First Meeting or Session With Dom…



Ok lovelies, this is a very important post. So sit up straight, no double tasking. Turn the television off, etc..It is time you pay attention as if your life depended on it. Because it just might..


Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and he wants to meet. Now it gets real, really fast. Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me?  Well, maybe. I am going to list rules for a first meeting. These are not suggestions they are written in Dom Stone. I want you all to be safe out there, and lets face it, there are a lot of  crazies on the loose. So  write these down or print them out.

  1. Always meet at a public place for a first meeting. Never, ever go to his house. Ever. And never ever bring him to your house. Remember, your safety must be your top priority.
  2. If you meet for dinner, do not drink more than one glass of wine if, even that much.And the same goes for him. If any red flags go up for anything- how he talks, looks, dresses. Even if its a small thing, get out, go home. Listen to your inner voice.
  3. If you are leaning towards having  a session the first time you meet, it must be at a hotel. Not his house. Not your house. Not his brothers million dollar beach house. A hotel. That is your only option. A nice hotel which he pays for. ANd make sure the person checking you in will remember you.
  4. Always drive your own car. Never, ever, go in his. Ever.
  5. Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your cell phone just to make sure you are ok.
  6. Safe Words…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviors-not role play. So I allowed no safe words. So this is a rare instance where i will let you decide if you want a safe word. If you do, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. For obvious reason.
  7. No bondage. I do not care if this is your thing and gets you hotter than fireworks in a microwave oven. No and no. Not the first time. Ever!
  8. No sex. Yes, you read this right. A real Dom will not even mention sex in a first session or meeting, and if he brings it up, leave. He just wanted to get you alone for this and he is not a Dom. And honestly, I do not care how much you may want to have sex. Don’t do it. Trust me on this. If it is meant to be, it will be. You do not want to meet someone and jump into bed and then never hear from him again. And believe me, it happens all of the time.
  9. Background checks…I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. This does not need to be a deal breaker. Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too. Use your best judgment and follow your ugt. If you are talking to a guy (or a girl) either on chat, email, or phone and something just doesn’t feel right-trust yourself. Move on. your life is too important to gamble on.
  10. No wood implements. Ok, maybe you love a paddle or even a cane, but you do not know this guy. If he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do. Plus you have to know he can control you and make him submit with his hand first.
  11. Dress. If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear. However, it is acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you.
  12. After care. If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, etc. Forget him. He is just a wanna-be. A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub. Physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine. But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. Ladies, do not waiver here. If he is not offering after care you need to move on.
  13. Follow up. He should email or call you if you have been talking on the phone. And he should do this by the next day. A lot of times I did tis that night to make sure the sub got home safely and was dealing with the experience in a positive way. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him. Unless he has a really good, valid, excuse. Move on.
  14. Rent the movie Strangeland. If that movie does not scare you into following my rules, nothing will. I want you all to know the feeling of a real Dom taking control and getting a real bare bottomed spanking. But most of all I want you to all be safe.

Thats it from Domland. Be good or else!




59 thoughts on “First Meeting or Session With Dom…

  1. Great article! I think you can help me with a little dilemma I’m in.
    Last weekend I had my first meeting with my first ever potential Dom. We had been communicating often over pevious week, so I wasn’t walking in completely blind. Plus a friend had info.
    My problem is I completely freaked out.(can sometimes happen with people I’ve known for years too) I couldn’t answer his questions. I felt way out of his league. I muttered something about no chemistry a couple of times(I think there was too much chemistry, at least that’s what my underwear told me)and left! I instantly knew I made a mistake. As soon as I got home I texted him apologizing and tried to explain what happened. He got back to me, but his attitude, and availability has changed 180* from the way he was towards me before. He’ll still text me, but might wait a day to get back to me, before it was almost instantly. Or he’ll cut me off all of a sudden. Also the when’s and where’s has changed as well. I don’t understand that part?
    What I want to know is if this normally how a Dom would treat a sub for doing something like this? Is there a good chance he’ll return to the more attentive version of himself? Is there anything I can say or do to help speed this along? We haven’t even had a chance to play yet and it’s killing me! And I’ve got no previous experience to compare this too!!!
    Don’t worry, I’m very vocal when I’m able to and have asked him all this myself, but all I’ve gotten is it will take time. And punishment-some of which I’m very excited about!!!!
    I hope you can give me some insight!

  2. After a long time, finally I was confident enough to actually try and have a meeting to get my first ever spanking. After emailing for a while, we decited to meet. I was so ready and waited for him in the lobby. After 45 minutes he was still not there….. I went home and emailed him, asking if anything went wrong. He told me he didnt make it because of some trouble in the family. I figured that was all right. We made a new apoinment after he assured me that this time he would show, and in the rare case he wouldnt he would at least send me a message to cancel. So there I was again… waiting for him. I was so nervous waiting, it absolutely teared me down. After waiting for 30 minutes, without any message I concluded he would not come. I went home disappointed and exhousted. I never got an email from him, and decited not to mail him either.
    I know I was finally ready… I had really prepaired myself. Now I am afraid to try it again, and it will probably take a while before I wil.

  3. So this guy messaged me on a dating app and he sounds like a DOM because he always wants to be in control and he wanted our first meeting and session to be at a hotel and he told me what to wear and such. He has been so sweet to me he calls me unexpectedly during the day and he always tells me if im not ready that he can wait for me. We were supposed to meet up today but i chickened out. I had this eerie feeling. My friends keep telling me awful things about guys like that but from the way we talk and how he talks to me over the phone and texts he doesn’t come off that way to me. I just don’t know what to do. Ive never been with a guy like him. Was i right for listening to my gut and canceling our plans till i get more comfortable with the idea?

  4. Bree, i am trying to find a dom. What safe amd legit. sites can you recommend to find a dom. I’ve never done this and I’m lost. Any references would be appreciated. Thanks.

  5. So nervouse to finally meet my Master face to face tonight..Master told exactly what to wear and His intimidation is so sexy… when we first meet do i hug him? Shake his hand? Or melt into a puddle lol whats the correct way to great Master?
    -MB slavegirl

  6. I am meeting with my dom first time tonight and I have never been a sub before. I know where he works and who he is am I safe and what will happen to me?

    • Hi sweets!
      Before you go, please make sure that someone has the phone number and address of where you will be. Call them from your location as well- if he is trustworthy, he will not only understand, but insist on safety measures. Safety comes with trust- as well as being responsible to your subs. Make certain you talk about everything- ask him what to expect and how he intends to handle it. Don’t proceed unless you are certain. Do you have a safe word? Has it been offered? If not, discuss that. Some Doms, especially in regards to discipline, do not ‘permit’ the ending of a session with a safe word HOWEVER it is important that you have a safety net to stop and talk about something that might trigger, frighten or confuse you. Again, a responsible Dom will want AND encourage that. Since this is new to you- his job will be to make it as comfortable and safe as possible. I STRONGLY discourage any sexual interaction. DS is not about sex- it is about relationships. It is also about respecting boundaries. Please be safe! Luvs,

    • hello Ronda. First off, how long have you been communicating with him? If not at least 3 weeks daily and on the phone, its too soon. Your first meeting does not have to be a spanking session, You should meet him in a very public place ,and get a feel for who he is , my advice is to tell him you want to get to know him a little before you have a session. If he’s a jerk, this will set him off , if he’s a dom, he will understand .If you do decide you need to meet with him, always a hotel ,make sure the person checking you in remembers you, have a friend call you at a certain time , if you don’t answer then call in the troops.I am not trying to be melodramatic but this could be a great experience or, a nightmare, I want the former for you not the later. Make sure all your hard limits have been discussed, also no bondage, period , not the first time .I trust all will go well. let me know how it works out and remember, if anything at all seems off , get out of there listen to your inner subbie voice ..she does not lie

  7. I often read your posts, SJ, and find them full of good advice which I wish was around when I finally started to explore my submissive side around 14 years ago. I did eventually find myself a good Dom 8 years ago, who I still meet with regularly now, and correspond with on a daily basis, but prior to that I put myself in so many dangerous situations that I am amazed I’m still here to tell the tale.
    Wooden implements are a serious no-no with a stranger, especially a cane, as I found out to my cost. Also being 100% clear on what exactly you are looking for is key. I made the mistake of going to a meeting in a pub with like minded people and I spoke about the incident with the cane where I was left bloodied and bruised and the cream blinds on my windows were splattered with blood (yes, I invited this man I had only ever spoken to online into my home!). One male in the pub was turned on by my account (I did not realise this at the time) and when he offered me a lift home, I accepted (believing he just wanted to give me a spanking in the back of his car). I ended up fleeing his car in tears, traumatised and bruised (and not a single bruise was on my bottom where I wanted them). He was lucky I did not go to the police, but fear prevented me reporting what had happened.
    Despite this, I still did not take care and went on to meet another guy who I had spoken to about what happened in the car. I got into his car with him (after meeting in a pub) and was shocked when he replayed what had happened in the other guy’s car, but in a gentle way, which he claimed would make it less traumatic. Frankly it was just weird and I was glad to escape.
    I did go to parties and I did play safe – as well as continuing to take stupid risks as I sought my pleasure wherever I could find it. I also met men in hotel rooms and I made some great friends, but I also took too many risks and got myself into some bad situations. I was too trusting, and I was also too desperate for thrills to take my safety seriously enough. I was lucky that I eventually found a caring Dom who gives me all that I need. Things could have been so different and I thank God that I did not end up in an even worse situation than I found myself.
    I hope others look at SJ’s list of ‘rules’ and take them seriously. 14 years ago I probably would have sneered at that list and thought that nothing bad would happen to me, but now I wish I had had something like that to curb my impulsiveness that got me into more trouble than I could handle.
    Sorry this was a little long but if I can just make one person think twice about their safety, it’s surely worth it.

    • What a powerful message Carole.. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with all of us. I think very often many women and I am sure men as well, are willing to take risks when seeking out a Dom. I hope our readers heed your message well. (((Carole))). So glad you are safe and happy.

      Luv Nikki

    • Oh, my sweet darling, I am sooo sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story… hopefully some of our more stubborn little girls will take what you shared to heart. We worry about them sooooo much!
      But you are correct… We do tend to take stupid risks, hoping things will turn out differently than before. I can’t remember how many times I, myself, walked away from a situation and wondered how the hell I got into it. only to do it again……
      This is why accountability and communication with your friends is sooo vital… So someone knows where you are at all times, as well as giving yourself time to get to know the partner in a ‘vanilla’ environment. hell, even when SJ and I started dating, I talked to his friends and even his exs… He hid nothing from me to ensure my safety with with. He should have done the same… Even subs can be psychos!!

    • First off Carole I am so sorry that happened to you I do not get angry often but I would love to run into these guys sometime believe me,, I am very glad you found a caring dom. It was very brave of you to revisit what had to be a nightmarish journey, to try and warn others , we are all in your debt. I hope everyone reading this pays attention . You think this cannot happen to you , but as you see it can. It can be dangerous out there and I want you all to be safe . If all of you get nothing else but how important these rules are , then I feel I have done my job as a dom and a teacher . We all welcome you to our little family Carole, and hope you visit often SJ

    • Carole, you so deserve to have that caring dom. I’m amazed you had the tenacity to stick it out after those horrible experiences. Just reading about it makes me think maybe this isn’t the life for me. Hope we hear from you often. This is a wonderful site for us subbies.

      • Gigi, Many times I thought this isn’t the life for me and considered walking away from what is essentially a big part of me. I did not tell my story to make anyone consider that their submissiveness is something they should ignore, but I just want to urge people to take more care and not think, as I often did, “it won’t happen to me”.

        Bree and SJ give some wonderful advice on here and I just wish this was available when I was searching for a Dom, although to be fair when I started out I was just searching for as many men to spank me as possible and I would quite possibly have ignored good advice as simply scaremongering. How wrong would I be!

        The initial excitement at finding a spanking partner did make me crave more and more of the same and as a result I started to take more risks. I did not take my safety seriously and I put having fun above anything else. I could have ended up in much worse situations than I did.

        I am glad I did not decide that this was not the life for me, because with patience and perseverence I have found a kind and caring Dom and I am happier than I have ever been. More importantly, I am safe when I play with him.

        As I can see that many ‘subbies’ visit this side and are under the wing of both SJ and Bree, who I can see care deeply for them and want to keep them safe, I just wanted to add a little bit of advice from personal experience.

        Play safe and have fun xx

    • well said Carole, Im so sorry things ended up this way but, its what I tell subbies , always safety first .Im glad you were not more seriously hurt , although it sounds like you were hurt pretty bad, You are fortunate you have a caring dom that you know will protect you and be there for you ,its rare to find but, they are out there .Thanks for sharing what must be a very unpleasant memory ,I am sure you are helping someone not make the mistakes you did and thats a good thing

  8. Totally unrelated to the topic …..again.
    I must not speak the same language as mechanics. I called the shop and didn’t get my usual mechanic. The guy asked me if I had disc or drum brakes and I said they must be drum because they were really loud. I actually heard him sigh and say “Do you know what year your car is?” I not only know the year, I could tell him the make and color. He wasn’t all that impressed. I want my usual mechanic back.

  9. Yes a surprise would be bad…really bad. On a side note; do you think other people are reading our odd ramblings? I have this feeling we have like 20 people going…look at these two numbskulls (oh SNAP! used it again!!) 😉

    • No…we’re tied(6 and 6)…but as I said I think we have people watching. We could be like a drinking game…piper said snap..SHOT…Isabella said spank…SHOT…..they both said numbskull…BOLER MAKER!!! 😉 and piper is innnnn the lead…top that!

      • I confess – they made me do it!!! I’m also going to keep my eye on that paddle while I’m at work tonight so i can make sure no one buys it!!!

  10. LOL yeah and saying…”hold on…I can explain!!” doesn’t fly too well either 😉 although really…I can do some SERIOUS explaining!

  11. Gigi I find they make rules, our input is not required, we follow them and if not then you pay the piper 😉 it’s just how it is. Now we can make a subcomittee (ha sub) and make suggestions, addendums to rules, etc. Doesn’t mean they’ll say ok 🙂 Oh and saying *wideeyedcompleteshock* I didn’t know THAT wasn’t allowed!!!…only goes so far

  12. If there are going to be rules and guidelines, I need to help make them up. That way I’ll know if I can stick to them. I was on the city council in my little town once and the mayor wanted to pass a curfew law for teen-agers. I suggested that the communists were trying to take over our little town of 300 people and voted no curfew. What if I didn’t want my kids home that early? Is it really government business what time my kids get home? Anyway, all my rambling just means I want to be on the rules committee.

    Is it possible we don’t have a committee and SJ is just going to tell us “what is what?”

  13. Oh it makes total sense and I can make it REAL easy. See all the stuff we’ve posted the past few days? I would guestimate that about 40% may be considered out of line (maybekindasorta more like 60% BUT I am averaging based on good time/behavior and really good groveling skills when required, when we throw in chocolate it may knock it down to 30% 🙂 make sense? No? yeah… me neither

  14. Guilt is a state of mind 🙂 totally ignore me on this though, I’ve been told quite often, right as I’m about to say something, with a stern look “ahah…think before you open your mouth piper”…LOL so I’m not a good judge haha

  15. Piper it is in code. If we can’ follow t, how can anyone else? I thought the head down meant bottoms up which is another un comfortable position. Did we say anything we shouldn’t have? I don’t want to throw apologies around if I’m not guilty.
    Do I look guilty?

  16. my my all my lovelies interacting , making friends..I am quite pleased but you should consider i do read your posts …ALL OF THEM so just a heads up which is the opposite of what some of you need be good or else SJ

  17. Work up to like 100 inches of snow, had to dig out my winter clothes again. Perfect snow for snowmen and sledding, just the wrong time of year. No problems getting home, just hope the roads are cleared so I can take off for the week-end.

  18. Nikki, I luckily transferred to a warmer state 7 months ago, not CA but I think you Californias consider it the second best place. Shorts and sandals in February kicks butt! 😉

  19. Ugh totally agree! Winter should be Dec to Jan and that’s it! Anything else is just completely unreasonable. Get home safe!

  20. This is totally off topic again, but I felt the need to tell all of you. I HATE WINTER, especially in May. What is this, the Land Down Under and the beginning of winter not the beginning of summer? Today is the day I go to the office 20 miles away instead of 2 blocks away. Sleet, ice and snow. Wish me luck getting home. Grrrr, so not happy.

    • Thanks for encouraging words, Nikki. Although if you read my previous post, you’ll know I’m not going to meet anyone online.

    • Piper,
      I just read about Strangeland in Wikipedia. The poster alone let me know I will never watch this movie. There aren’t enough lights in my house & yours for me to see this. I still don’t like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz! If meeting someone online means I have to watch this, I’d rather be alone. I’m going to have to start locking my doors now. Thanks SJ.

  21. SJ,
    I wish I had met you years ago. There’s some good advice for any relationship in there. I especially like the after care advice. Never have valued myself enough to even expect that. What a mistake. Thanks for the advice.
    I’ve never seen Strangeland. Is that something that’s going to be too scary to watch alone?

    • Gigi, if you don’t like scary movies this one can mess with you but if you read the wikpedia “cliff notes” you can kind of get the gist of what SJ is trying to cement in your mind. Being safe is key. You can always look to see if your area has a local community and go to one of their monthly meetups, they’re usually at a public place and it’s casual. It’s not like you’ll show up at applebees to someone wielding a paddle and a bullwhip going…how YOU doin?? 🙂 plus most are just great, regular friendly people who will answer any questions you have and make you feel comfortable.

      • Piper,
        I live in a very rural, conservative community. Most adults won’t even dress up for Halloween. I kind of stick out like a sore thumb at the best of times, just can’t imagine a nearby community of like-minded people here. Probably don’t have more than 6,000 people in the county. If someone shows up wielding a paddle and carrying a bullwhip, I’d probably follow him home! Where do you guys find your emoticons. I need them to express my feeling(smiley face).
        I wouldn’t sleep for a week if I saw that movie, so thanks for the advice.

        • Ack NO, no, no and hell to THE no! Do NOT follow anyone home with a bullwhip and/or paddle (just want to clarify…NO) Even in small towns there are usually groups maybe in a larger city close by. Google is your friend 🙂 and emoticons: I just do a regular smilely colon/whatchamacalit and it shows up!

  22. WOW, that does sound real. Thanks so much for these posts sir. If I’m ever ready, I’ll remember. One thing I would be interested in knowing is if you can spot a dom. man in public (every day life). Not in a s/s capacity, but someone into an hoh relationship .

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: