Have any of you ever had one of those ah-hah moments when a serious situation suddenly makes sense? Here it is, past midnight, and a stray AH-HAH smacked me between the eyes.
I was talking to one of my girls tonight about a situation she had gotten herself into. She was doing her regular negotiating, bribing, arguing, pleading… You get the idea… Trying to get out of her punishment. Oh, just an FYI (Piper) a blistered finger is not an excuse to be given leniency when writing lines.
Anyway, after being called some colorful adjectives and being compared to a couple of specific body parts, I shared about tough love. Anyone who has been through therapy, rehab or long term disease learns quickly what that phrase means. It starts with the hearing of the most hated word in this planet.. NO.
NO, I will not stand by and watch you hurt yourself
NO, I will not assist in helping you hurt yourself
NO, I will not withhold my love for you by telling you, yes….
Tough love is as hard for those who give it as it is to take. But I ask you… If you see a child run into the street, would you not do anything possible to keep him from being hit by an oncoming car? Oh, yeah… he will scream at you because he wants… ice-cream.. a ball… Or just whatever…. And he won’t even try to understand the reason behind your withholding of pleasure from him. He cannot… He is selfish and hell-bent on getting what he wants, and when he wants it. He is also very willing to throw any type of childish fit to get it, including a delightful variety of threats and attempts at guilt.
I am proud to say that my girl did none of these things, btw. Oh, she is still pouting, but she know we love her.
So many of us are like this selfish child in my example. Someone who truly loves us finally steps up to the plate and shows that they care enough to say NO. We thank them by throwing either a pity party (woe is meeeeee) or a temper tantrum befitting a five year at Lego Land who can’t go on any more rides (no, Nik never did that… She waited for when we went to Disney). And then, when confronted with this behavior, we stomp our feet and pout to elicit sympathy and attention. Or, even better, insist that we knew what we were doing all along and did not need help.
Woe be to the person who calls us on that!!! And anyone who know me, well….. You will hear it! Manipulative behavior and Mama Bear are like oil and water! Ask Nik!
In the natural world, a fledgling is thrown out of the nest to force it to learn to fly. Some, sadly, fail to put full effort into the skill and fall to their deaths. Others soar… Choosing to face their fears and rise above them. The ones who refuse to leave the nest become the target of predators. They are devoured by those who slink likes snake in the branches, feeding on the weak.
Sir John has been mentoring and training women for nearly thirty years, encouraging them to grow to be strong, smart and powerful in both their vanilla world and as submissives. Every one of his babies has been tossed into the air to force them to fly, and they trusted his judgement that they were ready. The ones who allowed fear to overtake them in mid-flight were ones that he has caught and brought back to help them grow until they, too, have flown to discover their own lives.
Unfortunately, there have been ones who refused to leave the nest, content in hankering down and having others bring them what they demanded. Initially, they began with speaking the right words and having good intentions until they discovered that the work was harder or more uncomfortable than they desired. Thank God they have been few and far between. Nonetheless, they chose to ignore the lessons and refuse to grow, remaining in that nest and becoming targets for predators. SJ could not force them to fly and, even with his warnings, they resisted every step of the way-with prideful insistence that they knew better.
Many of my readers ask us how do I know if I am a submissive? I thinkI finally have the best answer for now…
You will know your degree of submission by the degree of willingness you have to accept, be grateful for, and comply to the truth surrounding tough love.
Don’t allow fear or pride to bind you and steal your life from you. This is a choice. No one can make it for you, either. I challenge anyone who reads this that, today, you make a choice to strengthen your tomorrow. And please share. who knows? Maybe your choice is one that a nestling needs to stretch her wings and fly!