Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or abusive tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at another’s expense, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious, and deceptive.
SO WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE TOLERATE THOSE WHO DO THIS?
As many of your know, I work pro bono as a therapist and deal with all kinds of abuse situations- Spousal, employers, financial… you name it and that type of abuse is seen on my desk. I have a client who recently took a stand and confronted an abusive employer with his activities and agenda. Things that were seen AND experienced by all her coworkers. She knew going in that his response would not be one of maturity, repentance or responsibility- and that he would find a way to turn the tables. Sure enough- instead of him accepting responsibility for the demeaning comments and actions against her- he loaded her with guilt and tried to make himself the victim.. He then turned the others against her- people who knew the truth but were too weak willed and afraid to stand on their own two feet against him. And the situation is not like they had nowhere else to go- this was CHOICE. Doesn’t anyone have any self-respect anymore?
Before I began writing full time, I worked for a person who did that same thing- if I DARED stand up for myself and exposed the behavior, then he would throw either the insult or guilt card at me. I worked HARD and he was altering reports to claim as his and gain credit. The clients knew it- the coworkers knew it- and behind his back, everyone talked and said it was wrong. But when it came to confrontation- I was made to be the bad guy. He claimed that I was not a team player, that I hurt my coworkers by not allowing him to claim credit, and a myriad of other ridiculous and childish things. It wasn’t enough that he made money off my work- he had to OWN it as his (which he could not legally do). He even used the ‘you have to trust me because I’m a Christian card! The honest Christians I know don’t manipulate, steal, lie, coerce, deceive and mess around on their spouses– and those who do, I can’t help but question the foundation of their faith.
OMG- the emails we all received (and we all have kept to remind ourselves that he was a deceptive manipulative jerk) were amazing. He would not cut any corners with the attempt to manipulate and coerce- and when intimidation and threats didn’t work, he tried to stab into the heart. He had no problem in even claiming that the stress I brought him was so great that I could cause him marital problems! (Not the fact he had his hands on every woman he could or that he embezzled from the company and was under investigation for it). I was just waiting for the next play- that he would claim that I caused his wife to lose her baby or their dog to be run over by a car. Yeah, he held back nothing in his desperate attempt to NOT take responsibility. I knew I had other options for work and took my talents elsewhere- many followed afterword but yet he still continues these behaviors with the delusional belief that the people he works with are so stupid that they will allow this disgusting behavior to continue indefinitely. You can only imagine how he laughs at them behind their backs! And, yes, they deserve it- they know the truth but are too afraid to stand together and stop it.
WHY DOES ONE TOLERATE ABUSE and BULLYING? Especially in a situation where you have options to get out?
I decided at that moment to stand up against those who use people for self-gain and who bully people in accepting their sick and selfish agenda. The abusers also know that if they ever got in my face that I will expose them openly. I wish I could trust that they are smart enough to avoid me- but most abusers are so filled with delusions of grandeur that they can’t help but try to get the last word. Dumb move- because that is what proves themselves a fool every time.
These people come in all shapes and sizes and relationships. They don’t care about anyone except themselves and, quite often, their bank account. How many times are you going to allow fear to force you to make choices that you know are not healthy or productive for you, your family or your career? If you have a support network- put it into play and say NO to bullies and manipulators. They don’t care about you- and the more guilt they throw in your direction proves that. You owe them nothing- and need to ask yourself- why associate with them?
YOU can stop this behavior. YOU can recognize an abusive relationship and stop it. YOU have the choice to get out of it and preserve yourself. This is about YOU- your safety and your life. Few abusers change their stripes- just the color- and you don’t have to be their prey any longer. Stop the abuse- take a stand- and gain respect for yourself and your life. YOU CAN DO IT!