Immediate Honesty

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Hello lovelies,

First, let me say this, I love women. I always have. I’ve always hung with women more than guys. I mean come on, who wouldn’t? Plus the added perk of being so spankable and there is a chance you’re a subbie, lol.

That being said, you all tend to hold things in. If you’re a sub it’s holding things in times a gazillion. As a Dom I need to know where my subs are emotionally, at all times. This is vital because I could say or do something in a session that might be a trigger, create a big deal and not knowing my sub was feeling emotional about a certain thing that day would end badly.

I work with every subbie I have on this…all the time. I don’t know why subbies hold things in and make their lives more stressful and more emotional than they already are. I am pretty good at knowing when a subbie is off. I can tell you when I ask “What’s wrong?” and a sub says “oh nothing, I’m fine,” I want to bang my head against the wall of my music room. Yes, there is a small hole there already, lol.

Immediate honesty is so important. I can’t tell you how many times I knew something was up, or worse, thought everything was fine and then I get an email 3 days later… “Sir, I think I may have to quit” or “Why did you say this to me,” or “I’m so angry with you.”

This is so frustrating for me because this could have been settled 3 days ago if my sub would have just said “can we talk,” or at least answered what was wrong when I originally asked. As a Dom I am responsible for my sub’s emotional wellbeing and when a subbie hides her feelings from me it can turn out very badly.

So to those of you with Doms, or just in relationships, I have three words for you…Stop doing this!! Immediate honesty is difficult, I know, but it always works out better. It saves you so much anxiety and stress.

My subbies will tell you it’s stressful enough being my submissive, so why add to it? Just say what you feel when you feel it. It will make things much easier and also save my wall from further damage.

Be good, or else…

SJ

22 thoughts on “Immediate Honesty

  1. I have been mulling over this post trying to put into words my thoughts on it.
    In my everyday life I am exceedingly honest, while trying to be diplomatic lol. I am honest too in my realationships. Apart from about feelings and areas of conflict. It’s not because I want to be but because of the reactions I have received after answering the question “What’s wrong?”. Most men don’t actually want the answer and certainly not the honest one if it reflects them in a bad light. Even if the answer is received and understood I have found nothing changes so why would I lay myself out there?
    I have no idea if this is the same for anyone else but I do think past hurts hold subs back from being honest with their feelings. I think the pic sums it up if both dom and sub follow it. And perhaps D/s relationships have the best chance of being honest due to the need for open communication.

  2. I’m finishing up a week long vacation so just getting time to reply. I agree with you 99.9% of the time. However I’m in the process of getting out of a relationship where keeping things to myself is the best choice. It’s a layer of protection for me. I don’t like it but it is what it is.

    If I’m with people or someone I can trust or who is good then I’d agree being honest is a must.

  3. I really disagree, Sir. Sometimes, it’s good to keep things to yourself. I used to share with my friends, but then they started to pay attention to my eating habits because of something I said, and they notified the available psychologist and I was forced to go there. I did not want to go and I felt like I was very close to having my life screwed up.

    So I learnt from it, and I stopped sharing stuff. I am only open online. For example, I could tell you nearly anything, because you wouldn’t have the power to screw up my life. You wouldn’t be able to do much with it besides thinking about it and talking about it to ME, instead of to others.

    • Laura I was once told that you do not share your feelings with everyone But You always share your feelings your loved ones those who you are build a relationship with Any kind of relationship Because if You Can Not be open and Honest with that person or persons the foundation of the relationship will be built on a false standings being doomed to fail. As there is no Solid foundation to hold it together It is like building a house on sand it may look pretty have tons of bells and whistles but it will not be able to stand against the Storm and will crumple and fall You will find great peace joy and freedom when you let another in I am not saying it is easy and am not judging or trying to tell you what to do I only share this hoping to help Please take what I share as the act of caring it is meant to be I am writing this only hoping to give you the advice that was given to me and has given me the most awesome blessing and greatest joy once I applied it to my life

      • I get what you are saying, but these people made a big mistake by getting a psychologist involved. They are not as close to me anymore. So it doesn’t matter to me anymore how close they are to me, sharing is a no-go. Thanks for the help though. I’m glad it is working out for you. 🙂

  4. I had a huge problem with answering nothing or I am fine when I was anything but fine My Mr “Sweetie” had enough one day and made a I am Fine/Nothing Jar he has it filled with all sorts of ” lovely things” and makes me pick one ( two if I say both) out of it. I then give the paper to him and then wait how ever he directs me to for how ever long he wishes At some point he will then read what will happen I HATE it!!! Have begged him to do away with his jar of evil But I am told that all I have to do is tell him what is up Or tell him I don’t know what is wrong and the jar will not be a problem for me I will say that after having to pick a few times and wait wondering what will happen knowing that I have disappointed him and am in big trouble also wondering what will happen has got me talking and answering honestly a Lot more I wish it was always But sometimes I don’t think first and spit out Nothing. I hope sharing my experience will help another get past those few words that always seem to cause so many problems for our Dom and ourselves Thank you Sir for sharing your thoughts on this Have a awesome day

    • Willingness is not my issue, Sir. Confusion often is along with a healthy dose of fear. I think that would likely be my main issues

  5. I’m not in the lifestyle, buy I have to agree with the ladies here. I’ve been married for 15 years and I still deal with emotions that throw a wrench in things. I may wonder if I am wrong in being upset or confused about why I’m upset to begin with. Or do I even have a right in this situation to be upset? Then I start to worry. But I have been getting better. Instead of letting it eat me alive, I tell hubby I need to get something off my chest and just bite the bullet. Luckily, I have a wonderful hubby who talks things through with me and we can work it out, apologize or explain as needed.
    Honesty can be hard especially if you fight the inner thoughts that say you are wrong or blowing things out of proportion. But battle that, let those feelings out, and if your man is worth anything, you’ll feel better in the end.
    -Kelly

  6. I don’t struggle with this at all. *cough cough* Wellll maybe a smidge. It is really hard to do and sometimes really scary to be so open and honest and vulnerable. However, over the past week I have learned a whole lot about this topic and I am going to promise my Bossys that I will work really really hard to stop holding it all in. Sorry if I have added to that hole in your wall Uncle John.
    *loves and hugs*
    Kitty

    • a very good question someone. I think you need to really stop and think about whats going on , and why your upset or depressed or angry etc… then discuss your feelings

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