Hair Removal Quest…

 

veet

In my constant quest for a. losing weight, and B. Hair removal, I stumbled upon this testimonial on a facebook weight loss update. Don’t ask me what one has to do with the other but since both are on my mind quite a bit, I thought I would share. Be prepared to pee your pants while reading this. Warning, do not eat or drink while reading because I can not be held responsible for anyone ruining their computer by projectiles due to coughing fits. Nor will I accept responsibility if you choke on your lunch.

 

THIS IS supposed to be AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!:After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.

Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect!

FANTASY… How far is too far?

 

lala-land

Hey Peeps!

Bree here, coming up for air! Mr. Meanie #2 (AKA James Johnson, publisher, editor and all around bossy man) is making me edit. I hate editing, i know I have mentioned that fact once or twice…..

 

Soooo, get this. I have had several emails lately complaining that their Doms fell short to the ones in my books, and how to make them more like (insert character name). They also began to compare themselves to certain characters and wondered how to be more like them. I was like, huh? John then pointed out to me that there are people who take what contemporary authors write almost literally, and believe the fiction to be true.. Or pretty close to it. Before you scoff, please hear me out…

 

I am sure there are authors, as well as readers, who have ‘invisible friends.’ Hell, get on some of the blogs  and it is right there in front of us in black and white. Some are even using their character influences to give advice and ‘talk through’ the characters as though he/she were a real entity. I am both concerned, personally and professionally, by this as it extends beyond role play. The reason I bring this up is because from a psychological perspective, living in the pretend character can really….Pardon the expression.. Fuck with your mind. For some people, this vicarious lifestyle can become a serious illness and they become obsessed with what they want to be verses loving who they are.

 

Do any of you remember what happened back when Dungeons and Dragons came out? People became so emerged in their fictional character that they forgot how to live in the real world.  Erotica characters are no different. Moreso, because significant safety issues can come into play when someone convinces themselves to have more skill or tolerance than they truly do.

 

Have any if you ever seen the movie Nim’s Island?  Jody Foster played an author under a pseudonym who gave her all the strength and power in her fantasies. All the while she never left the house and was a total agoraphobic. By living vicariously through this character, she never had to deal with life appropriately… Ever hiding and avoiding real contact with real people. The little girl, (Nim) believed the writer of these novels to not only be a man, but also that he had the ability to do all the things in the books themselves, and summoned ‘him’ to help her while her father was lost at sea. Needless to say, when the truth was discovered, the kid was crushed. Okay, NOT the healthiest of lifestyles, right? I mean, none of us should ever put  that type of faith in an article of fiction… But sadly many, writers and readers alike, do just that.There was a happy ending… Jody was forced to discover her own, individual strengths and who she really was. She also discovered that she liked herself, and put her alter ego to rest. That says it all, right?

 

My opinion… Which I have many… Is that those if us who write about life-like characters and situations based on our own, personal fantasy, need to keep our own eyes focused on the reality of this world just as much as our readers. If we connect with an erotic character, lets say Samantha (Generals’ Daughter), her persona needs to stay appropriate and respectful of the world, the real world, around her. I firmly believe that we are responsible to provide examples of safety, healthy intimacy and appropriate consequences to our audience. We should also continue to emphasize that our work is FICTION, and for people not to use it as a reality based guide of living.  Even Guardian Domination, which was based on my life and training with SJ, had multiple fictional aspects. FYI, I love the comments about the discipline being unrealistic. Unfortunately, that was the only thing that really WAS realistic! LOL!!

 

There is a fine line, my friends, between fantasy and reality. YOU are reality. Who you are, how you live and effect others is reality. Learn to love the real you… You are your own special, unique character and don’t have to adopt the characteristic of a fictional person to be loved, accepted and wanted. And if you don’t believe me, ask Sir John!!!

 

Luvs,

Bree

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Wanna get your Spank On?

Saturday Spankings

 

This week, for Sat Spanks, we are bringing to you an excerpt from Up A Notch: Generals Daughter Book 2. It should be available today on Blushing Books so keep your eyes open for it. I do know that book one is available for sale and book 3 is on Bethany’s Woodshed so if you have a membership there, you can read each chapter as they are released. When you are finished reading, head over to the Saturday Spankings blog to check out the rest of the awesome excerpts. And then have a great weekend!

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Up A Notch: Generals Daughter Book 2

Samantha Quimby is at it again! True to her nature, Sam finds a way to reap havoc on the California coastline clear up to Alaska where she defies nature itself. This time, her entire family decides to bring things Up A Notch to try to get her to understand that she is not only loved and cared for, but that she is her own worse enemy.  This sequel to The Siren, Generals’ Daughter Book 1, finds Sam in more precarious situations than even she can imagine as she comes of age and discovers her own power as a beautiful and intelligent young woman. Her father, uncle and brother…. Plus some outside help… Plan on getting their points across to her in one way or another. Of course, Sammi’s stubbornness can only be broken through in one embarrassing way… With a red bottom.

Does this stop her from pulling endless pranks on her brother, or risking her own safety in the ‘name of science?’ But she certainly has fun trying.. UNTIL she is busted!

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Dr. Quimby pointed to the tank. “His breaching and spouting is a fire hazard, plus introduces risk of electrocution to my crew!  If you cannot control him, then you are to lock that tunnel! Use some freakin’ sense!”

“Will you please chill out? We hear you just fine, there is no need to yell.  For crying out loud, we see the problem,” the girl said smugly, hands on her hips.

“Chill out? No need to… you haven’t heard yelling yet, little girl!” Dr. Quimby thundered.

“I am not a little girl!  I’m 18, for Heaven’s sake!”

“Nick! Go get General Jenkins this instant,” her father’s voice took a deadly turn to a low growl as he shot daggers at her.

“No!  Daddy, please! Don’t involve Uncle Scott! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound that way,” the girl pleaded, wrapping her arms fearfully around her brother’s waist from behind.

Michael pulled her away. “You have a big mouth.”  He faced his father, meeting him eye to eye. “I am respectfully asking you if you would like to go into the offices or should we continue this discussion out here in front of our crew? I don’t believe the latter is conducive to rectifying the problem, do you, General?”

“You’re right. After you, Lieutenant,” Dr. Quimby gestured with his hand, regaining his composure. He pointed to the offices while facing his daughter and sent her off with a solid smack to the backside.  The crew smiled, watching her absently rub while scurrying inside.

Hope you enjoyed the excerpt. If you want to read more, head on over here to purchase

Blushing Books

Amazon

Saturday spankings…

 

Saturday Spankings

This week, for Sat spanks, we thought we would bring you something from Game Plan. Bree is currently writing the third book in the series, End Zone. A little behind our hopes or a one year anniversary party but oh well. You cant rush the muse. After reading the excerpt, please check out the rest of the authors from the Sat Spanks Blog. There are some great authors there with hot excerpts and every week there are more and more new authors contributing so be sure to look, you never know what you may find.

 

The Game Plan

“Let me take care of you. Lay over my lap.”

“No! I mean, I’ll be fine.” Cassie flushed.

Rob shook his head. “Promising to obey me doesn’t mean arguing every time I tell you to do something. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”

Feeling the blush rise, Cassie obeyed. She squeaked as the jeans were edged over her swollen bottom, followed by the pale pink panties. She stiffened as his finger traced the outline of the paddle bruises.

“I know these smart. Let’s see if this helps. It’s just aloe,” he cooed, rubbing the ointment gently into her aching skin. She felt a new fire start to build as his touch grew more and more insistent, exploring ‘unbruised’ regions, including that of her bottom hole. He did not penetrate her, merely massaged inside the silky, pink crevice. The delightful tingling grew rapidly, spreading through her entire body.

“Spread your legs for me. You know this feels good. Don’t be embarrassed,” he urged, nudging her soft thighs apart so he had more room to explore. He dipped his finger deep into her willing, waiting womanhood, caressing her gently and probing her thoroughly. She was so tight and so incredibly wet. Her scent was heavenly, warm and enticing. He couldn’t wait to taste her. She started to squirm against his touch, the heat of her desire building up deep inside of her.

 

Pretty hot right? If you want to purchase The Game Plan or Time Out you can get them at the following places:

Blushing Books

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

 

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