Subbie Catch 22


Hello lovelies,

I want to discuss something with you concerning the heading to my post. It could also be called “Why subbies cannot behave all the time” lol.

All of you have, or have had fantasies about being spanked for punishment, a hard bb spanking that goes beyond your limits and makes you feel truly punished, right? Of course I am right, I know you better than you know yourselves, lol. Now when a sub has or does contact me it’s usually for a specific behavior: smoking, speeding, etc. (you all know the list by now). The goal is to change the self-destructive behaviors and also teach the sub how to behave properly, especially when interacting with a Dom.

Now, once the behaviors are changed and the sub begins to act properly, punishment is no longer needed. I see you all scratching your heads and saying, “Yes Sir John, we know this. So what’s up with the catch 22 thingy?”

Here’s what I mean…after a while you will be jonsing for a spanking. At first not having to sit gingerly or write lines will be enjoyable but, after a while with no correction you will feel something lacking.

So what do you do? You act out.

Why? Because as much as a spanking hurts you still need it from time to time. It’s very hard for a sub to ask a Dom for a spanking because she is jonsing. Bree still cannot do this but, she has her ways of getting it. Training a sub online is very difficult when it comes to this. In person you can brat and be spanked quickly, online it is much more complicated, as some of my online subs can attest.

You see it’s a real subbie catch 22…misbehave and you displease your Dom and get punished. Behave and you please your Dom but go nuts jonsing for a hot bottom. I must say I do not envy you, that’s’ why it’s good to be the Dom. One thing to remember, if you are jonsing and ask a Dom respectfully to spank you in person or online, it would be rare for him to turn you down. And no it’s not topping from the bottom, so speak up…to paraphrase a great movie moment “raise your voices and yell, we’re bratty as hell and we want more!!!”

Be good, or else…


10 thoughts on “Subbie Catch 22

  1. Thank you all for your replies. I will address just how online works… or should, next post .. Its very tricky, especially if you have had an in person session then must go back to online. Hang in there lovelies, I will explain all soon.

  2. I thought that was what getting a little mouthy or a attitude is for My Hubby has been telling me for years oh I see someone is asking for a spanking and no ,matter how many times I try to get him to see I am not and that I don’t want one….. I always end up with a sour bottom

  3. I think that a Dom should see it when a sub needs that little reminder…
    I also think I’d ask for it, just 20 or so as a reminder… Then again, my bottom has been spank-free for my entire life! And I have no idea how to behave around a Dom. :’)

  4. Hi SJ,

    Please excuse my ignorance on this one, but I have to assume you don’t physically spank all your online subs due to distance constraints and the such. How do you discipline an online sub that does, in fact, need or want a spanking and isn’t local? Are there other methods that work and satisfy both parties just as effectively, or does it turn out as another lesson in frustration for everyone involved?


  5. It sounds kinda like kids. They know the boundary, can stay away from the boundary but still want to test the edge to make sure it is still there. It is one way to know that the parent cares enough and will stay strong and consistent.

    As subbies we are seeking consistency, and intimacy, so we push the Dom’s buttons to make sure they will continue to care enough to hold us accountable?

    Definitely a catch 22.

  6. I just had this exact conversation with my husband on Saturday night. It sucked, because I felt like I shouldn’t have to beg for a spanking.

    I still get angry when he doesn’t read my mind, LOL.

    But in the end, after he had processed for a while, he did give me what I needed.

    I still wish there was some training in D/S mind reading, though.
    Thanks for posting this.

    • Katherine that would be whole new catch 22 For me if mine could read my mind all the time I am sure I would never sit comfy again….just saying lol

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