Do Tell

Hello lovelies,

This question came up recently, when is it appropriate to tell on another sub?

Now I know you all stick together like a big subbie sorority.

That would be a great video, especially initiation night you…sorry, went away for a few seconds, I’m back now.

Back to my query, when would you tell on another sub? I know you all like getting others in trouble, no eye rolling, you know I’m right. But what if your subbie sister was being self-destructive? Abusing drugs? Alcohol? Speeding? Would you tell her Dom or leave it to him to find out?

Chime in and let me know.

Be good, or else…

SJ

16 thoughts on “Do Tell

  1. I had problems with some of my friends coming to me to talk and tell me about certain problems. I quickly made a rule that it would stay between us unless crime related… in which case I’d try to get them to report what had happened. The other reason I wouldn’t keep it between us was destructive behavior or self-harm. I’ve had to help a few friends get help. They new about my “rules” upfront though so it helped me to not lose friends.

  2. If another sub was doing something that could bring harm to her and/or someone else yes I would tell my Dom so he could tell hers. I have been on the receiving end of being told on for something like this and even though it ticked me off at first, I was going to tell my Dom, he just found out sooner than I had planned. He appears to have eyes everywhere. For lesser offenses, I don’t tell on another sub unless I’m asked by my Dom. Now stretching or avoiding the truth is different than lying right? For the most part I would have another sub’s back unless they give me reason not too.

    • Let me explain a little better-If a sub was doing something that was self harming or harmful to others I would do everything within my power to talk to her, get her to stop or get help elsewhere. But if it came down in order to help her was to say something to my Dom then I would but she would know I was doing so. I would never go behind her back. I would never get over it if I didn’t say anything and I lost her through death or she caused someone else death because I didn’t get her help.

  3. Not sure it’s a good idea. Speaking from experience I tried to let my Don know a sub was causing harm and I wasn’t spoken to for months. I’ll never make that mistake again and will always know my place to keep my thoughts to myself. If the sub wants to tell her Don she’s causing harm to herself she has to take that responsibility.

      • Only if I felt that we had a relationship where she would hear what I was saying out of concern. In most cases I have found that the “subbie sister” as you call them is not open to reason or understand where u are coming from.

        • Hi Dinah- I totally get where you are coming from. There are too many people who are not open to anything, especially if it’s something they are busted with. I had a ‘subbie sister’ who I caught lying constantly to several of us and tried to discuss it with her. I also shared how hurt I was about the deceit. Trust is a huge thing for me and when someone breaks it, it’s devestating. Instead of acknowledging what she was doing and trying to make things right, she turned and stabbed me in the back. She chose to end a relatonship rather than talk about the issue or take responsibility. I’ve unfortunately learned that people will believe what they want to believe, whether its true or not- and whether it benefits them or not.
          I do have some very close friends who are members of my ‘family’ who know they can say anything they want to me and I’ll receive and consider it. They also know that if I ever hurt them, even accidentally, I will go out of my way to make things right if I know. Sadly, not everyone is like that and we end up being hurt when we try to do what’s best. Ultimately, those people are destined to learn the hard way and I’m stupid enough to forgive and open my arms to them when they come back shattered. One of these days, I’ll man up and stop being such an idiot.

          • The only thing we can control is how we behave and chose to live. People of integrity want to live a life of integrity- which means growing and evolving. It’s work and so few people want to invest time in anything or anybody that doesn’t supply instant gratification. That’s what our society encourages, but we don’t have to be that way.

  4. There are many factors to consider in this question… like for one (depending on circumstance)…if she asked or TOLD you not to tell, then it would have to be REALLY extreme circumstances to “tell”. Because if you did, that would then be a major break of promise and huge betrayal. So this should never be done as a ‘rash’ decision. However if it seems like a ‘communication’ error (and we all have those sometimes) then it might be OK to tell… not tattle! But above all, no matter how big or small, I would first advise my subbie sister to talk to her Dom… if she can’t say it out loud, or doesn’t think she is “heard”, then maybe write a note/letter. If that didn’t work, I would tell her first, and then contact him.

  5. If it was something detrimental to their health, definitely. Something like speeding or being on Facebook when you aren’t supposed to be? No.

    • interesting you feel speeding is not detrimental to ones health, considering she could die in a accident or even kill others. I would disagree strongly on this point Lisa, facebook, or the like, much less so

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