Finding A Dom Online…

frustrated

 

It seems that this is a topic you are all interested in. Ok my lovelies, let me lead you down this path carefully. Trust me, I will not let you fall. The first thing you need to ask yourself is, what is it that I really want? Do you want a weekend spanking partner,  a serious D/s relationship, an age play relationship? Are you seeking real atonement for misbehaviors or just more role play?  Or perhaps your desires may even lean darker, maybe  bondage, or more of an S&M relationship or experience.

Ok, once you know what you want, you need to put out some feelers. As much as you would like it, the perfect Dom is not going to just knock on your door one day  and say “hi looking for me?”  You are going to have to find him, or at least put yourself out there so he can find you. So for the purposes of this post, lets say you want a D/s relationship, with spanking as the consequence for your misbehavior. There are some sites like Spank Seek  where you can make a profile and search for a Dom. Or  Shadowlane  and Nu West that have advertisements in their magazines. You want to stay away from sites like  alt.com , which is more s&m, and anything that does not have spanking or D/s or DD in the description.

So lets say you are on spanking.com… You  need to put up an ad and also get into some chat rooms.  Your ad needs to be honest-not only what you are seeking but what you are not. When describing yourself also be honest. Trust me, nothing bugs a Dom more than setting up a session with someone and finding out they are not anything like they described themselves to be. Been there,  got a t-shirt and a very uncomfortable evening out of it. So truth, truth, and more truth. So you put up your ad and look, you have a response. Actually, you have alot of responses, so now what do you do?   You respond in kind and see if the prospective “Mr. Right” Dom, wants to chat.

So now you are in chat, what do you say? Well first its always a good sign to say sir and be respectful.  Tell him your needs, and find out his.  Remember, keep it honest. Now pay attention, this is really important and I want all of you to sit up as you are reading this, and pay attention. If he mentions sex, say thank you for responding and get out! No real Dom will bring up sex in a first chat or a first session. Also, no bondage ever, unless you have a trusting relationship. Really trusting, You need to put yourself out there, but you need to feel safe. I always tell nubie subs to rent the movie Strangeland.  That  movie demonstrate how careful you have to be.

Chat should be fun for you. He should elicit that tingle, with what he says and how he says it. Then, you may want to go a step further and meet. I am going to do my next post on rules for a first session which you will need to burn into your little subbie memories as they are vital in this scene.

As always, be good or else.

SJ

PROPER SUB BEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC

angel

So I see all of you are interested in two main subjects. I will talk about the first one in this blog post, and will address the second in my next post. So how is a sub supposed to act in public with her Dom? Well the simple answer my lovelies, is as he orders her too. But  as you have all seen in these posts, simple is not really the way of the D/s lifestyle.

 

First and foremost, the sub must never create any kind of public scene. How many times have you seen couples yelling at each other in a restaurant, or standing in line for a movie? In the D/s world this never happens. And if it does, it is up to the top to make sure it never happens a second time. You see, when you are out with your Dom you reflect all his training, anything positive, or negative. One of the most serious behaviors my sub can commit is to reflect badly on my training in public.

 

A Dom treasures his sub. When she is out with him, he wants to show her off. He wants the world to see how well behaved she is. How she speaks, how she walks, how she  sits at the table, all reflect back to the Dom. Now some Doms, myself included, may want a specific action from his sub. I have told Bre to make sure when we sit down at a restaurant or in the car, to have her bb touching the leather or cloth material .This is usually after a good spanking, as I believe a sub must be spanked before going out in public, to remind them of just how they are to behave.

 

Now the other side of the coin is the Dom must never mistreat his sub, or cause any negativity to befall her while he is out with her. This is a two-way street. A sub must always be treated with respect and kindness. A Dom must be a gentleman in the world. Hold doors open, speak softly, etc.. Just because she is out with a top, does not mean he can or should order her around and embarrass her. But, if misbehavior occurs it can be delt with in a couple of ways. A trip to the car for a bb brushing (I always keep a brush in the glove compartment just in case). Or he can just softly tell his submissive, “this will be taken care of as soon as we get home.” If the top has a vibe, these words will be enough to stop any bad behavior.

