Wounded by Words

Hi Ya’ll!

OMG, so much going on lately that I forget what day of the week it is. The one thing I don’t forget, however, is you guys. You are the ones who make it possible for me to be here and I thank each and every one of you.

I run a group on FB for my Middle/Littles and special friends to play and interact. It is so sweet, fun and wonderful that I can’t help but smile when I check in on them. It has become a place to support one another and promote healing and encouragement. There are no outsiders there- only people who share the same interest/desires- the ‘real deal’ of BDSM. I love the men and women there- they are pure, genuine, loving and nonjudgmental.

Something came up- one of my babies was hurting. Bad. And then another and another…. Emails and chats started coming through- well over twenty and all dealing with the same exact issue. Each of them had been wounded by words.  Not in their playground- but by those outside. Even worse, the pain had been inflicted- non-consensually and straight to the heart- through internet communications. Chat, groups, e-mails, posts/threads…The power of the abusive cyber word yielded behind a computer screen by a bully became crushing to their spirits and their trust.

What made it worse was the common thread- an author who used her ‘name’ to lure them in and deliberately intimidate, insult and destroy. I also know many other authors as well as readers who have had the same horrible encounters with this person- really wonderful kind, gentle and honest people who had reached out in trust and were met with a psychotic rage. She has trashed me personally countless times on her blog after confronting her with her behavior (jealousy and immaturity are amazing catalysts to bring out the unstable) with comments and stories that just short of laughable and have entered libel.

But I have to ask-

How does an author, or any public figure, expect to be successful when she leaves a wake of bodies in her path? Not one or two—but hundreds?

As authors, I believe we have a responsibility to our readers to deliver truth, compassion and gratitude. Of course, I don’t expect anyone to reveal their home address, real name or even their actual age- but don’t lie about your lifestyle to gain readers! Don’t pretend to be a Domme or falsely support things like Age-Play to manipulate innocent people who are hungering for a real DS experience. Don’t treat your readers like they are disposable- because they are the most precious gift an author could ask for.

Because FB is so precarious with how things are posted, I decided to allow this to be a venting post. We have the power to say no to abuse of any kind- but true power comes with community involvement. If any of my readers have had problems with a cyber-bully- please let me know. I WILL NOT associate OR promote anyone who behaves in that manner. I also recommend that you let a publisher know if someone like this is causing hurt. One or two emails might not do anything, but there is power in numbers. I know my publisher, Blushing Books, will take a stand to protect our readers AND our authors from anyone who threatens to harm them.

As authors- we can only begin to understand how we affect our fans- good or bad. Please feel free to share your personal experiences and feelings- not to judge- but to let others know that they are not alone, singled out, or in any way wrong in how they feel. I will be watching the threads and doing my best to protect you from counter-attacks. The person referred to above is banned from commenting on this site.



Are you a Survivor or a Thriver? A Victim or a Victor?

Hello, my darlings! There has been a lot of questions directed at me lately about triggers, psychological play, and labels- and many of you have courageously shared your stories and the journey you have taken.

John and I share our lives openly with you- much of it is amusing and playful, but there is also another side that is not. I promised all of you that I would allow myself to be vulnerable and show that, no matter how old we are, or how many years in the lifestyle we have lived, that growth, change and self-awareness should forever be in a perpetual, forward motion.

I am going to make this statement to begin- and re-clarify later- I was a survivor of childhood sexual and ritual abuse. For years, I employed the tools of survival to function… avoidance, hiding in shadows, overachieving, defensiveness, overeating, self-stabbing to feel… My life was mentally dictated by my abusers and I functioned in constant fear, shame and guilt. Bluntly, I was a freaking mess.

When I started my MA program in psych, one of the requirements was that we went through therapy. The instructors wanted us to see what is felt like to be ‘on the other side’. That was when the reality that I had just been surviving (functioning day to day without growth) as a victim (the abusers still lived rent free in my head). I was challenged to thrive (evolve and grow beyond the abuse) and become a victor (remove the power the abusers had over my actions).

I am no longer a survivor of abuse- I thrive happily as a victor over those events and have taken back control of my thoughts, my emotions and my life. That part of my past has lost all power to either harm, or silence me.

I confess that there are still things that I merely function in (survive), and that I struggle not to allow certain abuses/words have power over me (victim)- but it is the recognition that they are there and that I am taking steps to be free of them that allows me to repaint my life on a fresh canvas. I’m also very blessed to have a strong, loving supportive partner and genuine friends to stand by me on that journey.

I ask this question of you because so often we ‘stick’ with a label we have given ourselves, not realizing that we have either allowed ourselves to stay in that same place- or acknowledge that we have stepped out of it. Many people, myself included, entered the lifestyle because it gave us permission to feel where the world would not. Others, ladened with guilt and self loathing, came into it because they felt they deserved more abuse and hoped to find it here. And there are even those who found that the dynamic allowed a way to work through anger, pain, neglect, and fear. There are as any reasons for being here as there are people- right or wrong is not for us to judge but to try to understand and encourage a healthy direction

I love you guys!


A Word of Warning

warning_1Predators are closer than you think. In fact, several of them even host blogs that you read. I had a reader drop me an email that was very disturbing concerning a particular poster. I had heard about this person before- she had used the story of death and abandonment (children, parents, husband), despair and woe (all lies) to get fans, sympathy and money. It’s been brought to my attention that she was exposed, but now her blog is back up and she is making claims that the lies were based on real people.

No comment. I don’t follow her. Enough said.

The internet- especially blogs- are filled with lies. Many are for privacy purposes- like changing names and locations to protect the writers and families. That is totally acceptable. Oh, and what woman doesn’t lie about her age and weight? No problem, and usually laughable. I always lie about my age- but I can get away with it because I look a lot younger than my 98 years.

When the lies are used to manipulate people’s emotions and their pocketbooks- that is where we must draw the line. When the lies make people believe someone is living a life that doesn’t exist- and uses that to gain support for a con job- we have to say NO!

DO NOT send money to anyone unless you actually know them (that means meet face to face, spend time- real time- with them)

DO NOT give anyone your passwords or access to your private account. Identify theft and blackmail are real issues, and there are people who will steal emails/chats to alter them with your name on it, and then delete them from your account to eliminate the original (been there, done that). Homeland Security loves to investigate people who are reported to do this- so report them immediately (including any records you have of their admission).

DO NOT give anyone your credit card number- not even to buy my books. I don’t care how bad you feel for them- tell them to get a job and pay for their own.

DO SAVE any correspondence that asks (or hints) for money, admits/boasts of ANY violation of boundaries (ie entering private accounts, stalking the internet for your information, etc), or starts going off on an obscene story that you need to check the details later. Keep copies of these in hard form with the header on it.

Most of all- RUN LIKE HELL from anyone who asks for or does any of the above and DO NOT look back.

John and I put ourselves out there. Many of you have met us face to face- been to our home, shared meals and spent one on one time with (I love to meet my fans). Many have spoken with us on the phone. Many have even seen my ‘atta girl’ wall with my degrees and USMC discharge (proving my education and experience is exactly what I say it is). I have nothing personal to hide and am very open about who and what I am. John as well- he doesn’t announce to his vanilla friends who we are or what we do because he believes in privacy- but he won’t deny if asked.

Protect yourselves, my darlings. Please. And if you know of anyone involved in such heinous actions, speak up. Protect yourselves and each other.



Atten-Hut! General’s Daughter Fans


Omg! Such exciting news.  John was approached to narrate the General’s Daughter Series and, as of today, he is the official voice belonging to Scott Jenkins, Dr. Quimby, Michael Quimby and Richard Lewis! So ladies (and some gents), you will get to hear your favorite character scold poor Sam for real!

That’s not all…There is word in the think tank that certain spanking scenes might even have sound effects… Whatcha think of that?

For those of you who don’t know, GD is my ultimate fantasy. I started the series (without the grown up parts) when I was 12 as a means to get through some horrible and ugly times.  Those characters kept me (Bree) from doing a lot of stupid things and gave me a refuge, and love, when I needed it the most. When I rewrote the book (originally over 900 pages) in 2011, and put the parts of true fantasy within, it became real to me. Now- being able to hear the voices of my beloved heroes- it will come alive.

We will keep you updated! Thank you all!!



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