Safe Words of Wisdom From SJ



OK lovelies, here is something that (if it hasn’t already)  may come up. Most sites will tell you  to always have a safe word. While I get that its hardly that simple,  lets imagine a scenario.  You  have been talking to a prospective Dom. You like each other and  you have talked for about 2 weeks and feel pretty good about him You have mentioned,  or if he is a true dom he has brought up, your need for atonement and accountability. You agree. However, heres the deal ..If you are meeting for true punishment, for true misbehaviors, a safe word really takes it out of reality, and more into role play. How can you feel truly punished, if you can stop your spanking whenever you want?

Ok I hear you.  But Sir, he’s a stranger.  If i don’t have some control, what if he goes overboard? Good point. And one you have to weigh with how much you feel you can trust this guy  and how guilty you feel for your behavior. I did alot of in-person sessions before I met Bree, and I told all of them, if this is real accountability then no safe word.  Most understood. Some said no, and I respected that.You see, alot of women came to me complaining that the guy that spanked them stopped way too soon. They did not feel truly punished, so they left frustrated, and even more guilty.

Now lets take a role play scenario, or a sub space session.  This is totally different. In role play, you are pretending to misbehave, so a safe word works as its not reality.  In a sub space session, its all about you. So you can have safe words, and even verbalize what you want.

So bottom (yes pun intended)  line, its up to you. If you do not really trust the guy, you have no buiness being with him any way. Just be safe. And make sure you know what you really want.

Be good or else!


16 thoughts on “Safe Words of Wisdom From SJ

  1. thanks Isabella. i feel you should talk every day to a prospective dom for at least 2 weeks .If you ask him the right questions (as i have pointed out in past posts) you can get a pretty good feel ..unfortunately, i believe you need to see eye to eye in person to really know so , you have to make that move sooner, or later

  2. Something that I didn’t think about until reading the post and the comments if you are with someone who isn’t trust worthy than there is no guarantee they would respect your safe word anyway. So maybe this is where having a planned call to a friend at a set time could be a better protection. You get the punishment you need. You check in and all is cool. The dom turns out to be untrustworthy you don’t check in and someone is coming to find you or call for help.

  3. Not SJ but from my perspective… If you get to know your Dom and really spend time with him, talking online, on the phone, etc. Then go to a public place and have a coffee date and talk, etc.

    Then, if it seems he is who he says or presents himself to be and he doesn’t creep you out. THEN maybe you can make a date for a session. Be it discipline, or play. But just because you want a spanking-dont just jump on the first Doms bandwagon. There are a lot of creeps out there. Some are dangerous. We all read the post from Carole who was bloodied….

    If you are not used to any punishment at all, you will probably not be able to take as much as someone like Bree, who can take much more. But, your “Dom” should be able to judge by your reactions, your skin changes (this is why unfortunately we should be bb) and your general demeanor. He should be in tune with you enough to judge when you have had enough. The last thing you want is to be with some sadist who is only thinking of his own pleasure. Of course our Doms enjoy administering a good spanking and love our reaction to it as well as the way our bottoms get red. BUT, his main thing needs to be your(our) safety and needs. Not his. If he is only satisfying his kink, he is dangerous. DANGEROUS.

    SJ can spank. Really hard. I practically do the back stroke trying to get away. But I completely trust him. 100%. He stops, he re-evaluates during, etc. If you do not fee this way or have any sort of inkling or feeling at all that is negative about a prospective Dom, stay away from him. Far, far away.

    Right daddy?

    love nikki

  4. Sir, if you aren’t used to being punished at all I think most punishments would seem severe. Some of the one I read about, on this site and in books, seem incredibly harsh and yet Bree and Nikki both seem to love and respect you. Is a Dom supposed to be able to tell what is too sever for one sub but maybe not another? Do we build a tolerance for punishment/discipline and need more the longer we’re in the lifestyle? What if I feel punished and he thinks it isn’t enough? Is that the trust where you have to think he knows what he’s doing?

    • yes gigi . A real dom knows when his discipline is making an impression (yes pun intended) Every subbie is different.. Bre can take a much harder spanking than nic but, they both feel equally punished after a session . You do build tolerance over time but,, it takes being spanked soundly and often

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