Feelings and Emotions: Arrrgh!

Hello my lovelies,

How is everyone?

I have a query for all of you and would welcome your input. I was doing a session with one of my subbies, a very sweet newbie. She was not in serious trouble but it was a phone session. It was for a behavior I do not like.

You see, in phone sessions, the subbie cannot fake anything. I hear it all. The self spanks are always much harder and longer.

The session went as usual, and after she was forgiven with hugs I signed off. Later I get an email saying, she was upset and felt angry during the session. Mostly, wanting to cuss and be defiant, even though she did not act that way. She could not understand why she felt like this and was feeling very guilty, as all subs do. She’s very obedient, especially for a newbie, so this is way out of character.

What do you think?

I have a theory… I think a lot of subbies will push, newbies especially but even experienced subs, (Bree still pushes me on occasion). The reason this happens is that they want to know nothing has changed. Security and trust comes from consistency, so if I call them on it it seems all is good and balanced even though they get spanked and whine about how mean I am.

I also asked one of my more experienced subbies what she thought. She’s very smart and intuitive so her take was a bit different. She thought that as an independent woman used to being in control it’s a hard adjustment sometimes. So when you are in a session being disciplined you obviously have no control and sometimes that switch clicks and you just want even a little control. You get defiant or angry or you act out, even knowing there are consequences, because it gives you a little control, if only for a few minutes.

Have any of you gone through this? I know my subbies have. What do you think?

D/s is very powerful is it not?

Be good, or else…

SJ

16 thoughts on “Feelings and Emotions: Arrrgh!

  1. Hi
    I’ve thought about your query, for bit now, I no myself if I have done something wrong and get backlash because of it. It makes me anger, and want to do something more to get in trouble, maybe she has not let go, and needs time to reflect. Maybe write how there feeling in a journal. It helps a little.

  2. Can’t say I’ve ever been in the exact same situation but just the fact that it’s self punishment could do it for me. I hate being corrected or “caught”. Even when I know I’ve done something just to be caught… Might be that “subbies be crazy” thing your always mentioning. So when I do get called on my behavior it’s bad enough. Add to that that in this case I would be doing the punishment myself and I’d be even madder. Not sure I could keep that in during the session. So good on your sub for not doing something to earn more punishment!

    • I assume you have never had to ss, Bekah? I do agree, the subbie showed remarkable restraint, which turned out much better for her than it could have.

      • If ss stands for self spank, Sir, than no I’ve never had to do that. My dad did have me pick a punishment once but that’s the only thing that would even be in the same realm as this. It didn’t go over very well to say the least, lol. Sat at the kitchen table for 30 minutes before my dad’s glare and yelling made me cave in. Then I stormed up stairs to my room slammed the door, hurt my hand, and earned a second punishment. After that I sat on the floor with my dog and cried.

  3. For me if I act out in a session its normally bc the vibe or intensity is off and somehow it feels like we’re not totally on the same page. If I act out for a quick second it normally increases the intensity or somehow clicks over and I can settle down again. For me its less about regaining some control and more so an attempt to lose more control.

  4. I sometimes felt like the phone sessions were too distant and impersonal. I realize you do what you can, but long distance care is sometimes very frustrating. So, of course, you get angry with the dom because you can. After care on the phone sucked, but hearing good girl is always nice.

  5. Sir,
    The emotional side of things can be overwhelming at times. I guess that happens when there is a lot of changes in our lives. The one constant thing that helps me get through is your consistency through it all. My emotional state is all over the map with no real explanation at times, but you are there to see me through! Thanks so much!

  6. I have felt like this on a few occasions myself. I think it’s a little bit of both. Sometimes I feel like I should be fighting it, or that I need that control over myself.
    Other times I am seeking that confirmation that things have remained the same. I think I do this most often when the routine of things has been thrown off or temporarily stalled. I want to know that even though something has changed in my routine, my dom’s consistency and care has not.
    It is still somewhat confusing to me, but I am learning as I go.
    I’m eager to hear what others have to say on this.
    Awesome post SJ! It has the wheels in my mind turning. A great start to my Monday. 🙂

    • Glad you liked it Brit, it does happen often but, I talked to the subbie on the phone and got her calmed down and she understood she is not alone in this

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