Thank You…

 

Hello all my lovelies. I am going to respond to each individual post you sent me, but first I need to make something clear. Bree and I are not having any kind of marital problems. That was not the impression I wanted to convey. We are fine, and we worked out the problem, so all is good.

I also wanted to thank you all for your posts. They really helped a lot. This was a difficult blog post because I really laid it out there. Hard to do as a man, double as a Dom. So thank you for being so supportive.

SJ

Dom’s have feelings too…

 

The_Thinker_Rodin-2

Hello  lovelies.  Trust me, this blog is not what you think. In fact I  really want your input. I have a feeling you will not be supportive, which is ok, just be honest.

First off, Bree andI have been together 9 years. I have never met a more responsive submissive in my life, or such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is my treasure and my life.  In the 9 yrs we have been together  I have had to discipline her to severity maybe 5 times. She is an exemplary submissive. Now her post today was not a serious offense, but she disobeyed me for the same thing twice, in one hour!  Very unusual, which is why her bb got paddled beet red the second time. But this is more a brat offense; nothing serious. Our bond as Dom and sub goes much much deeper than any vanilla relationship ever could. I would literally give my life for her in a second. No exaggeration.

So probably you are all, oh so sweet oh he loves her so much. True but we are turning a corner now and I may lose you. Lately Bree has expressed a desire to attend a spanking party. Those are not my thing, but I figured she might get ideas for a new book, which is what I figured she wanted to go for, and it is. But also, she wants to maybe indulge in a spanking from another top. This cuts me pretty deep. Yeah I hear you, oh boo-hoo, big bad Dom get over it. We all have fantasies, yes. But we do not all act on them, especially in a solid relationship. And it hurts, a lot. And if I do say so myself, her D/s relationship with me is pretty good. Not to mention the husband wife thing…Anyway I digress…

So I am working on letting that go. Frankly, it will take a very long time. I told her I would take her,  and she could even dress to show off her beautiful bb, and I might even spank her. But the thought of another male touching her puts me in a really dark place, one I try not to visit, and one nobody needs to be around. Now I do not mind causing her discomfort I spanked her 5 times yesterday just to see her red bb – and she was yeowing and squirming, But the thought of another male even causing her to say ow, and I can go very dark.

I had an experience with a jerk who actually has a dvd company, who I told could just use his hand on the girl I brought (this was just a date no history at all).  Anyway he took a brush, gave me a look to blow me off. I got up- it got tense. He backed off, and we left..

I am thinking maybe i would consider it if we had a couple we liked, doing a private thing.  But i would be so controlling, and probably as soon as I heard an ow I would stop any spanking from continuing. I am sure the Dom would say,   “John you’re nuts.” And you know what? He would be right ..I own the fact this is irrational, controlling, and not fair to Bree at all and quite selfish. But I am who I am.

Let me illustrate something, and Bree would not in any way do this I know. If she let another man spank her, behind my back, to me thats the same as having an affair in the vanilla world. Yes to me it is that serious. Some Doms do not care who spanks their subs. Fine, I am not judging  (Bree likes to watch me top another woman- go figure. But then again, I am giving pain, not getting it). But like I said, she is my treasure, and a Doms first promise to a sub is to protect her always. Is  this over the top? Yes probably. Hey it’s just a spanking right? Not to a Dom with the bond I have with Bree it isn’t. It’s much much deeper than that.   But what can I say? I am a Dom enigma.

So lovelies, if any of you are still with me, how would you react if you were Bree?  Just be honest, I do not get angry at Bree and we have never yelled at each other in 9 years, I swear on the Doms oath.

I have to admit this was kind of cathartic for me   so if you read it whatever your opinion thank you.

SJ

Age Play….What’s It Really All About?

biglittlegirl

This article was previously posted on Governingana’s FIKA In February, but I thought I would repost here for my readers that may have missed it. Enjoy!

Luvs, Bree

When people hear the term age play, more often than not, the first image that comes to mind is either a a mentally regressed, oversized adult sitting in diapers or, sadly, pedophilia. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with either real life children or the mentally challenged. I cannot emphasize that enough. These perceptions have developed due to both ignorance and prejudice, and I truly hope to dispel any misconceptions that many people may adhere to.

First, allow me to preface by stating that, among consensual adults, there is no right or wrong. What may be great for one couple, may be completely abhorrent to another, but that is where we must allow ourselves to view this genre with an open mind and acceptance.  AP allows expression to all ages, genders, body types and education levels. No couple is alike.  Like child rearing, AP had multiple ways to address, explore and practice… and it is dependent upon the individuals involved. I also wish to invite anyone with questions, comments or reflections to feel free to contact me at any time. Together, we can open the doors for more people within the D&S community to explore their fantasies and desires without fear, shame or ignorance.

As most of my readers know, I have been actively involved in DS for many years, and that I am happily married and engaged in a full time DS relationship with my husband, John. We do not practice AP on a 24/7 basis, rather it is a special time that we set aside for ourselves at least a couple of times a week…. depending on my work schedule. We have found that entering this mode on particularly stressful times helps my focus, mood and behavior.

That brings up the first question… must AP be a permanent  arrangement? No.  Just like DS, the couples or families decide what works best for them.  Many people enjoy attending spanking parties and play times… but do not practice the lifestyle within the home.  Others, myself included, are continuously involved in the relationship. Again, it is dependent upon the couple and their own personal needs.  I will say this much though… I bow to those couples who commit to the 24/7 AP… especially the Big/adult.  It is an awful lot of work!

Ahhh, we progress to the second question… what are the roles? Obviously, we have the adult.. also called the Big.  He or she may take on the responsibility of daddy/mommy, uncle/aunt, guardian, teacher, etc…. any adult role of authority. There are many ‘families’ that extend into the play as well, and some communities even engage. Again, we cannot and do not judge… as all of us have different needs and desires.  It is no more (if I might use the term set by a negative reviewer) creepy than those people involved in large biological families or live in communes.

Littles, or adult children, are those who submit themselves into the authority of the Bigs. The ages are determined by the needs of the couple, and the consent and time constraints.  For example, anyone who has has a baby knows that constant supervision is needed, and that all of the infants needs are fully dependent upon the adult.  There are no expectations placed other than to nurture.  This is a full time job for the Big, including caring for the Littles every need, entertaining and supervising.  For the Little, all privileges are suspended, including being able to care for their own bodily functions.  It is absolute release of control… In every aspect…

I’m a control freak, so needless to say, I would have a real hard time there!

When we AP, I tend to take on the age of about six.  Old enough to care for my basic needs, yet free from any responsibilities except what Daddy asks of me. Reasonably, I am not learning to read, but I do color and play with age appropriate toys.  It is enough regression to allow me the freedom to release my stress of my job and the responsibilities that are associated with it, plus allows John to tend to me in the way he feels is most beneficial.  Just remember, the older the Little, the different the Big’s demands.

I’m seeing now that I should really expand this article into a book…. lol!

Sex. Ahh, the most uncomfortable subject when it comes to AP. NO! The Big is NOT fantasizing about having sex with a child! No, no, no…. AP, or regression, simply allows the Little to go back to an easier time and relinquish themselves to an authority.  Rarely, and I’m not saying all, do couple engage in sexual activity in the AP role.  The Little is promoted to big girl/big boy status and reenters their adult state for adult activities.  John had a real issue for a while, switching back and forth between Daddy and husband… we had to physically disengage from AP for at least an hour for him, and me, to resume our regular, adult place.  Other couples can slide right into the change.  Again, it’s personal preference.

I’ve already addressed why some people would explore this side of D&S, but what of other reasons beyond stress relief? It can be very therapeutic if handled correctly, but also as easily destructive.  Because of the vulnerability the Little has to allow, clear boundaries need to be set in the beginning and, in the beginning (particularly if there is a chance of striking some emotionally sensitive areas, i.e. an abusive childhood issue), I do suggest the use of either a safe word or what we call, an alert.  These can been disposed of once the relationship is fully established with the degree of trust required.  Bigs… don’t disregard your Littles if there is a history of abuse or neglect.  They are depending on you to help them heal and give them the love and acceptance required to move forward.  LIttles… this can be a scary time for you… you need to be able to trust your Big to take care of you.  Communication is everything!

Discipline. Alright, i would venture to say that the majority of us are into, and practice, the discipline of spanking.  Again, the schools of thought regarding the discipline of real children are different… but we are not dealing with children here.  We are dealing with consensual adults who are involved, or are exploring, this lifestyle.  The big difference here is that the discipline will be more severe than if delivered to a child.  For example, if the Little is required to stand in the corner… he/she might be there for an hour while a child might be for ten minutes.  An adult can be spanked severely, with different implements, bare-bottomed…. amongst other methods.  John says that the only difference between Little Discipline and Sub discipline is the degree of humiliation, severity and restraint.  While as Little Bree, I might earn myself a switching to my bare bottom. I remain fully clothed and usually OTK, and am allowed to kick and squirm.  As the adult Breanna, I might receive the same switching naked, tied over a bench and plugged.  See the difference? And yes, I DO avoid switchings! Oh, FYI, Nikki does not receive the same type of ‘adult’ discipline I do…just in case you were wondering. SHE gets to get her clothes on, and never undergoes any type of anal discipline.

Community involvement.  In the Game Plan, Lost and Found, and Guardian Domination, I included familial involvement in the AP/training.  For me, having multiple disciplinarians works to keep me on my toes, however, I am monogamous in my ‘adult’ relationship. Other people prefer to keep their AP private.  Again, the amount of outside involvement is dependent on the needs of those involved, and is neither right nor wrong,  ‘creepy’, ‘gross’, or ‘weird’.  I find it interesting how some people will attend spanking parties where they, or their partners, are spanked by strangers, but then are uncomfortable with the idea of having a D&S family.  Remember, my friends, we are in a very small community and need to support one another as best as possible.  It’s hard enough that the vanilla world doesn’t understand/accept us… we don’t need the same from each other, right?

So… how does one start? By honestly communicating our needs, which begins by an open, clear view of ourself.  If we fear our dark or hidden desires, then we cheat ourselves of discovery.  Like I tell my ‘plankton’ (I’m the Jumbo Shrimp/alpha sub and my peeps are those who train under me), we can’t achieve our goals until we accept our needs.

In finale, I will share with you a typical day of age-play for me. Let’s assume I’ve had a tough week, and come home grumpy…..

John (Daddy) greets me at the door.  Before I can say anything, he already knows what I need.  He’s heard it in my voice when I called him to tell him I was on my way home.  He’s prepared, also knowing I’m a bit cranky and might need some persuasion.  Yes, he knows me well.  He takes my bags from me and, after a kiss on the cheek, leads me into the bathroom where he has my big tub filled sky high with bubbles! I love bubbles… they immediately put me into a regressed frame of mind.  He undresses me and helps me into the tub.  After handing me my soap crayons (I like to draw naughty pictures on the wall), he leaves to get me a mug of hot cocoa. Not coffee…. little girls don’t drink coffee.

When he returns, he washes my hair.  Slowly and calmly, massaging away the stress from my night.  He then scrubs my body with my pink sponge thingy, using berry scented soap.  The scent puts me into the childlike mode, compared to my regular vanilla and sandalwood mix.   He lets me play in the bubbles for a while longer and sits with me, asking question about my goals for my day off.  I notice he wasn’t talking about that day… that was already planned. I was going to be Little and expected to simply mind him.  I also knew that, in my present mood, it would be a chore.

I have to admit, the warm bath, hair washing and hot cocoa, combined with working the entire night, left me exhausted.  Daddy sees me yawn and announces it’s time to get out of the tub.  It’s cold in the room and I don’t want to leave the warm, soothing bubbles. A frown and one finger held in the air is enough to make me obey. I’m too tired and too cranky to invite a spanking this early in the game!!

I can’t help but giggle as he holds out my bunny onsies! Oh yeah, not joking here.  Pink with a bunny tail of the open flap, and little bunny faces on the feet. He found these silly things at Target! I let him dress me and then settle between his knees for him to comb out and blow dry my hair. It’s really long and Daddy isn’t that good at braiding, but I don’t care. I’m falling asleep on his shoulder.  I barely remember him tucking me into bed, and stuffing Squishy (my killer whale pillow pet) under my arm.  He also leaves me a water bottle with one of those sippy tops on it in case I get thirsty.  The last thing I remember is him rubbing my back and my bottom before I drift off the sleep.

Because its my day off, he only allows me to sleep about four hours and then wakes me… usually with a kiss and then some tickling.  I’m not ready to get up and am a bit grumpy.  He pulls me out of bed and drags me into the bathroom to go potty and brush my teeth, promising a whole plethora of fun things to do if I behave myself.  I don’t care, i am sleepy and wanna to back to bed. It’s time for breakfast and, I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit more awake after I eat… as long as he doesn’t force me to eat oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. Oh good! Booberry Pancakes!

I’m usually allowed to watch cartoons. or Disney, while eating my breakfast. As long as I finish it, that is.  After I’m done, i have to put my plate in the sink and then get dressed. I don’t wanna. I like being in my jamies.  Thats when things start to turn bad for me… I’m allowed one warning before I find myself over his lap and being spanked.  Daddy will drop the flap of my onsies and let loose with his hand on my bare bottom.  I never take it quietly… heck no, I shriek, yell, kick, twist… anything to make it stop. It’s still too early for me and I am not in the mood.  Daddy stops spanking me when I agree to cooperate, and that my words sound convincing.  He knows me too well.

After I pout a little, I get dressed in whatever he has laid out for me.  Since it’s cold out, I have my pink sweats and Tinkerbell sweatsuit that he bought for me at Disney.  He lets me wear my fuzzy angry bird slippers and then sits me at the table to color while he changes the strings on his guitar (he’s a professional musician).  If I stay quiet, he joins me and we spend some time coloring together.  He’s really competitive too! It always makes me giggle to see him enjoying the coloring as much as I do (by the way folks, we are designing an adult coloring book based on D&S themes… so watch my blog for the coloring contest!)

The day continues… we play games, watch TV, go exploring outside if it’s nice, play ball with the dogs and the goose…..maybe even have a picnic if it’s warm enough.  I’m not allowed to wander off… his constant supervision is required when we are outside.  He worries about snakes biting or aliens capturing me in their spaceships.  If my mood improves, I do grab this time to be a brat.  Daddy does NOT like earthworms in his hair, but I think it’s funny.

If my sister is around, she will join us and play barbies with me, or color.  Daddy has to supervise our game playing though, because she hates to lose, and I am a terrible cheater.  That never fares well for either of us.  Even though I’m older, she naturally regresses as the younger sibling and acts up more than usual. Yeah, it typically ends up with her getting spanked by Daddy while I laugh at her.

By bed time, I’m exhausted, but at peace.  I had a whole day of being free from responsibility and chaos, was lovingly cared for and directed, and only had to worry about following Daddy’s rule. Which, I hate to admit, but even in my adult state, I don’t do as I should!

Hey, I never said I was the world’s best sub, but I am John’s favorite little girl!

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Meeting A New Dom/Domme For The First Time

 

Sir John here. I would like to address the do’s and dont’s of setting up an in-person session and how to act during it. For simplicity sake, I am using the term applicable to a M/F scenario and am addressing female subs but everything I say can be applied to any sub, male or female. The general guide should be helpful… whether you are looking to explore a Dom dynamic with a male or female or if you are a guy/gal interested in developing your Dom/Domme chops. OK here is a list and I will expound upon each point.

1. Where can I meet a Dom?      

Good question! I would say the best way is to visit some websites. spanking.com has some good ads. If you want more S&M maybe alt.com -but we are not dealing with that level here. Read reviews! If someone has had a bad experience, they will post it. Don’t be afraid to email him/her and ask for details. You can also contact the site manager to see is any complaints have been placed against the user. I also suggest the same be done for the Dom… I have had my own bad experiences with subs who weren’t exactly what they claimed to be!

2. How do I know I am talking to a real Dom and not a wanna be Dom?

Well, you don’t really, but there are some signs you can look for that will indicate he is at least in the ballpark. He should be very nice, but very firm when discussing your behaviors. A “young lady I will not tolerate that” or “It seems to me you need to be accountable for your actions” are good signs that this is a real Dom. If he says you should call him Sir while chatting, that’s good – as long as it is not done the wrong way. This is the wrong way: “You will call me sir, and speak only when spoken to you, tramp.” Hello? Are you there? Well, of course you are not, this guy is a jerk and more of a ‘wanna be Dom’. But if he said something like this: “I assume you have had little training, as its customary to refer to a Dom as Sir as a matter of respect.” Then you can choose to say “yes sir” or brat, and make a smart remark. He will know how to handle it. Like Breanna says, if he can’t treat me like a lady, then I cannot trust him to be a gentleman.

3. The meeting.

Lets say you have talked for at least two weeks. Yes, at least. You must get to know one another and not be afraid to ask the vital questions. Look for consistency, too and a little bit of humility. A man who has the absolute need to constantly toot his own horn is usually one that has some insecurities. If you have doubts, then wait a while until you are positive that he is stable and consistent. He must also be a person of integrity who works on his own self-improvement and personal goals. Now that you have decided it is time to meet, remember this one thing…this is non negotiable…. never, ever go to his house! Always insist your first meeting be in a public place. A restaurant, coffee shop etc.If he balks at this, move on, he is not thinking of your safety and a true Dom would be.

4. After your coffee or dinner, you find that you like one another, and you feel he may be the Dom you have been waiting for. Is it ok to have  a session that evening?  

I would say yes, if it is done safely. That means he has a hotel room. He arrives first. You never ride with him. After he is settled, ask the clerk at the desk if he is there and get his room number. Make sure the clerk will remember you. I would also encourage you to have a friend call you at the hotel at a certain time.   Seems a bit much? Well look, you do not know this man and soon you will be bare from the waist down in a position to be disciplined. Kind of scary right? A true Dom will understand you are kind of freaked out and will take things slow with you. You should tell him that if you say you are serious, that you are having difficulty breathing or with anxiety, etc. that he should stop.I would think a real Dom could punish you just fine with just his hand, but he may insist on some implements depending or your offenses. you need to discuss this prior to meeting. Will he use implements? Will you be marked? He may refuse to tell you and, in that case, you need to decide if you want to pursue this with him or not. Which brings me to number 5-safe words.

SPANKING

5. Safe Words?

On this topic, I have a rather controversial point of view. My opinion is that if you are playing-say doing a role play-bad secretary, etc. then safe words are fine. But if you are seeking real discipline, for actual bad behaviors that you are working on; speeding, smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. In these cases, I do not believe in safe words. I have done many sessions over the years and the majority of women said they came to me because they had used a safe word previously and stopped the spanking before they felt truly punished. Where as after our session, they did feel truly punished, and could get rid of the guilt. I am not saying do not use a safe word ever, that is up to you. But if you need to atone, you will be disappointed with a safe word. Trust me. Oh, FYI, Breanna has tried for years to incorporate a safe word (she loves to find ways to weasel) and my response is always the same… Do you trust me to do what is best for you? Trust takes time to build which is why I insist on taking as much time as you feel you need to learn about each other.

IMPORTANT! There are some psychological issues that sometimes come up, especially during a first session. This is where honesty and trust must come into play. Let your Dom know if you have any concerns about things, as well as if you are on any medications (blood thinners, aspirin, seizure meds), etc. that might affect your session. Honesty must go both ways!

6. Behavior during a session.

A lot of new subbies ask me how they should act during a session. Should I obey everything immediately? Not struggle or complain, etc? Well, here is the deal…. I would recommend a little bratting and a little resistance. My reason is because you need to know that the Dom can control you. If you are able to struggle and get off his lap, or call him names and get away with it, that’s pretty much game over. So give him a little challenge. We Doms kind of enjoy that anyway and it will show you if you are on the right track with the right Dom for you. But while on the subject, let me reiterate, a real Dom never ever yells or curses you or degrades you. If this happens, leave immediately and save yourself a big hassle later on.

NOTE: Some subs like ‘humiliation’ and name calling…. Establish a comfortable and safe relationship with your Dom prior to exploring this genre. Let him know your ‘deal breakers’ in both words and actions.

7. After your discipline…

Here is the truth. If this is a real punishment, it’s going to be painful. Depending on what you are being punished for, coupled with the skill and the strength of the Dom, it could be very, very painful. Tears would not be uncommon, nor would some marks, bruising, or welts. Another vital component to a real Dom is having a caring and understanding vibe after your punishment. He may decide on corner time, but he should also hold you and let you cry it out if you need to. He should also verbalize forgiveness so you can let the guilt go. Breanna also liked to be told that I was proud of her for accepting her needs, which helped her feel less ‘weird’. One cool thing about this arrangement is when its over, it is over. No guilt, no holding grudges. A clean slate. After you leave, the Dom should call you to make sure you got home safely. After that, it is up to the two of you to decide if this was a one time adventure or the real deal. Time will tell. Never settle. If you are careful and smart, you will find the Dom you have been Jonesing for.

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