I have been getting tons of private emails lately asking a very specific question…
How does D&S affect women today who are ‘feminists‘? Thanks to a friend of mine, Julia, from waaaaaay far away, I wanted to bring up this discussion from the viewpoint of your friend, a fellow submissive, a psychologist, and a ‘feminist’, per se.
I must first emphasize to be very careful as to where you get your information as you explore the ins and outs of this lifestyle. Blogs are fun, but keep in mind that many who talk the talk, do not walk the walk. There is a huge difference between fact and fantasy, so try to limit your exploration to those who actively live the lifestyle, not just play or talk about playing. How do you know? Well, besides asking, read what it written. No sub would ever disrespect his/her Dom by constantly talking about their sexual relationships, especially in explicit detail, or presenting herself poorly to others. See who talks with who… And what influences them the most. A strong sub will not be sucked into others games. I know this sounds like I am scolding… But one of my pet peeves are the posers…
Let us start with the definition of feminism. It is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights for women.This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.
It is NOT saying that women are the same as men. Um, take a look down south…. Our physical body shows that. Are we as good as men (or better then some)? Yep. But, we are NOT men. Good thing, too. They are too hairy…. And I hate shaving.
Unfortunately, the movement has altered so much that women proclaiming themselves as feminists have started to believe that it means they are not to submit to any man, or allow any man to care or show old-fashioned respect to. They scoff at men who offer to carry their bags, pay for meals, open car door or pull out their chairs. To you gals… Well, all I can say is you are really missing out. Nothing in this world makes a woman feel more powerful than when a man is ready and willing to do things for her!!! EVERY MORNING, John, my big, bad Dom-man, brings me coffee and breakfast in bed. Yes, he does! He massages my back every night before bed. He helps with housework, runs errands, fills my car…. Name it. His actions make me feel very powerful, and very submissive.
Bottom line is that the proclaimed feminists submit themselves STILL in everyday life.. Whether it be in their jobs, paying bills, obeying laws…. Submission is not confined to physical interaction in the vanilla world. Punishment is meeted out in different ways… Being fired, paying fines, going to jail. In the DS household, the couple determines that, in lieu of yelling or the silent treatment, the top takes authority and has her pay the price, via her backside. Much quicker, yes? and those of us involved in true DS marriages, there is never any fighting, name calling or otherwise destructive behaviors. It is based on respect and honor, something many feminists have forgotten in the process of trying to ‘rule’ the world.
Dont get me wrong… As you know, I am highly educated, independent and have a world experience that most women dont. I have served in the USMC armed forces,, work as a nurse and professional counselor, and have a strong, healthy relationship with my husband, who I have the deepest and utmost respect for.. As both a human being, and my mate. He is brilliant, caring, compassionate, and spoils the hell out of me. Now, tell me, what woman could refuse that?
Those who call themselves feminists have sadly forgotten the one word.. Feminine. There is nothing wrong with being feminine. That is how we were designed. It does not mean we are weak. Quite the contrary. The lioness does all the hunting, and God help anyone who enters the lair of a honey badger mama! No, we are strong, intelligent, independent, and assertive women who bust our asses in a world largely dominated by men who, equally sad, see us as below them. Doms, the men in DS relationship, are different, we are their equals, their partners.. To be cherished, protected in their own male dominant way, and cared for. Our femininity merely allows them to do what comes naturally to their own design. They become lions. You don’t see the lionesses complain when her neck gets nipped by her lion, do you? Feline D&S!
So spanking… Beside the obvious sexual component involved, the psychological and physical aspects play a tremendous role.
Let us address stress. Todays feminist still has to work twice as hard to be considered half as good as her male counterparts. Because of this, she comes home stressed, uptight, and often angry. In the vanilla household, she throws tantrums, drinks, gets nasty….among some ways she expresses her emotional stress. Even healthy stress management, like exercise, often fails to provide an emotional escape. This is where the DS relationship differs. He talks to her, yes.. But reminds her there are consequences to ill behavior. The spanking is invited, the feeling of his control over her body and emotions allows her, for that moment, to relinquish the pain of her day. Tears provide both an emotional and chemical release of the stress, the feeling of being dominated but someone she loves and trusts… Knowing he desires what is best for HER… Provides a sense of comfort and belonging. Every smack that lands upon her bottom is a declaration that he believes in her.. He belongs to her… He will fight for her….
What woman would not want that, either?
I can just speak through my own personal experience that living in a vanilla relationship does not work for me. Been there, done that, have divorce papers to prove it. I am too strong of a women to have a mate who cannot understand my need for safe release without mockery, which is what so many of these poor women fear. I love being a woman. I love my strengths and I love that John sees, and encourages, them. I also love that he honors me enough to make certain I stay focused on my own personal path, and that he will not allow me to disappoint myself by straying from it. He disciplines me to keep me focused on what is good and right in our relationship and my own personal growth. He is strong were I am weakest, and is secure in himself to allow me to be strong for him as well.
One more time… What woman would not want this?
As you see, I am pretty good at giving lectures (move over James Johnson, my dear publisher, editor and friend!) One day I hope to be invited to conferences to do this face to face!!! Oh, and all of you might be excited to learn that John and I have started on our book…
D&S.. Top to Bottom
It is a full training manual for people interested in the lifestyle and will include every aspect we can think of!
8 thoughts on “Feminism Starts With The Word Feminine…”
Hi Lily – I`m always on the lookout for willing victims who would like to join my little research project. I would love to hear about your views on gender issues, feminism and submission. If you are not scared away by conversing in clumsy english, puzzling over south-European sense of humor or reading endless elaborations… please let me know;) It´s: email@example.com
Ahh you’ve totally made me want to go back to school and do more work on my critical gender minor. Though I do agree with you that there are portions of the feminist movement that have become a little “jaded” I think the overall movement is closer to what brikkie describes. There’s always one nutball in the group making a bad name for everybody. I don’t necessarily correlate femininity and feminism, though my views on gender and femininity/masculinity are much more fluid and further away from the social norm. I’ll gladly label myself a feminist and still label myself little, bottom, submissive etc. They are in no way mutually exclusive. Plus let me second what you said about hubbies treating you right. My Daddy treats me like a princess everyday and dang do I love and appreciate him for it 🙂
P.S. I keep referring to your book as the BJ (Bree&John) manual. Highly inappropriate but makes me chuckle. Can’t wait for it!
Thank you sooo much for this post! Gives me great insights concerning the dynamics of a genuine D/s relationship. If my academic advisor decides that my research is well enough to become a bestseller and I will get reeeal rich the very first thing I`ll do is buy you a ticket to Europe and nominate you as a speaker for the next fem-conference;)
Just to balance the reputation of feminists – the opinions are very heterogeneous and certainly not all are men-haters or negate the beauty of being feminine. Actually a lot of my female interview partners declare themselves as subs AND feminists since one keystone of the whole movement is to encourage women to stand up and say:
“That´s what I am. That`s what I desire – and there is nobody out there who has the right to say what I feel is wrong.”
Great post Bree!
Thanks ladies! Now just gotta get motivated to write the nextbook… The End Zone!!! Sigh….
Don’t you dare sigh, I’ve been waiting with bated breath to find out what’s happening with those guys. I might pass out, does that provide any motivation?
Love your post! So so very good. Thank you.
Wow, I feel like I want to stand up and applaud!!!!!!! Brava!