Upstairs/Downstairs

Hello lovelies,

As you all know I love smart women, I mean come on, I married one, right? But sometimes she’s too smart for her bottoms own good.

Take last night for example, Bree was supposed to be upstairs sleeping. I’m downstairs watching a horror movie. It’s getting good, they are about to unmask the killer and ….. the screen goes off and comes back on with a bunch of Minions running around, huh??

What happened? How did I get on Netflix and why in the world would I play a Minions movie?

Then it hit me, BREE!!!

Somehow she’s behind this. I run upstairs, open the door and she is grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. She is also hiding something under the covers.

“Ok, give it up.” I say.

She then says, “What? I was sleeping.”

“Really??? With the light on and this??” I pulled back the covers and there is her ipad and guess what?

Big brain figured out how to cast Netflix downstairs. The next 5 mins were filled with the sounds of Minions laughing and Bree whining and yelling from the bb blistering she got.

Then I took her ipad, tucked her in and went back to my movie. Oh yes, the killer was dead, the movie was over and I had no idea who he was after investing an hr of my time, UGGGGGGG.

Some where Minions are laughing.

Be good or else,

SJ

Fight, Flight, or Bite

 

Hello Lovelies,

So Bree is whining again… “Let go of my ear! Don’t grab my ponytail! You spank too hard!” you know the usual. You see, Bree wants a Dom but on her terms. She wants to be sassy and get spanked, but then say, “Ok, that’s good. I’m done.” When I keep going, then she starts fighting. Well fighting to her, it is really just moving around all wormlike until she tires out. But until that happens, which can be a long 30 seconds, she has to be held in place. Of course the more she resists the more force must be used, which is where all the whining comes from. Then she makes a BIG mistake, SHE BITES!!!! She then proceeds to whine even louder when she is disciplined all over again. You all see the pattern here, right? Why can’t subbies just accept their fate? LOL

Be good or else…

SJ

No License. No Sitting.


Hello lovelies,
So for those of you that have Doms, I have a question: What do they consider…serious offences? Bree committed one and is not happy about the consequence. The offence? Forgetting her wallet with her driver’s license, not once but TWICE. This is on my serious list, which means…a severe session. You see Bree is a Big with me, so she gets disciplined as such: brush, paddle, and cane. She’s not sitting at the moment, maybe tomorrow? LOL, good to be the Dom!
Be good or else….
SJ

Acid Flashback on Wheels

Hello lovelies,

You’re probably shaking your heads. Let me explain, and let me just say, a little love and some subbie hugs would really help, as I have a sad tale to tell. Very sad.

As you may or may not know, we have needed a new car for a while. Well, Bree has so I bought her the car she’s been wanting for a long time. It’s called a Smart Car. For those of you that don’t know what that is, let me ask you, have you ever seen Honey I Shrunk The Kids? If so, imagine Rick Moranis came to your house and zapped your car. That’s now a Smart Car. Its very cute and very very un-Dom like. I mean very-to-infinity un-Dom like.

Yet, I took it to get gas because Bree does not pump gas. White girls can’t pump lol. I’m still funny even in my misery. It did not help that, a too cool for school, black mustang cobra pulled in next to me. I felt like George Jetson, and Batman had just pulled up. The guy gave me a look that said it all and I had to restrain myself from picking up the car and putting it in the trash.

Cut to a few hours later when Bree asked me if I had checked the mail. I said “No.”

She said “Go check, my eyelashes shipped.”

Now I’m not saying I know a lot about women but I’m pretty sure UPS does not deliver eyelashes. So I said “huh?”

Then Bree said something that chilled me to the bone, and has caused nightmares ever since. “You know eyelashes for my new car!!!!”

I laughed. She didn’t, bad sign.

“Bree,” I said very calmly, “you’re kidding right?”

Well she was not kidding. Imagine you’re driving and a giant female cartoon lady bug pulls up behind you with eyelashes! I can just see this causing all the old hippies to have acid flashbacks and go running for cover.

You all know I love Bree. She’s cute, funny, smart, and really spankable, there are not many things I wouldn’t do for her but driving the lady bug with lashes is not one of them.

Are you feeling my pain?

I told Bree to start practicing because I’m not taking that acid flashback to the gas station, or anywhere else for that matter. This should not be happening to a dom. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg.

Be good, or else…

SJ

STI

Hello lovelies,

I am sure you are all wondering, what STI is? Hang on, I’m going to explain.

It affects subbies of all kinds, newbies and experienced subs. Unfortunately, there is no cure. The treatment can put the affliction in remission but it’s only temporary and very painful.

The symptoms can appear out of nowhere and may include, wringing of hands, loss of eye contact, squirming and possible teary eyes. These are usually proceeded by a Dom’s questions like, “You got a ticket for going how fast?” or “Why did you disobey my orders?” or “Did you really call me that?”

As if in a trance the subbie repeats over and over to explain STI…STI…which means…Subbie Temporary Insanity.

This disease affects subbies worldwide. Doms have been working on a cure since the dawn of time, to no avail. It’s rumored, in the newly discovered dead sea scrolls, there is a short passage stating…“Adam said to Eve. ‘What were you thinking?’ Her answer? ‘STI’.

It’s not known if treatment was administered right away. We can only hope. So reach out to your subbie sisters. Spread the word about this terrible pathogen. We can find a cure together. Here’s to a brighter tomorrow.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Do Tell

Hello lovelies,

This question came up recently, when is it appropriate to tell on another sub?

Now I know you all stick together like a big subbie sorority.

That would be a great video, especially initiation night you…sorry, went away for a few seconds, I’m back now.

Back to my query, when would you tell on another sub? I know you all like getting others in trouble, no eye rolling, you know I’m right. But what if your subbie sister was being self-destructive? Abusing drugs? Alcohol? Speeding? Would you tell her Dom or leave it to him to find out?

Chime in and let me know.

Be good, or else…

SJ

OMG Infinity

Hello lovelies,

As you may or may not know, my birthday is coming up soon. Yes, I’m sure you are all just waiting to blast your keyboard with “you’re so old jokes.” Hey, 120 is not old and for your information I don’t look a day over 90.

Dig this, Bree got her royalties in and said, “Come on let’s go somewhere.”

I figured, antique store, ice cream parlor, maybe japanese sushi, so imagine my surprise when we pull into Best Buy.

“Huh? What are we doing here,” I remarked.

“Just follow me,” Bree said.

…Ok fine…

Now for those of you who have seen 2001 Light Show or Raiders of the Lost Ark, the ark opened, or a vintage 59 Les Paul guitar. You know that moment. How you felt when your eyes beheld those sights. That’s how I felt as I stood, jaw to the floor, while my eyes were bathed in almost surreal colors on wide thin screens of nirvana.

It’s the tv section!!!!

Bree said “What do think about this one?”

It was monolith huge, with a picture, I felt, I could dive into.

“Well? What do you think? You want it?”

I thought I had gone deaf for a second, surely she did not really say that, did she?

“Happy birthday!!!”

I’m not ashamed to say, I may have wept. My amazing wife, brilliant author, mensa head, cuter than a baby groot. is buying this for me? Top of the line, theatre quality, 4x HD.

Excuse me, I need a moment…I’m back. I want to thank my lovely lady for such an amazing gift, wow. Its going to be here next week, I’m camping out on the porch.

Be good, or else…

SJ

 

Never Get on the Boat

Hello lovelies,

I will explain my paraphrasing Martin Sheen from the epic Apocalypse Now…well, now.

Bree and my anniversary is the 29th, but Bree worked today. So I gave her her present the day before. It was a surprise, well it was supposed to be, Mensa head figured it out pretty quickly. Bree loves whales so I thought; taking her whale watching would be romantic and groovy. The sun on our faces, the sea breeze, flowing along on the deep blue glassy Pacific Ocean. Sounds cool, yes?

Let me quote a well-known saying that now has special meaning to me “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” On the way we hit a Jack in the Box, just so we had something in our stomachs, as it’s a three hour boat ride. We ordered and took off for our romantic adventure.

About halfway Bree was looking a little green, “John, you have to pull over and get me Gavicon and 7 up. I’m going to hurl!” Uh oh, not a good start. I found a pharmacy, got Bree’s stuff and we were on our way, though I questioned the wisdom of her going on a boat. That, kind of turned out to be true.

We arrive, get our tickets, and the guide comes out and says “Hello everyone, due to storms our ride will be very rough so, if you have it, take your Dramamine.”

Oh poor Bree, yeah right. 

We take off, it’s one of those stunningly gorgeous days that make Midwesterners pack up and move to California. All is well, were on the rail looking for whales although the swells were rough at 5 to 10 feet. I’m watching Bree close, you know, Dom taking care of his sub kind of thing.

We sit down and I’m thinking, man these are big waves, and they were, some hitting 30feet!  Big dips up and down, up and…Uh oh. I barely made it to the rail, depositing all of my sausage combo quickly. I can truthfully say, the last time I was this sick I was on the road and some insecticide got in my protein drink (don’t ask). Bree was right there talking me through some marine exercises about watching the horizon and bending my knees. In fact she was supporting my legs as they decided they would not be working for a while. It was so bad a deckhand came and told me I would feel better in the back of the boat. I took my walk of shame as all the children clung to their mommies like I was Frankenstein and they were villagers.

Once I was exiled, I felt better as there was a whole group feeding the fishes, as I had. Then something happened that was truly divine intervention. A nice lady, gave Bree something and said it would help. It was two wrist bands! Huh? Thanks lady but I’m dying, I’m not interested in accessories right now.

Bree put them on me and I swear, the lady must have bought them at Hogwarts, I mean this was some serious Harry Potter mojo. About 10 minutes later I was at least 50 percent better. Bree found a bench for me to lie down, and she stood up all the way back pushing into me so I did not feel the rocking as much. She was a combination wonder woman, merry marine, and Florence Nightingale. If she had not have been there, I would probably have slept with the fishes literally. This brings me to the Martin Sheen quote. Never get on the boat!  Oh yeah,

Be good, or else…

SJ

Spelling Bree

Hello lovelies,

Bree and I were watching TV. She was kind of in a mood and was teasing me about not hearing her when she mouthed off. She was right beause she would leave the room and say something. Since there was no way to hear her, she figured she got away with something. However being typical Bree she had to push it and try to get away with it within earshot.

Bam!!!! Busted.

Now, I don’t want to say exactly what she called me but, it sometimes refers to a cat, or a lady part, or a willow! I told her we would discuss before she went to bed. My was she shocked when she tried to get under the covers and ended up bb OTK.

“I thought you forgot,” she yelled.

Right, lol. After a nice red bottom warming I decided to make my point in a different way. I said, “Now spell out what you called me.” It took more spanks but she finally started.

“P. Owwwwwww. U. Owwwwww…” Well you get the idea. And of course she had to throw in a Bree remark as she rubbed her bb. “Ouch I’m glad I didn’t call you something with more letters.”  Indeed, lol.

Be good, or else…

SJ

Grey Skies Will Not Clear Up, I Don’t Have a Happy Face

Hey lovelies,

I bet you will want to start a Sir John day after you hear this. I am in NV doing a gig and I get an email from Bree with the heading OMG. Now this could be really good or really bad. I decided I should open it as, it might be important, maybe about Bree’s health or maybe the borders. I would never have expected what it was about though, not in a million guesses.

Here’s the gist… “Just watched 50 Shades, it’s really good, you have to watch it.” OMG seemed very appropriate.

Now I get home after a week, I’m trashed and Bree says “Guess what we’re watching tonight?” I have to admit, my brain went to the usual, Disney. I mean, I have been frozen, tangled, brave and gone through the jungle book, but no. Then it hit me like a tsunami. “Oh come on Bree,” I remarked. She got that look like someone stole her Cadbury chocolates. Then I sealed my fate…You see we have a deal. If I don’t want to do something I ask her “Is this really important to you?” If the answer is yes then I’m in, God help me.

So, we sat down to watch 50 Shades of Hell. Let me give the devil his due, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Don’t misunderstand, it was horrible, just not Keanu in Dracula horrible. The story is ludicrous so why bother? The guy is a laughable Dom but he’s very good at play. Delivering a punishment? I doubt any of you would feel that was the case. There’s no chemistry between him and the subbie (who is just annoying). No emotional investment equals I don’t care.

I watched it and unlike someone we all know, that cannot jump, I did not yell at the tv how stupid this was. When it was over I really needed a Big Bang Theory break. I held my remote like it was the grail that would restore my sanity, when a small voice said, “Oh we have to watch part two!”

What!!!!! They actually made another? Why me? I’m a good Dom why, why??

Yes, I watched the second movie and yes it was just as bad as the first, maybe worse. See why I said you would want to celebrate SJ day? I mean, how awesome was I to endure this? Come on, let’s hear it for me.

Oh I had to break the news to Bree that, unlike Mr. Grey a discipline spanking is not 5 semi-hard smacks.

Be good, or else…

SJ

%d bloggers like this: