I was walking through the grocery store this afternoon, browsing the aisles, and came across this little gem. Now, I don’t know about you, but I am always drawn to the hair crap section. I have long hair that I usually have pulled up in a messy bun or a pony tail-so I am always in need of elastics and such. I typically pass the wooden hair brush section as quickly as possible. Cause for some reason, I just do not care for them. Not. At. All. So, you can imagine my surprise when I encountered this little gem. ‘Ouchless’ Hair Brush. Amazing huh? So I thought, this would make a nice gift for Bree. So I bought it. And presented it to Bree-in the presence of Daddy. Cause you know, I figured it would be he that would be operating this ‘ouchles’ hairbrush. Lets just say that I should probably have saved my receipt. Totally false advertising. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
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So, a few months ago, I approached Daddy asking for help with developing a work-out routine. Now Bree told me I was crazy. Do. Not. Do. It. Don’t ask him for help, it never ends well, he is relentless, it will be torture, well…See, he is a work-out crazy person. or fiend. Or….I don’t know, but he works out religiously, every day, and it sort of, makes me sick….and a little jealous, cause I do not have that will power. Not even close. In fact, you know how people say that working out makes them feel sooo good? Well guess what? Not this girl. I just feel tired. And hot. And sweaty. And in the California heat…stinky.
So ideally, I would like to lose like 20lbs. Now Bre, she got the skinny gene. Which is totally unfair because she also to got the incredible writers gene, the artistic gene, the photographic memory gene….Are you following me here? She is a big act to follow. I am not artistic. I have to study for hours to get average grades. I couldn’t write a story if my life depended on it. Well-ok maybe I could but I am too shy to try…
So the new year started out like every new year. Full of optomism. Hope. Promise. Really people? I need to lose like 20 lbs. and firm up. It’s not rocket science. I just need to stick with a program and do it. But I have no will power. So, Sir (because daddy has left the building) has decided to take over. He is only doing this because I asked. him. I mean, make no mistakes, he would not force me into a diet or work out routine. He is smart enough to realize that even he is not powerful enough to force me to lose weight if I don’t want to.But I do want to lose weight. I do want to get in shape. Ok so what does this have to do with submission or honestly or obedience?
Well, when he agreed to help me, I agreed to work out, according to his schedule. To tell him when I do or do not work out as scheduled.This was basically the honor system. If he were to ask me if I worked out, it was expected that I would answer honestly-even knowing that the penalty for not working out (unless i had a good excuse) was the paddle.
Recently, I did not report in that I did or did not work out. See, Sir does not ask me every day. But if he does happen to ask, he expects and honest answer and he wants it without having to ask for it. So for the past few weeks I have been somewhat lax. Only working out about half the time 5 out of 10 days. Not good.I could have lied and said I did work out. Because how would he know? But part of my deal is being submissive.Obedient.Right? Right??? Um, yea.
So he instituted a new rule. Every day, despite the fact that I may see him and speak to him one on one, I have to email him and say “Sir, I worked out today”…Or “Sir, I did not work out today”.. It’s all very tiring and annoying. Because even if I do work out and forget to email him (why the hell do I need to email him?) I will be punished. As in paddled. BB, OTK, Paddled.So…..that brings me to honesty. I mean, lets face it, he is not home all of the time. He works, has friends, errands, etc. I can easily say I worked out-even if I didn’t. But then of course that brings to the fore front the whole Honesty thing, Right? Kind of goes hand in hand with obedience and submission, right? What a dilemma…
So lets just say it is a struggle. Every single day. This honesty and obedience thing…Not easy. Its like a moral dilemma. I always pictured my Dom standing over me with a paddle making sure I obey. But real life is not that way. Real life depends on honestly, integrity-even when your bottom line is in fact your bottom. Not always the greatest-or easiest situation to deal with.
Its not always easy doing the right thing. Especially when you know what is coming. So how do you make yourself be honest and obedient? Are you tempted to tell “white lies” to save your skin?
Sir John here. I would like to address the do’s and dont’s of setting up an in-person session and how to act during it. For simplicity sake, I am using the term applicable to a M/F scenario and am addressing female subs but everything I say can be applied to any sub, male or female. The general guide should be helpful… whether you are looking to explore a Dom dynamic with a male or female or if you are a guy/gal interested in developing your Dom/Domme chops. OK here is a list and I will expound upon each point.
1. Where can I meet a Dom?
Good question! I would say the best way is to visit some websites. spanking.com has some good ads. If you want more S&M maybe alt.com -but we are not dealing with that level here. Read reviews! If someone has had a bad experience, they will post it. Don’t be afraid to email him/her and ask for details. You can also contact the site manager to see is any complaints have been placed against the user. I also suggest the same be done for the Dom… I have had my own bad experiences with subs who weren’t exactly what they claimed to be!
2. How do I know I am talking to a real Dom and not a wanna be Dom?
Well, you don’t really, but there are some signs you can look for that will indicate he is at least in the ballpark. He should be very nice, but very firm when discussing your behaviors. A “young lady I will not tolerate that” or “It seems to me you need to be accountable for your actions” are good signs that this is a real Dom. If he says you should call him Sir while chatting, that’s good – as long as it is not done the wrong way. This is the wrong way: “You will call me sir, and speak only when spoken to you, tramp.” Hello? Are you there? Well, of course you are not, this guy is a jerk and more of a ‘wanna be Dom’. But if he said something like this: “I assume you have had little training, as its customary to refer to a Dom as Sir as a matter of respect.” Then you can choose to say “yes sir” or brat, and make a smart remark. He will know how to handle it. Like Breanna says, if he can’t treat me like a lady, then I cannot trust him to be a gentleman.
3. The meeting.
Lets say you have talked for at least two weeks. Yes, at least. You must get to know one another and not be afraid to ask the vital questions. Look for consistency, too and a little bit of humility. A man who has the absolute need to constantly toot his own horn is usually one that has some insecurities. If you have doubts, then wait a while until you are positive that he is stable and consistent. He must also be a person of integrity who works on his own self-improvement and personal goals. Now that you have decided it is time to meet, remember this one thing…this is non negotiable…. never, ever go to his house! Always insist your first meeting be in a public place. A restaurant, coffee shop etc.If he balks at this, move on, he is not thinking of your safety and a true Dom would be.
4. After your coffee or dinner, you find that you like one another, and you feel he may be the Dom you have been waiting for. Is it ok to have a session that evening?
I would say yes, if it is done safely. That means he has a hotel room. He arrives first. You never ride with him. After he is settled, ask the clerk at the desk if he is there and get his room number. Make sure the clerk will remember you. I would also encourage you to have a friend call you at the hotel at a certain time. Seems a bit much? Well look, you do not know this man and soon you will be bare from the waist down in a position to be disciplined. Kind of scary right? A true Dom will understand you are kind of freaked out and will take things slow with you. You should tell him that if you say you are serious, that you are having difficulty breathing or with anxiety, etc. that he should stop.I would think a real Dom could punish you just fine with just his hand, but he may insist on some implements depending or your offenses. you need to discuss this prior to meeting. Will he use implements? Will you be marked? He may refuse to tell you and, in that case, you need to decide if you want to pursue this with him or not. Which brings me to number 5-safe words.
5. Safe Words?
On this topic, I have a rather controversial point of view. My opinion is that if you are playing-say doing a role play-bad secretary, etc. then safe words are fine. But if you are seeking real discipline, for actual bad behaviors that you are working on; speeding, smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. In these cases, I do not believe in safe words. I have done many sessions over the years and the majority of women said they came to me because they had used a safe word previously and stopped the spanking before they felt truly punished. Where as after our session, they did feel truly punished, and could get rid of the guilt. I am not saying do not use a safe word ever, that is up to you. But if you need to atone, you will be disappointed with a safe word. Trust me. Oh, FYI, Breanna has tried for years to incorporate a safe word (she loves to find ways to weasel) and my response is always the same… Do you trust me to do what is best for you? Trust takes time to build which is why I insist on taking as much time as you feel you need to learn about each other.
IMPORTANT! There are some psychological issues that sometimes come up, especially during a first session. This is where honesty and trust must come into play. Let your Dom know if you have any concerns about things, as well as if you are on any medications (blood thinners, aspirin, seizure meds), etc. that might affect your session. Honesty must go both ways!
6. Behavior during a session.
A lot of new subbies ask me how they should act during a session. Should I obey everything immediately? Not struggle or complain, etc? Well, here is the deal…. I would recommend a little bratting and a little resistance. My reason is because you need to know that the Dom can control you. If you are able to struggle and get off his lap, or call him names and get away with it, that’s pretty much game over. So give him a little challenge. We Doms kind of enjoy that anyway and it will show you if you are on the right track with the right Dom for you. But while on the subject, let me reiterate, a real Dom never ever yells or curses you or degrades you. If this happens, leave immediately and save yourself a big hassle later on.
NOTE: Some subs like ‘humiliation’ and name calling…. Establish a comfortable and safe relationship with your Dom prior to exploring this genre. Let him know your ‘deal breakers’ in both words and actions.
7. After your discipline…
Here is the truth. If this is a real punishment, it’s going to be painful. Depending on what you are being punished for, coupled with the skill and the strength of the Dom, it could be very, very painful. Tears would not be uncommon, nor would some marks, bruising, or welts. Another vital component to a real Dom is having a caring and understanding vibe after your punishment. He may decide on corner time, but he should also hold you and let you cry it out if you need to. He should also verbalize forgiveness so you can let the guilt go. Breanna also liked to be told that I was proud of her for accepting her needs, which helped her feel less ‘weird’. One cool thing about this arrangement is when its over, it is over. No guilt, no holding grudges. A clean slate. After you leave, the Dom should call you to make sure you got home safely. After that, it is up to the two of you to decide if this was a one time adventure or the real deal. Time will tell. Never settle. If you are careful and smart, you will find the Dom you have been Jonesing for.