Spanking: Punishment v. Abuse

Ok lovelies, I want to address a serious topic here, also for any would be Doms reading this, listen up. It’s important.

There are a lot of men and women who equate a proper spanking with abuse. This is not the case, and I’d like to put things into perspective. In order to do this I need to share a bit of my past with you, not an easy thing as I am pretty private person, but I think this is important.

My childhood was constant abuse from my mother both verbal and physical. I was whipped or switched almost daily until I was big enough to say no more. My father did nothing to help and if it were not for my grandmother, I never would have made it. Physical abuse is out of control violence. The strokes or blows can land anywhere. The abuser does not care where. It can go on as long as the abuser does not tire out. It was not unusual for my legs or arms, etc. to be switched and cut or my body bruised from a belt or whatever was around. Now this is not a poor me story, I tell you this to illustrate a point.

What I have described is abuse. A spanking is not. A punishment spanking hurts, I won’t lie to you. It hurts a lot, but the difference is that it’s controlled and always just the bb. Can a punishment mark? Yes, it can, especially when an implement is being used. But, like I said, never out of control strokes. A Dom is always aware of how the sub’s bb is reacting. You see, an abuser does not care if you mark or even bleed. A Dom would never go too far. Control is key. Not to mention the fact that he cares about teaching you a valuable lesson. An abuser, like my mother, would just get mad, lose her temper and start hitting me, a lot of times for no reason at all, other than she lost control.

I keep coming back to control. It’s all about control, never anger. A Dom never punishes if he is angry and I mean never. Also, there is always after care following a punishment, especially a severe one. This is not the case with an abuser. Now all Doms have a sadistic side, some more than others. After all we do love seeing a crimson bb otk or bent over. Even so we always have the subbie’s safety and best interest at heart. We’re always watching out for any problems, during a session, to ensure their physical and emotional wellbeing. Again, an abuser could care less, trust me I know.

In conclusion, let me say to all of you, a proper spanking is not abuse, even if the sub’s bb marks. Always make sure after care is given. It’s hard a lot of times for subs and, especially new Doms to understand what I have been saying but I’d like you to think about it. A Dom must always…

       Keep in control.

       Only give your sub what she deserves.

       Do so from a caring place.

I sincerely hope this helps some of you.


Said with love and caring,



P.S. Thank you for all of the great ideas and suggestions you guys left in the comments and all the emails you sent me. I’ll definitely be using those in my future posts so stick around.

15 thoughts on “Spanking: Punishment v. Abuse

  1. First let me say how courageous you are for sharing your life, I love this blog, my husband and I have learned a lot!However, lately I feel this blog is directed to subs or former subs, I’ve emailed personally and have gotten vague or no response, am I just paranoid?

    • Hi Di-
      I’ve written back twice to your emails, with requests for information regarding the situation you were concerned about. Please check and make sure the spam folder doesn’t have it. The pictures were, again, adorable.

  2. Sir, Thank you for telling us your personal story. It could not have been easy. Your post is perfect to show a spouse who is struggling with the difference between d/s spankings vs. abuse. I am giving him this post to read and hoping it will help him with this issue. Please wish me luck I’m counting on it to work. Thanks again!

  3. Sir, Thank you for telling us your personal story. it could not have been easy. Your post is perfect to show a spouse who is struggling with the difference between DD spankings vs abuse. I am giving him this post to read. I’m hoping it will help him with this issue. Please wish me luck or throw a prayer in there for us. I’m counting on it to work. Thanks again!

  4. I get what you mean. My parents weren’t spankers, but they would get very angry and yell, then walk up to my sister and/or me (while yelling) and give us several blows to the head. Now, I hate that this is my past, because I love my parents and all, but fact is that they did abuse us. Finally, my mum stopped, but my dad persisted until FINALLY a law was introduced in which was stated that you were not to hurt your child, even with a correctional tap. That’s when it finally stopped.

    This is the reason why I fear raised hands. Something that has definately stuck in my memory, is my dad walking up to me one time while I was naked and defenceless (I was fairly young, 8 years old or so), his hand raised, he yelled, and he hit me so hard, my naked body, my vunerable head (even hitting with a fist)… It hurt so badly and I got extremely afraid of him (I already was afraid of him, but it got worse).

    Don’t get me wrong, they’re good and wonderful people, but their past… is kind of dark. Especially for me. I have forgiven my mother, because she also protected me from my dad often, but I will never forget. I will never forget or forgive what my father did. I love him now, but he has been too abusive in the past for me to get over it.

    This is also possibly the main reason why I struggle to listen to them and other forms of authority (except for the law).

    Thanks for the post.

    P.S. “stick around”? I pretty much live on this blog…

    • Laura, so sorry that you had to go thru this, I can understand your trepidation in doing any kind of a session.I hope you find someone you can truly trust to help you thru this, if you are interested in pursuing any kind of d/s lifestyle ..and thanks the blog will continue lol

      • Thank you, Sir John. Unfortunately I’ll have to try and keep myself out of trouble for now, which will be hard because I’m going to university soon and well… drinking is a big part of the university life here. And with no parents around… I suspect trouble.

  5. Hallo Sir John, Thank you for sharing your past to drive home this important lesson. I never sease to be amazed how kind and openhearted the two of you are, always striving to make us – your readers grow. Wishing you all the the very best!

    • Pay it forward is what its all about, We just want you all to be happy and realize your fantasizes in a safe and sane way . Thanks for the comments Cecily

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