Subbie Mantra

 

its-not-fair-tink

Hello subbies, subbies in training, wanna be subbies, and the just curious… Some of you may be aware of meditation techniques. In meditation there is a phrase or word that you use to focus your energy, it is sometimes called a mantra, such as omm, etc.

In D&S subbies also have a mantra, but usually to focus their energy on trying to get out of trouble.

The mantra? “It’s not fair.

How many times have I heard this? Well, Nikki uses it maybe twice- no not a day -an hour!! Bree much less, as she knows it does not have any magic properties and will not help her escape her fate.

So why do subbies try this? Well, it may have worked in the past, or they may think the Dom might have fallen and bumped his head and he has forgotten how to be a Dom, or aliens kidnapped him and took out his Dom gene. Who knows? But boy do they (subbies not aliens) ever try. Now I have to say a Dom must always be consistant in his fairness and meeting out judgement. If he is not, trust me, a subbie will try anything to weasel out or at least lessen their punishment. It’s odd to me then when I inform Nikki she is in for a session in the punishment room, the first thing she says is, yup you guessed it, “It’s not fair!”  She knows it never works but she still says it. Sometimes to the point of irritating me and  earning a longer and more painful spanking…Oh and this did not just happen once, and she learned her lesson… No, no ,no,  it happens all the time. Bree has told her it’s useless but she trys anyway.

So my question to all of you is, why do you keep trying? When you know it will not do any good, and may even earn you more than you were originally supposed to get? Nikki’s second favorite mantra? “Meanie!” I love subbies, but they are a curious lot sometimes. Now I must go and medicate – I mean meditate!   Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm…………

Sir John

A Message From Nikki and Sir John…

sisterswalking

For the past few days, ever since my punishment, Bree has been getting some flack from the peeps. Some people feel she was too hard on me. Some feel that it was not appropriate for my sister, rather than John, to punish me. Here’s the thing… I screwed up. I was disrespectful and deserved to be punished. Now, I wont lie to you and say I didn’t mind that it was Bree and not John. Because I did mind it, I hated it, for a couple reasons. One being that she is my sister and I just didn’t like having to obey her. But also because, despite her somewhat cocky post describing how she asked John to allow her  to “take the reins”, she did not enjoy it. Now do believe she thought she would enjoy it? Hell yea. Because the truth is, Bree is a switch and she likes to be the “Top” once in awhile. I think she was angry and disappointed in me and thought punishing me would be cathartic or something. But she found it was not so great after all. However, just as I had to accept her punishing me, just as I had no choice in the matter, the same can be said for her. She had no say in it either. John told her that she was going to need to take care of it and she obeyed him.

Anyway, I just want you all to know that I love Bree very much and respect her position in my family. I have kind of put her through a lot of crap over the past few years. She and John pretty much saved my butt more than once when I was on a slippery slope into the gutter. So I not only understand where they were coming from, I also accept it. And even though I said I had no choice in the matter of my punishment, the bottom line is I do have a choice. I choose to live with them and in doing so I have to abide by their rules. If I want to move out, I can at any time. I don’t want to move out yet though. I do not feel ready to move out. I guess my crappy childhood, and insane adolescence (of which I suppose I am still in) has stunted me a bit. I like the security I feel living with Bree and John. I am safe here and I am loved and taken care of. And, since I don’t have a job yet, I am being financially supported by them-which is amazing because they do not need to do that. They choose to. And this is not anything new. My father was never around for me and my mother was a nut case. Since I was born Bree has been a surrogate mother to me. Every time I went to my fathers house for visitation, it was Bree that I was with. She sacrificed a lot to take care of her little sister. So I do appreciate her and she is like my mom. Well, she is my mom and my sister all rolled into one. So guys, please do not be mad at Bree or feel sorry for me. Well, you can feel sorry for me, that is fine 😉 but don’t be mad at Bree.

Love Nikki

Oh and a message from Sir John:

It seems some of you  are upset with Bree punishing Nikola. To be clear, this was all on my orders as the alpha. I will be glad to discuss it with anyone that wants to. Feel free to ask any questions you might have.

SJ

Meeting A New Dom/Domme For The First Time

 

Sir John here. I would like to address the do’s and dont’s of setting up an in-person session and how to act during it. For simplicity sake, I am using the term applicable to a M/F scenario and am addressing female subs but everything I say can be applied to any sub, male or female. The general guide should be helpful… whether you are looking to explore a Dom dynamic with a male or female or if you are a guy/gal interested in developing your Dom/Domme chops. OK here is a list and I will expound upon each point.

1. Where can I meet a Dom?      

Good question! I would say the best way is to visit some websites. spanking.com has some good ads. If you want more S&M maybe alt.com -but we are not dealing with that level here. Read reviews! If someone has had a bad experience, they will post it. Don’t be afraid to email him/her and ask for details. You can also contact the site manager to see is any complaints have been placed against the user. I also suggest the same be done for the Dom… I have had my own bad experiences with subs who weren’t exactly what they claimed to be!

2. How do I know I am talking to a real Dom and not a wanna be Dom?

Well, you don’t really, but there are some signs you can look for that will indicate he is at least in the ballpark. He should be very nice, but very firm when discussing your behaviors. A “young lady I will not tolerate that” or “It seems to me you need to be accountable for your actions” are good signs that this is a real Dom. If he says you should call him Sir while chatting, that’s good – as long as it is not done the wrong way. This is the wrong way: “You will call me sir, and speak only when spoken to you, tramp.” Hello? Are you there? Well, of course you are not, this guy is a jerk and more of a ‘wanna be Dom’. But if he said something like this: “I assume you have had little training, as its customary to refer to a Dom as Sir as a matter of respect.” Then you can choose to say “yes sir” or brat, and make a smart remark. He will know how to handle it. Like Breanna says, if he can’t treat me like a lady, then I cannot trust him to be a gentleman.

3. The meeting.

Lets say you have talked for at least two weeks. Yes, at least. You must get to know one another and not be afraid to ask the vital questions. Look for consistency, too and a little bit of humility. A man who has the absolute need to constantly toot his own horn is usually one that has some insecurities. If you have doubts, then wait a while until you are positive that he is stable and consistent. He must also be a person of integrity who works on his own self-improvement and personal goals. Now that you have decided it is time to meet, remember this one thing…this is non negotiable…. never, ever go to his house! Always insist your first meeting be in a public place. A restaurant, coffee shop etc.If he balks at this, move on, he is not thinking of your safety and a true Dom would be.

4. After your coffee or dinner, you find that you like one another, and you feel he may be the Dom you have been waiting for. Is it ok to have  a session that evening?  

I would say yes, if it is done safely. That means he has a hotel room. He arrives first. You never ride with him. After he is settled, ask the clerk at the desk if he is there and get his room number. Make sure the clerk will remember you. I would also encourage you to have a friend call you at the hotel at a certain time.   Seems a bit much? Well look, you do not know this man and soon you will be bare from the waist down in a position to be disciplined. Kind of scary right? A true Dom will understand you are kind of freaked out and will take things slow with you. You should tell him that if you say you are serious, that you are having difficulty breathing or with anxiety, etc. that he should stop.I would think a real Dom could punish you just fine with just his hand, but he may insist on some implements depending or your offenses. you need to discuss this prior to meeting. Will he use implements? Will you be marked? He may refuse to tell you and, in that case, you need to decide if you want to pursue this with him or not. Which brings me to number 5-safe words.

SPANKING

5. Safe Words?

On this topic, I have a rather controversial point of view. My opinion is that if you are playing-say doing a role play-bad secretary, etc. then safe words are fine. But if you are seeking real discipline, for actual bad behaviors that you are working on; speeding, smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. In these cases, I do not believe in safe words. I have done many sessions over the years and the majority of women said they came to me because they had used a safe word previously and stopped the spanking before they felt truly punished. Where as after our session, they did feel truly punished, and could get rid of the guilt. I am not saying do not use a safe word ever, that is up to you. But if you need to atone, you will be disappointed with a safe word. Trust me. Oh, FYI, Breanna has tried for years to incorporate a safe word (she loves to find ways to weasel) and my response is always the same… Do you trust me to do what is best for you? Trust takes time to build which is why I insist on taking as much time as you feel you need to learn about each other.

IMPORTANT! There are some psychological issues that sometimes come up, especially during a first session. This is where honesty and trust must come into play. Let your Dom know if you have any concerns about things, as well as if you are on any medications (blood thinners, aspirin, seizure meds), etc. that might affect your session. Honesty must go both ways!

6. Behavior during a session.

A lot of new subbies ask me how they should act during a session. Should I obey everything immediately? Not struggle or complain, etc? Well, here is the deal…. I would recommend a little bratting and a little resistance. My reason is because you need to know that the Dom can control you. If you are able to struggle and get off his lap, or call him names and get away with it, that’s pretty much game over. So give him a little challenge. We Doms kind of enjoy that anyway and it will show you if you are on the right track with the right Dom for you. But while on the subject, let me reiterate, a real Dom never ever yells or curses you or degrades you. If this happens, leave immediately and save yourself a big hassle later on.

NOTE: Some subs like ‘humiliation’ and name calling…. Establish a comfortable and safe relationship with your Dom prior to exploring this genre. Let him know your ‘deal breakers’ in both words and actions.

7. After your discipline…

Here is the truth. If this is a real punishment, it’s going to be painful. Depending on what you are being punished for, coupled with the skill and the strength of the Dom, it could be very, very painful. Tears would not be uncommon, nor would some marks, bruising, or welts. Another vital component to a real Dom is having a caring and understanding vibe after your punishment. He may decide on corner time, but he should also hold you and let you cry it out if you need to. He should also verbalize forgiveness so you can let the guilt go. Breanna also liked to be told that I was proud of her for accepting her needs, which helped her feel less ‘weird’. One cool thing about this arrangement is when its over, it is over. No guilt, no holding grudges. A clean slate. After you leave, the Dom should call you to make sure you got home safely. After that, it is up to the two of you to decide if this was a one time adventure or the real deal. Time will tell. Never settle. If you are careful and smart, you will find the Dom you have been Jonesing for.

Interview With Sir John

 

 

A while ago Bree posted that she was going to interview John for the blog. Readers sent in questions, and here they are. I (Nikki) am conducting this interview because Bree is sleeping-she worked last night. Hope you enjoy!

First I am supposed to tell you that I was 2 minutes late for our meeting and I did not start the interview the way a proper sub would. So I earned a hand and brush punishment and book entry.

Nikki: Sir, I am sorry for not starting our interview on time and properly. Please forgive me and thank you for taking the time to answer our questions. (this was of course said in position).

Sir John: You will be spanked later.

Nikki: Yes sir.

Sir John: Go on.

Nikki: Yes sir.

Reader: How did you become or learn or train to be a Dom?

Sir John: I was about 14 and had a bratty girlfriend. I had seen and read some about spanking, so I decided I would try it.  It was over her clothing but I got such a favorable reaction I started to think this is the way relationships should be formed.

Nikki: Did you train yourself sir, or just learn as you went along?

Sir John: Well I had no idea what a top or a bottom was. I did read a lot but in the early stages, I just used corporal punishment (cp) when a girlfriend was acting up. It was awhile before I actually got into the dynamic of a true Dom. Quite a while.

Reader: Do you mentor other Dom or subs?

Sir John: I have had many subs over the years both online, and in person. Not many Doms. I have given advice from time to time.

Reader: Do you have other subs? (you should start a school on how to properly motivate subs I think this could be very useful).

Sir John: Well you could be right and if the opportunity came up I would consider it. However, you and Bree keep me pretty busy.  lol I do mentor some online though.

Nikki: lol

Reader: What made you think Bree or Nikki were subs when you met them?

Sir John: Very good question. I think other Doms will support me on this; after a while, you just know. It’s almost a sixth sense about these things. I think Bree and you could tell I was a top right away. Subs also have this awareness. that’s why when a top comes into a room and there are subs there, even if they have not come out about it, they will act much differently than they do with the vanilla men in the room.

Nikki: Yes sir, I have noticed this personally.

Reader: How much is seen in your day to day life on how things work in terms of the lifestyle?

Sir John: Well, my perception of this is based on my own experience. The D&s dynamic is quite strong in my life, as you know. It’s my opinion a true relationship must have a Dom sub component. But lets be clear, a Dom does not abuse. Just because he is alpha does not mean the sub has no rights. Of course she does and a Dom will revere his subs much more than a vanilla man would his girlfriend, wife, etc…But as you know, subs and dare I say, women in general, need boundaries. And when those are crossed, they must have someone they respect to be accountable to. I believe this is the best foundation for a relationship. When a sub has misbehaved she is punished then forgiven. No holding grudges or storming out like a lot of vanilla men do. After the punishment the Dom reassures his sub that she is loved and forgiven. With Bree and Nikki, even if I need to be severe, they know I love them and the punishment is for their own good. They each have different rules pertaining to their lack of discipline in areas and then they both must be respectful and obedient. But I am sure they both know they are loved and treasured.

