Safe Words of Wisdom From SJ

 

beesafe

OK lovelies, here is something that (if it hasn’t already)  may come up. Most sites will tell you  to always have a safe word. While I get that its hardly that simple,  lets imagine a scenario.  You  have been talking to a prospective Dom. You like each other and  you have talked for about 2 weeks and feel pretty good about him You have mentioned,  or if he is a true dom he has brought up, your need for atonement and accountability. You agree. However, heres the deal ..If you are meeting for true punishment, for true misbehaviors, a safe word really takes it out of reality, and more into role play. How can you feel truly punished, if you can stop your spanking whenever you want?

Ok I hear you.  But Sir, he’s a stranger.  If i don’t have some control, what if he goes overboard? Good point. And one you have to weigh with how much you feel you can trust this guy  and how guilty you feel for your behavior. I did alot of in-person sessions before I met Bree, and I told all of them, if this is real accountability then no safe word.  Most understood. Some said no, and I respected that.You see, alot of women came to me complaining that the guy that spanked them stopped way too soon. They did not feel truly punished, so they left frustrated, and even more guilty.

Now lets take a role play scenario, or a sub space session.  This is totally different. In role play, you are pretending to misbehave, so a safe word works as its not reality.  In a sub space session, its all about you. So you can have safe words, and even verbalize what you want.

So bottom (yes pun intended)  line, its up to you. If you do not really trust the guy, you have no buiness being with him any way. Just be safe. And make sure you know what you really want.

Be good or else!

SJ

First Meeting or Session With Dom…

 

first-date

Ok lovelies, this is a very important post. So sit up straight, no double tasking. Turn the television off, etc..It is time you pay attention as if your life depended on it. Because it just might..

 

Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and he wants to meet. Now it gets real, really fast. Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me?  Well, maybe. I am going to list rules for a first meeting. These are not suggestions they are written in Dom Stone. I want you all to be safe out there, and lets face it, there are a lot of  crazies on the loose. So  write these down or print them out.

  1. Always meet at a public place for a first meeting. Never, ever go to his house. Ever. And never ever bring him to your house. Remember, your safety must be your top priority.
  2. If you meet for dinner, do not drink more than one glass of wine if, even that much.And the same goes for him. If any red flags go up for anything- how he talks, looks, dresses. Even if its a small thing, get out, go home. Listen to your inner voice.
  3. If you are leaning towards having  a session the first time you meet, it must be at a hotel. Not his house. Not your house. Not his brothers million dollar beach house. A hotel. That is your only option. A nice hotel which he pays for. ANd make sure the person checking you in will remember you.
  4. Always drive your own car. Never, ever, go in his. Ever.
  5. Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your cell phone just to make sure you are ok.
  6. Safe Words…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviors-not role play. So I allowed no safe words. So this is a rare instance where i will let you decide if you want a safe word. If you do, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. For obvious reason.
  7. No bondage. I do not care if this is your thing and gets you hotter than fireworks in a microwave oven. No and no. Not the first time. Ever!
  8. No sex. Yes, you read this right. A real Dom will not even mention sex in a first session or meeting, and if he brings it up, leave. He just wanted to get you alone for this and he is not a Dom. And honestly, I do not care how much you may want to have sex. Don’t do it. Trust me on this. If it is meant to be, it will be. You do not want to meet someone and jump into bed and then never hear from him again. And believe me, it happens all of the time.
  9. Background checks…I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. This does not need to be a deal breaker. Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too. Use your best judgment and follow your ugt. If you are talking to a guy (or a girl) either on chat, email, or phone and something just doesn’t feel right-trust yourself. Move on. your life is too important to gamble on.
  10. No wood implements. Ok, maybe you love a paddle or even a cane, but you do not know this guy. If he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do. Plus you have to know he can control you and make him submit with his hand first.
  11. Dress. If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear. However, it is acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you.
  12. After care. If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, etc. Forget him. He is just a wanna-be. A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub. Physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine. But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. Ladies, do not waiver here. If he is not offering after care you need to move on.
  13. Follow up. He should email or call you if you have been talking on the phone. And he should do this by the next day. A lot of times I did tis that night to make sure the sub got home safely and was dealing with the experience in a positive way. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him. Unless he has a really good, valid, excuse. Move on.
  14. Rent the movie Strangeland. If that movie does not scare you into following my rules, nothing will. I want you all to know the feeling of a real Dom taking control and getting a real bare bottomed spanking. But most of all I want you to all be safe.

Thats it from Domland. Be good or else!

SJ

 

 

Finding A Dom Online…

frustrated

 

It seems that this is a topic you are all interested in. Ok my lovelies, let me lead you down this path carefully. Trust me, I will not let you fall. The first thing you need to ask yourself is, what is it that I really want? Do you want a weekend spanking partner,  a serious D/s relationship, an age play relationship? Are you seeking real atonement for misbehaviors or just more role play?  Or perhaps your desires may even lean darker, maybe  bondage, or more of an S&M relationship or experience.

Ok, once you know what you want, you need to put out some feelers. As much as you would like it, the perfect Dom is not going to just knock on your door one day  and say “hi looking for me?”  You are going to have to find him, or at least put yourself out there so he can find you. So for the purposes of this post, lets say you want a D/s relationship, with spanking as the consequence for your misbehavior. There are some sites like Spank Seek  where you can make a profile and search for a Dom. Or  Shadowlane  and Nu West that have advertisements in their magazines. You want to stay away from sites like  alt.com , which is more s&m, and anything that does not have spanking or D/s or DD in the description.

So lets say you are on spanking.com… You  need to put up an ad and also get into some chat rooms.  Your ad needs to be honest-not only what you are seeking but what you are not. When describing yourself also be honest. Trust me, nothing bugs a Dom more than setting up a session with someone and finding out they are not anything like they described themselves to be. Been there,  got a t-shirt and a very uncomfortable evening out of it. So truth, truth, and more truth. So you put up your ad and look, you have a response. Actually, you have alot of responses, so now what do you do?   You respond in kind and see if the prospective “Mr. Right” Dom, wants to chat.

So now you are in chat, what do you say? Well first its always a good sign to say sir and be respectful.  Tell him your needs, and find out his.  Remember, keep it honest. Now pay attention, this is really important and I want all of you to sit up as you are reading this, and pay attention. If he mentions sex, say thank you for responding and get out! No real Dom will bring up sex in a first chat or a first session. Also, no bondage ever, unless you have a trusting relationship. Really trusting, You need to put yourself out there, but you need to feel safe. I always tell nubie subs to rent the movie Strangeland.  That  movie demonstrate how careful you have to be.

Chat should be fun for you. He should elicit that tingle, with what he says and how he says it. Then, you may want to go a step further and meet. I am going to do my next post on rules for a first session which you will need to burn into your little subbie memories as they are vital in this scene.

As always, be good or else.

SJ

PROPER SUB BEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC

angel

So I see all of you are interested in two main subjects. I will talk about the first one in this blog post, and will address the second in my next post. So how is a sub supposed to act in public with her Dom? Well the simple answer my lovelies, is as he orders her too. But  as you have all seen in these posts, simple is not really the way of the D/s lifestyle.

 

First and foremost, the sub must never create any kind of public scene. How many times have you seen couples yelling at each other in a restaurant, or standing in line for a movie? In the D/s world this never happens. And if it does, it is up to the top to make sure it never happens a second time. You see, when you are out with your Dom you reflect all his training, anything positive, or negative. One of the most serious behaviors my sub can commit is to reflect badly on my training in public.

 

A Dom treasures his sub. When she is out with him, he wants to show her off. He wants the world to see how well behaved she is. How she speaks, how she walks, how she  sits at the table, all reflect back to the Dom. Now some Doms, myself included, may want a specific action from his sub. I have told Bre to make sure when we sit down at a restaurant or in the car, to have her bb touching the leather or cloth material .This is usually after a good spanking, as I believe a sub must be spanked before going out in public, to remind them of just how they are to behave.

 

Now the other side of the coin is the Dom must never mistreat his sub, or cause any negativity to befall her while he is out with her. This is a two-way street. A sub must always be treated with respect and kindness. A Dom must be a gentleman in the world. Hold doors open, speak softly, etc.. Just because she is out with a top, does not mean he can or should order her around and embarrass her. But, if misbehavior occurs it can be delt with in a couple of ways. A trip to the car for a bb brushing (I always keep a brush in the glove compartment just in case). Or he can just softly tell his submissive, “this will be taken care of as soon as we get home.” If the top has a vibe, these words will be enough to stop any bad behavior.

 

And the punishment for any public outburst is severe indeed, but thats another post.   So… Let me know what you think, and remember, some of you have been a bit lax in the respect department  WHEN POSTING. I do not want to see that again from any of you,       be good or else!

 

SJ

Force vs. Dom Force

women

 

Hello lovelies, did you miss me? Yes, I missed you too. So what in the heck is this blog post about right?  Well let me explain by two different scenarios, and I really want your feedback. So here we go..

Scenario one:  You  have a date and you are getting ready to leave with your man,  but you decide to brat …Oh I know none of you would ever think of such a thing, but just play along. Ok so you start to brat you are warned to behave. You brat more, and are informed you will be spanked, so you laugh and run…Your date catches you, drags you to the couch. As you are fighting, he pulls up the dress and pulls the panties down, and then…spank city. Pretty hot right?  Well hold on.

Scenario two: Same thing but when your date tells you that you are going to be spanked, you start to laugh. But then you get the look…For those of you who know this look, you understand. For those of you who do not, thats too bad. Ask Bree or Nikki, they can explain it to you. Instead of running or laughing, you are transfixed. It’s not that you don’t want to run, but you really cannot look away. Then the Dom says, come. here. now. Well, you know whats going to happen, but you cannot disobey. You walk to where he is seated. He says dress up now. You obey. Then he says, over my lap. Again you obey and you raise your hips submissively as the panties come down.

Now that’s hot …So what did I just teach you? Scenario one is kind of hot but it is physical force. Unless you are a body builder, it is safe to assume your man can over power you. But so what? A vanilla guy can do that. Big deal, right? But scenario two is Dom force. A Dom, a real Dom, never has to physically force you into a position for discipline. The voice, the look, and the vibe, will be irresistible to you even if you know the punishment will be very painful.

So lets hear from you. Force or Dom force? I practice the latter. However, you may have a different take.

Be good or else. FAREWELL FOR NOW,  and lets hear from all of you.

SJ

Sub Space: A Dom’s Perspective

 

close up woman in water

Hello lovelies. So those who know what this means, congrats, for those who do not, please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. This is for sure, an E- ticket. First let me say this, one of the greatest gifts a Dom can give his sub is to take her into sub space because…drum roll…it’s all about the sub and giving her pleasure. Can I get an Amen from the subbies? So what the heck is this?

 

OK, sub space is kind of hard to explain, but I will give it a try- I imagine after you all read this Bree will get a ton of emails lol- Its a state of being where you are kind of floating. Very peaceful, and where, now hang in here, the pain becomes pleasure. No its not about being a masochist, this is different. I should point out as edification for you all, and also for any would be Tops reading this, you must be in good shape.This is a long process, and can take hundreds and hundreds of spanks to even get in the subspace gate. A strong arm and hand are vital.

 

So let me take you though this. Like I said, hold on its an e ticket. (Nikki here-for those of you that don’t know, apparently e-ticket is usually the ticket for the fastest and scariest rides-don’t worry if you didn’t get that, I didn’t either). I believe its best to use some sensory deprivation to start. A blindfold maybe, head phones, etc. This is all about feeling. No hearing or seeing. I use restraints, it is not absolutely necessary, but when the submissive struggles and can not escape, there is a special component that is not present if she is permitted to move all over the place.

 

Ok, the Dom begins with a hand spanking bb (bare bottomed) of course (the sub not the Dom)..Now this is not a punishment, this is a gift, so the spanking should be hard enough to redden and give a good sting, but not go into punishment mode. The spanking must progress slowly. However, this is the only time a sub may have a say in how she is spanked. She is permitted to ask for it slower or harder, faster, etc..After all, the goal is to get through the gate, and hopefully have a few good orgasms on the way. Its not unusual to have more than a few,  but that’s not the big payoff.

 

Ok, so the spanking has gone on for a while. Maybe a long while. The sub has gone from ow! to  hmmmm, to light moans.  This is a good sign. This means the spanks are beginning to heat up not only her bb, but other places as well. And most important, the Doms hands and mouth between spanks are hardly idle. Do hear another Amen!  Ok a sure sign the subbie is on her way into sub space is the way she will raise her bb up for the spanks, not try to avoid them. At this point the Dom will spank harder as she can take so much more when in sub-space.

 

By this time  the O’s  should have been up there in number and intensity.  Also now the implements are introduced. I use leather a lot because of the sensual feel of a flogger or strap. But a sub may want wood, or even a cane, it all depends on how deep she is.  Again slowly, but the same sign will let you know how hard-  the bb raised for the flogger or strap is the key sign, and there should be considerable moaning. And of course keep going back to the hand spanks. The session must start with the hand, as its so important for the connection; flesh to flesh.That is why you need to be able, as a Dom, to spank a long time. A really long time, sometimes. Anyway, once the sub has accepted the implement the Dom can go harder. The sub is not really feeling the pain now, only the heat and the strong strokes from her Dom. And yes, more O’s on the way. Again, this is interspersed with hands and mouth. Not to get too graphic, but i am sure you get the picture. So right when the subbie is way into subspace, thats when the two of you connect, and at the end of the ride is the golden “0”. There is no orgasm like a sub space orgasm. Take the best vanilla you have ever had, and multiply it by …oh I don’t know, a zillion may be too high, but not by much. And the Dom is quite happy also, but as i said its the Dom’s gift to his sub. The ultimate gift, so the goal is for her to experience this to the point of not being able to move or speak. Well  you know what i mean.

 

Ok ladies  thats my post and yes the topic was very fresh in my mind  so i was inspired to write until next time be good or else!

 

SJ

The Dom Dynamic & Balance

 

scales of justice

Wow this sounds lofty…Well, not really. You see ladies, I was inspired today to write this. I just finished the rough draft of Blindfolded. OK no pouting, it is part of the perks of being married to the beautiful and amazing, Breanna Hayse, so get over it. OK,  this is an amazing book. Maybe her best yet, and as you know, that’s saying something. The female character and the male character dynamic is really so close to Bree and I…OK duh, he is called Master J, but that’s not the point. As I was reading, I was struck by just how important balance is, in a Dom, and how it is essential in a Dom/sub relationship. Hey some Dom’s do not want to admit it, but we all have the dark/light yin/yang female/male characteristics. Now this is the tricky part; go too far one way, and you will be an abusive jerk. Too far the other, and you will be too passive to ever get a sub to respect or obey you. A Dom needs to be an example for his sub. He must always protect and treasure her. In fact, I treat Bree like a queen every day. Go ahead, ask her, hopefully she will back me up or I will look really lame here.

 

Now does that mean she walks all over me? No. Does it mean she has no rules?   No. Does it mean I hold back if she is deserving of punishment? No, no, and no.  But the balance must be there. A Dom must be fair, and just, and as I said, he must set an example for his sub. If a Dom says no smoking, he cannot smoke. If he says no speeding, he cannot speed. At least this is how I operate. I would never punish Bree for an offense that I am also guilty of. Here’s the tough part again, balance.

 

How do you, as a Dom, command respect and obedience, without being overbearing, or worse, abusive?  But, also loving and kind enough to nurture  your relationship, without being too weak to command anything. Well it’s not easy, let me tell you. But I think it can be simplified in a way. As I said, I treat Bree like a treasure, which she is. I put all my energy into letting her know this, and feel it. But when she disobeys, it’s the same energy- but it turns to my darker side.

 

The commitment I have to Bree to be loving caring etc. is just as strong when I need to be strict, or even severe. Although truth be told, in the last 9 years maybe 5 times have I had to be severe. Bree is a very, very, good sub. But for her to feel secure and protected, and yes, loved, she needs to know I have both sides… Wait for it…right! Balance. Even when a punishment is difficult to administer, yes that happens even though I love getting Bree’s beautiful bb cherry red, there are times she needs more than just my hand. And once I decree she’s to be punished, I never back down. Unless she has a valid reason for her behavior, or maybe going through, or just emerging from a traumatic event. Come on, I am not a monster ladies.

 

Well you will see when you read blindfolded. Anyway, IMO, to make a true 24/7 D/s relationship work- which is what Bree and I have – the Dom must be balanced. Equally yin/yang, etc. If you are a subbie looking for a Dom, this is imperative for you. Never settle for less, it will not work. For those of you in happy relationships, you already know this. Well that’s all for now.

 

Be good, or else!

 

SJ

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Thank You…

 

Hello all my lovelies. I am going to respond to each individual post you sent me, but first I need to make something clear. Bree and I are not having any kind of marital problems. That was not the impression I wanted to convey. We are fine, and we worked out the problem, so all is good.

I also wanted to thank you all for your posts. They really helped a lot. This was a difficult blog post because I really laid it out there. Hard to do as a man, double as a Dom. So thank you for being so supportive.

SJ

Dom’s have feelings too…

 

The_Thinker_Rodin-2

Hello  lovelies.  Trust me, this blog is not what you think. In fact I  really want your input. I have a feeling you will not be supportive, which is ok, just be honest.

First off, Bree andI have been together 9 years. I have never met a more responsive submissive in my life, or such a beautiful person, inside and out. She is my treasure and my life.  In the 9 yrs we have been together  I have had to discipline her to severity maybe 5 times. She is an exemplary submissive. Now her post today was not a serious offense, but she disobeyed me for the same thing twice, in one hour!  Very unusual, which is why her bb got paddled beet red the second time. But this is more a brat offense; nothing serious. Our bond as Dom and sub goes much much deeper than any vanilla relationship ever could. I would literally give my life for her in a second. No exaggeration.

So probably you are all, oh so sweet oh he loves her so much. True but we are turning a corner now and I may lose you. Lately Bree has expressed a desire to attend a spanking party. Those are not my thing, but I figured she might get ideas for a new book, which is what I figured she wanted to go for, and it is. But also, she wants to maybe indulge in a spanking from another top. This cuts me pretty deep. Yeah I hear you, oh boo-hoo, big bad Dom get over it. We all have fantasies, yes. But we do not all act on them, especially in a solid relationship. And it hurts, a lot. And if I do say so myself, her D/s relationship with me is pretty good. Not to mention the husband wife thing…Anyway I digress…

So I am working on letting that go. Frankly, it will take a very long time. I told her I would take her,  and she could even dress to show off her beautiful bb, and I might even spank her. But the thought of another male touching her puts me in a really dark place, one I try not to visit, and one nobody needs to be around. Now I do not mind causing her discomfort I spanked her 5 times yesterday just to see her red bb – and she was yeowing and squirming, But the thought of another male even causing her to say ow, and I can go very dark.

I had an experience with a jerk who actually has a dvd company, who I told could just use his hand on the girl I brought (this was just a date no history at all).  Anyway he took a brush, gave me a look to blow me off. I got up- it got tense. He backed off, and we left..

I am thinking maybe i would consider it if we had a couple we liked, doing a private thing.  But i would be so controlling, and probably as soon as I heard an ow I would stop any spanking from continuing. I am sure the Dom would say,   “John you’re nuts.” And you know what? He would be right ..I own the fact this is irrational, controlling, and not fair to Bree at all and quite selfish. But I am who I am.

Let me illustrate something, and Bree would not in any way do this I know. If she let another man spank her, behind my back, to me thats the same as having an affair in the vanilla world. Yes to me it is that serious. Some Doms do not care who spanks their subs. Fine, I am not judging  (Bree likes to watch me top another woman- go figure. But then again, I am giving pain, not getting it). But like I said, she is my treasure, and a Doms first promise to a sub is to protect her always. Is  this over the top? Yes probably. Hey it’s just a spanking right? Not to a Dom with the bond I have with Bree it isn’t. It’s much much deeper than that.   But what can I say? I am a Dom enigma.

So lovelies, if any of you are still with me, how would you react if you were Bree?  Just be honest, I do not get angry at Bree and we have never yelled at each other in 9 years, I swear on the Doms oath.

I have to admit this was kind of cathartic for me   so if you read it whatever your opinion thank you.

SJ

Ample Bottom Subs…

big butt

Hello my subbies, wannabes, those in training, and you who are scratching your head thinking, who in their right mind would want a spanking, much less on the bare bottom?  Right? lol I get it but I have a topic I want to talk about. Now don’t go hatin -hang in there with me,ok?

Subbies and weight.Okay put down the torches and the tar and feathers, come on its me ..Now I know a lot of you are self conscious about your weight. Especially the badonkadonk, but heres the good news; Doms are the least judgmental when it comes to a female bottom. I can only speak for myself, but I prefer an ample bottom to the  skinny  14 year old boy look the media tells you you should strive for.

Now Bre is by no means overweight, but she has curves and a nice full spankable bottom, which gets spanked a lot more than if she looked like, well you  know….Now I did not really get my Dom on, so to speak, until my 30’s. Thats when I found the balance between vanilla and Dom. but I have been spanking female bottoms since I was 13. Yes thats true- not bare bottoms then, that happened when I was around 17.  Ahh, what a  glorious night that was. But I digress.

Before I met Bree I did a lot of sessions. I have spanked 100’s of bb’s some very well known in the spanking community, and no i do not spank and tell, so don’t ask- and stop pouting…Anyway, I have spanked all shapes all sizes and the most enjoyable were the ones with a nice full bottom. I mean I hated spanking a small thin bottom that was cherry red after 15 spanks. Come on, wheres the fun in that?  Give me a good ample target that needs a good 100 to 300 to be  nice and glowing red all over…

Anyway, heres the point I seem to have taken much longer to get to, than I planned; embrace your curves. I know, especially a first meeting for a spanking, is embarrassing. After all, could you beautiful ladies be more vulnerable?  throw in that you are embarrassed about the size of your bare bottom, and it will not be very much fun.

Trust me, I would never lie to you, as a Dom we love that full bottom. We welcome it, and can not wait to reveal it, otk.  So maybe the vanilla world wants you to look like, well you know… but the D&s world  wants your bottom nice and full and spankable. At least I do, and I bet most Doms agree with me.

Maybe I should have a spanking camp so I could demonstrate just how much I love your ample bottoms…Hmmm…Hold on, I am thinking… OK,  I am back. So here’s to all of you getting the bb spankings you crave, and probably deserve. Until next time..  Be good, or else!

SJ

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