Sub Space: A Dom’s Perspective

 

close up woman in water

Hello lovelies. So those who know what this means, congrats, for those who do not, please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. This is for sure, an E- ticket. First let me say this, one of the greatest gifts a Dom can give his sub is to take her into sub space because…drum roll…it’s all about the sub and giving her pleasure. Can I get an Amen from the subbies? So what the heck is this?

 

OK, sub space is kind of hard to explain, but I will give it a try- I imagine after you all read this Bree will get a ton of emails lol- Its a state of being where you are kind of floating. Very peaceful, and where, now hang in here, the pain becomes pleasure. No its not about being a masochist, this is different. I should point out as edification for you all, and also for any would be Tops reading this, you must be in good shape.This is a long process, and can take hundreds and hundreds of spanks to even get in the subspace gate. A strong arm and hand are vital.

 

So let me take you though this. Like I said, hold on its an e ticket. (Nikki here-for those of you that don’t know, apparently e-ticket is usually the ticket for the fastest and scariest rides-don’t worry if you didn’t get that, I didn’t either). I believe its best to use some sensory deprivation to start. A blindfold maybe, head phones, etc. This is all about feeling. No hearing or seeing. I use restraints, it is not absolutely necessary, but when the submissive struggles and can not escape, there is a special component that is not present if she is permitted to move all over the place.

 

Ok, the Dom begins with a hand spanking bb (bare bottomed) of course (the sub not the Dom)..Now this is not a punishment, this is a gift, so the spanking should be hard enough to redden and give a good sting, but not go into punishment mode. The spanking must progress slowly. However, this is the only time a sub may have a say in how she is spanked. She is permitted to ask for it slower or harder, faster, etc..After all, the goal is to get through the gate, and hopefully have a few good orgasms on the way. Its not unusual to have more than a few,  but that’s not the big payoff.

 

Ok, so the spanking has gone on for a while. Maybe a long while. The sub has gone from ow! to  hmmmm, to light moans.  This is a good sign. This means the spanks are beginning to heat up not only her bb, but other places as well. And most important, the Doms hands and mouth between spanks are hardly idle. Do hear another Amen!  Ok a sure sign the subbie is on her way into sub space is the way she will raise her bb up for the spanks, not try to avoid them. At this point the Dom will spank harder as she can take so much more when in sub-space.

 

By this time  the O’s  should have been up there in number and intensity.  Also now the implements are introduced. I use leather a lot because of the sensual feel of a flogger or strap. But a sub may want wood, or even a cane, it all depends on how deep she is.  Again slowly, but the same sign will let you know how hard-  the bb raised for the flogger or strap is the key sign, and there should be considerable moaning. And of course keep going back to the hand spanks. The session must start with the hand, as its so important for the connection; flesh to flesh.That is why you need to be able, as a Dom, to spank a long time. A really long time, sometimes. Anyway, once the sub has accepted the implement the Dom can go harder. The sub is not really feeling the pain now, only the heat and the strong strokes from her Dom. And yes, more O’s on the way. Again, this is interspersed with hands and mouth. Not to get too graphic, but i am sure you get the picture. So right when the subbie is way into subspace, thats when the two of you connect, and at the end of the ride is the golden “0”. There is no orgasm like a sub space orgasm. Take the best vanilla you have ever had, and multiply it by …oh I don’t know, a zillion may be too high, but not by much. And the Dom is quite happy also, but as i said its the Dom’s gift to his sub. The ultimate gift, so the goal is for her to experience this to the point of not being able to move or speak. Well  you know what i mean.

 

Ok ladies  thats my post and yes the topic was very fresh in my mind  so i was inspired to write until next time be good or else!

 

SJ

The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

scales of justice

Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

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Thank You…

 

Hello all my lovelies. I am going to respond to each individual post you sent me, but first I need to make something clear. Bree and I are not having any kind of marital problems. That was not the impression I wanted to convey. We are fine, and we worked out the problem, so all is good.

I also wanted to thank you all for your posts. They really helped a lot. This was a difficult blog post because I really laid it out there. Hard to do as a man, double as a Dom. So thank you for being so supportive.

SJ

Dom’s have feelings too…

 

The_Thinker_Rodin-2

Hello  lovelies.  Trust me, this blog is not what you think. In fact I  really want your input. I have a feeling you will not be supportive, which is ok, just be honest.

First off, Bree andI have been together 9 years. I have never met a more responsive submissive in my life, or such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is my treasure and my life.  In the 9 yrs we have been together  I have had to discipline her to severity maybe 5 times. She is an exemplary submissive. Now her post today was not a serious offense, but she disobeyed me for the same thing twice, in one hour!  Very unusual, which is why her bb got paddled beet red the second time. But this is more a brat offense; nothing serious. Our bond as Dom and sub goes much much deeper than any vanilla relationship ever could. I would literally give my life for her in a second. No exaggeration.

So probably you are all, oh so sweet oh he loves her so much. True but we are turning a corner now and I may lose you. Lately Bree has expressed a desire to attend a spanking party. Those are not my thing, but I figured she might get ideas for a new book, which is what I figured she wanted to go for, and it is. But also, she wants to maybe indulge in a spanking from another top. This cuts me pretty deep. Yeah I hear you, oh boo-hoo, big bad Dom get over it. We all have fantasies, yes. But we do not all act on them, especially in a solid relationship. And it hurts, a lot. And if I do say so myself, her D/s relationship with me is pretty good. Not to mention the husband wife thing…Anyway I digress…

So I am working on letting that go. Frankly, it will take a very long time. I told her I would take her,  and she could even dress to show off her beautiful bb, and I might even spank her. But the thought of another male touching her puts me in a really dark place, one I try not to visit, and one nobody needs to be around. Now I do not mind causing her discomfort I spanked her 5 times yesterday just to see her red bb – and she was yeowing and squirming, But the thought of another male even causing her to say ow, and I can go very dark.

I had an experience with a jerk who actually has a dvd company, who I told could just use his hand on the girl I brought (this was just a date no history at all).  Anyway he took a brush, gave me a look to blow me off. I got up- it got tense. He backed off, and we left..

I am thinking maybe i would consider it if we had a couple we liked, doing a private thing.  But i would be so controlling, and probably as soon as I heard an ow I would stop any spanking from continuing. I am sure the Dom would say,   “John you’re nuts.” And you know what? He would be right ..I own the fact this is irrational, controlling, and not fair to Bree at all and quite selfish. But I am who I am.

Let me illustrate something, and Bree would not in any way do this I know. If she let another man spank her, behind my back, to me thats the same as having an affair in the vanilla world. Yes to me it is that serious. Some Doms do not care who spanks their subs. Fine, I am not judging  (Bree likes to watch me top another woman- go figure. But then again, I am giving pain, not getting it). But like I said, she is my treasure, and a Doms first promise to a sub is to protect her always. Is  this over the top? Yes probably. Hey it’s just a spanking right? Not to a Dom with the bond I have with Bree it isn’t. It’s much much deeper than that.   But what can I say? I am a Dom enigma.

So lovelies, if any of you are still with me, how would you react if you were Bree?  Just be honest, I do not get angry at Bree and we have never yelled at each other in 9 years, I swear on the Doms oath.

I have to admit this was kind of cathartic for me   so if you read it whatever your opinion thank you.

SJ

Ample Bottom Subs…

big butt

Hello my subbies, wannabes, those in training, and you who are scratching your head thinking, who in their right mind would want a spanking, much less on the bare bottom?  Right? lol I get it but I have a topic I want to talk about. Now don’t go hatin -hang in there with me,ok?

Subbies and weight.Okay put down the torches and the tar and feathers, come on its me ..Now I know a lot of you are self conscious about your weight. Especially the badonkadonk, but heres the good news; Doms are the least judgmental when it comes to a female bottom. I can only speak for myself, but I prefer an ample bottom to the  skinny  14 year old boy look the media tells you you should strive for.

Now Bre is by no means overweight, but she has curves and a nice full spankable bottom, which gets spanked a lot more than if she looked like, well you  know….Now I did not really get my Dom on, so to speak, until my 30’s. Thats when I found the balance between vanilla and Dom. but I have been spanking female bottoms since I was 13. Yes thats true- not bare bottoms then, that happened when I was around 17.  Ahh, what a  glorious night that was. But I digress.

Before I met Bree I did a lot of sessions. I have spanked 100’s of bb’s some very well known in the spanking community, and no i do not spank and tell, so don’t ask- and stop pouting…Anyway, I have spanked all shapes all sizes and the most enjoyable were the ones with a nice full bottom. I mean I hated spanking a small thin bottom that was cherry red after 15 spanks. Come on, wheres the fun in that?  Give me a good ample target that needs a good 100 to 300 to be  nice and glowing red all over…

Anyway, heres the point I seem to have taken much longer to get to, than I planned; embrace your curves. I know, especially a first meeting for a spanking, is embarrassing. After all, could you beautiful ladies be more vulnerable?  throw in that you are embarrassed about the size of your bare bottom, and it will not be very much fun.

Trust me, I would never lie to you, as a Dom we love that full bottom. We welcome it, and can not wait to reveal it, otk.  So maybe the vanilla world wants you to look like, well you know… but the D&s world  wants your bottom nice and full and spankable. At least I do, and I bet most Doms agree with me.

Maybe I should have a spanking camp so I could demonstrate just how much I love your ample bottoms…Hmmm…Hold on, I am thinking… OK,  I am back. So here’s to all of you getting the bb spankings you crave, and probably deserve. Until next time..  Be good, or else!

SJ

The Implement Must Fit The Crime…

 

spanking_implements_book_cover_by_arkham_insanity-d5hw9dy

 

Hello my little subbies, wanna-be’s, and the curious but shy’s…Before I begin, you know how people get together all over the world at a specific hour to chant for world peace?  Well I was thinking, all of you subbies can do the same thing.  Chant your mantra; “its not fair ” who knows, you might save a sub in Sri Lanka from a spanking. What do you think?

So heres the deal. Lets talk implements… Hey come back here. Hear me out. Lets discuss appropriate implements for appropriate offenses. Now every Dom feels differently about this, so this is just my take. First of all, it’s important for a Dom to establish what the rules are, so his sub understands her boundaries. Once these are established, a Dom never relents. So, lets take bratting…Not that any of you would ever act in such a matter, right?  To me a sound hand spanking of around 100 to 300, depending on the brat level, is enough. Now lets go to the other end (yes pun intended) of the scale and look at the offense of speeding. To me, this warrants severity. Why? Because it endangers the sub and innocent drivers. So for something like speeding- hand, wood brush,  paddle, and cane. I know Mr. Meanie.

But heres my point, A sub must understand the difference between a brat spanking and a severe one. A dom cannot or should not cane a sub for bratting. Just as a hand spanking for speeding is ludicrous. And yes there are grey areas where just a paddle or just a brush is appropriate. One more thing, A dom must set a positive example. If he punishes his sub for speeding, then he cannot speed. If he punishes her for smoking, he cannot smoke. Are you hearing me my little ones?

Well thats about it from Domland. Remember, get together and do the chant. Who knows, the bottom you save may be your own!

 

Be good – or else

 

Sir John

 

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Meeting A New Dom/Domme For The First Time

 

Sir John here. I would like to address the do’s and dont’s of setting up an in-person session and how to act during it. For simplicity sake, I am using the term applicable to a M/F scenario and am addressing female subs but everything I say can be applied to any sub, male or female. The general guide should be helpful… whether you are looking to explore a Dom dynamic with a male or female or if you are a guy/gal interested in developing your Dom/Domme chops. OK here is a list and I will expound upon each point.

1. Where can I meet a Dom?      

Good question! I would say the best way is to visit some websites. spanking.com has some good ads. If you want more S&M maybe alt.com -but we are not dealing with that level here. Read reviews! If someone has had a bad experience, they will post it. Don’t be afraid to email him/her and ask for details. You can also contact the site manager to see is any complaints have been placed against the user. I also suggest the same be done for the Dom… I have had my own bad experiences with subs who weren’t exactly what they claimed to be!

2. How do I know I am talking to a real Dom and not a wanna be Dom?

Well, you don’t really, but there are some signs you can look for that will indicate he is at least in the ballpark. He should be very nice, but very firm when discussing your behaviors. A “young lady I will not tolerate that” or “It seems to me you need to be accountable for your actions” are good signs that this is a real Dom. If he says you should call him Sir while chatting, that’s good – as long as it is not done the wrong way. This is the wrong way: “You will call me sir, and speak only when spoken to you, tramp.” Hello? Are you there? Well, of course you are not, this guy is a jerk and more of a ‘wanna be Dom’. But if he said something like this: “I assume you have had little training, as its customary to refer to a Dom as Sir as a matter of respect.” Then you can choose to say “yes sir” or brat, and make a smart remark. He will know how to handle it. Like Breanna says, if he can’t treat me like a lady, then I cannot trust him to be a gentleman.

3. The meeting.

Lets say you have talked for at least two weeks. Yes, at least. You must get to know one another and not be afraid to ask the vital questions. Look for consistency, too and a little bit of humility. A man who has the absolute need to constantly toot his own horn is usually one that has some insecurities. If you have doubts, then wait a while until you are positive that he is stable and consistent. He must also be a person of integrity who works on his own self-improvement and personal goals. Now that you have decided it is time to meet, remember this one thing…this is non negotiable…. never, ever go to his house! Always insist your first meeting be in a public place. A restaurant, coffee shop etc.If he balks at this, move on, he is not thinking of your safety and a true Dom would be.

4. After your coffee or dinner, you find that you like one another, and you feel he may be the Dom you have been waiting for. Is it ok to have  a session that evening?  

I would say yes, if it is done safely. That means he has a hotel room. He arrives first. You never ride with him. After he is settled, ask the clerk at the desk if he is there and get his room number. Make sure the clerk will remember you. I would also encourage you to have a friend call you at the hotel at a certain time.   Seems a bit much? Well look, you do not know this man and soon you will be bare from the waist down in a position to be disciplined. Kind of scary right? A true Dom will understand you are kind of freaked out and will take things slow with you. You should tell him that if you say you are serious, that you are having difficulty breathing or with anxiety, etc. that he should stop.I would think a real Dom could punish you just fine with just his hand, but he may insist on some implements depending or your offenses. you need to discuss this prior to meeting. Will he use implements? Will you be marked? He may refuse to tell you and, in that case, you need to decide if you want to pursue this with him or not. Which brings me to number 5-safe words.

SPANKING

5. Safe Words?

On this topic, I have a rather controversial point of view. My opinion is that if you are playing-say doing a role play-bad secretary, etc. then safe words are fine. But if you are seeking real discipline, for actual bad behaviors that you are working on; speeding, smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. In these cases, I do not believe in safe words. I have done many sessions over the years and the majority of women said they came to me because they had used a safe word previously and stopped the spanking before they felt truly punished. Where as after our session, they did feel truly punished, and could get rid of the guilt. I am not saying do not use a safe word ever, that is up to you. But if you need to atone, you will be disappointed with a safe word. Trust me. Oh, FYI, Breanna has tried for years to incorporate a safe word (she loves to find ways to weasel) and my response is always the same… Do you trust me to do what is best for you? Trust takes time to build which is why I insist on taking as much time as you feel you need to learn about each other.

IMPORTANT! There are some psychological issues that sometimes come up, especially during a first session. This is where honesty and trust must come into play. Let your Dom know if you have any concerns about things, as well as if you are on any medications (blood thinners, aspirin, seizure meds), etc. that might affect your session. Honesty must go both ways!

6. Behavior during a session.

A lot of new subbies ask me how they should act during a session. Should I obey everything immediately? Not struggle or complain, etc? Well, here is the deal…. I would recommend a little bratting and a little resistance. My reason is because you need to know that the Dom can control you. If you are able to struggle and get off his lap, or call him names and get away with it, that’s pretty much game over. So give him a little challenge. We Doms kind of enjoy that anyway and it will show you if you are on the right track with the right Dom for you. But while on the subject, let me reiterate, a real Dom never ever yells or curses you or degrades you. If this happens, leave immediately and save yourself a big hassle later on.

NOTE: Some subs like ‘humiliation’ and name calling…. Establish a comfortable and safe relationship with your Dom prior to exploring this genre. Let him know your ‘deal breakers’ in both words and actions.

7. After your discipline…

Here is the truth. If this is a real punishment, it’s going to be painful. Depending on what you are being punished for, coupled with the skill and the strength of the Dom, it could be very, very painful. Tears would not be uncommon, nor would some marks, bruising, or welts. Another vital component to a real Dom is having a caring and understanding vibe after your punishment. He may decide on corner time, but he should also hold you and let you cry it out if you need to. He should also verbalize forgiveness so you can let the guilt go. Breanna also liked to be told that I was proud of her for accepting her needs, which helped her feel less ‘weird’. One cool thing about this arrangement is when its over, it is over. No guilt, no holding grudges. A clean slate. After you leave, the Dom should call you to make sure you got home safely. After that, it is up to the two of you to decide if this was a one time adventure or the real deal. Time will tell. Never settle. If you are careful and smart, you will find the Dom you have been Jonesing for.

Interview With Sir John

 

 

A while ago Bree posted that she was going to interview John for the blog. Readers sent in questions, and here they are. I (Nikki) am conducting this interview because Bree is sleeping-she worked last night. Hope you enjoy!

First I am supposed to tell you that I was 2 minutes late for our meeting and I did not start the interview the way a proper sub would. So I earned a hand and brush punishment and book entry.

Nikki: Sir, I am sorry for not starting our interview on time and properly. Please forgive me and thank you for taking the time to answer our questions. (this was of course said in position).

Sir John: You will be spanked later.

Nikki: Yes sir.

Sir John: Go on.

Nikki: Yes sir.

Reader: How did you become or learn or train to be a Dom?

Sir John: I was about 14 and had a bratty girlfriend. I had seen and read some about spanking, so I decided I would try it.  It was over her clothing but I got such a favorable reaction I started to think this is the way relationships should be formed.

Nikki: Did you train yourself sir, or just learn as you went along?

Sir John: Well I had no idea what a top or a bottom was. I did read a lot but in the early stages, I just used corporal punishment (cp) when a girlfriend was acting up. It was awhile before I actually got into the dynamic of a true Dom. Quite a while.

Reader: Do you mentor other Dom or subs?

Sir John: I have had many subs over the years both online, and in person. Not many Doms. I have given advice from time to time.

Reader: Do you have other subs? (you should start a school on how to properly motivate subs I think this could be very useful).

Sir John: Well you could be right and if the opportunity came up I would consider it. However, you and Bree keep me pretty busy.  lol I do mentor some online though.

Nikki: lol

Reader: What made you think Bree or Nikki were subs when you met them?

Sir John: Very good question. I think other Doms will support me on this; after a while, you just know. It’s almost a sixth sense about these things. I think Bree and you could tell I was a top right away. Subs also have this awareness. that’s why when a top comes into a room and there are subs there, even if they have not come out about it, they will act much differently than they do with the vanilla men in the room.

Nikki: Yes sir, I have noticed this personally.

Reader: How much is seen in your day to day life on how things work in terms of the lifestyle?

Sir John: Well, my perception of this is based on my own experience. The D&s dynamic is quite strong in my life, as you know. It’s my opinion a true relationship must have a Dom sub component. But lets be clear, a Dom does not abuse. Just because he is alpha does not mean the sub has no rights. Of course she does and a Dom will revere his subs much more than a vanilla man would his girlfriend, wife, etc…But as you know, subs and dare I say, women in general, need boundaries. And when those are crossed, they must have someone they respect to be accountable to. I believe this is the best foundation for a relationship. When a sub has misbehaved she is punished then forgiven. No holding grudges or storming out like a lot of vanilla men do. After the punishment the Dom reassures his sub that she is loved and forgiven. With Bree and Nikki, even if I need to be severe, they know I love them and the punishment is for their own good. They each have different rules pertaining to their lack of discipline in areas and then they both must be respectful and obedient. But I am sure they both know they are loved and treasured.

Nikki: Yes sir, we do.

Reader: If you had children, how do you think they might change the Dom/sub interaction in your home?

Sir John: Well, privacy is essential for obvious reasons. However, if I had children, I think I would bring them up being aware of the lifestyle so if I had to spank my wife and they were there, they would see it as a caring thing and not be embarrassed by it.

Reader: I read that you had a long relationship with Bree training her prior to having an intimate relationship. Why was that? Did you know it would eventually lead to marriage?

Sir John: Well at first no, but the more I got to know her, the more I realized just how special she was and is. I think a D&s relationship needs time to develop. The good thing about it is the sub knows right up front what is expected of her and she either complies or says thats not my thing-so no time is wasted. All of my past relationships always had the rules set forth before the first date. D&s is a very honest communication which is why it works so well. Bree is an amazing woman, as you know, and took to her training very well. She is a model sub…most of the time. lol!

Nikki: lol

Reader: Do you have any recommendations for subs looking for a Dom, and what should they look for?

Sir John: Well, I do mentor some would-be subs online, and this is a frequent question. First off, and this is vital, a real Dom will never bring up sex…a real Dom will not be a jerk and try to boss a woman. He will actually be caring and understanding, but quite firm in how things will go. Even in a chat or email, a woman can feel if it’s a weekend Dom or the real deal. It’s not easy. A Dom must be a lot of things, and above all, balanced.

Reader: How have things changed since adding Nikki to your family?

Sir John: Well, I love Nikki. She is smart and cute and quite spankable. lol She and Bree love each other and I have come to love her as well. She can be a brat at times as she has not had the training Bree has, but she is learning.

Nikki: Hmph!

Reader: How do you determine the amount, or type of implement, you use?

Sir John: Well it really depends on the offense as you know only too well. And this brings up a good point for a would-be Dom. All spankings are not created equal. lol  So lets say Bree has been a brat. A good hard hand, bare bottom (BB) spanking is sufficient. But lets say she was speeding and got a ticket. Then the spanking should reflect the offense as should the implements. For a speeding ticket, she would receive a hand, brush, paddle spanking followed by 12 of the best.

Nikki: 12 of the best sir?

Sir John: Yes, a caning.

Reader: Is there a general guideline that is followed by all or most Doms?

Sir John: Well, in a way. Lets take two scenarios. Lets take a first encounter. A Dom must be very aware of the subs behavior. First, she is going to be terrified-after all this is a strange man who is not only going to bare her bottom, but punish it. She is trusting he knows what he is doing and will not abuse her. So a Dom needs to be firm but caring. Now this can go two ways, it can be a real punishment session or a role play. Each is different. I can elaborate if you want.

Nikki: Yes sir, please do.

Sir John: Well, and this will be a controversial opinion I am sure, but a real punishment session should have no safe words. After all, if you were sentenced to a spanking would you have the power to stop it when it got too painful? No, and if a sub wants a real punishment then it should be done that way. Now a Dom must be unyielding here. If she is starting to mark, he must still carry out the punishment as he stated he would. She can not top from the bottom and use tears, etc. to stop it. If it is role play, the safe words are acceptable as it is fantasy and the sub really has done nothing to deserve real punishment. So you see the difference?

Nikki: Yes sir, for clarity though….You are saying that in a Dom/sub relationship there are no safe words because it is consensual and she has given her Dom that right to punish her? But if playing-even with her Dom, she can use a safe word because it is not an actual punishment.

Sir John: Yes, in a relationship that is true, but in play yes, she can have a safe word. Now let me make a point; most spanking sites will tell a would-be sub who is about to have a first session, to have a safe word. I get that and there is nothing wrong with it. But I have had many subs in a session tell me they came to me because they need a real punishment-no safe words, etc….a sub that is looking for real atonement, will not feel she has been truly punished with a safe word. But I do understand the safety issue here as well.

Nikki: Thank you. That was going to be my next question-whether you feel it is appropriate for a woman meeting a Dom she has met online-for the first time, to have a safe word.