Nikki: Yes sir, we do.

Reader: If you had children, how do you think they might change the Dom/sub interaction in your home?

Sir John: Well, privacy is essential for obvious reasons. However, if I had children, I think I would bring them up being aware of the lifestyle so if I had to spank my wife and they were there, they would see it as a caring thing and not be embarrassed by it.

Reader: I read that you had a long relationship with Bree training her prior to having an intimate relationship. Why was that? Did you know it would eventually lead to marriage?

Sir John: Well at first no, but the more I got to know her, the more I realized just how special she was and is. I think a D&s relationship needs time to develop. The good thing about it is the sub knows right up front what is expected of her and she either complies or says thats not my thing-so no time is wasted. All of my past relationships always had the rules set forth before the first date. D&s is a very honest communication which is why it works so well. Bree is an amazing woman, as you know, and took to her training very well. She is a model sub…most of the time. lol!

Nikki: lol

Reader: Do you have any recommendations for subs looking for a Dom, and what should they look for?

Sir John: Well, I do mentor some would-be subs online, and this is a frequent question. First off, and this is vital, a real Dom will never bring up sex…a real Dom will not be a jerk and try to boss a woman. He will actually be caring and understanding, but quite firm in how things will go. Even in a chat or email, a woman can feel if it’s a weekend Dom or the real deal. It’s not easy. A Dom must be a lot of things, and above all, balanced.

Reader: How have things changed since adding Nikki to your family?

Sir John: Well, I love Nikki. She is smart and cute and quite spankable. lol She and Bree love each other and I have come to love her as well. She can be a brat at times as she has not had the training Bree has, but she is learning.

Nikki: Hmph!

Reader: How do you determine the amount, or type of implement, you use?

Sir John: Well it really depends on the offense as you know only too well. And this brings up a good point for a would-be Dom. All spankings are not created equal. lol  So lets say Bree has been a brat. A good hard hand, bare bottom (BB) spanking is sufficient. But lets say she was speeding and got a ticket. Then the spanking should reflect the offense as should the implements. For a speeding ticket, she would receive a hand, brush, paddle spanking followed by 12 of the best.

Nikki: 12 of the best sir?

Sir John: Yes, a caning.

Reader: Is there a general guideline that is followed by all or most Doms?

Sir John: Well, in a way. Lets take two scenarios. Lets take a first encounter. A Dom must be very aware of the subs behavior. First, she is going to be terrified-after all this is a strange man who is not only going to bare her bottom, but punish it. She is trusting he knows what he is doing and will not abuse her. So a Dom needs to be firm but caring. Now this can go two ways, it can be a real punishment session or a role play. Each is different. I can elaborate if you want.

Nikki: Yes sir, please do.

Sir John: Well, and this will be a controversial opinion I am sure, but a real punishment session should have no safe words. After all, if you were sentenced to a spanking would you have the power to stop it when it got too painful? No, and if a sub wants a real punishment then it should be done that way. Now a Dom must be unyielding here. If she is starting to mark, he must still carry out the punishment as he stated he would. She can not top from the bottom and use tears, etc. to stop it. If it is role play, the safe words are acceptable as it is fantasy and the sub really has done nothing to deserve real punishment. So you see the difference?

Nikki: Yes sir, for clarity though….You are saying that in a Dom/sub relationship there are no safe words because it is consensual and she has given her Dom that right to punish her? But if playing-even with her Dom, she can use a safe word because it is not an actual punishment.

Sir John: Yes, in a relationship that is true, but in play yes, she can have a safe word. Now let me make a point; most spanking sites will tell a would-be sub who is about to have a first session, to have a safe word. I get that and there is nothing wrong with it. But I have had many subs in a session tell me they came to me because they need a real punishment-no safe words, etc….a sub that is looking for real atonement, will not feel she has been truly punished with a safe word. But I do understand the safety issue here as well.

Nikki: Thank you. That was going to be my next question-whether you feel it is appropriate for a woman meeting a Dom she has met online-for the first time, to have a safe word.

Sir John: I Have my own take on this but I would never turn down a session because a woman wanted a safe word. You see, its much different to role play you are drinking too much, and to actually have been drinking too much, and be punished for real.

Note: This is from me, Breanna….while we never have used safe words, John does listen carefully to me during a session. If something comes up that warrants me needing him to stop, I will tell him I am serious and we take a break to discuss whatever is causing me distress…and I don’t mean my bb! BECAUSE OF  PAST ISSUE OF ABUSE, HE IS VERY CAREFUL NOT TO TAKE ME TO THE PLACE OF PANIC, AND I TRUST HIM TO BE AWARE OF EVERY SOUND, BREATH, AND MOVEMENT THAT WOULD INDICATE I WAS HAVING A PROBLEM BEYOND THE OW FACTOR.

Reader: Have you studied from a medical point of view how much discipline is safe to administer?

Sir John: You learn as you go. The first time I administered a bb spanking, I was amazed at how red her bottom got and also a little bruised. I was pretty young, about 17, and I was freaked out she might show her parents. But all she did was tell her girlfriend who started really paying attention to me. lol So a Dom must be aware of what is happening to the skin. Some women mark quickly, some not much. Where one woman a 100 hand spank spanking can bruise, another it may take 500. So you just have to be aware.

Nikki: So is that why you and other Doms prefer bb? Or is is simply because bb hurts more sir?

Sir John: Well, there are a few answers here but first, just in case any would-be Doms are reading this….get your hand in shape. A subs main fantasy is over the knee (OTK) bb. And for a hand spanking to really feel like a punishment you should be able to do at least  200 sounds spanks with your hand. So practice men! lol Ok, now to your question. First we are men, so a woman’s bb is really exciting. In the OTK position. Even moreso and flaming red even more…so it is that, as well as the feel of the skin getting hot, that is really exciting. And lets be honest, Doms are sadistic-some more than others. So having a bb woman squirming under your hand as her bottom changes from white to pink to red is very satisfying. From a practical point of view, you can see the effects the punishment is having and gauge for safety reasons. And yes, also because it does hurt more.

Reader: Have you allowed yourself to be punished once, to know how it feels?

Sir John: Yes, I must admit I have. But not with any implements.

Nikki: —Mouth gaping— um, ok last question… lol

Reader: How do you bring yourself to discipline Nikki? She seems like such a sweet girl, I would think you would find it difficult to be stern with her…(this may or may not have been submitted by yours truly 😉 )

Sir John: lol! Well, although your question was meant to be humorous, it brings up a good point. How does a Dom bring himself to discipline severely the one or ones he loves? This is a dilemma all Doms face when they fall for someone or care deeply for a sub. Nikki is a sweet girl, but she needs direction. Though it pains me at times to see her her bb marked by my hand or paddle, I know it’s for her own good and will help her grow into a well behaved young lady. Its not always easy for a Dom to be severe, but sometimes its necessary.

Sir John: Now before we conclude, let me say this. D&s is a wonderful lifestyle and if you are lucky enough to find the right partner, there is nothing better. For would-be Doms, be caring and loving but strict when you need to be. Do not let tears etc. deter you if your sub needs discipline, and never back out after you have stated she is to be punished. If you do it will just confuse her. Be consistent, fair, and never punish in anger or yell. A Dom is always calm and in control. Remember, you are training her for her own good. She needs boundaries as I stated before, but be balanced in how you handle her. It is a great responsibility. For would-be subs it’s important you are respectful. Never curse or yell and mind your Dom. You will all try to weasel out of a punishment-we know this-it’s part of your nature. But remember, even if your Dom is severe, its because he cares. He is not there to abuse you, but to help you be the best you can be. So mind him and try to behave. Of course no one is perfect, and if a Dom had a perfect sub, who would he spank, right? lol Any way, good luck to all of you. If you can be half as happy as Bree and I am, you will be blessed indeed.

Nikki: Thank you sir for taking time to answer our readers questions. We appreciate it and your words of wisdom.

Sir John: My pleasure. We will take care of your book later today. Love you.

Nikki: Yes sir. I love you too.

     ***Disclaimer: The opinions stated in this interview are not necessarily the opinions of the blog owner or her sister.***

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
%d bloggers like this: