BUTT CREAM… Not just for hemorrhoids anymore!

WOW! I made this amazing discovery in my quest for the painless tattoo… It was time for my touchup, plus I wanted to get another on my wrist. After spending the entire weekend fighting a kidney stone the size of a boulder, I decided I needed a break. Since my appointment was Monday (yesterday), I did not have time to buy a 5% Lidocaine cream from the internet… so I went hunting. And found it!
This is how that scene played, however….
The great and powerful DOM, Sir John, entered Walgreens, stalking towards the pharmacist like a panther sizing up his prey. He had a mission to accomplish. He lifted the note in his hand with the instructions given by his Queen Bree…. To seek and capture the elixer known as Recticare.
The pharmacist trembled in his boots, awed by the presence of this brooding, intimidating man. With a gulp, he promised assistance.
“HEY!” he shouted across the store to a sales assistant, “where is the hemorrhoid cream?! This guy needs it!”
“Aisle eight! What kind?” Came the returning announcement, his voice reverberating to every corner of the store. Women held their crying babied close to their bosoms, fearful of the dragon that would be released if not staid by the magical ointment.
“Must have ’em pretty bad! Recticare!”
Sir John completed his quest, acknowledging a very important lesson. Next time he is sent on an unsurmountable journey for anything that might cause social discomfort, there was wisdom in following his queen’s instructions and preface the question of the item’s location with…
My whimpy wife is getting a tattoo and needs 5% Lidocaine. What would you recommend?

Bottom line (no pun intended), I put this stuff on and let it sit a good hour, covered with a bit of saran wrap. OMG! I felt nothing!!! In fact, it tickled a bit in several places. I did get some sensation towards the end as it wore off, but nothing compared to what it felt like when the wolverines decided to make a meal out of my back and tried to chew through me to get to my lungs.
So here are my babies…

FAITH… I chose asian lettering to show the many forms that faith can come. For me, as bold a faith can be, it is also incredibly fragile. This word sums up how I choose to live my life.
My guardian…. The bites represent the outside circumstance of which we have no control. We choose to allow it to either destroy or shape us. My pain blossomed into hope, a glorious rose, big and bold. Thorns are many, and also hidden, and often cause pain when I grasp The rose of Hope, but I refuse to let go. From hope comes growth, living vines that secure me in place, safe and protected by my guardian.
The orca has visited me in my dream ever since I was a child. It protected me during my nightmares, taking me away from anything that sought to harm me. It is a significant part of my life as a survivor of childhood sexual and ritual abuse, and later as a battered spouse (prior to SJ). I share this because there is no reason for me to be ashamed. Love has brought healing to the injured soul and I can rejoice in the freedom (the whale jumping high and the colors of the ocean). The key, the Triskelion…. The symbol of the lifestyle I live… Is what unlocked my heart, my passion, and my body. It led to rebirth. A single rosebud. That rosebud will bloom and bring forth more stories to share with my beloved fans. And I pray that one will touch a heart enough to help ease someone through a time of hardship or loneliness. You have no idea how much I love my peeps.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I have to go… I am having a Hallmark Moment here.


52 thoughts on “BUTT CREAM… Not just for hemorrhoids anymore!

  1. Bree,

    Thank you for both your breath taking honesty and the astonishing courage it takes in relaying the painful and incredibly inspiring journey that is your past. The tattoo and tale that it tells was an unexpected glimpse into the life of a woman that I discovered recently through stories that speak to the most hidden parts of my heart and “met” via the openness and sheer pleasure that is her blog. You amaze me…don’t ever stop writing~


    • Thank you so much, Melanie… You have no idea how much, or how deeply, it touches me when one of my creations hit a place in a heart of a reader. It is an inspiration for me as well, so I thank you so much for sharing,

  2. oh how very humorous of you all . Yes i did have electricity when i was growing up , and no i did not drive around in a Fred Flintstones automobile in my teens and contrary to what bree may tell you, the Marquis desade did not instruct me personally . You all do remember i do read this stuff yes?

    • Sir, we didn’t realize the letters were the same ones that you had been taught in the one room cave where you went to school. In position, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. (A lot of it was pretty funny, don’t you think?) It’s a wonderful thing when a dom has a good sense of humor.

  3. OMG, it is soooooo mich fun to have someone help me pick on the Great and Powerful JOHN! He was telling me about this thing called beta tapes and I just blinked at him. I then asked if they had indoor plumbing when he was a kid. I got chased around the living room…….

  4. Sir, whatever you do – DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT let Isa anywhere near your car!!!!!!!

    BTW, did they have cars when you were growing up?

      • That’s a requirement in VA isn’t it? In Iowa it doesn’t matter cause we don’t do traffic here. Just blow on around the tractors, combines and Amish kids in their pony carts.

        • Well, I learned to drive in SoCal and my dad was my teacher. Let’s just say that when my grandma, his mother, had to go anywhere, I was the one she made drive (the lesser of the 2 evils) 🙂

        • Lisa, my dad taught me how to do donuts and sometimes it’s better to accelerate than brake. It’s good to know the difference. Had to be pulled out of 2 ditches within less than I week of getting my license. Only thing dad said was “you mkght want to go get a license that works.” He is a sweetheart of a man who still let’s me borrow his pickup a d bouvht me my first motorcycle.

        • SJ would get out and tell the amish kids they were doing it wrong and then instruct them how in his day you didn’t have those fancy carts with wheels but pallets and rope and ya held onto the tail to get pulled around 🙂

  5. Omg… I have to keep looking through the comments to catch new things! First… The new book…. NOT! SJ and I are already ahead of you.. He is writing Doms for Dummies and I am adding Ways to Weasel!!!!
    THAT is why everything is so quiet!!! Nik is camping!!!! I forgot… Or maybe… I just was in shock? I am not used to the peace and quiet around here….. It is nice…….
    Got some great news today though….. But I don’t know if I should post it and have Nikkers find out that way or wait until she gets cell service and calls me. What do you guys think?

  6. Omg… So I just asked SJ what his theme song should be! He is in agreement… The Shower Scene from Psycho. That was after the dozens he named….. Intesting how one can illustrate their persona in a piece of music. Me…. Going back to My Little Teapot. Oh, and the Meow Mix.. Except I hate liver. Yuck.
    He also thought of a new way to punish me. Get a bunch of packages from the post office and UPS and NOT let me get a knife to open them. He is soooooo mean!!!it has been awfully quiet and blissful here… Something is different, anyone have any ideas?

    • LOL I have to admit Psycho is appropriate. For those, oh so quiet moments, I recommend mayhem 🙂 Lots and LOTS of mayhem with a mix of shenanigans. Is Nikki away? LOL

      • That’s true gigi how about the knightrider theme song? Here comes the judge theme song? Psycho theme song (not to imply psychosis its just a cool scary sound) or the cheers theme song 🙂 there’s so many

        • Jaws is another nice, simple one. The witch on the bicycle in Wizard of Oz is also pretty distinctive.
          Something kind of ominous would be good. We’ll have to give it some thought and then vote on it or something.

      • OMG, the man drives like an old lady. I think he is daydreaming about the good old days. i wonder if they even had cars when he was born…..
        I dare one of you to ask him!!

        • Does he need those big ol sunglasses, wear driving gloves, a hat and keeps his hands at 10 and 2? If he keeps getting out to crank the engine you should be concerned 🙂

  7. Bree, what were your symptoms with your kidney stone? Think I might have the same problem. My lower back is killing me! Feels like it does when I have really bad gas pains, but in my lower back.

    • Oh Lord, honey,,,, it is excruciating. For me, it starts in the flank and then radiates to the front, just under my rib cage. The area is very tender to touch and feels like a sharp knife is literally twisting away. Nothing helps except, weird as it sounds, ibuprofe and pyridium…Takes away the inflammation some. I have has vicodin, dialaudid and morphine for the beast and nuthin works excepts doing a ton of crying and pushing liquids. Again, for me, it last several days. I have a history of them and know that if I ingest way too much calcium or acidic foods (I am addicted to sushi salmon and tomato juice) then this happens, although this time, I THOUGHT I was being good……
      You need to check it out with your doctor. They will give you a strained to catch the gold and see what is going on. Don’t let it go though, because you can end up with severe problems, including ‘plugging the dam’. Trust me, you DO NOT want that type of surgery…. Been there, done that, never again!!!
      FYI, I am a Class A Bitch when this happens. SJ was probably ready to leave the house for any mission by that time! LOL! Poor old thing…..

      • You poor things. I’ve heard they are just hellacious. Hope you both feel better really soon. Lisa, you didn’t have to get me a book recommendation when you felt like that. You didn’t even say anything. You should always go for maximum sympathy. Feel free to whine and cry anytime you need to, That’s what friends are for.

  8. Hey… i wonder how it would work if I was facing a caning? Oh wait, that would mean that I got in trouble. Maybe I should save the extra for Nikkers? Or maybe not….. Muahhahahahhhahaha

  9. Gallantly fighting off hemorrhoids, is there anything he doesnt do? Now how many of the pharmacists and store clerks checked out his butt and shook their heads in sympathy?

    Your tattoos look amazing and the meanings behind them are even more so. Thank you for sharing so much with everybody.

    <3 Lily

  10. I think SJ needs a theme song. Like the president has Hail to the Chief, I think the background music as he’ stalking through walgreens would just be too cool. Can you get a song for him Bree?

    • i thought of the Theme from Rocky… Then Chariots of Fire… But then got distracted with My Little Teapot….. Maybe we should send him a list of suggestions and let him pick?
      Oh FYI, he Loathes anything Kenny G or Neil Diamond,l,l so, if you are in the mood to yank a couple of chains…. Just saying!!!
      My favorite torture when I am in a sadistic mood is to go around the house singing every Neil Diamond song I can, and I mess up the words to get him going just a little more….. When he finally tells me to stop, I switch to the Beatles, who he loves… But with the wrong words!
      Being his sub can be tons of fun! IF you know how to play the game….

  11. Too funny. The tattoos are great, but the story is better. SJ must love you immensely. Or he’s going to get even with you. watch your back.
    Thanks for sharing the meaning behind the tattoo.

  12. OMG! I nearly peed myself reading this post! So hilarious and very very nice tattos too. Must take my hat of to your Dom who pulled it through for you. Thank you so much for this entertaining tail. =)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: