But I Want to be Perfect



Hello lovelies,

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from the subbies I work with.  Let me cut to the chase, nobody is perfect and no Dom expects you to be.

When I take on a newbie it’s generally because she has some things she would like help with. Usually there might be some bad habits or behaviors etc. requiring a little more motivation.

Just the nature of that statement should tell you that I expect a newbie to mess up. Otherwise why would she ask for my help?

Let me assure all of you, no Dom expects you to be perfect. I know for a lot of you, pleasing your Dom is very important, and it should be, but don’t beat yourself up when you misbehave or break a rule.

Speaking for myself, this never makes me angry. My subbies will tell you I don’t get mad but breaking a rule over and over does get me frustrated. After I hit that point I begin working on that hole in my music room where I bang my head…and not in the heavy metal way lol.

My point is this… to all my subbies, experienced and newbies, and to all of you that read the posts, don’t try for perfection. It’s not going to happen and when you mess up take your discipline and learn from it. But do not get depressed or upset that you disappointed me or your Doms. Trust me, I know it’s going to happen from time to time.

I mean if you were perfect why would you need a Dom right? However, I am not saying you shouldn’t at least try to be a well behaved subbie but let’s face it, nobody is good 100% of the time. Just know I am aware of that as are you so relax and   just be you. That’s what D/s is all about, a place where you can be who you truly are.

Be good, or else…


17 thoughts on “But I Want to be Perfect

  1. Thanks for the reminder Sir. I have trouble with this when I miss a workout or my nutrition is off. I tend to want to start over or just give up. Not a good thing since I’m a trainer/coach and should be able to show others how to balance fitness/health goals with life. Easier to help others and give advice then to follow it. Needed to hear this… So thanks again for the reminder. 🙂

      • Unfortunately the standard motivation tricks don’t work for me. Part of why I need and am looking for a Dom that will help in that area, 🙂 . I’ve even thought to create a gym where Doms “motivate” people to work out, not slack off during the workout and help correct any bad behavior that took place between sessions. That’s years off from happening if ever though.

        Hope you and yours have a Merry Christmas, Sir.

  2. Thank you for this post. I may not be in the lifestyle, but I could totally understand the desire to be perfect and the fear that I may not be wanted if I wasn’t. The whole “if I’m not perfect he might find someone else who is” kind of mindset is something I could see myself struggling with and I’m sure I’m not alone. Hell, I worry about that with my hubby. After 15 years, you’d think I’d be over that…

    • lol I get it Kelly. Just know he loves you and, he knows you will never be perfect …doesn’t mean he’s going to give up on you. Happy holidays

  3. Sir, I can very much relate to this post. A certain subbie sister of mine has told me to stop trying to be a “Stepford subbie” I find it difficult to let go. I know I will never be able to be perfect, but when I know I screw up, it kills me inside. I suppose those feelings just go along with being submissive to your Dom. But being able to let go after being forgiven is getting easier, so there is that!

    • Yes Lesley The whole idea of discipline and forgiveness is what d/s is about. You must learn that after a session and you are forgiven, to let it all go , no grudges or aftermath..clean slate ..well, until next spanking lol Happy holidays

  4. Thank you for this post UJ. Its so hard to break the habit of trying to be “perfect”. I get this overwhelming feeling of dread when I feel like I have let you guys down in some way. Sometimes I even fear I’m too much work, but you guys are always there to correct and reassure me and I’m sure I will get with the program sooner or later.
    *loves and hugs*

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