, but not at the expense of your health (physical/mental/emotional).

I want you all to get this…a punishment session is meant to hurt but it’s not a matter of taking so much or disappointing me. Every subbie is different. Some can take a lot, some not so much. The important thing is that you feel punished and can let go of the guilt after. Not to put more guilt on top by thinking you disappointed your Dom by not taking enough , that’s not an issue.

You all have enough guilt. Don’t add to it! Lol.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Feelings and Emotions: Arrrgh!

Hello my lovelies,

How is everyone?

I have a query for all of you and would welcome your input. I was doing a session with one of my subbies, a very sweet newbie. She was not in serious trouble but it was a phone session. It was for a behavior I do not like.

You see, in phone sessions, the subbie cannot fake anything. I hear it all. The self spanks are always much harder and longer.

The session went as usual, and after she was forgiven with hugs I signed off. Later I get an email saying, she was upset and felt angry during the session. Mostly, wanting to cuss and be defiant, even though she did not act that way. She could not understand why she felt like this and was feeling very guilty, as all subs do. She’s very obedient, especially for a newbie, so this is way out of character.

What do you think?

I have a theory… I think a lot of subbies will push, newbies especially but even experienced subs, (Bree still pushes me on occasion). The reason this happens is that they want to know nothing has changed. Security and trust comes from consistency, so if I call them on it it seems all is good and balanced even though they get spanked and whine about how mean I am.

I also asked one of my more experienced subbies what she thought. She’s very smart and intuitive so her take was a bit different. She thought that as an independent woman used to being in control it’s a hard adjustment sometimes. So when you are in a session being disciplined you obviously have no control and sometimes that switch clicks and you just want even a little control. You get defiant or angry or you act out, even knowing there are consequences, because it gives you a little control, if only for a few minutes.

Have any of you gone through this? I know my subbies have. What do you think?

D/s is very powerful is it not?

Be good, or else…

SJ

The Coin has Two Sides

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Hello lovelies,

Last time I listed the top 5 reasons to take on a sub and this week I thought about the top 5 things a Dom needs so he can be a positive Dom for a sub. Sound good? Now this is not about the voice, or having the look etc. this is different. Hang in there it will be fun. Here we go and stop yawning!!!

1) Patience- This is a big one. I think we have established all subbies are crazy, to differing degrees, also very frustrating at times…very. Then add numbers to that and well I think you see my point. You see, a Dom never yells or gets mad. Does that mean the wall in my music room does not have a dent in it from me banging my head? No…it does but that’s just part of the wonderful world of a Dom.

2) Consistency- This is also a big one. A sub cannot trust a Dom fully if he is inconsistent. It’s not easy to be on top of everything, all the time but a Dom must try to be. First, he must have the desire to be, then he has to work at it. As I said, the more subs you train the harder it is but it can be done.

3) Fairness- Though some of you lovelies I do train may disagree at times on your punishments, I think all of you would agree I am always fair. A Dom must listen and evaluate every situation. Maybe the sub has a point? Usually she’s just weaseling but it does happen on occasion and a Dom needs to be open to at least considering inexperience. A Dom will make a sub feel safer and more secure if she knows he knows what he’s doing. If I tell a sub she’s in for the cane she has to feel secure in the knowledge that I know how to use it. It’s scary enough knowing you are going to be punished with an implement if you doubt the Dom’s skill it’s going to turn out badly, even worse if you’re right.

4) Time- It takes time to train a sub and a lot of time to train a lot of subs. If you take that on you must devote time to each one and her special needs as all subs are different. I try to check in on my subbies every day to see if they are ok, have questions, or have done the tasks I have given them etc. It takes time but I love it and it’s all worth it when a subbie begins to blossom in her submission and the D/s lifestyle.

5) Caring- This may be the most important building block for a good D/s relationship. If the Dom does not care about the subbie learning, growing and becoming a better person then why bother? I put all my subs first, I do not put me first…and no I’m not talking about me indulging in my sadistic side and spanking a sub whenever I want. I’m talking about her needs and what will make a positive change in her life. I want all my subs to be happy and feel better about themselves and their life, in general, than they did before they started training with me.

Pay it forward is my mantra. Now there are many other traits a Dom needs but these kind of popped into my Dom brain today so I just went with the flow.

Be good, or else…

SJ

 

To Sub-bie or Not to Sub-bie

 

Hello  lovelies,

What the heck is this all about? It’s actually a very clever pun that hopefully most of you will get after reading this post. A lot of subs ask me “SJ what do you look for in a sub, as far as taking her on to train?”

Starting to get my pun? No? Not yet huh? Man tough crowd.

I am quite discerning when taking on a submissive so here’s my top 5 reasons for doing so and why.

1) Seriousness- If the sub does not truly want to learn, grow and find just how deep her submissive goes then she’s wasting my time. She must be willing to mind me and trust me, although trust must be earned over time.

2) Intelligence- If I can’t engage in a conversation, beyond just spanking, with the sub it’s going to get very boring. Also D/s is quite complicated at times and the sub must be able to grasp and comprehend certain things that are important in the training.

3) Checking emails regularly- This may seem trivial but it’s not. I have a lot of info to dispense at times or a task that I need done. If I don’t have a sub that is good about checking her messages that won’t work.

4) Sense of humor- Look I know you all think of me as Mr. Meanie but  I am pretty funny and I like a subbie that can make me laugh, it can’t be dark all the time or just about spanking, well maybe 90/10 lol.

5) Maturity and emotional stability- This may be the most important, as you all know subbies be crazy but….there is a limit lol. D/s training is a roller coaster with very high highs and then major drops and lows. If the sub does not have some level of emotional stability it can turn out to be a disaster. Not so important is chronological age, some subs can be very mature at a young age.

The bottom line is, if a sub meets these criteria I will try to help her in any way I can that’s what I do and that’s what Bree does. I believe in pay it forward, I bet all of you do to.

Be good, or else…

SJ

PS Oh did you get my pun?

Kids

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Hello lovelies,

No, this is not about spanking and kids, of which I am not a fan, adults always, lol. Well my little subbies here’s today’s tale.

Back in the day…now don’t even start with the…“you mean when you were helping the Wright brothers build the airplane sir?” ha and ha…I decided long ago never to have kids. There are many reasons but the main ones is that I wanted to be able to just leave right on the spot, especially being a musician. I did not think it would be fair to drag a child all over the place or not have time to spend at home. The other reason is I don’t think I am father material. If I had a girl I would make her miserable being too protective and scaring away her boyfriends, a son maybe better but still way too protective. Not to mention responsibility, time, drama…lol, well you get the picture right?

Now you are probably thinking…well that’s all interesting SJ, but what does this have to do with blog stuff?

It occurred to me, it’s happened and I did not even realize it. All of you are like my kids, especially those of you I have a D/s relationship with. I mean come on, spending a lot of time, lots of responsibility, drama…oh yes lol, being protective, being strict. All the things I made a conscious effort to avoid long ago has been laid in my lap…well over it lol.

You know what? I love it…you have all enriched my life so much. I just wanted to say thank you. I care about you all as if you were…well my kids, and I would not change a thing.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Different Strokes

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Hello lovelies,

I want to talk today about spanking. Yes I know, that’s a surprise SJ! Some of you may not realize how many different kinds of spankings there are. Here in the Hayse house I employ quite a few.

Step this way, the tour is about to begin…

Punishment:

This can involve a lot of things and are usually done in the punishment room: hand, brush, heart paddle, school paddle, strap and if you are really bad the cane, rug beater or my thin whip. Hey, don’t panic on me…I said really bad. Also for the cane or something similar I do use the spanking bench to tie you down so that you don’t move and get the stroke in a very bad area. See what an awesome and considerate Dom I am?

Follow me  to the next stop on the tour…

Reminder spankings:

These can be done anywhere usually just hand and a red bottom but not really painful. It’s  just a reminder to be good today.

Welcome spankings:

This is when you visit, it’s a way of welcoming you to our house and a reminder that you are expected to behave. Again, hand and a red bottom but not really painful.

Sub space:

Now you’re back with me right? This is usually done in the bedroom, on our bed or on our massage table   but could be on the futon in punishment room. Now this is the one time you get to have input. A subspace session is all about you and getting you to that kind of out of body zone. You can request your favorite implements,  how hard , how slow  etc. What I do find is that once you are in the zone you can’t really talk so it’s up to me to keep you there. I try to do at least one of these when a subbie visits.

Reward spankings:

Like a reminder but more of a pleasant sting. These are given if you have been very good.

Thank you for taking the tour…You can make your reservations anytime.

Be good, or else…

SJ

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