 

And the punishment for any public outburst is severe indeed, but thats another post.   So… Let me know what you think, and remember, some of you have been a bit lax in the respect department  WHEN POSTING. I do not want to see that again from any of you,       be good or else!

 

SJ

Sub Space: A Dom’s Perspective

 

close up woman in water

Hello lovelies. So those who know what this means, congrats, for those who do not, please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. This is for sure, an E- ticket. First let me say this, one of the greatest gifts a Dom can give his sub is to take her into sub space because…drum roll…it’s all about the sub and giving her pleasure. Can I get an Amen from the subbies? So what the heck is this?

 

OK, sub space is kind of hard to explain, but I will give it a try- I imagine after you all read this Bree will get a ton of emails lol- Its a state of being where you are kind of floating. Very peaceful, and where, now hang in here, the pain becomes pleasure. No its not about being a masochist, this is different. I should point out as edification for you all, and also for any would be Tops reading this, you must be in good shape.This is a long process, and can take hundreds and hundreds of spanks to even get in the subspace gate. A strong arm and hand are vital.

 

So let me take you though this. Like I said, hold on its an e ticket. (Nikki here-for those of you that don’t know, apparently e-ticket is usually the ticket for the fastest and scariest rides-don’t worry if you didn’t get that, I didn’t either). I believe its best to use some sensory deprivation to start. A blindfold maybe, head phones, etc. This is all about feeling. No hearing or seeing. I use restraints, it is not absolutely necessary, but when the submissive struggles and can not escape, there is a special component that is not present if she is permitted to move all over the place.

 

Ok, the Dom begins with a hand spanking bb (bare bottomed) of course (the sub not the Dom)..Now this is not a punishment, this is a gift, so the spanking should be hard enough to redden and give a good sting, but not go into punishment mode. The spanking must progress slowly. However, this is the only time a sub may have a say in how she is spanked. She is permitted to ask for it slower or harder, faster, etc..After all, the goal is to get through the gate, and hopefully have a few good orgasms on the way. Its not unusual to have more than a few,  but that’s not the big payoff.

 

Ok, so the spanking has gone on for a while. Maybe a long while. The sub has gone from ow! to  hmmmm, to light moans.  This is a good sign. This means the spanks are beginning to heat up not only her bb, but other places as well. And most important, the Doms hands and mouth between spanks are hardly idle. Do hear another Amen!  Ok a sure sign the subbie is on her way into sub space is the way she will raise her bb up for the spanks, not try to avoid them. At this point the Dom will spank harder as she can take so much more when in sub-space.

 

By this time  the O’s  should have been up there in number and intensity.  Also now the implements are introduced. I use leather a lot because of the sensual feel of a flogger or strap. But a sub may want wood, or even a cane, it all depends on how deep she is.  Again slowly, but the same sign will let you know how hard-  the bb raised for the flogger or strap is the key sign, and there should be considerable moaning. And of course keep going back to the hand spanks. The session must start with the hand, as its so important for the connection; flesh to flesh.That is why you need to be able, as a Dom, to spank a long time. A really long time, sometimes. Anyway, once the sub has accepted the implement the Dom can go harder. The sub is not really feeling the pain now, only the heat and the strong strokes from her Dom. And yes, more O’s on the way. Again, this is interspersed with hands and mouth. Not to get too graphic, but i am sure you get the picture. So right when the subbie is way into subspace, thats when the two of you connect, and at the end of the ride is the golden “0”. There is no orgasm like a sub space orgasm. Take the best vanilla you have ever had, and multiply it by …oh I don’t know, a zillion may be too high, but not by much. And the Dom is quite happy also, but as i said its the Dom’s gift to his sub. The ultimate gift, so the goal is for her to experience this to the point of not being able to move or speak. Well  you know what i mean.

 

Ok ladies  thats my post and yes the topic was very fresh in my mind  so i was inspired to write until next time be good or else!

 

SJ

The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

scales of justice

Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

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