Sir John: I Have my own take on this but I would never turn down a session because a woman wanted a safe word. You see, its much different to role play you are drinking too much, and to actually have been drinking too much, and be punished for real.

Note: This is from me, Breanna….while we never have used safe words, John does listen carefully to me during a session. If something comes up that warrants me needing him to stop, I will tell him I am serious and we take a break to discuss whatever is causing me distress…and I don’t mean my bb! BECAUSE OF  PAST ISSUE OF ABUSE, HE IS VERY CAREFUL NOT TO TAKE ME TO THE PLACE OF PANIC, AND I TRUST HIM TO BE AWARE OF EVERY SOUND, BREATH, AND MOVEMENT THAT WOULD INDICATE I WAS HAVING A PROBLEM BEYOND THE OW FACTOR.

Reader: Have you studied from a medical point of view how much discipline is safe to administer?

Sir John: You learn as you go. The first time I administered a bb spanking, I was amazed at how red her bottom got and also a little bruised. I was pretty young, about 17, and I was freaked out she might show her parents. But all she did was tell her girlfriend who started really paying attention to me. lol So a Dom must be aware of what is happening to the skin. Some women mark quickly, some not much. Where one woman a 100 hand spank spanking can bruise, another it may take 500. So you just have to be aware.

Nikki: So is that why you and other Doms prefer bb? Or is is simply because bb hurts more sir?

Sir John: Well, there are a few answers here but first, just in case any would-be Doms are reading this….get your hand in shape. A subs main fantasy is over the knee (OTK) bb. And for a hand spanking to really feel like a punishment you should be able to do at least  200 sounds spanks with your hand. So practice men! lol Ok, now to your question. First we are men, so a woman’s bb is really exciting. In the OTK position. Even moreso and flaming red even more…so it is that, as well as the feel of the skin getting hot, that is really exciting. And lets be honest, Doms are sadistic-some more than others. So having a bb woman squirming under your hand as her bottom changes from white to pink to red is very satisfying. From a practical point of view, you can see the effects the punishment is having and gauge for safety reasons. And yes, also because it does hurt more.

Reader: Have you allowed yourself to be punished once, to know how it feels?

Sir John: Yes, I must admit I have. But not with any implements.

Nikki: —Mouth gaping— um, ok last question… lol

Reader: How do you bring yourself to discipline Nikki? She seems like such a sweet girl, I would think you would find it difficult to be stern with her…(this may or may not have been submitted by yours truly 😉 )

Sir John: lol! Well, although your question was meant to be humorous, it brings up a good point. How does a Dom bring himself to discipline severely the one or ones he loves? This is a dilemma all Doms face when they fall for someone or care deeply for a sub. Nikki is a sweet girl, but she needs direction. Though it pains me at times to see her her bb marked by my hand or paddle, I know it’s for her own good and will help her grow into a well behaved young lady. Its not always easy for a Dom to be severe, but sometimes its necessary.

Sir John: Now before we conclude, let me say this. D&s is a wonderful lifestyle and if you are lucky enough to find the right partner, there is nothing better. For would-be Doms, be caring and loving but strict when you need to be. Do not let tears etc. deter you if your sub needs discipline, and never back out after you have stated she is to be punished. If you do it will just confuse her. Be consistent, fair, and never punish in anger or yell. A Dom is always calm and in control. Remember, you are training her for her own good. She needs boundaries as I stated before, but be balanced in how you handle her. It is a great responsibility. For would-be subs it’s important you are respectful. Never curse or yell and mind your Dom. You will all try to weasel out of a punishment-we know this-it’s part of your nature. But remember, even if your Dom is severe, its because he cares. He is not there to abuse you, but to help you be the best you can be. So mind him and try to behave. Of course no one is perfect, and if a Dom had a perfect sub, who would he spank, right? lol Any way, good luck to all of you. If you can be half as happy as Bree and I am, you will be blessed indeed.

Nikki: Thank you sir for taking time to answer our readers questions. We appreciate it and your words of wisdom.

Sir John: My pleasure. We will take care of your book later today. Love you.

Nikki: Yes sir. I love you too.

     ***Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this interview are not necessarily the opinions of the blog owner or her sister.***

 

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