What a week….

Gosh am I glad this week is over. It has been one emotional roller coaster. Can you say PMS? I managed to get myself lectured and punished and, well, without going into details, it was a rough week. I have been feeling maybe insecure? I was given and order by John to not do something and if I do it there will be dire repercussions. So obviously I am tempted to do exactly what I am forbidden to do cause you know, tell me I can’t do something and suddenly, that is exactly what I want to do. So been struggling with that. Sorry so vague but have to protect the innocent here… But one day due to my previous behavior daddy decided that he had to deal with me as SIR rather than Daddy for the day(or two) and it was rough. I like him a lot more when he is daddy. Heck I love him when he is daddy but when he is sir he is just downright scary and mean. But I do understand where he is coming from-but that doesn’t mean I have to like it right?

Plus, I have been doing my ICU rotation and it is tough and scary and sad and challenging, and… well you get the picture. I am not planning to become an ICU nurse. All though looking back – I can do that because my  rotation is over – it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and I learned a lot. And thank GOD for Bree. She is so smart and so helpful. It’s great having a sister who is already an nurse when you are going through school. Now if I could just figure out how to get her to do my homework…

So, back to how glad I am the week is over for me. I’m off tomorrow, all though I have a lot of work to do. But not needing to get up at 0400 is a wonderful thing. I fully intend to sleep in. Then do some homework. Then lounge around the house. Maybe I will get lucky and someone will make me dinner or something. That would be nice.

So there is my update. I really hope next week is better. I don’t think I can take another emotional week like this past one.

Paying the Consequences

Do you guys recall that tiny, itsy, bitsy, harmless little drinking incident that Nikki and I suffered a ways back?  I guess that either I’ve had a lapse of memory, or maybe just pure insanity, but I repeated my mistake.  John is sitting here as I stand and share the misery of my condition.
My bottom hurts,  Bad.  And I deserved every painful swat.
Besides the fact that I’m diabetic, and alcohol is not the wisest choice I make on those rare occasions, John has a personal issue with ‘over-indulgence’ and a lack of self-control when it comes to his family.  He’s very protective and I terrified him when I started acting weirder than usual.  He checked my sugars and they were severely high.  It was at that point I had to confess that I not only disobeyed his limit of one glass of red wine, but I lied and overindulged with three glasses of my favorite- Ice Wine. For those of you who aren’t familiar with pure ambrosia- it’s a sweet, smooth desert wine that is very very concentrated and, for me, potent.
I can’t remember the last time I saw my husband’s face turn quite that shade of magenta.  I started praying for a miracle- like maybe a UFO would land on our property or, even better, the Lord’s return… but nothing.  John was silent and pointed to the corner where I stood in dread for over an hour.  The fact it took him that long to cool off sent fear down my spine.  I was dead meat.
I expected to see a cane or a switch, but no…. just an assortment of paddles and the strap laid out neatly next to the straight back chair that sits menacingly in full view in our bedroom. John sat down and held my hands…. the poor guy looked close to tears as he started sharing with me how frightened I make him when I put myself in danger for no reason other than satisfying my rebellious nature.  He started to list off the things he would miss if I was gone from his life.  I’m not a crier…. it takes a lot to get me go beyond a couple of drips…. but I was darn close by the time I was OTK and had my bare bottom airborn.
I honestly lost all time and sense within seconds after John started spanking me.  I remember he started with his hand… as always… then progressed through the line up of implements that he intended to use to leave a final impression upon my bottom and my heart.  After at least a good ten minutes (seemed like a hour) I could not distinguish one implement from another, and I finally broke.  I’m talking breaking of the Hudson Dam and flooding the city type of flood.
John did not stop.
I have no idea how long it continued— I was, without doubt or question, genuinely sorry for my stupid and selfish actions. The spanking stopped only when John decided that I was truly repentant.  and then he held me as I kept sobbing like a baby, rocking me and kissing my head until I calmed myself.  He had me look into his gorgeous sky blue eyes and said he loved me.  The tidal wave returned.
John is nodding in approval as he reads over my shoulder.  I can’t help but smile proudly… his approval is all I need to be happy and I’m promising myself to really work on gaining more.

I Love You All-
Breanna

MYTHS VS. TRUTHS


Hello All!  Most of you know that I work as a crisis care nurse for hospice… and that it’s a job that is not only a bit stressful, but truly makes you consider how you live your life.. I finally found a medical philosophy that I promise to adopt, embrace and celebrate… Let me know what you think!    Luvs— Bree

 Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
   
A:  Oh no.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy: No pain…good! 
     
Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
   
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food fried in vegetable oil.  How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q
  :  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A:  Oh no!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. 

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me? 

A:  You crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure? 

A:  If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? 

A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember: 
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”
   
 
AND…..

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.   

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans… 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what you like.   Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

I’m sorry…

Yesterday I posted in my punishment book and I used a curse word. This is one of my rules and I broke it. Not allowed to curse. Ever. Especially in public. I disappointed daddy and was a bad reflection on him and our family and did not conduct myself as a proper submissive. So I am really sorry if I offended anyone who read my post. I was punished-had to stay in position for 30 minutes 20 of which occurred while daddy lectured me. I will also be getting the gauntlet with five implements sometime in the future. Anyway, sorry everyone-especially Daddy and Bree.

Love, Nikki

It’s been a bad week…

This really has not been a great week for me. First Bree outs me about this guy I am seeing-he is actually really nice and is in some of my classes. I didn’t want to bring him home yet because I know he will get the third-degree between Bree and Daddy. Then I pretty much bombed a pop-quiz I didn’t study for and somehow Bree found out about it. I’m an adult, just because they are letting (making) me live with them, Bree and daddy think they have this control over my life. Well, daddy sort of does cause I agreed to it but still, it is frustrating..Then yesterday on my way home from study group daddy texted me and I responded and then said that I would talk to him later cause I was driving. Now I am in big trouble for that and also grounded which is not fair since I am in college. I should not be grounded. Im too old too be grounded.How do I explain to my friends that my brother in law grounded me? Ugh! Then I used a curse word in my book and am getting busted for that too. Could things get any worse? I wish it were spring break. I would be taking off to Vegas or something. If you don’t hear from me, assume the worst.

NEW BOOK!

Yep!  Got a new one coming out in the next week or two.  By popular demand, Cowboys Know Best is finished. I will admit, it is more romantic and ‘tame’ than I’m used to writing, which allowed me to share my softer side with my awesome readers.

I’m also very excited to let you guys know that I’m publishing through a new company (Stormy Night) with my favorite editor, James.  I am very excited because I know that he will make certain that I continue to produce the best literature for my audience that I can, as well as continue to push me towards professional growth as an author.  I must confess that the poor man had to deal with my kicking and screaming when he tried to teach me about quotations, but he succeeded and may claim triumph in being the only person I know who could make my use of semi-colons cease and desist. Sorry, James!  (I’m giving you my sweet, innocent, blink)
As always, my books will be sold on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and, of course, Blushing!!  Keep the reviews coming and thank you all again for all your encouragement, love and support!!!
Always yours-
Bree

 

I really should listen better…

Daddy keeps telling me to watch out for Bree. He says, “she will spin a web and you will be caught up in it. Be careful or you will end up OTK without even realizing you were set up”.

Damn if he wasn’t right. She does do that! I am not sure if it is just her general bratty nature or if she thinks things up to trap me-but whatever it is, she manages to get me every. single. time.  This latest incident occurred last night. I wont go into what she did, but she basically manipulated me into tattling on HER and guess who got in trouble? That’s right, yours truly.  But on a positive note, she got in trouble as well, so it did sort of BACKFIRE on her. Oh and her back end WAS on fire. So I guess in the END, all is forgiven. 🙂 Gotta go do homework. Bleh!

Nikki~

A Personal Note

Hi Y’all-
I wanted to share something that happened last night at work..  As you know, I am a critical care hospice nurse and specialize in psychiatric associated cases.  Sometimes, the issues are right there, easily seen— other times, they are below the surface.  One thing, though, seems to stand strong…. we all die the way we live.
I’m not trying to entice anyone into feeling sad- but encouraging you to be reflective on how we live our life- at home, in public, at work… and in whatever role we chose to partake. Please let me share…
I had this gal- 99 years old with severe dementia and respiratory and cardiac problems.  Her mind was gone and the moment I arrived, she launched into every version of the children’s prayer “Now I lay me down to sleep.”  As the night progressed, so did the lability of her prayer.  as she started to pass, I began to sing ‘Amazing Grace’ to her- she joined me and passed within minutes.  Peacefully and with a smile.
It touched me.  Even with the pain, the fear, being with a stranger on her deathbed, she reverted back to a place of innocence and trust.
When I got home, my family lavished me with love.  They know how difficult this type of work is.  John went into Daddy mode and I was able to release my ‘adult’ and feel the wonder of her passing in the eyes of a child. Nikki held me and gave all kinds of love (I love my little sister) and cried with me- not as a nurse, but as another human being who as given the privilege to share the final moments with a wonderful woman in such a sweet and beautiful way. Nik and I then spent quite a bit of time looking at our own lives, bonding us even closer.
I think that perhaps is the most valuable aspect of age-play… when we adults are permitted to put aside the expectations of society and responsibility, and are free to simply feel, react and enjoy.  Think of this– how do you live your life?  What will be your reflection in those final moments of life?
I love all of you—- Bree

Catching up!

Hello, My Friends!

It’s been a while since I’ve had the time to post and I apologize… work just keeps getting in the way of my having fun.  I’ll be getting a new laptop soon and be able to take it with me so I can keep in touch- even during the weeeeeee hours of my night shift.

I have a new book done!  I was calling it Perl of Great Price, Tx- but James has wisely convinced me to change the name (although I’m not sure yet since my brain has been so frazzeled lately).  It’s been fun writing it- very different than my others in the respect that it takes place in a part of history that forced me to research well (1947) and is relatively MILD for me (sex wise).  It’s pure romance and, as always, about self discovery.  I’ve been feeling very girly lately- sooooo I figured I would share the softer side of my nature with my incredible readers.

I wanted to thank all of you for your feedback and positive encouragement. As writers, we invest our hearts and take risks with our stories.  Personally, every one I write has a piece of my real life in it- to allow for greater truth and vulnerability for my characters and myself.  My fellow writers and personal friends (Renee Rose and Patty Devlin) will attest that it takes a lot to develop fun and interesting story lines and characters, and to find ways to meld truth and fantasy into one, cohesive piece.  Your support, loving reviews and private emails have made this whole experience one that I intend to continue for a very very long time.

It’s about you— what do you want to see?  What new world would you like to explore with me?  I also want to thank those of you who got their hackles raised with my ‘haters’.  These people don’t have to like our books… or even me as a writer.  Just think of it this way- they still buy them, right?  So there has to be something they are searching for that, hopefully, I might one day touch. This is my desire with everything I write- to touch something in the soul that allows for healing, happiness or hope. See? It’s good all the way around.

Please keep emailing, commenting and reviewing… I love all of you (having a Hallmark moment here)
Yours Forever-
Bree

Changes

Ok, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I tend to be a creature of habit.  As my family (and my poor editor) knows, I tend accept unpleasant changes only after kicking and screaming.  I do adjust…. sometimes after throwing a big tantrum. Why do I react so strongly?
I confess.  I have this teeny, weeny, itsy, bitsy issue…. My name is Breanna Hayse and I am a control freak.  Do I hear an ‘amen, sista’?
(No comments, Nikki!)
I know that I’m not as flexible as I should be when things don’t go my way or as I planned.  That includes my habit of trying to Top from the Bottom.  My beady, little brain has a very precise agenda regarding how I should be raised, disciplined, directed and treated as a sub.  My opinion, coupled with those momentary lapses of sanity, tends to erupt in verbal form and I dictate how, when and why John should ‘handle’ me.  Add to that yet another such moment of general insanity, when I challenge him in order to see if he got the hint.
Things never work out quite the way I want it, but I keep on trying.  Ahh, the definition of insanity at its best.
The question boils down to why? 
Why am I never satisfied with how things are- status quo? 
Why do I constantly seek new ways to stir up the pot? 
Why do I have this satiable need to exceed my limits when I under stress, duress or in a state of change?
It’s all about consistency…..

Consistency means security- it means caring- it means stability– it means that the time is taken to maintain a goal, even when there is a shaking in the focus. When my life is topsy turvy, or I am experiencing too many changes at once (even simple ones like when John picks up the wrong brand of toilet paper), I’ll find a way to shake things up to give 
John a chance to be consistent and stable.  If he ignores the hint… well…. kicking and screaming.
That usually gets his attention.
I’m not saying anyone should do things this way- not at all, in fact, unless you are into carrying an extra portion of chicken tenders. No, my hope is to help us recognize the reason we act certain ways at certain times.  Also, how we feel when we see the results.
Consistency- how we receive it and how we react to it, can make all the difference in the world.  it’s not just dealing with D&S; it’s about any relationship, job, chore or interaction we encounter. your challenge… explore your own consistency or the lack of it, in your lives.  How do they make you feel and how can you bring things to order?
Luvs and Kisses! Breanna

 

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