Negotiating A Scene



This was a topic suggested to me by a wise subbie, and since we have all seen what can happen at parties lately I want to address this. So lovelies, here’s the 411 on negotiating a scene.

First, you need to know what you want. Some of you may want full bare bottom spanks. Some want your panties up. Some may like leather…OK all of you like leather, lol. Some may want to be scolded while being spanked etc. Whatever it is, you need to know, before you go to a party. Now let me be clear, the reason a safe party environment is good for subbies to attend is, ironically why i do not go to parties. And that reason is, all together now, the subbies are in control. Hey, not everyone said it, did you not know this? Let me enlighten you.

A party is a place for you to act on your fantasies. It is not a real D/s session. In a real D/s session you are not in control, but a party session you are in total control. Now what does that mean? Simply that, before you enter into a session, you tell the Dom or top, what you will, and will not do. What implements you like or do not. Panties up or down, also any physical problems you may have, shoulders, back, knees, etc. that may be a problem in position. You have a safe word , you can slow things down, have it be harder spanks or softer, take a break etc. So I hear the wheels turning, and you may be thinking well gee SJ, what does that have to do with submitting to a Dom? Well, nothing. That’s my point.

Parties are play scenarios not punishment ones, so know that going in. Here’s how it works. Somebody will host a scene in his or her suite. This is usually a big room with many people attending. Some couples, some singles. The spankings are done there in front of everyone…so you closet exhibitionist can have fun lol and always panties or thong up, always…Now there are private rooms off the main one. These may have more intense scenes but still nothing like a real D/s punishment session. It is ok to use those rooms since they are right there a tons of people walk in and out. But never go to a private, one on one in a small room where nobody knows you or where you are, unless you know the top or Dom. This could be bad, really bad.

There is security at some parties, and at some not any, so be careful. If any of your limitations are violated…any…go right to the host. He or she should handle things immediately and eject the violator. If you do go to the host, and nothing is done pack up. Consider you had an experience and go home, you are not in a safe environment and that’s the most important thing for you. Most parties are fine and safe, so don’t let me scare you away. But you need to check out who is giving them and their track record.

So do you all get it? If you do your homework and know what you want, you can go and have an enjoyable experience. Be respectful, but speak up. If you do not tell the top no hairbrush, and he smacks you with one, you cannot start whining and making a scene. Take care of yourself, and speak up. This is your chance to explore some fantasies. Above all be safe.

Be good or else!


14 thoughts on “Negotiating A Scene

  1. i try to reply to all of your comments , but i see the reply button is not coming up for all of you , not sure why will reply when this is fixed

    • Have You ever realised Your avatar icon looks like a little devil, Sir John? :’) :’) :’) Just sayin’, haha!

  2. Having gone to a few smaller parties and a couple larger ones in the past year or so, I just wanted to add that if you are at a party in a suite, generally the spanking are done panties up (in the public area) but not always. SO even then, you need to say what you are OK with. Lots of people don’t mind their panties down, even in the public areas and since it’s a private suite, pretty much anything goes. Off the suite, in the bedroom areas you will usually find nudity. But it is still open with people coming and going. This is not private play. Just, not quite as public.

    At smaller parties where people host in their homes or some sort of private venue, you will also have your public area and then private areas off of the public area. The private areas could be bedrooms in a house or curtained off areas in a venue. In this type of scenario, most of the play in the public area is panties up. But in the private areas panties come down and sometimes full nudity. In these private areas, when play is going on, you do not interrupt. People do not just walk in and out.(like they do in suite parties). So if you are playing in a private area like that, you do want to let someone know who you are playing with. My friends and I will go listen in on one another to make sure everything sounds like its ok. You don’t want to get stuck in a bedroom of a house with a virtual stranger without someone you trust knowing where you are. Chances are you are going to be fine. The parties I have gone to they require you give your real info (name and address/phone number) and check you out ahead of time. But problems can still happen.

    Another thing I want to mention is you don’t have to play with everyone. Just because they ask, don’t be afraid to say you don’t want to play. All the girls I have talked to feel this way. Myself included. We don’t want to hurt their feelings. But what I do is say I don’t want to play right now because I just finished playing and need some time to recover-or have a Top there that you trust and say I have to ask my Top if I can play. He knows if I ask him if I can play, that means I do not want to play with that person. So he will tell the guy not now. Also be aware that you may be asked by other women to play. You should decide how you feel about that ahead of time.

    One more thing to consider. How much experience the person you are playing with has. At a recent party I saw a Domme hit a friend with a strap and she was way too high. Like, kidney area high. My friend has a bruise from it still like a couple of weeks later. This is really dangerous. If you do not know the persons reputation that you are thinking about playing with, ask. You can ask the party host or better yet, other bottoms that are there. They will tell you all about the person good and bad.Which will help you decide if you want to play with them

    I have had a lot of fun playing at parties. Only one not so great experience. All the rest great. Most of the time parties are a really fun and safe place to play. But like daddy said, you have to negotiate what you want before playing and then don’t hesitate to report if there is a problem.

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